


GIRLS ON FILM | Steve Rogers Series

by orbitariums



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cam Girl, Fluff, Marvel Universe, Sex Work, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 107,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orbitariums/pseuds/orbitariums
Summary: steve rogers is in a rut. for the first time in forever, captain america wants to have sex. the only problem is that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he’s certainly not the kind to have a one night stand. a cam site, girlsonfilm.com is his last resort – and thank god for it, because through there, he found you.copied & pasted from my tumblr orbitariums (orbitariums.tumblr.com/)
Kudos: 26





	1. CHAPTER ONE | CYBERSEX

CHAPTER ONE - CYBERSEX

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝐜𝐲𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐱 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

hey everyone! so i got this idea in my mind to make an imagine in which steve rogers is introduced to the world of cam girls. i know this is unlike steve but it’s an imagine for a reason right!!! anyway, i might want to turn this into a series lmk what you think! this first part is very smutty and VERY LONG! and most parts probably will be smutty (hence the asterisk) so jus be ready for that. 

playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ipiojf5FnaV71zliSS3LH?si=W_fn7IBnTHW0j1E3TwRYsA

word count: 6.7k

warnings: actually filth, smut!, cam girl, sex work, age gap, lots of dirty talk, etc. 

enjoy!!

Steve Rogers was filled to the brim with lust. It was a feeling he didn’t get often. But for the past couple of weeks, it had been creeping up on him like a bad cold. He was distracted, not like himself, zoned out. He seemed detached and uninterested, all to hide that on the inside he felt like a cat in heat. He didn’t know what to do with this sudden burning. He knew if he had sex, or sexual interactions, the conflict would at least begin to resolve itself.

He’d be sated in the way he desired and knew he wanted – needed. But there was a problem with that as well - he wasn’t in a relationship at the moment, so he couldn’t have sex with a partner. He didn’t even have time to initiate a relationship and get to that level. And Steve Rogers was good old fashioned Captain America, who didn’t want to have a one night stand just to fulfill his desires. He would feel uncomfortable just diving in with a girl he hardly knew because he felt like he needed a stronger connection and because he didn’t want to use someone in that way.

And masturbation hardly helped. He needed the real thing, and more than a few rounds of it. He didn’t quite understand why he felt this way, it was so rare. Of course he was a man with a sex drive, but it was typically limited to finding a woman on the street attractive or wanting to start a relationship with a woman who wasn’t tied to his job, or figuring out the new things that he was attracted to. He raised his eyebrows at his own self sometimes - who knew he liked high heels so much? But this was different. In this case, he absolutely needed relief, and soon, lest he fall further down the rabbit hole of indifference and inner frustration.

But it took a few weeks for anyone to really say anything about Steve’s changed attitude – his apparent unconcern, irritation, bits of anxiety and hiding his feelings. Specifically Tony. Steve was sitting in the meeting room with seemingly no purpose, just staring at the TV ahead of him, with his legs spread out. He was gently bouncing his right leg, thinking embarrassingly NSFW thoughts in his head.

That was when Tony walked in, yet to be noticed by Steve, who had pretty much spaced out. Tony raised a suspicious brow, then whistled loudly, making Steve look his way, tuning back in to Earth.

“Steve-o, good to see you,” Tony grinned, the corner of his lip turning up. Steve narrowed his eyes slightly at the sound of the annoying nickname.

He sighed, his voice lower and huskier than usual, as it had been during these past few deprived weeks,

“Tony. How can I help you?”

“I think today what we’re asking is- how can I help you? Been meaning to talk to you,” Tony quipped, and Steve sighed even heavier internally - there would be no good coming from this, he thought. “Step into my office!”

The words were like knives on a chalkboard. Tony was on some type of mental health bend ever since he had finally started therapy - he felt the need to check in with his fellow Avengers, typically inviting them to an “office session” with those very words. There was no resisting. Steve knew better than to try, and slowly rose to his feet to get up and talk with Tony.

“Attaboy,” Tony patted Steve’s back, leading him to his office where he sat down behind his desk and had Steve sit on a chair in front of him. He adjusted his tie and cleared his throat, and clasped his hands together. “So. What’s been going on?”

Steve winced slightly, confused and a little embarrassed. He knew he had been acting different, but he didn’t think it was that bad. And he didn’t want to have to admit what was going on with him to Tony.

“You can tell me,” Tony prodded, and Steve frowned slightly.

“Why’d you call me in here?”

“Rogers, everyone’s been seeing that you’re acting… iffy lately. Less control freak, less robotic super-soldier, less-”

“Alright,” Steve cut Tony off, furrowing his brows together.

“I’ve seen it too, but it was Nat who asked me to say something to you. She thinks I’m actually good at talking to people, can you imagine? Anyway, you gotta own up to it. You’ve been off these past few weeks. Any reason why?”

Steve took a breath, opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. He blinked and folded his arms in front of his chest. If he wanted to hide that something was going on, there was no use anymore. Tony leaned back in his chair, waiting for a response.

“I…” he started, and Tony became intrigued, leaning forward. “I just…”

Tony raised a brow,

“Cat got your tongue? Y'know what Steve, I’m thinking maybe you need someone you can really talk to. If it isn’t me, which… wouldn’t make much sense, maybe it’s someone else. A girlfriend?”

“That’s it!” Steve exclaimed, a bit too excitedly. He recomposed himself, nodding calmly. “That’s exactly it. I need a girlfriend. But more specifically, I need… what a girlfriend can give me. Does that… make sense?”

Tony raised his eyebrows, very intrigued now, and a little smirk appeared on his lips. He nodded slowly,

"Oh it makes a lot of sense. I would’ve thought you’d have no problem with that, my friend.“

Steve sighed, folding his arms,

"More trouble than you’d think. I want this, but… I don’t have time to go out and meet someone and then… you know-”

“Bump uglies.”

Steve’s face morphed into a concerned grimace at Tony’s choice of words, and he continued speaking with a raised brow and pursed lip,

“Right. And, I don’t wanna just…”

"Have a one night stand.“

"Right,” Steve nodded, slowly becoming more and more uncomfortable with the topic of sex although it was all that was on his mind. “So I’m just… a little bit conflicted, that’s all.”

Tony seemed to understand, but he was also slightly amused, smirking slightly,

"So, let me get this straight. Captain America’s been acting disconnected and aloof because he’s horny?“

Steve made a face like he’d eaten a sour candy, and could hardly even nod in replacement of a verbal answer. Tony laughed a bit, clapped his hands together, and began to commend him,

"Amazing! You know, I always wondered - the guy doesn’t bring any women home, he doesn’t have a missus, what the hell does he do? Does he even think about it? I was concerned for your health, honestly, but I didn’t want to overstep.”

Steve chuckled,

"Not like you.“

"Sure,” Tony brushed off the comment, then returned back to the subject, narrowing his eyes slightly in curiosity. “You do jerk off though?”

Steve shrugged.

"I try. I typically… need more, though,“ Steve became sheepish, his cheeks turning a slight red at the delicate, private manner of the topic.

Tony seemed very surprised by this admission, but very satisfied with the honesty,

"Thank you for sharing, Cap. So your dilemma is - you’re tied up because you want to slime the shield, but-”

"Have sex,“ Steve interrupted, his eyes pinching shut. "Just say have sex.”

"Alright- there he is. So, you’re conflicted because you want to have sex, but you don’t have time for a relationship, and you’re too wholesome to have a one night stand.“

"You could say that,” Steve nodded slowly, agreeing - this talk with Tony was beginning to seem more feasible. Still embarrassing, but a conversation he could have. And if anything good could come from it, he was willing to continue.

"Honestly, pal, you want a solution?“

"Please,” Steve leaned forward in his chair, the word coming out more desperate than he had even meant it to. His mouth was becoming dry - he was tired of the futile devices he’d been left to at his own hands.

"Alright. Listen, I’m a changed man, really. But before Pepper, I was what you might call a sugar daddy. You know, I’d buy hot girls things in exchange for sex, or just because I wanted to. I suppose a part of it is due to satisfying my own needs. Now, I know that’s not exactly what you’re looking for, but hear me out. I’d usually find these girls on cam sites.“

"Cam sites?”

"Oh, Steve-o. You are in for a wild ride. These women… they’re phenomenal. You wouldn’t even believe.

In that hour, Tony had gone over the basics of cam sites. He had emphasized the fact that while cam sites weren’t as wholesome as Steve might be hoping, there were many ways to develop a personal relationship with cam girls (that was what they were called, the women Steve would encounter), and receive sexual gratification. It wasn’t physical sex, but it might tide Steve over for now, until he could develop those relations in real life.

So, Steve agreed. And it had been on his mind for the remainder of the day. The talk helped though - Steve was slowly coming back down to earth. Just having an option that appeared slightly viable was helpful, and he was looking forward to that night. It was a bit unorthodox, especially for someone like him, but if he could find that real connection Tony was talking about… he’d give it a shot.

So that night, after a hot shower, lots of contemplation and heavy thoughts, he got into bed, freshly clean and warm, shirtless and in a pair of boxers. He placed his laptop in front of him, his room dark and quiet, and typed “girlsonfilm.com” into the search browser. His face shifted almost as soon as he got onto the page - there was a collection of photos of girls, many of them naked or almost naked, smiling up at the camera or sporting their best sexy pouts. Already it was a bit overwhelming, and it was only the welcome page. Tony had told Steve it was best to sign up, so that was exactly what he did.

He used his middle name, “Grant”, rather than Steve - because you could never be too safe, and he signed up for an account. Before he was able to view the collection of cam sites, he was given a plethora of interests to pick from. Some were fetish based - BDSM, foot play, scene play, squirting, etc. Others were based on the ratings of the performers, some based on race - Steve raised a brow at that category. As if race would be a factor to him. 

He honestly didn’t know what to choose from. He hardly knew his interests sexually, and just barely knew what personal qualities he wanted in a girl. So, he pressed the “just get started” button at the top, and it randomized the video selection. He wouldn’t be missing out on a thing.

Steve’s cheeks grew redder and redder as he scrolled through the site. All the selections were showing previews of the live videos, and seeing so many naked women on screen at once made Steve’s face get hot. He clicked through various videos - some girls were simply chatting, others were moaning too much to get a real word out, and others were undressing slowly or praising their customers. They were all interesting and talented, yet none really stood out to him. Up until he found you.

You called yourself “moonrose haze”, and you were genuinely smiling, something that made Steve feel less desolate. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, and it seemed as though this were all completely natural to you. You were happy and calm and wistful all at once. The people in your comments were tipping you and asking you to do certain things — Steve was confused by some of the requests; why would someone want to see you suck your own toes? 

But this didn’t take away from you. He was enthralled — you were young, gorgeous, and already he liked you as a person though he knew nothing about you. And when he heard your voice, this liking towards you only grew stronger.

He just watched for a while, listening to you speak.

“I just got out of the shower,” you grinned dazedly — that would explain why you were wrapped in a white robe, your hair still slightly damp and clinging to your skin.

His eyes flickered down to the comments:

Bob - bobnewman14  
How was your shower, ms. Haze?

Nick - virgodick  
Shower? without me?

“Very funny, Nick,” you replied, rolling your eyes playfully. You grinned — you seemed to have a sense of humor, and a few regular fans with whom you had a relationship with. Steve felt encouraged by this, maybe then it would be easy for him to make a connection too. You shifted purposefully so that more of your skin was showing, and instantly got a few more tips. “And my shower was great, Bob. How are you?”

Steve just watched for a while more as you interacted. You weren’t doing anything overtly sexual, but your presence was enough. And sure, you were teasing, elongating your performance enough to keep your tips going. You took in a deep sigh, and Steve was entranced by the sound of it, by the softness and color of your lips, the way your hair brushed against your (insert color) skin.

“So… I wanna do a private chat tonight. And I’ll be choosing one lucky winner. So comment your name below if you want a 40 minute session with me,” you explained. You were articulate and right to the point — Steve liked that about you.

The chat started filling up with names and requests for the private chat. Tony had told Steve about this. He was reluctant at first when you said it, but as he saw how many people were requesting, he realized that now was his chance. He wanted to get to know you as soon as possible, and in a private session he could also get that sexual gratification he was seeking, and have it all to himself. But how to stand out to you?

Tips. Steve saw that you were almost to your tip goal for the night, so he decided he would help you out a little more. He pressed the tip button and entered the value without even batting an eye — he had the money for it and more: $360. He watched as your eyes brightened up and your brows raised, a little gasp escaping your lips.

“Wow, we have a new and very generous customer. Thank you!”

He smiled to himself, and this feeling of satisfaction was rare. He then requested a private session, and it was only a few beats before you accepted and Steve was then rerouted. What first popped up was a webcam that asked “join audio and video?” Steve contemplated it — he wanted you to be comfortable, but for obvious reasons he didn’t want to reveal himself just yet. So he clicked “join audio without video”, and was then transferred into a private session unique to him. You could hear him, you just couldn’t see him.

The two of you were alone, no other customers in sight. And the 40 minutes would be great for getting to know you, so Steve was glad. You were smiling, that genuine smile that met your sparkling eyes.

"Hi!“ you cooed. "What’s your name?”

“My name’s Grant,” said Steve, using his fake name. He was speaking into the microphone so you could hear him, but you couldn’t see him.

You smiled even wider,

“Hello, Grant. Nice to meet you. It says you joined this website — 33 minutes ago? You’re brand new aren’t you?

Steve grinned a little, he liked your slightly teasing personality, and you could hear his bemusement in his voice,

"Very new. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Grant,” you liked him— he seemed formal and polite so far, and he had helped you succeed in reaching your tips goal for the night, you hardly had to do a thing after he joined your live session. “And thank you so much for the tip. You have no idea what it means to me. I’m currently trying to pay for school and be an artist at the same time, and also pay rent. It’s kind of crazy. I work another job outside of this.”

Steve was surprised. He knew cam girls usually did their shows for an extra source of money, but you seemed to be juggling a lot more than he’d expected,

“It’s my pleasure. And I’m sure you’ll succeed in everything. I want to help you if I can.”

Your heart felt warm. But this was a little too good to be true — you had lots of customers, but it wasn’t often that a man came on offering the kind of help you figured Grant was insinuating right away. You went on anyways, but didn’t give in just yet,

“You’re sweet. So what can I do for you?”

Steve panicked at the question. He didn’t know what he wanted to see. He wanted to talk first, then maybe try something sexual towards the end of your time together. For now, he wanted to talk. He wanted the illusion of a connection and relationship before he got the sexual satisfaction he needed.

He shrugged a little, forgetting that you couldn’t see him, and tried to sound natural and not nervous,

“I was thinking I could just get to know you for now, if that’s alright with you.”

You laughed, because you were amused by his charming nature.

“It’s more than alright,” you flirted gently, and Steve smiled slightly. “You’re the customer, Grant.”

He was thrown off by the use of the fake name, but he’d have to get used to it.

“So, you go by Moonrose?” Steve asked, curious about your stage name.

“That’s me,” you quipped, and Steve got a rise out of the confident look that spurred on your face as you confirmed. It seemed you really enjoyed this job and your interactions with others, and he liked that.

“What made you choose that name? It’s very nice.”

“Thank you, Grant,” you flashed a quirky smile. “Well, I love the stars and the moon, I love flowers. I love earth and space. What better way to combine them both than to do it through this?”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Steve grinned. “It sounds like you like nature a lot?”

“Love. I’m studying environmental policy and astronomy at school. On the side I try to make money as a designer, and I also work at an office for a state rep. And this, of course. I like this a lot. What about you, what do you do?”

Steve admired you for your willingness to change the world, and for how much you balanced at once. If there was anyone who understood stress- it was him. And you probably dealt with a lot yourself.

“Oh, I-I’m uhh… I’m a… scientist,” he blurred out the first thing that made sense, and it made a lot of sense - he was surrounded by scientists and scientific experiments - hell, he was one. He could carry a short conversation about the same things as Tony. This would work. “An engineer, actually,” he continued.

“Oh wow,” you raised your brows, impressed. “Lots of math, I imagine. Hey, you could tutor me if you really wanna help me. I love astronomy but it’s kind of kicking my ass.”

Steve smirked at your honesty and attitude, and the way you leaned into the camera to express interest in his “life.”

“I could, if you want me to,” Steve replied, knowing he wasn’t that great with math.

You laughed — the sound of your laugh like music to Steve’s ears,

“I’m kidding, I won’t put you through that. But you’re so sweet to offer. I like you.”

“I like you,” Steve returned, the words flowing so effortlessly out of his mouth. It was easy to talk to you, but you were a force of a woman, and he liked that about you.

You laughed again, and Steve chuckled quietly.

“Hmm,” you hummed to yourself, and placed your finger on your lip. “You have this really nice, deep voice. It’s not creepy or anything. I could listen to you talk for ages. We have over thirty minutes left but I’d love to do another private session with you. Hope I’m not asking too soon.”

Unbeknownst to Steve, now you were nervous. It had happened fast, but you felt the chemistry between the two of you. You felt like he was different, and although you couldn’t see him, you had an attraction to him, and not just because of the money. So you wanted to talk with him in private again, and you were nervous to ask so soon in the session because you didn’t want Steve to feel pressured or on lock, but he seemed to be enjoying himself.

Steve was overjoyed though. He wanted to see you again, and had been planning on trying for another private session as well as watching your public, live cams. He felt like he knew you already, and getting to know you was a breeze. More would definitely satisfy him.

“I’d love to see you again,” he leaned back into his pillows, feeling more comfortable.

You smiled, trying and failing to hide your excitement as you giggled gently,

“Great. I do live shows every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, just so you know. Private sessions vary.”

“I’ll clear my calendar,” Steve joked playfully, and you smirked.

"I like you,“ you said again. "So, what made you want to come on here, if you don’t mind me asking. You’re just very new, as we discussed.”

"Well,“ Steve cleared his throat. He figured he might as well be honest and talk about his problems— you would be the one helping solve them. "I’ve been having this issue. I’ve been wanting to be intimate for a while now, but I don’t have the resources for that. I want the physical intimacy, but I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t have time to get one, and I don’t want to do one night stands either, I prefer a deeper connection. So this seemed like a good option. A sort of compromise.”

“Wow,” you nodded slowly. You got lots of responses to that question, and they all varied — some were similar to this one, but this seemed more unique. You took in everything he said, but couldn’t help but prod playfully. “How old are you, Grant? You seem to be very traditional!”

Steve chuckled. Little did you know, this was a loaded question. But he could answer it anyway,

"I’m thirty seven. You?“

"I just turned twenty one! My birthday was two days ago,” you replied, and the age difference came as a shock to Steve. He didn’t mind it much, but he didn’t want to feel like a perv. Then again, you were both adults, but you still felt so young to him. Then again, this was unlike him to begin with and this was a temporary means for satisfaction.

“Wow, you’re young. Happy belated birthday,” Steve replied, his brows still raised.

“Thank you,” you smiled. You began to lay down on your side, playing with the strings of your robe. “I am young. I bet you like that, don’t you?”

Steve felt nervous again, a pang in his chest. You were flirtatious by nature, even in regular chats, because you were used to sexual interactions with customers. He felt himself blush slightly at the vulgarity of the simple question— you were practically asking if he had a thing for the age gap. He didn’t really know the answer to that question, but he spoke before his throat ran too dry,

“Yeah, I- I do. You’re young and bright and…”

You were gazing into the camera, listening to him and batting your lashes, making him stumble on his words. He swallowed hard, saliva coating his dry throat. He shifted slightly, pushing his bedsheets back— it was getting warm.

You just shook your head playfully,

"You’re too kind, Steve. Now, are you sure there’s not anything I can do for you? Now that you’ve told me about your problem, I’d love to help you solve it.“

Oh. Steve hardly knew what to say in response. But it wasn’t long before that feeling crept back on him. He was undoubtedly turned on by you and these unfulfilled opportunities. So he cleared his throat,

"Well. I know we can’t touch each other, but I find that… doing it myself… doesn’t always suffice.”

“I can help you with that,” you bit down on your lip. When you realized Steve wasn’t sure what you meant, you continued to explain, your voice getting naturally lower and sexier. “I mean I could help you get off. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, make it feel like someone is really there with you. A bit like… phone sex. Except you’ll be able to see me.”

Steve was overwhelmed by the option, but he felt it might help him out. Tony had spoken about it briefly and it was also one of the main things that had attracted him to the site. So he’d try it out.

“That- that sounds great.”

You grinned, genuinely excited. Steve — or “Grant”, to you — seemed new to this entire experience. You were overjoyed to be his “first.”

“So… tell me what you want.” A pause. You chuckled a little, biting down on your finger. “Do you know what you want?”

“Honestly? Not really,” Steve laughed, and you smiled.

"Well, let’s figure that out.“ You sat up on your knees in your bed and glared down at the camera, a look in your eyes that both intimidated and excited Steve. You were so ready for him already, so interested in his desires and helping him reach them. "Can I take this off for you?”

“You— the robe? Uhm— ye-yes,” Steve stammered, taken aback by the look in your eyes, the sound of your voice, and what you were proposing.

You laughed huskily, shaking your head,

"Don’t be nervous, Grant. Just do what you want, and tell me what you want.“

Steve watched as the robe slowly came off, paying more attention to the way it slid down your shoulders, revealing your arms. The way it pooled at your knees. Then he paid attention to the supple skin of your breasts, the way they perfectly fit your body type.

He was breathing a bit heavier and he found that his boxers were becoming tighter, watching you sit there in front of him, your entire body exposed. It had been quick, yes, but so had the connection. He felt a little more comfortable doing it because of how much he felt like you connected.

"Is that good for you?” you cooed, pouting slightly as you let your hands run along your sides, and then cup your plush breasts, the flesh oozing between your fingers. Steve’s throat ran incredibly dry at the sight. You were beautiful and effortlessly sexy, and seeing you naked for the first time in front of him felt so oddly intimate. He swallowed hard and nodded.

"You’re fuckin’ beautiful,“ he replied under his breath, gaining a cheeky smile from you - of course he was satisfied, of course you had taken his breath away.

"Thank you, baby,” you donned the pet name for him quickly and easily, shifting your shoulders back and forth as you moved rhythmically, teasing him just a bit more before you gave him any more content.

"My god,“ Steve groaned. He couldn’t stop his eyes from looking up and down your body, even if it was only on a screen. He felt like you were close to him, enough that he felt like you were there with him. You were talking to him, actually engaging with him, trying and succeeding to fulfill his sexual needs. He felt himself growing hard underneath his boxers, and his jaw clenched as his hand reached down to palm himself on instinct.

You sighed out, and bit down on your lip, pushing your hair behind your ear as you lay back on the mattress slightly, slowly opening your legs. As your sensuous thighs parted, Steve let out a suppressed moan as you exposed the soft flesh between your legs. You were turned on by the situation as much as he was, your folds glistening with hints of arousal. Your fingers danced around your thighs and your stomach, skillfully avoiding that bundle of nerves and everything close to it.

"You like that, Grant?” you asked, and Steve fell through, shaking his head and gripping his erection in his strong, large hand.

“Call me Steve, that’s my real name. Ca-call me Steve,” he stammered, not thinking of any type of consequences - he was still using a fake username, and you had no idea what he looked like. His identity wouldn’t be guessable, and he was being careful otherwise. He just knew that he only wanted to hear you moan his real name.

You didn’t mind the switch. You knew lots of customers used aliases to protect their identities for various reasons.

“Okay, Steve, do you like seeing my pussy spread open for you?” you asked, your voice reeling him in.

A grunt escaped Steve’s lips as he continued to palm himself over his boxers, waiting for instruction from you. He felt himself throbbing underneath his touch.

“I wanna hear you say it, honey,” you smirked, deciding you’d have a some fun teasing him - he didn’t seem the dominant type, at least not yet. You could help him figure out his fantasies by instructing him. “Can you tell me how much you love it?”

Steve practically whined, his voice coming out in desperate strings.

“I love it so much. I just want to see you touch yourself for me, doll,” Steve replied, surprising himself with the request and the use of the pet name.

You moaned, leaning your head back at the sound of his voice, which made you even more wet for him and made you feel all warm inside. You liked hearing him express what he needed, liked knowing you were the one who was fulfilling his needs.

“Mm, god yes, I just wish you were here so I didn’t have to touch myself,” you bit down on your lip, your hands caressing your chest, spreading your legs a little further. “Can you touch yourself too? I wanna do it together. How’s that sound, Steve?”

Steve felt like he was on fire, his jaw clenched to the extreme, his eyelids heavy and his eyes darkened. It was as if you had unlocked a different, unseen side to him – the side of him he’d been so desperately trying to satisfy for all that time.

"I can do that, doll,“ he breathed out heavily, his voice constricted and dark.

You moaned quietly as you let your fingers travel between your legs, teasing your own clit as you circled it with your fingers. Despite how quickly things had escalated, Steve felt close to you already - and felt like he was with you even more now. Watching you touch yourself was the breaking point for him, a needy grunt escaping his pink lips as he reached down his boxers, guiding his hard cock out. It sprung up against his stomach and he groaned at the contact against his skin.

"God, your moans are so hot. I want you to stroke your cock for me, okay baby? I want you to be as loud as possible, I want it to feel like I’m there with you,” you instructed slowly, your eyes scrunching tight as you continued the circles against your clit, making your fingers move quicker and rougher.

Steve’s eyes were trained on your fingers against your heat, how wet you were getting for him, almost not believing how much it turned him on.

"Mhm,“ he hummed in agreement, starting to close his hand around his erection, slowly but surely stroking it up and down, almost painstakingly slowly. He wanted to last for you.

"You’re so good for me baby, yes,” you dipped a finger inside of yourself, easily sliding into your slit because of how wet you were for him. “Fuck, I can feel you inside of me. How many fingers, Stevie?”

Steve groaned under his breath at the sight of you fingering yourself, your middle finger pushing slowly in and out of your hot slit, stroking himself harder now. You asked him a question, but he didn’t quite understand,

"I-I’m sorry?“

"How many fingers to make it feel like you’re inside of me?” you huffed out, working your finger faster inside of yourself.

When he realized what you meant, Steve felt himself twitch inside his hands, and little spurts of cum shot out from his tip, unexpectedly. There it was, that simple release, even if slight and not complete, it was still extremely satisfying. Normally he’d last much longer, but just you saying that had triggered him, and he was taken by surprise when he came. He felt like he was finally purged, huffing out loudly as he kept going,

“Fuck, I just came, baby.”

You made a face, surprised,

"Really?“

"Keep going, I can keep going,” he panted, continuing to stroke himself, slowing down a bit.

"Yeah?“ you bit down on your lip, excited by him and his stamina. "How many fingers, baby?”

"God, fuck…“ Steve didn’t even care about how much he was swearing - why should he? "Three fingers, doll.”

"Mm, I love it when you call me that, Stevie,“ you smirked, and you slid one more finger inside, gently scissoring yourself open. "Are you that big, baby? Three fingers?”

Your coquettish whimpers sent Steve into another dimension. He wanted you even more, but this felt like he was really there with you, your erotic narration giving him the illusion that you were there, being intimate with him. He nodded, a knot tied in his throat,

"Just for me.“

You cried out when you pushed the third finger inside, feeling almost all the fingers on your right hand fill you up, your stomach twitching with that orgasmic feeling,

"Oh my god, yes. You’re so big, Steve, your cock is stretching me out. You like how I feel around you?”

Steve could hardly reply, but he choked out a response,

“You feel so good around me, baby. Like an angel. So good around my cock.”

The dirty talk, which he usually would find awkward or even out of character, came out so naturally, not forced. You brought it out of him with ease, bringing him to climax over and over. He was focused on all of you, every part of you. Even with your head rolled back, eyes in the back of your head, lips parted, and legs spread for him, he found you beautiful, admired the way your skin glowed and the way your hair hung down.

“I just wanna be good for you,” you thrust your fingers inside of yourself, maneuvering them so well that you couldn’t get enough. “I wanna come for you, Steve.”

“Mhm, just wait for me, darling.”

You pouted, curling your fingers and pushing them in and out as fast as you could, still trying not to come,

“Baby, you feel so good. You’re so big, fuck.”

“I know you wanna come baby. You’re so wet for me, god damn,” Steve groaned salaciously, observing how you quite literally dripped all down your thighs.

It only took a few more minutes of dirty talk and stroking himself for Steve to reach his second orgasm of the night, watching as you changed positions to your knees to finger yourself from behind, your head turned so you could watch him. He could see every reaction on your face, how your eyebrows twisted and your lips twitched.

“I’m coming again, doll,” Steve swallowed hard, watching as the thick white ropes spilled out from him, onto his bedsheets and rock hard abs, panting and moaning loudly into his built in microphone.

“Oh, I wish I could see you come for me, Steve, feel it inside of me.”

“Come on, come for me, baby.”

You let out a shriek of satisfaction as you began to release around your fingers, rocking back and forth on your hand as you rode out your high.

“Oh fuck!” you cried out, your eyes scrunching shut. “Steve, I-”

“It’s okay, Moonrose,” he called you by your stage name for the first time since you had started, coaxing you and comforting you after your huge release. “Shit, yeah, that’s it.”

You kept riding out your high until you were finished, your entire body shaking even by the time you were done, laying face first in your sweaty bedsheets, your hands at your sides. When you got yourself back together, Steve could go again, but he was sated for now, since he knew you were probably done.

“How was that?” you panted, finally turning to face the camera, your entire body hot and flushed.

Steve was smiling, elated. You had done what he had needed, and he felt as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Not only did you have that connection, but Steve felt pleasured sexually, as if it weren’t just through a screen. He could only imagine what you’d be like in real life, but he didn’t want to get too ahead of himself.

“You were beautiful, Moonrose. Thank you, so much, honestly. I-I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Well. You could pay me,” you joked playfully, but Steve was right on it, adding another couple hundred to your account. “Oh shit, really? Oh my god, you’re the best.”

“You are. Honestly, I’ve been in such a rut these past few weeks. It’s safe to say you helped.”

“I’m glad to hear that Steve,” you grinned. You felt filled with joy as well - for some reason you felt so comfortable with Steve, so intimate. You wanted to talk to him more. You wanted to get to know him more, and he wanted to do the same. You glanced up at the clock on the top of the private chat, and pouted slightly. “We’ve only got a minute left.”

“I guess this is goodbye?” Steve replied, his brow quirking up in amusement.

“I guess so,” you sighed out in pleasure. You paused, then spoke, your voice a bit more serious. “I hope I can talk to you again, Steve. This was… amazing. I feel like…”

“Like I know you,” Steve finished her sentence for her, though he hardly meant to. He didn’t want this to become anything more than what it was, and though he wanted to build that connection, he also knew he had to be careful and think before he spoke or acted.

“Yeah,” you nodded, with a relieved smile. “It’s like you sort of understand me, and it’s weird. But I love it. It’s different. And you were… so fucking hot. Are you really not having sex in real life? Because if you are, I’m not mad. Whoever’s getting it is lucky.”

“I’m really not,” Steve chuckled, bashful at the vulgar compliment. “But thank you.”

“Well, ten seconds. Keep in touch?”

“I will. Nice meeting you, doll.”

This time you blushed. You really did like that nickname,

“You too, Steve.”

And the camera switched off. That night, feeling lighter than ever, more satisfied than ever, Steve could only think about you. But he didn’t know all the wonderful things this would lead to.


	2. CHAPTER TWO | THE MORNING AFTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> word count: 7.3k
> 
> warnings: age gap, sex work, smut, dirty talk

Steve had never slept so well. He woke up that morning feeling like a brand new person. Rather than obsess over the meticulous, filthy details of the chat, which he knew would make him squirm now that he wasn’t in the moment, he recalled the pleasure he felt and the relief he felt when he had finished. He thought about the connection he had made with you, how much he wanted to talk to you again, wanted to try another private session.

But of course he thought about the sexual aspect of it. How could he not? He had cyber sex with a stranger, a stranger who made him come twice in the span of half an hour. A stranger who he was incredibly attracted to, both physically and personality wise. He found it hard to grasp that you were so comfortable revealing yourself in such an intimate way to strangers online, especially the way you had last night.

And he admired it, even though it was so new to him. Because surprisingly, although he was the Captain America, quite literally the face of America, he could never be as bold as you – sure, he had shared himself with you, but he was in his comfort zone and this was new to him.

You on the other hand, shared yourself with thousands of strangers every night. Morally, he wanted to question it - he grew up in a very conservative time period. But he couldn’t, because he had taken part in it and he had so much respect for what you did… it took courage. He understood the whole female liberation thing and the fact that you were taking control of your own body. So, he loved this for you, and for everyone else who did this kind of work.

So the morning after that rare night, he found himself thinking only of you. In the shower, while he ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes, he got flashbacks to the way your robe opened as you slowly revealed your body. He felt himself get hard again, though this time he could find temporary release with just his hands, pumping himself to quick and easy release in the heat of his hot shower, throwing his head back and picturing your lips replacing his hands as he shut his eyes.

At briefings that morning, everyone noticed Steve’s change in spirit. He was less antsy, less to himself. He even smiled a few times, even looked better, like he had actually slept. It was like a few months worth of stress and an urge for intimacy had been lifted off his shoulders.

“You look great Steve. Did you take my advice?” Tony asked after the briefing was over.

By the look on Tony’s face, he already knew the answer to that question. Of course he hadn’t heard Steve, the walls were soundproof (and for good reason, because if they weren’t, he probably would’ve disturbed the whole tower), but he could sense it in how different he was acting.

“What advice?” Natasha looked over her shoulder, curious to know.

“Oh nothing, just guy stuff,” Tony flipped his hand dismissively, and Natasha raised her brows,

“Do I even wanna know?”

Before Steve could answer, his cheeks getting red at the idea of getting found out, Tony replied with quickness,

“Last time I checked, I was just talking to Steve.”

“Carry on with your very important, top secret conversation,” Natasha joked, narrowing her eyes curiously at Steve and Tony before leaving the room.

“So. How was it?” Tony grinned, leaning in excitedly as he propped his legs up on the table.

Steve went silent for a few moments, a serious look on his face before he broke out into a relaxed grin,

“Honestly? It was amazing.”

Tony slammed his hand down on the table in victory, a big grin taking over his features,

“Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! I was hoping you’d enjoy it. I thought you might be a little prudish about it.”

Steve ignored the offhand comment and just chose to focus on the positive, nodding slowly and folding his arms over his chest,

“I gotta thank you Stark. It definitely wasn’t something I’d expect to be my thing, but I guess you learn something new about yourself everyday.”

Steve surprised himself with that comment. Stark was actually right. Steve would’ve never in a million years thought he could be someone that would take part in anything revolving around cam girls, much less the action of masturbating with someone he hardly knew. He didn’t even know it was a thing to begin with. He was both shocked, and a little anticipatory to see that he was actually learning new things about himself. He didn’t expect that from him.

“My pleasure Steve, I take pride in my work,” Tony replied, referring to his “therapy.” A beat passed, and Tony exchanged an expectant look with Steve, who replied with a confused face, eyebrows furrowed together.

“What?” he asked, and Tony wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

“You know…”

“I don’t,” Steve responded, raising a questioning brow. Tony rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat,

“The girl, genius. How was she? Who was she? What’d you do? All the details, my friend.”

Steve gulped. He had been thinking of you all morning, but he hadn’t spoken about you yet, and he was kind of glad he had someone to share the details with. Out of respect for you, he didn’t want to get too descriptive, but he would at least share his feelings about you.

“Well, she was real sweet. Calls herself Moonrose Haze, such a pretty name. She’s gorgeous, really enjoys what she does, which I liked about her. I really like her, you know? I think we had a real connection. I’ve been thinking about her.”

“Yeah well, don’t get too attached. You know how that can go,” Tony patted Steve’s shoulder, and he nodded understandingly.

Of course he knew that he couldn’t get too attached. It could be dangerous for both you and him. For starters, you didn’t know who he was for real, and he didn’t need you knowing. And because he didn’t know you in real life, he didn’t want to get hung up on you. He already didn’t have time for an actual relationship, bringing the internet into it would be a whole different thing.

He didn’t want to get too sucked into it, he didn’t want to be brainwashed into feeling strongly for you before he really knew you. But he didn’t feel that way at all right now - right now it was more of a feeling that he was glad to know you, glad to have made the connection he made with you. He liked you, and you were on his mind, but he wasn’t obsessed, wasn’t unable to think straight. He just felt nice and warm inside, that’s all. It wasn’t anything serious, not yet.

“Yeah, I know. It’s nothing to be worried about. I’m just glad to have met her, you know? She’s so charismatic and hard working, she works two jobs outside of this one. I really like her personality. And we—” Steve cut himself off, starting to blush, unable to hide it on his fair cheeks.

Tony leaned forward, knowing this would include the gritty details,

"What?“

"We…” Steve looked down as to avoid eye contact with Tony, who chased it even while Steve stared down at his shoes. “We - well - she… helped me.” Steve cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed to bring up the memories that made his entire body feel as if it were on fire. He continued, “Helped me, you know… (he lowered his voice here) get off.”

"Yowza!“ Tony hooted, and Steve’s face could never be more red. "Steve, you truly surprise me everyday.”

“It wasn’t like anything I’ve ever experienced before,” Steve said, a bit more composed now. “I mean, it was- it was… she was incredible. I know she’s a performer, but it felt so real, so intimate. And I think she enjoyed it too.”

“Wait, don’t tell me she joined in on the fun,” Tony raised his eyebrows, genuinely surprised, and Steve’s head jerked up as he realized he had sort of revealed more details than he’d meant to.

“Well, we-” he began stammering, but Tony just cut him off with an impressed smile.

“My god. I would never expect it from you! Honestly, I’m proud of ya, Cap. You seem to be feeling much better now.”

“I do,” Steve answered with finality, and Tony nodded.

“Glad to see I could be of assistance. You can always come to me for these type of things you know. I’ve got all kinds of tricks up my sleeve.”

Sure he does, Steve thought, watching as Tony walked out of the room. Now he was thinking of you once more - specifically when he would see you again.

✺ ✺ ✺

You started out your day not so different from Steve. You had great sleep that night, thanks to the powerful orgasm that practically lulled you to sleep, and thanks to meeting Steve. You liked him, too, thought about him with a smile on your face. You were in your apartment, a cheap, shabby apartment which you refurbished to your heart’s delight, decorating with new furniture and plants however you could.

It wasn’t the most luxurious space, but at least it was yours. And it was what you could afford living on your own in California, where you were from, and paying partially for your schooling. You made good money as a cam girl, but most of that went towards school and your clothing business. You were a busy woman.

As you logged on to girlsonfilm.com that morning to check stats and messages, you were met with memories from the night before. It was hot, sure, but you really, really liked Steve. You had lovely connections with some of your customers, but something about Steve was different. He was new, and almost naive, and had a personality you found adorable. He was mature and appropriate, and you liked that about him.

As always, you were careful. Being a cam girl meant you had to be safe and smart. With Steve, you felt secure enough, but you were always careful with new customers. Once again, it wasn’t anything serious… yet. Still, you felt a little lighter on your feet throughout that day.

You were usually in good spirits, outgoing, determined and smiling, but today you just seemed a bit - lighter. Less worried about certain things like finances or your multiple jobs. It was your best friend, Aaliyah, who noticed the change in your demeanor. She tapped you on the shoulder as you sat in your last class of the day, which was at noon.

“Yeah?” you asked, turning your head towards her - you had been sort of looking out into the distance beforehand, thinking all those happy thoughts that stemmed from last night with Steve.

“Earth to YN? What’s up with you, you’re all… dreamy,” Aaliyah hissed urgently, wanting to know everything.

You laughed, looking down at your desk and bringing your arms together, shrugging your shoulders up and down,

“Dude, relax. I just had really good sleep, I’m in a good mood.”

“Bitch. I know you’re lying, you’re my best friend of seven years and you think I can’t tell when you’re lying? Who has you looking so incredibly happy right now? I need to know so I can threaten them if they ever hurt you!”

"Okay, the fact that you’re already assuming it’s a person is amazing,“ you chuckled, turning to face her, pushing your hair from your eyes.

Aaliyah knew how you felt about relationships - you weren’t exactly looking for one as you were so busy to begin with, and you’d had bad experiences in the past. You pretended like they didn’t hinder you, but pretending only worked for so long. But Aaliyah was always the first to ask about your relationship life anyway - she wanted to see you with somebody who would treat you right, the way you deserved.

"Well? Is it?” Aaliyah prodded.

“No,” you shook your head a bit too strongly for Aaliyah to be convinced, and couldn’t help but break into laughter at the way she glared at you, eyes narrowed and arms folded across her chest. “Okay, okay. I may or not have done a private session last night.”

“Mhm,” Aaliyah lowered her voice - she was the only person who knew of your secret job, and she took your privacy very seriously.

“Anddd, I may or may not have met a new customer,” you continued slowly, Aaliyah repeating her hums. “And, we may or may not have… had sex? I don’t know, it was - virtual, completely online.”

“But, you do this often,” Aaliyah replied, not understanding the depth of the situation because you often engaged in sexual acts for or with your customers in private sessions.

“Yes, but this time it was different. I felt like… I dunno, like my whole body was on fire. I felt like I was totally in control, and you know, I’m in control other times, but this guy didn’t really know what he wanted, so I took the lead. And it was fucking great, I kid you not, I was shaking afterwards. It all just felt so visceral and so fucking real and so, so hot. And… it felt intimate.”

"Woah, woah, woah, this is sensory overload right now,“ Aaliyah raised her brows, impressed with the story and with the person you were talking about. "Intimate how?”

“Like, I just felt really safe and connected with him. I was nervous, I wanted to keep him. I wanted to talk to him again. He was so polite and mature and so… just nice. Oh my god, and he tipped me like, hundreds. He was extremely generous.”

Aaliyah was nodding, even more impressed,

"That’s what I like to hear! What’s his name? What’d he look like?“

"His name’s Steve. And, I dunno what he looked like, he had his camera off. Probably some white dude, but honestly he was very handsome sounding. So like, a handsome white dude.”

You sensed a shift in Aaliyah’s nature, and looked over to her.

"What?“ you whined.

"This man couldn’t even turn his camera on while you were popping pussy for him? Yet y'all had an intimate connection?” she raised her eyebrows, very straightforward.

You pouted,

"Intimacy doesn’t always have to have rules. I get a lot of customers who don’t show their face. I’m sure he has his reasons. Besides, it was nice not to have a dick shoved into the camera for once.“

The both of you chortled at that, but then Aaliyah went back to business.

"No camera on? He’s married with kids.”

You made a face and frowned, a crease showing up at your forehead,

“Don’t say that! I like him.”

Aaliyah let up a little, because she knew you were being serious, and leaned back in her chair.

“You like him?” she asked, and you nodded, biting your lip,

“Yeah.”

“You really like him?”

You rolled your eyes,

“Asshole, I don’t really like him. I just, think he’s cool. And I’m glad we met.”

"Okay, good to hear, ‘cuz you don’t know him and we don’t wanna go too fast, girl. You’ve got options in real life,“ Aaliyah concluded, and you nodded,

"It’s nothing serious. I just like him, that’s all. And last night was nice, that’s why I feel so refreshed today. You don’t have to worry about me. This isn’t gonna become like the movie Her.”

“Ha,” Aaliyah snorted, catching the reference. A beat of silence passed between the two of you, before you broke it suddenly by jerking your head to her to share an urgent detail you didn’t want her to miss.

“He fucking came twice!” you whispered loudly. “In the span of thirty minutes!”

Your eyes were wide and brazen, and your lips were pursed tight. Aaliyah blinked slowly, taking in the information.

“Oh wow.”

“I know. And his moans, oh my god. And he said his dick size was three fingers long,” you held up your hand and cusped the three fingers you had used - ring, middle, and index. “Literally huge!”

“For your sake I hope it’s true, if he’s got you this hung up,” Aaliyah smirked, and you laughed breathlessly, realizing how intense you had just gotten.

“My fault. Don’t mind me,” you returned to your work now that class was getting started, but the two of you were consumed with giggle fits.

✺ ✺ ✺

Steve actually had put you down on his calendar - mentally, at least. He obviously couldn’t drop everything just to spend time with you, but the late times of your shows and his current availability made him feel inclined to use his free time to share with you, at least that week. He almost tried to downplay how much he wanted to see you again, how anticipating he was, because it wasn’t like him to feel excited, to smile to himself at the thought of anything.

By the time you went on live again, on a Wednesday night, both you and Steve were filled to the brim with excitement. You wanted to talk again, and Steve wanted to see how you performed on a regular live. So that night, he took a shower, got tucked into bed like he had the last time, and signed on to girlsonfilm.com, which he typed into the browser with jittering hands. He was actually… excited. Something about this was giving him a taste of a feeling that was once rare.

He typed in your name at the search bar, not even taking a second glance at the other livestreams on the screen (more because he was avoiding looking at so many naked bodies at once). You had already started by the time he came on, and you’d been awaiting his arrival.

This time, your setup was different. You were in your “office”, a small room in your apartment that served as a workspace for your clothing line, a homework/study area, and a place where you could do your work outside of school. But tonight, like many other nights, it operated as your cam room.

It looked like a strip club, complete with glowing neon lights that shifted colors, an assortment of heels and alcohol bottles behind you, and a disco ball hanging above your head. There was even a sign on the wall behind you that read your name in fancy writing. You leaned forward on your laptop to see who had signed in, a smile reaching your saccharine, glossy lips as the name you were waiting for popped up on screen.

“Steve!” you cooed girlishly, pushing your hair behind your ear subconsciously - you wanted him to see your face. “How are you?”

Steve, who was figuring out the chatroom, commented below in response, eager to hear your voice. A grin had made its way onto his face at the sound of your excitement to see him.

Steve - GrantRoberts

Hi. I’m great, how are you?

You bit down on your lip, intoning,

“Well, better now you’re here! Guys, this is Steve, he’s new here. Say hi.”

Steve skimmed past the comments from her devoted customers saying hello, and you continued with your show, seeming oodles happier now that Steve was on. You already gave it your all, now you would give your all and more.

Steve didn’t even need you to do that much to sate him though - looking at your skimpy outfit was enough. You were dressed in a sheer, glittery white lace corset that highlighted all of your assets, with garters on your silky thighs to match.

Then you were wearing these insanely long stripper heels, and boy did Steve have a thing for heels- you wearing them made him nearly salivate. Your lips were painted a sultry red and the rest of your makeup was dewy and glittery, with gems and glitter dust stuck to the sides of your eyes.

You looked ethereal, and the lucid background just made things even better. He was already hard upon looking at you, especially when you shimmied up close to the camera and showed your entire body, your hands running up your thighs and sides in slow motion.

“You guys like my outfit?” you smirked, twirling slowly for the camera. “You know, I love being a dancer, but I get so lonely sometimes. All these guys coming through, but no one to really pleasure me. You know?”

Steve swallowed hard. You were talking to everyone on the live, but looking directly into the camera, an intense look in your eyes. Tonight you were playing out the recurring strip club fantasy, which lots of your customers enjoyed - Steve was new to the whole thing, but he got the gist and story line right away. How could he not with how intensely he was focusing?

You laughed a little, a sultry but brief laugh that made shivers run up Steve’s spine. Right now, though you were glad Steve was there, you were in full work mode, pulling all the levers. You were focused, and Steve knew that you weren’t only occupied with him. But he even liked that, liked your work ethic and your ferocity.

“I guess I was just wondering if one of you were man enough to take me,” you continued, starting to really pile on the dirty talk and the persona.

You kept showing different angles of your body, letting your customers admire you. You turned around, strutting slowly, one leg in front of the other, your heels hitting the ground. Steve’s eyes widened at the shape of your ass as you faced the other way, head tilting as he admired your features.

He wasn’t the kind of guy to worry about a girl’s body type much, and he certainly didn’t only focus on your body, but how could he not in this case? You were drawing attention to your every asset, and he was realizing just how much he liked them on you.

Then you slowly twirled around, facing the camera again and lowering yourself down on your knees. You pouted softly, as if you were feeling conflicted.

"But, I haven’t seen anyone here who’s man enough to take care of me. I have needs too,“ you sighed, looking down at your nails, which, perfectly, were long and glittery acrylics. "Gosh, and the pay here is lousy. Some guys are so cheap, you wouldn’t even believe it.”

Kaching. Tokens being added left and right after you said that. You smirked, gazing into the camera for one minute, Steve catching your pixelated gaze, before you kept going. Steve added tokens as well, probably more than all that had been added in that moment. He was impressed by your strategies, and he knew that paying would make things progress.

“I’m just so lonely and bored sometimes,” you slowly removed the straps of your corset, revealing your chest. You ran your hands along the lace that was still over your breasts, licking your bottom lip. “Hmm. But I think I’ll need more help to remove my top.

More tokens. More talking, more tokens. And soon enough, you had taken off the corset (garters left on, as per special request from many of your customers), and you were naked in front of the camera. Steve felt himself throbbing beneath his boxers, and stroked his length over the fabric.

"Wow, you guys are great,” you cooed. “And so much better than some of the other guys who come through here. But not good enough. Poor old me, looks like I’ll have to pleasure myself, hmm?”

You wiggled your eyebrows up and down as comic relief while you opened and closed your legs very quickly, giving just a peek of what you knew they all wanted to see.

Ashton — asherw9  
guyz, she clearly needs help spreading her legs. can we all do better?  
\+ 10 tokens

You giggled,

“Thank you Ashton. I really do need help spreading my legs for you, so I can get all nice and ready. So, tokens or bust.”

Soon enough, you had them voting on toys to use as you went through an assortment. All of them were glass dildos with different designs. Each vote was a certain amount of tokens, and they eventually came to a consensus. Steve only voted so he could pay you, he had no idea what he actually wanted to see, nor any idea of how dildos differed from one another.

You smiled when you saw that he had voted, raising your brows at the option he had chosen,

"Steve, you naughty boy. You wanna see me use the biggest one?“ Steve blushed— he didn’t know any better. But you were smiling, and reading the other options. "It looks like a lot of you wanna see me use the big one. I’ll give you like, another minute to decide.”

A flood of votes came in and you read them over, smiling as you held up the biggest option.

"This one it is!“

And there you were, giving a tease show as you danced sensually on the floor, wrapping your body around as you removed the bottom half of the corset. Soon enough, your entire body was completely revealed and you were spreading your legs open, your fingers dancing along your clit as you prepared yourself. Soft but sultry music played in the background, but all Steve could hear was the sound of your progressing pants and moans, which were soft and quiet.

He had his hand wrapped around himself, finally out of his boxers, and he was stroking at the same pace that you were circling your clit with your fingers. He spread the precum peeking out from his tip down his erect length, pumping himself slowly as he watched you. He let out a strangled moan as you diligently slid two fingers inside of yourself, your face contorting as you felt them against your walls, reaching all the right spots.

"I’m so fucking wet,” you whined, pumping your fingers in and out faster now. You were even more getting tokens and comments by the minute, Steve being the best contributor as he could with only one hand available.

He felt a hint of shame pang in his chest as he realized what he was doing — pleasuring himself online to someone who was doing the same thing for the hundreds of others watching. But in your case, it was for work. For a moment, he almost felt like a perverted loser, pumping himself to you in the dark — but he bounced back after remembering who he was, and after feeling himself throb inside his hands. He wanted to be able to enjoy himself, he shouldn’t make himself feel guilty about it, so long as it was rightfully done.

You sighed loudly as you transitioned from using your fingers to the dildo.

“Guys, this thing is huge,” you giggled slightly, but that giggle morphed into a pleasantly surprised moan as you began to slide it inside of you. Your slick arousal coated the toy instantly, making it much easier. Your face said it all, as did the whiny pitch in your voice. “Oh fuck.”

Steve couldn’t control himself. He came quickly once again, but continued stroking himself as you continued. And once again, his release felt cathartic, like he was filling in something that he had long been missing, and only you could bring him to this point. He couldn’t do this himself before, not without you.

He wanted so badly to be in a private room with you, to share this moment with you and only you, where you could hear his voice and he knew the two of you were alone. But he knew this would have to do for now, his hands working his cock as he watched you thrust the dildo in and out, your moans growing louder and less contained.

You watched the dildo disappear in and out of you, slipping in with ease because of how wet you were. The sounds it made were criminal and arousing, sounds of your slick against your walls. Your mouth fell open in an o-shape as you watched how well you took it despite its size, admiring of yourself and even more turned on, pushing it deep inside of you.

“Fuck, it feels so good, I’m so fucking wet,” you whined, biting down hard on your lip, closing your previously ajar mouth.

Steve watched how well you took it with eyes that were glazed over, wishing it was him instead of a glass toy, wishing he could stretch you out and be that deep inside of you. He groaned to himself, mumbling expletives as he felt his orgasm build up.

“Oh my god, I’m close,” you groaned some time later. You threw your head back, bringing your hand to your clit to assist your orgasm. You had been going at it for the past fifteen minutes, putting off your orgasms until you couldn’t any longer. Steve was mesmerized, fists practically clenched around himself as you brought yourself to climax. “I want you to cum with me,” you moaned. “Oh fuck, yes.”

Your moans nearly became shouts as you came, toes curling in your six inch heels. You tried to grip the carpet around you, but to no avail, and you found yourself coming recklessly while the dildo was still inside of you, taking it out just moments after your orgasm began.

You were dripping all down your legs and thighs, the spot on the carpet beneath you completely drenched in your arousal. Steve had came again, and again, his cock twitching and spurring at the sight of you. The longer you rode out your high, the longer Steve rode out his — and needless to say, he could keep up.

You took in deep breaths as you got caught up, leaving your legs spread for your viewers’ pleasure. As per one request, you lead your fingers to your slick heat, spreading yourself open so everyone could see, a smirk on your face.

Once Steve had come down, he decided to type something in the chat.

Steve - GrantRogers

Thank you, this was wonderful.

You snorted at Steve’s response — always so polite and proper. You closed your legs and crawled up closer to the camera so they could only see your face and your upper half.

“I hope you guys liked that. I don’t think I’ve ever used that one before, but trust me, I will be using it again. Thanks for the suggestion,” you winked. “You can join me next week for a giveaway! I’ll be selling my panties, those purple butterfly ones you guys love so much?”

You watched as the comments flooded with praise and excitement, and chuckled,

"Yeah, those. So check in next week on how to enter, rules and more. I hope you guys enjoyed today, thank you so much for being the most beloved members of my little strip club here. See you later!“

Easily, you blew a kiss to the camera, and ended the show. At first, Steve was a little bummed. He was hoping for another private session, so he could talk to you a little more. But he understood that it wouldn’t be today, and started to exit out of the site until he heard a ping! notification. He looked on the upper right corner of the screen to see that he had a new message.

moonrose — moonrosehaze  
hey! got a minute? click the link in the chat if you do!

Steve slowly clicked the link, hoping that it was what he was expecting and not some type of scam. And luckily, it was — it rerouted him to the same link as last time, giving him the option to hide his video and only use audio. He chose that option and you showed up on screen, in a silk pajama top and shorts, still in the same room as before, just not in the act anymore. Once he saw you, he grinned, and you smiled as well when he joined.

"Hey!” you exclaimed excitedly. “How are you?”

You typically didn’t do this - usually customers reached out to you, not the other way around. But just because you weren’t offering private sessions tonight didn’t mean you couldn’t still talk to a client. Especially a client who you happened to really like. And of course, the two of you were being careful, precautions still fresh in your mind. But you were enjoying your time together so far in this excited new beginning. There were no red flags and nothing to be worried about.

Steve laughed, his voice deep and almost cloudy - after coming down from two orgasms he felt dreamlike. His voice was warm and inviting, and you felt that awfully familiar buildup of an orgasm in your stomach, though it wasn’t the same. Maybe more like butterflies, except instead of just being nervous, you were both nervous and turned on.

“Hi,” he crooned, feeling his cheeks warm up at the sight of you. You were so enchanting and bright, even if you were behind a screen. You had a youthful glow that made you look and feel genuinely happy and vivacious. Even after just a few days, he found himself admiring you, and not just for your sexual prowess. “I’m great, how are you? You were amazing, by the way. That was… I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

You giggled, appreciative of his constant praise, but it raised the question,

“I can’t thank you enough. You’ve watched porn before though, right?”

At first, you thought Steve’s innocence was only unique to cam sites, but now you were starting to question just how experienced he really was with this world. He seemed to know how to tip, and tipped very well. As for talking to you, he was charming and polite thus far, so he seemed to know how to interact with women who had jobs like yours - you hoped he was this kind universally, and not just to you. You hoped you knew him, the little bit that he was showing, not just a version of him that he was pretending to be.

Steve shifted a bit, smiling shyly to himself,

“Not really… do I sound that clueless?”

“No,” you giggled, shaking your head, but he could tell you were just being coy, which made him smile.

“Be honest,” he prodded you, and you laughed louder,

“Yeah, a little. But don’t feel bad! That’s a first. Usually guys your age are well versed in this sort of thing. It’s… kind of sweet. And I like that you’re new to this. It makes it easier to get you excited,” you veered into flirting with him again, smiling gently into the camera.

“Oh yeah?” Steve questioned playfully, and you nodded.

“Oh, for sure. Listen, I’m really tired from my show so I can’t promise anything like what I just did, but if you want me to pose for you or…”

You trailed off, but Steve was quick to jump in, shaking his head. He didn’t expect anything from you at the moment, although he wouldn’t mind, but if you were tired, then you knew your limits, and he didn’t want to push them for his own sake. He knew it was your job, but he still had his own sense of morals.

“No, no, it’s okay, hon’. You worked really hard just now, don’t feel pressured to do something for me just because. It’s nice to just talk to you anyway, you didn’t even have to do this,” Steve said calmly, and you felt your heart warming more and more with every word he spoke, especially when he called you “hon” — he gave you the energy of such a kind older man.

Of course Steve wanted to see something from you again - of course he’d cherish it, die for it. But he had been sated for the night, and talking to you was enough. Still in the back of his mind he questioned whether he should be talking to you like this at all - it was the second night you had spoken. But he pushed those doubts to the back of his mind for now - not now Steve, not now, he thought.

“Aww, thank you,” you pouted out of happiness and appreciation.

He acknowledged how hard you worked, and the fact that it was hard work. And he didn’t have to be so gracious about it, so appreciative and the way he was. You were almost glad he just wanted to talk, even though you would’ve been willing to at least pose for him or dirty talk him to climax once again. What you’d do to hear his moans and hear his gruff voice in particular.

You continued,

"I’m… I’m glad you liked the show. I’m glad you came, honestly. I know we’ve only talked once but I like you. I feel like we connected immediately.“

Steve felt an unfamiliar pang in his chest that he brushed off as the typical butterflies that were spreading. He already addressed that this entire thing made him nervous in general, but he didn’t think anything more of it.

"We did. Somehow, someway,” he chuckled a bit awkwardly, and you smiled at his shy nature. “I'm— I’m really glad I came to. I was looking forward to this.”

“So how was your day?”

“Honestly? I’ve been so much better since the last time. I mean, you really helped out. I feel like…” Steve took a deep sigh. “Like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, y'know? What about you?”

“I know the feeling. I sort of felt the same way. Huh. Gosh, it’s weird, it’s not like we’re-” you decided not to finish your own sentence, laughing as you brushed it off as silly. “Anyway. Today was great. Yeah.”

“Yeah? You uh… take any classes today?” Steve asked, recalling how you told him about your life as a student and as an artist. He cringed internally at how awkward he was being. There was still that spark, but the two of you were both resisting conversation because you didn’t want to face the reality of establishing a relationship with each other, even if it was just client to camgirl. It felt more personal. “I’m sorry,” he chuckled to himself. “I’m not great with small talk.”

“I mean, I’m sure - if I were a scientist, I’d want to be talking about, like, I don’t know - nuclear physics. Environmental studies doesn’t quite feel like your area of science,” you giggled, and Steve remembered (though he hadn’t forgotten) how he had passed himself off as a scientist. Maybe more of a scientific experiment, but it couldn’t hurt to say he was a scientist, could it? He was surrounded by them after all.

Steve laughed, shaking his head,

“You’d be surprised how much I don’t wanna talk about nuclear physics half the time. Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” you propped yourself up, wanting to know what he wanted to know about you.

“You like this, right? Like, being, well-”

“A cam girl?” you furrowed your brows together and laughed, shaking your head playfully. “You can say it, don’t worry, I don’t bite. But uh, wow, I guess no one’s really ever asked me that on here. I do, actually. I think a lot of girls on here like this job, but I really love it. It feels liberating, which is great. But it also pays my bills. So it’s a balance between the two. I can kind of be whoever I want on here.”

“So in real life, Moonrose is… not a thing,” Steve concluded, and you shifted. “If you don’t mind me asking.” He just wanted to understand the dynamics of this job, how you worked the ins and outs - almost like an agent. You weren’t that different from his colleagues.

Usually you’d be a bit more hesitant to answer such a question, but Steve made you feel comfortable.

“It’s perfectly okay. I’m still the same girl, you know? So it’s very much a thing, it feels like Moonrose is… a part of me. But it’s just not the same way it feels on here, if that makes sense. It’s an act, but it’s really… just me.”

“I like that. And I like that you enjoy your job.”

“Now, can I ask you a question?”

A pause, then Steve answered. It couldn’t be that bad.

“Sure,” he nodded.

“Okay,” you bit down on your lip. “What made you choose me?”

You hated that question - “what made you choose me?” It left a bitter taste in your mouth. So many times, in your relationships in real life, you felt like you had to ask that question to get reassurance. To feel supported. But with Steve, it was obviously different. And right now, asking that question didn’t feel so bad. You didn’t feel like because he chose you, you were special. You felt like you were special before he even chose you.

Steve grinned,

“Honestly, I had been scrolling for a while, but none of the other girls stood out for me. And I came across you and you were smiling and you seemed happy. You talked to your customers like they were your fans. You just made it look so charming and graceful. It felt genuine.”

“Thanks, I try. Well, I’m glad we crossed paths. It’s nice talking to you, even if it’s not for a private cam. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable, doing this-”

“No, no, not at all. I was hoping I’d get to talk to you too, so.”

“Oh,” you chuckled— you nearly snorted, pushing your hair back and laughing in tandem with Steve. Your awkward moments together were actually fitting and charming, and didn’t feel “awkward” at all. You presented as confident, sexy and seductive Moonrose, but Steve brought out the dork in you, made you feel less like Moonrose and more like YN, in the best way ever. “Cool.”

Steve liked this. He reveled in the quiet for a moment, just looking at you, your skin glowing, teeth showing when you smiled, everything about you was evocative. But he looked at the time, realizing he had briefings in the morning.

“Well, unfortunately, it looks like I gotta go. Got… labs in the morning, and stuff.”

“Oh, yeah for sure, no, go ahead. Gotta get your sleep.”

“You too,” he encouraged you, almost like a protective figure. “Get some rest.”

“Thanks.” You took in a deep breath and took the leap you’d been wanting to take the whole call. You loved talking to Steve, but you had been thinking about what Aaliyah had said. You didn’t feel as bothered by it as she had, but you figured it was worth a try. You could see if anything would change. And maybe it wasn’t an “appropriate” statement, but you were taking a leap of faith. “Wish I could see you. You know, through your camera?”

At first, Steve’s heart dropped. He definitely couldn’t commit to that. But he knew it was fine, he didn’t have to commit to anything at all. He just chuckled,

“Oh, not this time.”

You nodded gently, understanding. It was like you told Aaliyah, plenty of customers didn’t use their cameras. But you wished you could see Steve, see the face that matched that enchanting voice and those lovely words.

“I understand. Well, I’ll see you… or, hear you, next time?”

“Yeah, doll. See you.”

And with that, he ended the session, and closed his laptop. Much to think about. And all of it revolved around you.


	3. CHAPTER THREE | DEEP THOUGHTS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> word count: 9.4k
> 
> warnings: age gap, sex work, dirty talk, straight filth, smut, squirting, toys, (virtual?) domination, cute dialogue!!!

Steve was flooded with morning meetings that whole day. Still you existed somewhere in the back of his mind, while he was filing through briefings and reports. He tried not to let the thought of you creep up, something he was unknowingly resisting because he didn’t want what the two of you had to be bigger than it was.

But he was also trying to focus. He knew already, like muscle memory, that it would be impossible for this to become anything serious, anything beyond your work as a cam girl. You might have a connection, but you were just doing your job, and he was just satisfying himself. Right?

And you knew too that this couldn’t become anything serious. And it wouldn’t, you had convinced himself. So he came out of the blue, so he surprised you. But he was still a customer. And while you had connections with your customers, it never went beyond the workplace. Though he still resided in the back of your mind.

It wasn’t until Steve was on break and heading down to the kitchen to make himself some food that he decided to fully address the events that had happened last night. When you asked to see him, he was almost scared at first-he felt that things could shift permanently because you had asked him that. But ignorance is bliss, so he’d brushed off the thought of that happening, and convinced himself it wasn’t a big deal.

But it had to mean something right? He could see himself going down a winding tunnel of you wanting to see him more and more, and the end would be catastrophe- that is, if he showed himself. But he knew he had more sense than that, could end things if necessary. It wasn’t that serious, not yet.

And while he was nervous, he still thought of you with fondness, thinking of your youthful glow and how it seemed like you were drawn together in perfect timing, how much he liked talking to you and respected you. It wasn’t all bad.

The thought was enough to talk to somebody about it, except it wouldn’t be Tony this time. Steve knew Tony’s response would be straight forward - not to talk to her, and to find another cam girl. And he’d ask why Steve was accepting requests to talk with her about unrelated matters in the first place. And maybe the fact that Steve didn’t want to hear that, didn’t want things to be so straightforward and disciplinarian, should’ve been a warning. But he didn’t listen. Instead, he went to go talk to Bucky about it.

“Shoot,” Bucky said after Steve told him he had something to tell him. Bucky stuffed practically an entire piece of toast in his mouth, his hand on his hip as he sat on the edge of one of the kitchen tables. With a full mouth he continued.“’S it important?”

Steve shrugged, holding a cup of coffee just below his beard, feeling it steam up his face. He took a big sip.

"I dunno. I’m trying to decide that myself.“

Bucky raised an eyebrow,

"Well…”

Steve sighed, setting his coffee down and leaning against the counter beside Bucky so they could talk.

"I met this girl. Well, met is a strong word,“ Steve cocked his head to the side, after considering the quirks of his situation. He then started to wonder if Bucky would even know how to help him with this situation, it was so oddly specific. He continued anyway, under the intense, questioning gaze of Bucky. "I… found this girl online. On a cam site.”

Bucky nearly choked on his toast, his eyebrows raised as far as they’d go,

"You? On a cam site? You? You’re on a cam site?“

The more Bucky repeated it, the more surprised he seemed to become, and Steve could only watch with amusement at his close friend’s bewildered expressions.

"You say it like I’m one of the cam girls,” Steve joked, shaking his head, but Bucky only stared at him, incredulous.

But then he came back down to earth with a slightly impressed shrug,

"Well. I gotta admit, I never expected this from you, and you’re my best man. But I guessed there had to be a reason you’ve been so much better these past few days, and there had to be some reason you weren’t bringing it up. You know you can tell me anything, right?“

Steve grinned,

"It’s not that I was keeping it from you necessarily. I just didn’t think I should put it out there, even if it’s just between the two of us.”

Bucky smirked,

“Captain America has a dirty little secret. I respect it.”

Steve didn’t say anything, but that was slightly true. Half of him wanted to keep things under wraps, the other half of him wanted it to be his own little secret, something that was only for him. You could say he wanted you all to himself, which wasn’t untrue - during your public show, though he enjoyed it, it felt less personal and thus made him rethink his actions.

He wanted it one on one, wanted to know he was partially responsible to bringing you to that point, and that you brought each other to that point together, just the two of you. So, in some ways, it was his “dirty little secret.”

"The girl I watch, she’s amazing. I mean, we had a real connection, since our first private session-“

"Private session? Maybe I did teach you well all these years,” Bucky nodded.

“Actually, this was all Tony. Anyway, I’ve been watching her, and yesterday, after her show, she requested to talk to me. Not the other way around. She wasn’t even doing private shows that day. Anyway, I accepted, and maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do, but it didn’t feel… wrong. I talked to her, and she said… she said she wanted to see me. As in through the camera.”

Bucky took a few moments to absorb and contemplate, and nodded slowly,

"And you’re wondering if that’s as serious as your mind wants it to be.“

"Basically. I mean, I don’t feel like this is something I have to avoid or be careful with. We’re not declaring our love for each other. I’m just another customer. That’s what I want to believe, at least.”

"I mean, you’re always gonna be taking that risk. You’re talking to someone who’s as good as a stranger. And your ‘connection’, it’s exactly what it sounds like. You’re another customer, but you’ve just taken a liking to each other. As far as I’m concerned, that’s okay. And as for her asking you to show yourself… it’s tricky. I mean, I’ve been on my fair share of sites like that, but I’m not well versed in it. I don’t want to say it’s not serious just for it to end up being serious. You know how these things go,“ Bucky smiled softly, and Steve nodded, though his eyes seemed a bit troubled as he looked down at the floor.

"Right…” he trailed off, folding his arms.

Maybe he just needed to hear that he shouldn’t talk to you anymore, to ease his concerns. Maybe Bucky was right. It has the potential to be serious, but it might not be. He didn’t know what to think.

“I don’t know bud, but the fact that you’re asking me tells me it’s been on your mind. And I know you, you don’t let things stay on your mind long unless they’re important. Could be that this is important to you,” Bucky offered, but Steve waved his hand dismissively, a little too fast.

"It’s - it’s not…“

Bucky raised his brows,

"You think about her?”

"Sure,“ Steve shifted, folding his arms slightly. "But not more than my work or anything. I don’t view her as a priority, Buck. It’s normal that she’d be on my mind, I mean, this is all new to me. I’m stressing for no reason, aren’t I?”

He decided he was stressing for no reason. He wasn’t obsessed with you, wasn’t head over heels for you. He wasn’t placing you over his work. It was just the shock of the new situation, the unexpected, big bang of an introduction of you into his life – that’s what he convinced himself, to put his mind at ease.

Bucky raised his hands up,

"Hey, I’m not assuming anything. And honestly Steve, if you are… thinking about her. I think that’s good. As long as it’s something healthy, I don’t think you have anything to be worried about. You deserve some type of distraction, and maybe that’s what she is. You don’t have to worry about things getting too serious, trust me. You’ve got a little time on your hands, that’s all.“

Steve took Bucky’s words to heart, absorbing them so they could soak up all his previous thoughts – which would be squeezed out in a matter of time as the reality of your relationship revealed itself. He deserved a little distraction, though he valued you on a more humane level.

He didn’t have to worry himself about the potential it could have to become something serious and something dangerous. He was smart enough, had a strong head on his shoulders. He just had a little free time. That was all.

✺ ✺ ✺

"I told him 'I wish I could see you through your camera’,” you groaned, sprawled out on your bed, just hours before your next show that Friday. “Was that stupid?”

You pouted, your lips glossy and full, shoving chips into your mouth as you bitched and moaned into the phone. You were talking to one of the girls you’d met on girlsonfilm, named Jane, who went by Scream Queen. Her specialty was being an alt dominatrix girl, who attracted lots of submissive men. You admired her work, and you were close friends. She laughed on the other end,

“Hon, it’s not stupid. I wouldn’t ask or tell a customer that, though. You’ve been doing this for some time too, but you’re still learning.”

You frowned, fiddling with your gold rose shaped necklace,

“I know. I don’t wanna scare him off.”

“Please, you won’t. I guarantee he’ll be on your show again tonight. Men don’t scare from a beautiful woman like you, not easily.”

You cooed, smiling to yourself,

"Aw… bitch if you lived in Cali you would so feature on my show, I literally love you.“

"I love you!” she exclaimed. “We’d make hella money just by being in each other’s presence on camera, it’d be crazy. I gotta fly out to Cali.”

"Right?“ you chuckled.

You felt a little more at ease now. You hadn’t been thinking as much about Steve as he had been thinking about you, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t on your mind. He was a special customer to you, even though you’d only just gotten to know him. You just liked him in what felt like a more unique way. And ever since you’d brought up seeing him on his camera, you had some regrets. You felt like it made you seem needy, bringing up old habits.

In your last romantic relationship, you were always wanting something, things that you shouldn’t have had to ask for. But ever since you got out of that relationship, you had decided to be more self sufficient. That was part of the reason why you were financially independent and constantly did so much work. You no longer depended on others for certain things, not like you had before.

But in addition to reminding you of old habits, you felt awkward about the whole situation because you didn’t want him to feel pressured or uncomfortable either. You didn’t want it to feel like you wanted something more because you’d asked to see him. As far as you were concerned, the two of you, especially yourself, were far from wanting something more. For your own safety. You might have really liked him, but at the end of the day, he was a customer and that was that.

"Well,” you flopped onto your stomach. “I feel better now, so thanks. I’m doing a couple private shows after my giveaway, maybe I’ll see him again. Or… hear him, rather.”

“If he does end up showing himself, keep me posted. I wanna know if he’s as sexy as he sounds.”

"Oh trust me, I will. Honestly, if he keeps watching my shows, I wanna teach him how to dirty talk. I think then it’ll be something serious,“ you joked, shaking your head. "Alright, well I gotta get ready. Bye bitch!”

"Bye biiitch, have fun tonight, I’ll be tuning in.“

You blew her a kiss and hung up, your spirits lifted after your brief conversation. You started getting ready for your next show, hoping that Steve would continue to tune in. Unbeknownst to you, he was anticipating your show tonight as well, though a small part of him was hesitant - should he continue to watch regularly? He’d let himself indulge. One more night couldn’t be an issue.

When you came on, you were excited to see that the amount of viewers had increased. You figured that since you were advertising a giveaway of your underwear, more people would feel inclined to join, take their chances. You smiled when Steve joined and waved,

"Hey, Steve! How’s it going?”

Steve — GrantRoberts  
Good. How are you?

“I’m good, thanks for asking. Alright, hi everyone, thank you so much for joining! I see we’ve got some new viewers tonight, so nice to meet you. I’m sure you all know that today is a very special day, because I’ll be giving away —” you stood up so the camera could see below your waist, showing that you were wearing a pair of purple lace panties, the pair you had been boasting about the week before. “These!” you chimed.

Steve raised his brows at the cheeky way you operated, looking over the pair. They were cute, looked expensive. The butterfly design on the underwear was detailed and there were white gems on either side at the top. You had said last week that these were a favorite among your viewers, he understood why.

You explained the rules of the giveaway and how it would be working, and explained that there was a link pinned in the chat box to sign up for entries. Once you posted that link, tokens and sign up notifications came flooding through. You watched with a full smile, before slowly getting to the show.

Steve decided he wouldn’t be entering the giveaway, to keep his own discretion, and because although he definitely saw the appeal, he wasn’t big on keeping someone else’s underwear unless he knew them in real life.

You started by rubbing yourself through your panties, making a big deal of how wet you were, how you were soaking through the panties and wouldn’t be washing them. That was how you knew you’d get people to pay up and enter your giveaway. Steve watched in amazement at the way you moved, your delicate fingers gently running over your clit through the lace panties, slipping the panties to the side every once in a while to dip your fingers inside of yourself, proclaiming how tight you felt and how much you wanted more than just fingers inside of you to stretch you out.

Needless to say, you put on a show, and you really were soaking through your panties by the time you were done. Steve lost track of how many times he came, and it was then that he realized that maybe he liked this side of you more than what he had seen before. It was teasing and tantalizing, almost theatrical, except you were really taking your time to please yourself.

And for some reason, it practically made him short circuit. The idea of him realizing that he had more sexual interests than he was aware of basically seduced him. And knowing that he was coming to these realizations because of you made him feel hungry and crazed.

He liked how you were barely touching yourself, teasing yourself yet still dripping through your panties, making a show out of a little thing. He kept a slow pace to match your own, edging himself and feeling grunts get caught in his throat each time he stopped himself from coming.

You were absolutely mystifying, drawing him in more and more in every way. Your soft moans, quieter and more needy than usual, were like music to his ears. He loved the way your legs shook when you had to hold off an orgasm for the purpose of the show, so that you could hold off and increase the value of your giveaway, lengthen the time you gained tips and coins. By the time you were done, he had cum on his chest, legs and a little on his bed sheets, which he cleaned up gingerly, watching as you signed off.

You slid out of your panties and held them up to the camera, practically purring when you finally spoke,

“Look what I did to them. Soaked in all my juices and cum just for you. Well, for one lucky winner! Tip up to increase your chances.”

You giggled, biting down on your lip, and continued,

"Well, thank you for watching. Now, I do wanna do some private shows with a few of you. So, send in those requests and tokens and I’ll pick a lucky few.“

As you waited for the requests to go in, you noticed Steve’s name and his large donation — of course you’d go on private with him, but you wanted to talk to other customers as well. So you queued up a list of who you’d be talking to and placed Steve, the best, for last.

Steve got a notification that you’d be talking to him, and while you signed off, he stayed on the site waiting for his turn. Each show you did was only about five minutes, and he had twenty five minutes to spare before he got the chance to talk to you. Those twenty five minutes he used for contemplation and thinking like always.

If he wasn’t spending his spare time with you, he was either thinking or distracting himself from thinking by spending time with his fellow Avengers. And now that there was nothing to do, all he could do was get lost in his thoughts. He thought of his conversation with Bucky - though he had come to the conclusion that he shouldn’t worry so much and that he deserved a distraction, there was still some part of it that tugged at him.

The fact of the matter was that, he did think about you. A lot, actually, and it had only been a few days. He thought about the kind of unhinged pleasure you gave him that you had allowed him to tap into for the first time. He thought about the need you fulfilled. He thought about how he liked you, how he felt like he knew you on a personal level and that he sensed that you were truly a good person. He liked that about you, all those thoughts. But ever since last week, the thoughts slightly intimidated him at the same time.

Take a breath, Steve, he thought. Maybe it was old age making him nervous about everything. If Tony could do the same things before becoming Ironman and still live the way Tony was currently living, Steve could have his own little pleasures. His brain just kept doing the back and forth.

You were happy when Steve’s time came along. You were so caught up in your other customers that you had nearly forgotten what you were looking forward to. When it came to Steve, all your nerves were due to excitement, and the good kind. You weren’t worried about the strength of your connection and if it would become overbearing, and you had reassured yourself that you weren’t being needy or pressuring him. You felt at ease.

You clicked his name feverishly, waving your hands up at the camera when the log opened. Yet again he wasn’t showing himself, but you didn’t let that bother you. You had all the time in the world to talk with him, because you didn’t put a limit on the time. You didn’t do so pointedly, you just did it so you wouldn’t have to be preoccupied with the time limit.

For you, talking to Steve at the end of your list was like de-stressing and winding down, nothing more and nothing less. You weren’t viewing him as more than a customer. It wouldn’t be inappropriate to talk for a while.

"Hey, Steve!” you waved, grinning toothily.

Steve chuckled when he saw you and heard the genuine happiness in your voice. There was something sweetly innocent about you, despite the fact that your job was anything but innocent, and the fact that he had seen every part of you within the first day of getting to know you.

Still, he knew that didn’t take away from the bright personality you seemed to have. Your duality as a focused businesswoman and giggly young college girl both impressed him and held a special place in his heart.

“Hi, Moonrose. How are you?”

“I’m lovely, and yourself?”

Steve let out a deep sigh he didn’t know he’d been holding in. Talking to you relieved a lot of unconscious stress, and with that deep sigh he found a lot of relief,

“I’m good. It’s been a long day. Lots of labs, lots of meetings.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie - he did have lots of meetings that day, and you were in the back of his mind throughout all those meetings, but no labs. He wouldn’t tell you he’d been thinking of you though, and you decided that you wouldn’t tell him you’d been thinking of him either.

“The life of a scientist,” you joked playfully.

You felt comfortable, even more comfortable with him than the last time, simply because it felt like you had both gotten past that awkward stage.

“I mean, you can relate. Must be busy having all the jobs you have. I mean, you’re a student, you’re working on clothing, you work with a state rep, you’re doing this every other day. That’s gotta take a toll on you,” Steve listed off everything you’d told him about.

He kept that in mind, how busy and occupied you were, because you still carried yourself so well. Maybe it was just for the purpose of customer interaction; he wondered if you acted or felt the same outside of this private world of yours.

You blushed slightly, flattered that Steve remembered everything you did and that he even held it in close regards to what he did on a daily basis. You knew you juggled a lot of things, but to hear someone else say it felt so much more validating, whether it came from your best friend Aaliyah or from Steve.

“Aw, that’s nice of you to say,” you smiled warmly. “It can be a lot, honestly. Sometimes it feels like I’m doing too much, but… it’s what I have to do! And for the most part, I like doing too much. It keeps me focused. Helps me cope with… life.”

You got a little sheepish. You didn’t want to get too into the things you were really coping with.

“I can appreciate that,” Steve nodded. He raised his brows to himself as chose his words carefully. “My job can be… demanding.”

"Oh totally, I’m sure. Lots of math and shit. What gets you through it though?“ you asked, and Steve chuckled slightly to himself at your vernacular - it reminded him how young you were.

Steve breathed out a heavy sigh, taking in the question thoughtfully. What the hell got him through it? He supposed it was knowing that he was doing good for the world, knowing that he had a team to work with and back him up at all times, and the fact that he was in control for the most part. But as for actual coping, he was almost at a loss. Almost.

"Honestly?” he rubbed at his beard, and you bit down on your lip, giving him a flirty smile.

“The cold hard truth,” you ensured him, puckering your lips and putting on your best game face.

“Honestly, talking to you, probably. I don’t really know how to destress,” Steve felt suddenly insecure about putting this detail out there.

He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable (though you had heard worse from men who were wound up like Steve), and he felt like he was delving into a personal topic. Not that you didn’t already know that he was stressed out, but he didn’t want it to seem like you were his saving grace. Though, you weren’t far from it.

He continued,

“I just mean… ever since that first time with you I’ve been feeling lighter on my feet. I mean— I don’t really… I just don’t have a lot of coping mechanisms. I don’t really get to have fun.”

Once he spit the words out, he felt even more stupid. He had just let you know that you had basically changed his entire mood since the day he’d met you, and something like that felt almost like a confession. Like you were delving into more serious topics. He had made his problems clear since the first time, but telling you how much you helped him felt like he was putting deeper trust in you.

But of course you didn’t see it as a deep confession. You saw it as him being true to his feelings and being honest with you, which wasn’t a big deal to you since you were in a business that involved making connections and basically building men like him up. You grinned, a sparkle in your eyes as you listened to him stammer over himself. It was no wonder he was a scientist, he had this sort of nerdy charm to him.

“I’m glad to hear that Steve. And maybe it’s less that you don’t get to have fun and more that you don’t know how.”

Steve shrugged. He had always been called boring by Tony, and Natasha took jabs at him about loosening up, getting out there and enjoying this modern world. And while he had insecurities around the fact, he still wasn’t a happy go lucky party person as a result of the jabs. He was same old Steve, with the same old struggles. He looked regular on the outside (as regular as someone as big as him could look), but he felt like an outsider.

“Maybe.”

“Have you ever tried?” you prodded. “I mean, outside of this. And honestly, kudos to you for putting yourself out there like this. I mean, you literally jerked off with me your first time here. I take it back. You do know how to have fun. You just… don’t know where to find it.”

Steve’s face got hot. Even as he watched you more, talked to you more, nothing could compare to the first time being with you. It was definitely out of his comfort zone, doing something as extraneous as he had, and with a stranger. And when you described it like that, it seemed so much more inappropriate, but in a way that made Steve’s pants bulge. And the fact that you could talk about it so casually intimidated him in the best way.

“I guess you’re right,” Steve replied, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized you were actually spot on. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He grinned, and you giggled,

“Good. I’ll be your therapist. But like a sexy one. A sex therapist.”

You and Steve laughed at your stupid joke and Steve raised the question,

“Okay. What gets you through it all? You’re a young college girl, I’m sure you know how to have fun.”

You raised your brows playfully at the suggestive nature of the question, although clueless Steve had no clue it would sound a certain way to you,

“Oh yeah, totally. College girls, you know us. Drinking, partying, having sex with all our friends. I’m kind of a total slut.” A beat passed, Steve trying to figure out what to say — like he was rerouting. You chortled, unable to hide your snort laugh. “I’m kidding, Steve.”

Steve laughed hesitantly. He didn’t know what young people did these days,

“Yeah, silly me.”

“You’re so cute,” you blurted, shaking your head playfully. “But, honestly? I do know how to have my fun. I mean, I do it mindfully though, 'cuz I have shit to do, you know? Party hard, study hard. I go out with friends for drinks… and between me and you, I was doing that before I was twenty one.”

Steve nodded understandingly,

“Some part of me wants to reprimand you for that, but I don’t wanna rain on your parade.”

“You don’t have to rain, you could just spank me if it’s that serious,“ you scoffed with a laugh, again saying the dirtiest things nonchalantly, unbothered. You were constantly flirting with customers, but with Steve it came much more naturally.

"Spank you?” Steve choked out.

"Yeah, you know? Like a little slap on the ass,“ you turned around, your ass in the camera, and gently smacked your hand against your ass, which was clad in a sheer bodycon dress that you had made yourself.

(looks something like this)

You were being playful, acting the precocious, girly way that you would with your friends. You thought nothing of it. Steve on the other hand, was getting incredibly warm, fidgety, and was trying to ignore the growing tent in his pants.

"Like- like that?” he stammered, breathless, and you nodded, seemingly unaware of his pain.

You turned back around and sat down in front of the camera,

“You must not be a dom, huh. You don’t strike me as one. But I’m sure if I pressed the right buttons, you could be.“

“Dom?” Steve repeated, as if the word were from a foreign language.

"My, my, my, Steve. I’ve got a lot to teach you. Oh, but actually, I do have a hobby that gets me through my stress. Besides, you know, masturbating and going out with friends.“

Steve smirked, he was intrigued,

“And what’s that?”

You bounced up onto your toes so that Steve could see a full view of you on the camera. At first, when you were just sitting in front of the camera, he could only see your head and shoulders. Now he could see all of you, and he could see the dress you had designed.

"Making clothes!“ you chirped, so adorably that Steve couldn’t help but smile, a warm feeling bubbling in his chest. You spread your arms out, letting the fringe on the dress spread. You placed your hands on your hips and swayed slightly in place. You smiled gently. "For my brand of course. But making the clothes is kind of therapeutic. When you work really hard on something and it comes out with the result you want, it’s just this fucking… amazing, gratifying feeling. I love it.”

Steve grinned, watching you show off your clothes. He was glad to hear that from you, he believed in you and truly thought you were capable and would succeed in what you did.

“That’s beautiful,” he complimented your dress. He knew nothing about fashion, but you looked good in whatever you wore - it was a plus that you made it. “Even with all I know, I don’t think I could do that.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. You probably could. You just have to try, remember?“

“I know, I know.”

As you stood there twirling and swaying, just letting him enjoy you, he could hear the faint sound of music playing in the background. He squinted, leaning closer to try and hear more. It was a nice song, with an upbeat electronic twist although it was R&B.

“What’s this song?” he asked.

You paused, delightfully surprised by the question, unable to hide your ferocious smile,

“What, the one I’m playing? It’s called Lost by Frank Ocean.”

“Frank Ocean,“ Steve repeated slowly, so he could remember the name of the artist. You were encouraging him to try new things - why not start with music?

"Have you heard of him?”

"I’m afraid I haven’t,“ Steve replied, and you chortled again.

”'I’m afraid I haven’t’,“ you repeated, putting on his deep voice. "So proper. You like this song?”

Steve shook his head playfully when he heard you mocking him, then answered,

"Yeah, never heard it before.“

You squealed excitedly and ran to turn it up, then ran back into the frame.

"I love Frank Ocean, seriously. He’s one of my favorite artists. What about you?”

Steve was almost taken aback by the question and took in a deep breath, shrugging as he tried to come up with an answer,

"Gee, I don’t know. I think I listen to too much old crap, probably.“

"I can get down with that.” You scoffed. “Quit bullying yourself.”

Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Steve’s head. He was enjoying talking to you, but what better way to combine a regular conversation with pleasure? He was feeling his need building up, the longer he talked to you. You said such outrageous things and you were so gorgeous - it was hard for him not to want you. And maybe you could both have some fun with this, and his request wouldn’t feel like work, though it would definitely help him get off.

"Hey, can I ask you something?“

"Sure.”

"You mind… dancing? To this song, I mean?“ he asked, slightly nervous to ask because he didn’t want to feel pushy.

You raised your brows in surprise, a wide mouthed smile showing up. It seemed like Steve was discovering what he wanted to see, what would make him feel good.

"You wanna see me dance? Uh, yeah, I would love to. It’s hard not to dance to this song. What, you want me to dance like a stripper or something? I don’t have a pole - yet, but I can—”

Steve laughed, cutting you off and shaking his head,

"Nah, you don’t have to dance any specific way. I guess, just dance how you feel.“

You lit up at the suggestion, and laughed, already beginning to sway,

"Is this gonna get you off, Steve?”

Steve blushed, coiled like a turtle going into his shell,

“Maybe.”

“Oh, don’t be shy. I want it to. I wanna hear your moans, I want it to drive you crazy and bring you release. Is that what you want?”

You twirled slowly, dragging your hands up and down your body, dancing to the beat of the music. Steve watched, already entranced with the way your body, perfectly caught in the tight dress, moved. It almost scared him how perfect you looked, just swaying your body to a song,

“That’s what I want, baby.”

The words spilled out of his mouth, just like last time. This time it felt much more natural though, easier, as he watched you on the full screen. You smiled, rolling your hips and bringing your hands up in the air to match your motions. You hummed the words to yourself, sang the lyrics,

“Girl you know you’re lost, lost in the thrill of it all.”

The song was so sensual and felt so personal to you - your job was so sensationalized and it was easy to get lost in the idea of it, the aesthetic. But it was hard work. This song felt like a celebration of that. Steve’s spit got caught in his throat watching you sing along, watching your body loosen up and relax as you continued dancing around your room, your body moving freely and in such a hedonistic manner. He liked watching you enjoy yourself, liked watching you in what seemed to be your element. You were so confident, so unbothered. It wasn’t awkward that you were dancing alone. Again it felt intimate, felt like he was there with you.

"I’d tell you to dance, but what I really want you to do is touch yourself. Can you do that, Stevie?“ you purred, and he grunted at the sound of the nickname you had donned for him.

"Yeah, doll,” Steve began to palm himself over his boxers, his breaths becoming heavier as he watched you. It felt so gratifying, so closed off — just for the two of you.

You giggled, as if you hadn’t just said what you had said, and got down low on the floor as you danced away, on your toes, and came back up again.

"Hmm,“ you sighed. "Can I take this off for you?”

Steve’s jaw clenched, you already looked so good in the dress, but to see you take it off and continue dancing would probably make him come right then and there.

"Yeah, take that off for me.“

You were practically teasing him as you began to lower the sleeves of the dress, still dancing and running your hands up and down your body. You wanted him to savor the moment, and savor it he did. You removed the top half slowly, your breasts tumbling out as you cupped them with your hands. You sighed again, biting down on your lip.

Steve was breathing hard through his nose now, slowly taking his cock, which had been hard for too long, out from his boxers, where it sprung up hard and veiny against his stomach. It twitched painfully, he almost couldn’t bare to touch himself. But he palmed the head, slippery with precum, with a few mindful fingers.

"Is that good, baby? You wanna see everything?” you gestured to the bottom half which still hadn’t been removed, and Steve exhaled sharply.

“Fuck, yeah I wanna see everything. Take it all off, doll.”

You felt your body react to the nickname as you slid out of the dress, clad in a g-string underneath this time. The skimpy nature of the g-string, glittery and glamorous just like you, made Steve moan under his breath. You noted his reaction with a playful smirk, tugging gently at the straps and letting them slap against your glowing skin.

You bit down on your lip and let your entire palm run against your clothed center, swaying your hips in all directions as you slowly pulled down the straps and revealed what was underneath, Steve letting out an audible sigh as he wrapped his hand around himself. He bit down softly on his lip, eyes dark and his lids heavy, trying to restrain himself. He wanted to be at the same pace at you, wanted to see you tease yourself the way you had during your live show.

You sighed out in pleasure, using two fingers to rub at your clit in circular motions while you stood, Steve watching silently. Then you lowered yourself to the carpeted floor, spread your legs in front of you and continued, bringing your fingers to your lips to suck on them before you went back down. The way you did it was tantalizing, so erotic and intimate. You weren’t trying too hard, you never were, but this way - slow and lustful, was like you were there with him all over again.

Your eyes became dazed and almost glazed over just at the slight tingle of pleasure. You had been stimulating yourself for over an hour since the start of your public show, but with him you didn’t feel tired or worn out. And you still hadn’t had the orgasm that you knew would absolutely finish you. You knew how to navigate so you weren’t exhausted by the time you were through with your shows and your private chats, but still, with Steve it felt like the pleasure was amplified by a hundred.

“Oh,” you moaned, your voice going up a pitch. You wanted more, and you decided you wanted to bring a toy into the mix. “I wanna ride you, Steve.”

Steve grunted in response and you slowly got up, crawling on all fours as you dragged out your fuzzy chest full of toys, lube, and other random things for your shows. It was like a cam girl treasure chest. You returned to the frame, smiling devilishly as you sifted through all your materials, finally pulling out the dildo you wanted to use. It was a good size, six inches, and pretty realistic. You waved it around in the air,

“This how big you are?” you asked with a seductive gaze in your eyes.

Steve stroked himself slowly as he let out a sharp almost barking laugh, a surge of sudden and unexpected cockiness running through him (because let’s be honest, a supersoldier like him was certainly bigger than six inches),

“Little more.”

You grinned obscenely, appreciating Steve’s noticeable boost in confidence. And in the back of your mind you thought about the three fingers you had used to accommodate him last time. He was pretty consistent - you wondered just how big he really was. If you knew him in real life, you’d probably jump at the chance to fuck him.

"Think it’ll suffice? I’m not sure if I can take that much more right now,“ you asked teasingly.

Steve chuckled, a warm, deep chuckle that made your insides churn. It was incredible how much a voice could turn you on, how much you liked hearing his voice and wanted to hear it,

"I’ll go easy on you, doll.”

You raised your brows in pleasant surprise,

“You’ll go easy on me, huh? Steve, you’re getting feistier by the minute. I like it.”

Steve laughed, slightly embarrassed. He just wanted you to do what you were comfortable with, wanted to see real pleasure,

“I just want to make sure you feel good.”

“Little ol’ me?” you snorted, bringing out your mirror to place on your carpet so you could place the suction dildo on top. You stuck it in place and kneeled before it. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that, Steve. You always make me feel good.”

You winked at him and focused, beginning to lower yourself and arch your back, your ass in the air as you went face to face with the dildo.

"I just wanna make you feel good,“ you huffed, eyeing the camera as you cupped your lips around the head of the dildo, pushing your hair behind the ear and looking down as you bobbed your head slowly. Your lips wrapped perfectly around the toy, suctioning and sucking and making it wet enough for you.

"Wow,” Steve breathed in slowly, truly in awe of you. He had really never seen anything like it, how dedicated you were to the performance. You were like an artist, a beautiful, twisted artist, and you knew just how to sell your show. And somehow you did such a salacious act with so much grace, made it so sexy and purposeful.

He paused touching himself just to watch you, but that didn’t mean he was any less hard. You moaned around the toy, looking into the camera as if you were making eye contact with the man you couldn’t even see, as he goaded you on, his voice gentle and deep,

"That’s it baby, you look so good sucking that dick.“

Your felt your pussy throb around nothing just at the sound of Steve dirty talking. You could tell that the more you did, the more you coaxed him into it, the more comfortable he got with everything. He had surprised you multiple times tonight. You brought your head up, lips making a popping noise as they slid off the toy,

"It’s yours.”

Steve licked his lower lip, bringing it slowly into his mouth and sliding his closed fist up and down his erection.

"It’s mine?“ he asked, his voice going an octave lower.

"Mhm, your cock. You ready, baby?” you hovered over the dildo, squatting above it as you readied yourself.

"Yes, go slow,“ Steve instructed.

"Is that what you want?” you breathed out in pleasure as you teased your slick folds with the head of the toy, rocking your hips slowly back and forth. “You want me to tease myself with your cock?”

Steve let out an unbridled moan, pumping gently,

"Yeah, please. I want this to be real, baby. Like your live show.“

You laughed quietly as you lowered yourself down onto the dildo, moaning as you took it in slowly, stopping a quarter of the way and just rocking back and forth, taking his request into consideration. And then, you had an idea.

"Honestly, if he keeps watching my shows, I wanna teach him how to dirty talk. I think then it’ll be something serious.”

That was what you had said to your friend Jane over the phone, and now was your chance to manifest it. You’d been kidding when you said it would turn your relationship into something serious, but if hearing Steve dominate you and dirty talk to you didn’t make you want to fuck him even more, you didn’t know what would.

"Tell me what you want Steve. Tell me how you want me to do it. I don’t wanna do a thing unless it’s under your control,“ you smirked, waiting for him to come up with something on his own.

In that deep, husky voice of his he spoke,

"Yeah? I want you to tease yourself, and go slow. Match my pace.”

You moaned at the thought of him stroking himself at the same pace as you, and lowered yourself a little further,

"Is this allowed, Stevie?“ you questioned curiously and innocently, prompting him further.

He got some idea of what you were trying to do, though he didn’t have much experience doing it himself - at least not in the bedroom. While he wanted you to please yourself at your own pace, he also thought this might be interesting. You could do both.

"Yeah baby, little more.” You slid down further until almost all of it was inside of you, and he pumped himself a little quicker now. He groaned, the noise he made almost guttural. “Yes, that’s it Moonrose. Now stop.”

You whimpered, your heat throbbing as he commanded you. You were almost losing sense of the fact that this wasn’t all real, because it felt so good. You liked hearing him get more dominant with you, though you adored his regular state, which was almost needy.

"Yeah, you can be the boss. You tell me what to do, baby.“

Steve grunted, holding back an orgasm as he watched how well you gripped the toy, imagined what it would feel like to really be inside of you. He’d be much bigger, no doubt, and make you howl with pleasure.

"Ride it for me,” he ordered. “Slow, then pick up the pace.”

"Ride you?“ you repeated, beginning to lift yourself up, then back down again, slowly like he told you to. It was big enough to hit all those good places inside of you, make you wetter and hotter, give you those real time reactions. All the panting and moaning, the way your brows furrowed in concentration, the way you bit down on your lip with fervor.

Steve watched you ride it, pumping himself at the same pace, feeling himself throb and twitch inside of his hand, speeding up when necessary. The both of your moans were loud and unhinged, filling up your respective rooms with righteous release. Steve loved how he could tell how good it felt for you, how you weren’t holding back at all, your pussy gliding easily around it, leaving a trail of arousal along the shaft of the toy. You were bouncing fast and hard after a while, gasping and panting and moaning while Steve did the same in the form of groans, grunts and heavy breaths. Like you, he felt lost in translation in the best way - like nothing else was there, just the two of you and your needy bodies.

"You feel so fucking good, baby, don’t stop,” Steve moaned, breathing harshly through his nose. He felt close, his stomach twisting and turning with yearn.

"Fuck, Steve,“ you gasped out. You hardly sounded like yourself, in such an ecstatic state. "I’m so fucking close, baby. Steve, can I come?”

You were still leading him, wanting him to be even more dominant and controlling with you, but you hardly needed to. You were basically giving in, you were fully committed to the act of being submissive now. Everything in and around you felt so good, “so fucking warm”, as stated by you. And no doubt, Steve felt it too. Watching you take it, watching you moan in pure ecstasy as you threw your head back, your hair tumbling against your breasts, the glint of sweat forming on your forehead, the way your stomach flexed as you moved up and down. You were fucking invincible, Steve thought. Always gorgeous, somehow.

But Steve thought he’d let this last a little longer. You wanted him to be in charge, he’d take that seriously. Like an order.

“No, doll, hold it in for me,” he huffed, though he felt himself growing close as well, and couldn’t help but cum, feeling it leave him with a satisfied groan. “Fuck, I’m coming.”

You whined, pouting,

"Steve, I wanna be able to come with you.“

Yeah, it was definitely easy to be submissive.

Steve chuckled slightly,

"That’s okay, I can last a long time, darling. Keep riding that dick for me, don’t come until I say so.”

With a shuddering moan you kept going. When you looked down at what you were doing, the toy disappearing inside of you each time you bent down, you swore you had never been more turned on in your life. Your brows were crossed and your mouth dropped into an o-shape. You were moaning and almost sobbing, the build up feeling unbearable. You brought your hand down, rubbing frantically at your clit,

"Fuckkk, Steve, please let me come.“

He came again with a sharp exhale and vicious grunt, but still wanted to hold off for one last one, in tandem with you. He almost felt bad, but the pleasure was so unbearable, and he knew you were enjoying it,

"Ah, god. Hold on, I promise I’ll let you come soon if you just wait a little.”

You stifled a moan, cupping your breasts as you rode it without the support of your hands on your knees,

“Y-yeah, you gonna let me come, Stevie? Please let me come, oh my god,” you felt almost lightheaded with the overwhelming sense of fulfillment, rolling your head back, your eyes rolling back in your head, your glossy lips dropped open in the most sensual of ways. You didn’t know what you did to Steve, how much you made him want you.

"Go ahead, doll, come for me,“ Steve resolved, and when you came it was like a waterfall was crashing down on you. Both because of the intensity and because of the fact that you were squirting, letting go of all that held back release. You knew it was coming yet you whimpered in surprise when it happened, still continuing to ride the toy even as you were coming, watching as it flowed out of you, onto the mirror and more.

"Fuck,” Steve cursed, pumping fast and hard as he came again, and again, watching as you rode out your high. He could hardly even process the fact that you had squirted - completely natural, and yet a huge turn on. He slowed his hand, still hard as a rock, but coming down himself.

You were blubbering and saying things that didn’t even make sense, Steve slightly grinning to himself as you spiraled out of control. You got off the dildo with a final moan, covering your eyes with your forearm and fingering the rest of your cum out of yourself with two fast moving fingers.

“My god,” you groaned, sliding your fingers out of yourself. It was almost embarrassing how wet you were, how aroused you still were, throbbing like crazy from the aftermath. The comedown was a process, you breathing in deep and heavy.

“That’s it, doll. So good. It’s okay, doll,” Steve murmured, helping you come back down.

"Mm,“ you hummed, removing your forearm from your eyes and forehead and instead covering your face with your hands, giggling. "Oh my god, that’s so embarrassing.”

Steve laughed,

“Not embarrassing. You did so damn good, baby.”

You groaned,

"Ugh, don’t praise me, that makes me wanna go again, and I think if I do I’ll explode. On the other hand, please do keep praising me.“

You laughed again and winked. It was true, because you were so turned on by his voice, especially when it was praising you and telling you how good you had been. Sure, other guys could be dominant, but with Steve it actually felt so real, it made you lose all sense of reality. It didn’t feel forced.

"Really, you were amazing.” Steve tipped again - he had been tipping the whole way through. And of course his big tips were an incentive, but they weren’t the only reason you talked to him. Not at all. “Jesus. I don’t get worn out, but…”

"You tired, Steve?“ you smiled, teasing. "God, I don’t know how I’m gonna clean this up. This is all your fault, you know.”

You laughed playfully. To be fair, you had came, like, a lot. Steve’s jaw clenched at the sight of it all, but he grinned.

"My apologies.“

"Please,” you shook your head, wiped the sweat off from your forehead and slowly started packing everything up.

You and Steve chatted for a while longer after that, about trivial things. This was a little unusual. Usually when you finished, you wrapped it up. But you had time, and he had time. And you both wanted to stay and chat. And it was also unusual because usually when you finished, your customer was done too, and there wasn’t really room for “chatting” after that. But Steve seemed to want to talk.

“You’re fucking hot as a dom, by the way,” you noted, pointing a finger at him through the screen.

“Me?” Steve pointed a finger at himself in return. “I hardly even knew what it was, but I’ve got an idea now.”

"Oh, trust me, you’re gonna wanna learn more. You’re made for this, honestly.“ You sighed, and looked at the time. "It’s late. This was… really, really great. Thanks again.”

“Thank you.”

A beat passed, a silence between the two of you, though it was almost like you were still communicating. Maybe this really was different. Maybe it really did mean something. You were so in sync, could snap in and out just like that, and still have great conversation. You were both thinking the same thing - this was a real connection. And you were both beginning to give in to those thoughts you wanted to push back, just slightly. But this time, it didn’t bring any worry. It just felt nice, blissful. Still not too serious, but still something. What you both didn’t know was just how much it really would blossom.

"Well,“ you said, a sigh of contemplation. "Think I really like this, Steve.”

“Me too,” he swallowed hardly. He was feeling something, that same butterfly-like feeling he’d felt the first time. “I’m so glad we… uh…”

You waved your hand with a grin,

"It’s late, I better go. It was great talking to you again, I actually look forward to this. Weirdly enough. I think I should go, though, I got school.“

"I-I got work,” Steve stammered, thinking of how you said you look forward to this. He wasn’t just another customer, and you weren’t just some random girl. The realization was hitting him like a ton of bricks. “I’ll see you.”

"Yeah,“ you cooed. Then, with a silly face, your eyes crossed and tongue hanging out you waved goodbye. "Byeee!”

And just like that, there was a shift in his world, in your world. Steve didn’t know what he had coming next.


	4. CHAPTER FOUR | CHAT OVER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one switches pov a lil more frequently, so bear with me <3 also not as smutty as other chapters, this is more of an emotionally-charged chapter!!! still a teensy bit smutty thooo. i want to make it clear that while this fic is definitely rooted in smut & sex & sex work, it is not porn without plot & will not ONLY be smut as i put effort and time into plot development / character development! i’m sure y'all know that tho. there will be conflict, there will be plot!!! i feel like that’s clear already but there’s discourse on smut happening rn and i wanna voice myself! omg anyways luv y'all enjoy the reaaad <3
> 
> word count - 8.3k
> 
> warnings - age gap, sex work, smut, vibrator, ANGSTYYY like hella dramatic, dirty talk

That slight shift that you and Steve both felt, that happiness that you realized came from talking to one another, only lasted so long… for you. You could hardly sit in your feelings about your situation with Steve before another thing that occupied all your time came crashing down upon you. Except this time, the thing brought you no such happiness or curiosity.

You had spent almost your entire senior year working on a special lab project about drought tolerant plants in Southern California where you lived and went to school, and your professor was making completing your project incredibly hard for you. And you felt incredibly stressed out about the entire situation - not only was the project necessary to graduate, but it was your heart and soul for the past year. Now, your professor was basically saying it was “ineligible.”

"Ineligible?“ Aaliyah repeated after you, after you told her what your professor had said.

"Whatever the hell that means,” you huffed as you power walked down the street, hand in hand with Aaliyah, your free hand holding a coffee.

"That’s so fucking annoying, holy shit,“ Aaliyah pressed a hand to her forehead. "He had the whole year to talk to you about changing your topic and…”

"And he never did,” you sighed, frowning. You settled down onto a bench where the two of you sat next to each other, staring out into the busy streets and sipping your iced coffees.

California was a beautiful place, and you were a native, you’d lived there all your life. You knew the ins and outs of your city, knew Southern California like it was your backbone. And you loved it here - loved the sun, the beaches, the way the people were either shady in the best way or incredibly friendly. You’d never really known any other place like you knew this place. You were just glad that if you had to be stressed, you could do so in California.

Aaliyah pouted, feeling for you. She placed her hand on your knee to be comforting,

"Babe…“

"It’s okay,” you sighed. You sucked it up, like always, because you had learned how to fend for yourself ever since you realized that depending on others could only lead to downfall. You would figure this out the same way you figured everything else out… on your own. You figured out your house on your own, your job, your finances.

"Is it, though?“ Aaliyah pursed her lips and squinted at you. Despite how much you tried to fend for yourself, Aaliyah was always there for you. She was one of your biggest supporters.

"I’ll just keep visiting during his office hours and work this out.”

Aaliyah rolled her eyes,

"Men are so annoying, girl. You know what, he probably wants to fuck you. With your fine ass. That’s why he’s doing all this.“

You chuckled, shaking your head and covering your mouth, trilling back in response,

"Okay girl, don’t get too ahead of yourself.”

"I’m serious! Men are evil. Oh, except your fave.“

You made a face, nearly choking on your iced coffee. This was news to you,

"Who are we talking about?”

"You know,“ Aaliyah sang slightly, nudging you and leaning against your shoulder. "Mr. Won’t Show His Face.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, but bit down on your straw with a knowing smile, eyes peeking out over the top of your shades. If you were being honest, this idea of Steve, whoever he really was, had been a fun thing to entertain during this period of stress. You’d been talking and engaging with him for two and a half weeks now, and the connection you two had was undeniable.

But you knew better - maybe he wasn’t just another customer, because you could really talk to him and felt like he was real - then again, he was strictly a customer. You liked him, a lot, but you couldn’t like him any more than you already did. That would be dangerous and silly, and create unrealistic expectations. It wasn’t like you could go on dates or anything.

Still, talking to him (and performing for him) did help to distract you from your stress, at least for a small amount of time. Steve was becoming less shy, less inhibited. He cracked jokes and was starting to keep up with your innate sense of sexuality, starting to navigate you, find you the way a bee might find its nectar, hidden deep inside the curvatures of a flower.

If you were a flower, you’d probably be a sunflower - bright, yellow, almost always in a positive mood, or at least trying to keep yourself in a positive mood. More than that though, sunflowers were tall and looming - you felt like that represented your put togetherness and how hard you worked, how smart you were. Only sometimes it was hard to keep yourself up and tall, but you always did it, time and time again.

But when it came to Aaliyah’s comments about Steve, she mostly just made you laugh.

“Haven’t seen him yet, have you?” Aaliyah asked, raising her brows expectantly.

"No. And I’m fine with that. He’s simply another very loyal customer who I happen to like.“

"Hm,” Aaliyah hummed, and you could tell her mind was up to something - some very wishful, and mischievous thinking.

"What are you up to?“ you narrowed your eyes at her and glared at her, and she just shook her head with a lazy smile,

"Nothing. Just thinking that maybe it would be cool if he really was this really hot guy that you actually knew and he wasn’t creepy and y'all… you know… started dating. Just to get your mind off a lot of crap. I know, I know, strictly against the rules, blah blah blah. No feelings for customers, it’s basic shit. But in a perfect world…”

“I know,” you sighed without thinking, sipping at your drink.

"You know?“ Aaliyah questioned, surprised.

You shrugged,

"So I’ve thought about it. Except, you know, in a perfect world, I’d meet a guy like Steve in like, a farmer’s market or something. Not on my shady ass cam shows.”

Aaliyah snorted laughing, and at the sound of her laughter, you joined in.

You continued,

"I mean, not Steve exactly, because that would be weird. I just mean, a guy like Steve.“

"You mean a guy who makes you feel the same way he makes you feel,” Aaliyah corrected you, and you glared at her again, pushing her gently.

"Don’t push it,“ you teased, but you meant it - you might have liked Steve, but that was all there was to it - you liked him, he was a distraction. And maybe even that was too much.

✺ ✺ ✺

As for Steve, he thoroughly enjoyed his time with you. He thought constantly about how you made him feel, how much he looked forward to talking to you. How everyday, his worry about your situation becoming more serious dissipated slowly. He could feel himself easing into you, everything that made up this character you created called Moonrose. Conversation seemed casual, like you knew each other in real life, it felt easy, and there was no pressure.

As for your connection, he had finally acknowledged that it was real, and more than either of you had wanted to realize at first. But now, there was no shame, no worry in acknowledging what the two of you had, because you were both smart enough to keep it at this level. It was like a shallow pool. There would be no drowning.

He mostly talked to Bucky about you when it came to the emotional aspect of it. He still feared that if he talked to Tony, it might come across as an issue, and might put a pause on what he had with you. But everyone noticed how different Steve was acting. Even without the phase he had gone through where he was sexually frustrated and angry, he still acted different.

Lighter on his feet, more smiley. And he was always on top of his work. You weren’t distracting him from his duty, so that made the fact that he knew you had a unique connection with him more bearable. Because of you, he was learning to worry less. To have a little more fun.

It was a bright day that week, the sun filtering in through the large windows of the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Steve was engaging in some mindless conversation with Sam and Bucky in which they were debating whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza.

"No. I’m not sure why everyone keeps trying to put all these twists on pizza. It’s pizza,” Bucky scoffed, Sam rolling his eyes as a result.

“You’re just closed off. With your old ass,” Sam retorted, and Steve made a face. Sam raised his hands up in surrender. “You know what I mean. What about you Steve?”

Honestly, Steve had never even tried pineapple on pizza and he didn’t understand why there was such a big fuss about the banal question.

“I don’t really have an opinion,” he shrugged, not expecting Sam and Bucky to start clamoring over him and trying to force him to pick a side.

Before he even got to grasp the situation, he felt Natasha patting his shoulder,

“Hey, mind if I use your laptop? Mine’s gone haywire, don’t really feel like messing with it right now.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed without a second thought, setting his laptop on the table and letting Natasha handle it- she was better with tech stuff than he ever was.

Natasha would use his laptop to showcase some data and start off their morning. It seemed innocent enough —a simple, barely impacting sacrifice. But Steve clearly hadn’t thought everything through, because the moment Natasha logged in and hooked up Steve’s computer to the holographic projector, more than just data appeared on the screen.

In fact, a whole array of women, all of them engaging in various sexual acts or preparing themselves to, showed up on the screen. And at the top, where the browser was, were the words “girlsonfilm.com.”

Steve hadn’t noticed all the clamor, too busy thinking (thoughts of you and thoughts of work), until Bucky called it to his attention.

“Steve,” he nudged him frantically, his voice a loud whisper.

When Steve looked up at the screen, his face couldn’t have gone any redder. He hadn’t thought about this at all, and he had clearly forgotten to close out his browser. His heart sunk all the way to his stomach - because it wasn’t just Natasha seeing this, it was everybody. And that included Tony, who was glaring pointedly at Steve from the head of the table. Meanwhile, all the others were too busy heckling Natasha and making brash comments about what was appearing onscreen. To Steve’s relief, your face didn’t show up, but this just might have been worse than only your screen appearing.

"Woah, Nat, I didn’t know you got down like that!“ Sam hooted, cupping his mouth with his hands.

Natasha, though she was in shock as well, rolled her eyes,

"This is Steve’s laptop.”

Now a hush, then another clamor of confusion and heckling, all directed towards Steve. He couldn’t recoil any more, feeling the pangs of embarrassment as his eyes flashed between every one of his teammates. He felt as if there were an asteroid approaching fast, and he was right where it would land, too slow to move out of its way.

"Steve, what do you know about ‘girls on film’?“ Sam nearly cackled, reading the name of the site.

Steve sighed deeply, locking eyes with Natasha as he mouthed "turn it off” to her.

"I am, I am,“ she ensured him, quickly disconnecting the laptop from the projection, unplugging completely.

A beat passed, everyone staring expectantly at Steve, who was staring down at the table, trying to process his own thoughts. Like for starters, why didn’t he log out the last time, and why didn’t he remember to log out? And then his mind went to deeper places. He hadn’t been intentionally secretive with his actions, but he had been intentionally private. It had to do with his own growth, he was learning how to navigate a world that was new to him and somehow helping him at once. He didn’t want to have to share this with everyone, it was nice having this to himself, he had no intentions of revealing what he had been doing in his past time that made him so happy.

One of the reasons he didn’t want everyone to know about his situation was because he didn’t want to have to be concerned with what everyone else might think. Because to begin with, being on a site for cam shows wasn’t exactly everyone’s idea of what Captain America might be up to these days.

It was a matter of his image, what values he was supposed to hold. This didn’t exactly match, and Steve had just gotten over the idea that he was a bad, sneaky person because of what he chose to indulge in. At least here he knew it was ethical and not causing harm to you as a human being.

He also didn’t want to have to deal with the insufferable questioning and teasing his team would put him through, or the judgment he thought they might put him through. He felt embarrassed, exposed, and like he had been ill prepared for a situation like this. He was just grateful they hadn’t seen more, because that would’ve been a disaster. What they had seen was only at the surface level of what he’d been doing.

But his thinking was interrupted by Tony’s voice, which broke through all the silence, and made Steve realize again the eyes that were on him.

"Well, jig’s up,” Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Care to explain?”

Steve locked eyes with Tony, as if hopeful that he wouldn’t have to, but he knew it was best for him to just spit it out. Tony shrugged apologetically, and Steve took in a deep sigh, looking around at everyone at the table.

"What was that?“ Scott whimpered, probably the most distraught by what they had all seen.

Steve nodded solemnly and began to explain himself. He would tell the truth, but that didn’t mean he had to tell them everything. You would be left out of this, if anything. He’d just explain to them that sometimes, duty calls - and sometimes, it’s not at all work-related.

✺ ✺ ✺

It was just hours before your cam show when another disaster struck, the first one being the fact that your professor was giving you shit about your project. You were in the bathroom, getting ready for your show, fixing your hair up and doing your makeup, laying out an outfit, doing all the things you did to feel pretty before a show.

Your phone lay beside you on the bathroom table, pinging with messages every now and then. You ignored it, leaning closer into the mirror to get a look at your lipstick, dabbing your fingers into the pigment on your lips.

You smiled, feeling that gratifying sense of achievement. Despite what was going on with your professor, you felt like you were doing well in life. You usually had a positive mindset, enjoyed your work although you sometimes felt as if you were buried deep in all your occupations: student, office worker, cam girl, designer, young woman. Your life was never dull, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything. Talking to Steve helped too, but it was more than that.

But that sense of satisfaction all seemed to dissolve when you looked down at your phone, and saw a text from an unsaved number, glaring bright on your glowing lock screen of you hiking with Aaliyah. Still, you recognized it immediately.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

I miss you. Text me back.

✺ ✺ ✺

Steve wasn’t exactly keen on joining your live show today, but he did so anyway, because he still had time to himself despite the spiral of events that had happened earlier. There was nothing else to do, and he didn’t want to miss out on you after attending almost all of your shows for the past almost three weeks. Didn’t want to just leave unexpectedly.

It felt strange that he felt this tug of commitment, but he brushed it off. He was just fulfilling his needs, which should even be expected of him. He was stressed again, after being caught up like he was. And maybe that was all the more reason not to watch your show tonight, but he wouldn’t devoid himself of the simple pleasures of life. He’d learned that lesson a while ago, from a special someone called Moonrose.

After everything transpired, he explained himself calmly to his team, slowly to ensure that they’d understand that this wasn’t the beginning of a deviant phase, that he wasn’t throwing away his work responsibilities to lurk on the NSFW side of the internet. Not that they ever thought that to begin with, they never questioned his abilities or his authority for a minute, not even in the midst of what they’d seen that had shocked them.

This was the product of Steve’s own insecurities and his admittedly silly fear that he was somehow letting his team down. He told them that he was on the site, as recommended by Tony, to relieve some "frustration” that he felt he didn’t have the time or the means to release in real life. He said that while it had helped him do that, he wasn’t throwing away his responsibilities, nor was he dependent on the site or the things on it, or the people on it for that matter.

He knew that if they knew about you, all those private sessions, all those conversations you’d had, the connection you had built between the two of you, it might be a different story. But because they didn’t, they appreciated his honesty. They were confused, it didn’t seem like the kind of thing Steve would be into, and he ensured them that it was a shock to him as well.

But they didn’t mind on the whole, it was just a shock to everyone at first. They didn’t think it called for a meeting, thought it was almost humorous how serious Steve was being about such a trivial situation. Wanda had joked about how we’ve all been there, Thor denied ever having to do such a thing because: “I have all the romantic partners anyone could ask for. I could introduce you Steve, but these Asgardian women are fiery, far beyond anything I believe you could handle.” In the end, Steve was relieved, felt like it didn’t have the disastrous outcome he’d been expected.

But he could feel his guard slowly coming back up. That was a close call, and it was a little too close for comfort. He didn’t want to disregard you, but he couldn’t afford to sink further in, and get his team involved. He just didn’t want to face the consequences he could imagine if they knew how much he decided to stick with you, how much you talked, how it was teetering off the range of normal customer to cam girl interaction.

It wasn’t like he was careless when it came to his interactions with you, but he also didn’t want his team to know about his business when it came to you. He didn’t want them thinking he was engaging too much, didn’t want it to get to the point where he was worrying again or felt like he needed to deny himself such wonderful feelings.

All these things were on his mind while he waited for your live show to start. When it did, and he saw your face, he felt a little bit alleviated. Just for now, he could have this fantasy to himself. If they knew about the site, so be it. At least he had you to himself.

“Hey guys,” you mustered a smile, waving to the camera.

Unbeknownst to your viewers, you had spent the past few hours off camera panicking, on the verge of tears, calling Aaliyah frantically so she could help calm you down. That text from that mysterious unknown number had been from your ex’s number. The same ex who made you fall into dependency patterns that you worked so hard to get out of, the one who made you feel like you had to work for his love. Like it wasn’t something you deserved, just like anyone else.

You had worked so hard to finally wring out all the effects of him, all the bad habits you had fallen into because of him. That was part of the reason why you worked so hard. Not because you were actively avoiding him specifically, but because you were actively bettering yourself. You weren’t looking for a relationship. But you knew that if you were in one now, the same things would never happen to you.

When you got that text, it triggered a flood of memories. Feelings you had to work to suppress and actually get over for months so you wouldn’t fall back into the same desperate, needy patterns when it came to your relationships with people. All over a simple text from someone you hadn’t heard from in almost a year. It hurt you how easy it was to get you to crack, even if you didn’t spill out all the way. But on top of the added stress because of school, you were damn close.

You would do the show tonight, anyway. It helped you to escape, although Moonrose was a part of you, it didn’t one hundred translate into real life. So in a way, this helped you escape real life. Just for a while. Just like Steve.

You grinned when you saw concerned comments from your watchers:

johnGuy182

Are you okay, moonrose? You seem a little sad.

zenongirl

Girl r u ok? i missed seeing your face!!!

"Guys, I’m okay,“ you grinned. And you actually felt better seeing comments from your supporters. It reminded you to cheer up - they were looking for a good show, not a sob story. You leaned back, revealing your stomach in the sheer, sparkly fringed bra you chose to wear (another piece you had designed by yourself). "It’s been a looong day.”

Steve watched silently, observing your behavior. He didn’t notice drastic changes, but you did appear less chipper. Then again, he brushed it off. He didn’t expect you to be smiley all the time, you were human too, and this was your work.

“But I’m okay,” you reassured, giving that signature grin, genuine and charming and alluring. You were trying to gently distract yourself, get into your act. “I hope you’re all just as lovely as I am. I have a special game for you today.”

You directed your viewers to your spinning wheel, which you had been working on crafting that week for a game. You grinned as you spinned it. Each act on the wheel cost a certain amount of tokens, and by the end of the game you would garner a bunch of funds. The show went by relatively quickly as you played the game, eventually ending up completely naked.

As ordered by the spinning wheel, you were to use a vibrator. You held it against your clit at the highest setting as you watched the numbers of viewers and the tokens jump up, Steve watching as he stroked himself leisurely. Your legs shook as you restrained yourself from your orgasm so as to increase the length of your showtime, garner more coins to encourage you to come.

"Mm,“ you moaned, massaging the vibrator against your clit, getting wetter and slicker by the minute, sliding the toy between your folds. You laughed, breathless. "Fuck, this thing is so powerful. Someone make me come, please make me come. Just a few more tokens for me to come for you.”

Steve was hesitant, but he decided to go ahead and give you the amount of tokens you needed. And when you heard the chime of the tokens being added to your account, and saw the name it was attached to, it was like a blast of euphoria. When your legs started to shake, when you started to moan and your stomach started to rise up and down, it was genuine. It was like you were back in a private room with him, although you weren’t.

Your orgasm was blood-curdling in the best way, and you felt like you were releasing part of the stress of the past day, the past week. It didn’t get any realer than this, once again you felt like he was really there to satisfy you.

“Oh!” you exclaimed, your mouth dropping open and your blood flowing, moaning. “Yes, Steve, I’m coming for you. Thank you for making me come, Steve!”

Steve had been stroking himself along with you as he watched, and only let himself come now that you had come, his cheeks heating up as he heard you moan his name, something he hadn’t been expected. Something about you saying his name like that where everyone could hear, even though he enjoyed the intimacy of private rooms, felt victorious. It felt lewd, salacious, but he couldn’t help but enjoy that aspect of it. He moaned through grit teeth while he came, stroking himself to completion.

You came down, thanking everyone for attending and ending the show. But it wasn’t long after that you had requested Steve for a private chat. He accepted, because he had gotten used to you doing this a little more frequently. It didn’t scare him any more, he just thought of it as making conversation, taking advantage of this connection you had with each other. So when you requested, who was he to say no.

When the chat log opened, you put on your best happy face for Steve, trying to conceal how fatigued this week, today in particular, had made you. But your tired, bleak voice gave it all away, buried deep beneath your smile,

“Hey, Steve.”

Steve was surprised at the sound of your voice. Again, while he understood that you wouldn’t be a happy go lucky fairy like personality all the time, he wasn’t expecting this. You were smiling, but the weariness in your eyes was hard to miss. And your voice, which usually told light hearted tales, sounded worn down as if from tragedy. He was concerned, his eyebrows furrowed gently,

"Hi. How are you?“

"I’m good!” you exclaimed, trying your hardest to really sound “good.”

But you were just tired. Tired and sad, and scared - scared of what the future had to hold. You were already dealing with school stress, and the text from your ex-boyfriend was like a bad omen, an anxiety-provoking assurance that things actually would not get better and they would in fact get progressively worse. You weren’t even sure why you thought you should be talking to Steve if you were tired and just wanted to sleep off the weight of the week. It would be a weekend tomorrow, and one of your very rare days off.

Maybe you figured that you wanted to talk to him despite your fatigue, because conversation with Steve was a nice distraction. You had let yourself forget that this was still your job, and that you were too tired for anything sexual — you knew he liked talking to you, but you hadn’t put into consideration the fact that he might request a sexual act from you. You would be burnt out if he did. The fact that you didn’t think about that should’ve been telling, but your brain was too scattered to think straight.

Anyway, Steve called your bluff, and laughed quietly, his voice inquiring and pressing,

“How are you really?”

That was all it took to get a deep sigh to come from out of you, all it took to allow yourself to show your true feelings, at least the surface of them, what you felt comfortable showing a customer. You felt a sense of relief and gratefulness for Steve, like he was letting you breathe. And if anything, he especially wasn’t enlisted to listen to your problems. But he wanted to, and for that you felt foolishly grateful.

Steve noted the deep sigh that came from out of you, and he frowned slightly. He could tell you had been holding this in for a while, and some part of him felt remorse for the fact that even though you clearly weren’t in the right mindset, you went on and did your show anyway. He felt some guilt for being a part of the reason why you did your show.

You answered, allowing your voice to be as honest as possible.

“Honestly?” you chuckled a little, albeit bitterly. “I don’t know if you really want to hear me rant to you.”

Steve shook his head.

“Don’t be silly,” he grinned. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.”

You felt a warm rush in your chest from the reassurance, and the corner of your lip quirked up in a small smile, before you decided to dive in. You’d spare the emotional details, spare your private life. But it would be nice to talk to someone, just about the general things, right?

“Well, it’s been a pretty stressful week, honestly. I mean, school’s been the main source of my stress. My professor’s such an asshole, he’s basically been telling me my entire senior project, which I need to complete to graduate, needs to be redone? And I can’t even fathom how I would have enough time to do that with like, two and a half months left of my senior year. I mean, he said I can keep most details, but I’d have to rework it, whatever that means.”

You kept your emotions at bay, sighing in annoyance just at the story you told, because it really was irritating you. But then you felt deeper things, even more went into why you really were upset.

Steve nodded, just listening. He was prepared to offer advice, but in your situation, he thought that maybe just letting you rant would be best.

“That’s gotta be annoying,” he shook his head understandingly. “Whatever your project is, I’m sure it’s wonderful. He shouldn’t be forcing you to rework it or make any last minute changes.”

“I know!” you nearly jumped up, feeling amped up now. “And it’s just so fucking annoying because I work so hard and I’m really passionate about this project and it just feels like…”

It felt like you were about to overflow, like a pot of water that had been left on for too long. You were ranting almost uncontrollably now, maybe because of the fact that it was more than this that was tugging at you. Because you’d been carrying the weight of your life on your shoulders all the time, like Atlas carrying the sky, and it felt like that weight was finally starting to mean something.

Steve could see you were unraveling and he let you, he let you take the time you needed to feel everything you had been holding. If your connection was strong, it was at its strongest here. Sure, you and Steve chatted about a little bit of everything, even had deeper conversations here and there as the weeks went by. But you had yet to genuinely complain to him, because every time you spoke with him, you were happy go lucky Moonrose, with nothing to complain about to begin with. But now, you needed a release by any means, and you were just glad Steve was there for you, even if he wasn’t really there. How unlike you to unfold in front of strangers.

Your breath stuttered as you took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm down, only further driving yourself into your rambling. You felt yourself tear up, your voice becoming watery as you continued,

“It just feels like all my work is turning to shit, and it’s so fucking frustrating because I work so hard all the time, I do so much and I manage so much all the time.”

The “hard work” you were talking about wasn’t just school and work-related, it pertained to your journey, and how hard you had worked to be a better person. To support yourself. The emotions pent up inside of you, they were more than just being upset over a school project. The idea of someone toxic trying to re-enter your life, someone who had forced you to rework the entirety of your life, made you feel like you were on the verge of crashing. You knew better, but you didn’t want to return to those dark days, where the light at the end of the winding tunnel that was your relationship seemed so far away. It was why you were so weary of relationships today. It was crazy how one person could change your life so easily.

Now you were crying, before you even noticed that you were crying. Tears just seemed to leak out of your eyes, sloshing wet and sudden against your cheeks and underneath your lashes. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand, frazzled at the fact that you were crying in front of a customer right now. Steve said he’d listen to you, he didn’t say he’d watch you cry and be your therapist. You instantly regretted it, although you couldn’t stop yourself, tears threatening to emerge again. If you were cracked before, you were spilling now.

Steve was surprised too, at the fact that you were crying. You appeared so put together to him, it was almost something he didn’t expect from you. He was in shock at first, so much so that professionalism was not on his mind - it was an afterthought. Right now, instead of wondering if this was appropriate, he was occupied with you.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, but you still hadn’t stopped, tears falling out as you blinked. Composure was nothing now, you were sobbing, your shoulders slumped and your head hung as you sniffled. Still you enforced control, wiping away every tear that fell with the back of your hand. “I’m really sorry, I don’t mean to cry to you over this, that’s so-”

Steve cut you off, shaking his head slowly,

“It’s okay to cry, doll. We all have those days. I know better than anyone that we all have those days.”

You mustered a smile, feeling cared for, feeling accounted for by someone who wasn’t even obligated to have to see you like this. Still you shook your head, sniffling,

“I know. But it’s-it’s stupid, I shouldn’t be crying in front of you.”

“I’m not judging you,” Steve said, so nonchalantly and firmly, so genuine that it almost scared you.

You blinked. He should’ve cared, and he should’ve judged you. To cry in front of Steve, a customer, was to imply he had some duty to comfort you when he probably just wanted a show. You knew that you didn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to, but even you had rules when it came to what your customers got to see, and to you, that meant they didn’t have to deal with your blues.

"Really?“

"Really,” he reassured you with a nod.

Was Steve scared that by giving you this reassurance, this entire situation could become deeper than either of you could handle? Yes. But did he let himself shut down because of those pervasive thoughts that he might get himself into trouble? No. He didn’t see you as a liability right now. Right now, even though the situation was certainly questionable (and this was something he had no doubt about. When emotions get into the mix, things could get tricky- he knew this), he saw you as someone who desperately needed someone to talk to. Maybe it wasn’t smart of you to make him that someone, but regardless, he was, and who was Steve Rogers not to listen to a person in need?

You blinked away the last of your tears and swallowed hard. You were making this choice consciously, to tell Steve what had really gotten you to your breaking point. And maybe telling him meant you had trust in him, maybe too much trust for someone who, while great, was still a customer. But you felt like there was nothing you could lose from telling him. Maybe you’d even feel better after the fact.

You looked down, picking at the body glitter on your arm that you had applied before the show. Your voice was considerably quieter now perhaps because you were looking back on the moment with a clear mind for the first time since it happened. You hadn’t been thinking straight ever since you received the text just hours ago. Now your brain was a little quieter with the help of your tears and Steve’s reassurance.

"I think that the stress of this school project is making me resent how hard I work for everything, just to be met with this kind of result, you know? And it’s even worse when… things seem to be going backwards. You know, like when you make so much progress, moving on from things that don’t serve you, and you’ve finally done it and you get to flourish in it and then, it just gets taken away from you. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but that’s just how this feels.“

Steve nodded, his jaw ticking as he let your words settle in. Somehow, although your situation was so different from his, he felt like your words perfectly described how he felt with the world sometimes. It was even part of the reason he’d held off on talking to you like this, held off on getting too involved. He too had made so much progress in this world, which took so much getting adjusted to in a way that absolutely nobody else could relate to.

It was a world that he didn’t even know, a world that he had never been properly introduced to. He’d had to fend for himself. He did his healing on his own, just like you had. And yet sometimes it felt like he had no control, like the universe was going the opposite way of all his plans. Then he felt stupid for even having plans to begin with, because in life, making plans was like comedy for the gods.

There was a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, like he’d been stabbed with a gutting realization, and the knife was just turning inside of him, churning his insides. He began to feel a sense of unease, because this deep conversation was beginning to feel incredibly personal. Even though you were talking about your own situation, he couldn’t help but think about how much he resonated, and the fact that he felt like he could relate to you on such a deep level scared him. This was more than the conversations you’d had before, more than the simple similarities you and Steve shared. This felt like a conversation that might be too telling for his good and your own.

He swallowed his words as he listened to you continue. You chose your words carefully, but you had shed yourself of your inhibitions when it came to being truthful.

"Earlier… I heard from someone I hadn’t heard from in a long time. And it kind of pushed me over the edge,” out of your mouth stumbled a laugh. You were calmer now, and looked up at the camera, Steve swallowing hard when you did so. It was all so real, just like it was when you touched yourself and moaned Steve’s name. “I think it just made me feel all those things I just explained. Because I feel like I worked so hard to rid myself of this person and them trying to come back just feels like all the things I worked so hard on are going to unravel. Even though I know they aren’t, it feels like a setback. And that was like, the icing on the cake to this already terrible day, I guess.”

You let out a breathy laugh and smiled gently, shaking your head slowly.

"I normally wouldn’t be telling this to a customer. But here we are. Again, I’m sorry… I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything? Should I… have said anything?“

In the brief silence that followed your question, both you and Steve were thinking the same thing - were you going to regret this? Intimacy both physically and emotionally was good when you capped it at what you both knew to be appropriate. When it came to the physical aspects, you each let your fantasies unwind.

And on the emotional aspect, though you had both grown closer and more open, some things just didn’t get touched upon. But now you had just cried over the screen, and spoke from the depths of your heart. It was scary to open up in such an uncertain situation where your own privacy was an aspect that got involved. There was no doubt that it was too much. It was just a question of whether the result would be negative.

Steve sighed deeply, a crease forming in his forehead as he furrowed his brows together, folding his arms over his chest.

"I don’t know…” he trailed off, took a breath, a leap, his body practically lurching forward. “But… it can’t be a bad thing that you feel comfortable talking to me about this, can it?”

And there it was, that glint of hope he was trying his hardest to conceal. That feeling he got when he got off that call with you, the one where you both started giving into those unspoken thoughts. That this couldn’t be so bad, that you could enjoy each other’s company without worrying. 

You smiled gently,

“I guess. It does feel weird though, it’s not something I normally do. It feels like something I shouldn’t be doing.”

You could hear Steve breathing in deeply, and for a moment, you imagined what he might look like, envisioning the outline of a troubled face, eyebrows knit together. You snapped back to reality and made a face, confused by your abrupt thoughts. You had long gotten over the very brief desire to see Steve’s face- why was it coming back again?

“I’ll be honest, same here,” Steve agreed with your sentiments.

“Do you always feel like you have to restrain what you say when you talk to people? Or is it just with me?” you added that last part in a quiet voice, biting your lip.

Steve chuckled briefly,

“Are you asking me if I have trust issues? Because I’d tell you, but I’d have to trust you to do that.”

You shook your head and laughed at Steve’s stupid joke, and shrugged.

"I could say the same thing, I think. This person I heard from earlier is… I developed those trust issues because of them. Or, my already existent trust issues became worse. But what’s funny about it is that this person was once someone that I loved,“ even as the words were coming out you questioned why you were letting them, why you were allowing yourself to be so truthful in a situation like this at a time when you were so vulnerable.

Steve didn’t reply, again feeling that sick feeling in his stomach that stemmed from his fear. The fear that this conversation were too serious, fear surrounding the fact that he was able to relate so much to such a personal situation of yours.

You spoke again, daring to ask the question that felt like a final blow to Steve’s stomach,

"Have you ever been in love, Steve?”

Now Steve knew he was in uncharted territory. Not because he feared you might try to exploit him, but because he was so struck by the fact that he had allowed himself to feel so safe with you and get so close to you. He was surprised at himself for letting you feel safe enough to have these kinds of conversations with him. It all felt like a mistake now. He wanted a way out, any way out. He knew if he even attempted to answer that question, he would be making a big mistake. He had shared some of his most intimate moments with you, but always keeping in mind a very sharp line he didn’t want to be crossed.

And in his mind, he thought of the one love he’d had, the one love that hadn’t been fulfilled because of the situation he had been thrown into, one he had never signed up for. He thought of how the things he cared most for in life had been discarded, how, like you, he felt like it had gone to shit. How sometimes, though he tried his best to be grateful and had taken that journey of self-healing just like you, it all felt like some sick joke.

Could he even call it love? He wasn’t sure. And he wasn’t going to answer. He wasn’t going to answer at all, because he wouldn’t be talking to you again. There would be no chance for this dilemma to resurface, not with you, not on this site. He made the decision with haste and a heavy heart - he was done here.

The discomfort was well evident in his voice, answering loud and clear, though his voice was morose and a bit closed off. You sensed the shift immediately.

"I… I can’t talk about that right now. Listen, I have to go.“

You felt a pang in your chest at the sudden switch in his demeanor, straightening up and trying not to frown. All this time you had been letting the words spill out, telling yourself not to worry so much, reassuring yourself it was okay to make your feelings known. Now it felt like you should’ve never said anything at all. You started to stammer.

"Oh, I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, I was just… I feel like I got a little overwhelmed.” You laughed nervously. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Steve felt his throat ran dry as he blinked, feeling emotions come up to surface that he wasn’t quite familiar with. Maybe he was grieving in advance, regretting the decision he was making to no longer speak with you, regretting the fact that he was letting fear get in the way of what he wanted so badly to be a good thing.

“No, I’m sorry. I feel like I let things go too far,” Steve apologized, but the apology felt more like an insult.

Was he implying that whatever this was, you couldn’t handle it, and that it was his fault for somehow leading you on? You had both made the connection with each other, it was an equal effort. And why was he acting like the two of you communicating at all was somehow below him, somehow a risk? If anything, you were the one risking it just by talking to him the way you did. You were opening up to him. 

You almost felt betrayed - you had convinced yourself that he wouldn’t want to listen to your problems and you told yourself it wasn’t his responsibility to listen. And then he listened anyway, told you that he wanted to hear it, and you cried to him. You felt like you had made so many unusual accommodations just for him to scare off like this. He was just another person you had expressed your feelings to, only to regret it in the end.

“Too far?” you questioned, furrowing your brows.

Steve swallowed. In your voice he could hear a hint of frustration, but even worse- hurt. It pained him more than he cared for you to know.

“I don’t think we should talk anymore,” he said instead.

“What?” you were taken by surprise. “Steve, I’m… I’m not understanding. I… I don’t usually open up to people like this, I mean, I thought maybe it was fine here, because I feel like I know you. But you’re still a stranger. I understand you’re a customer but I thought we were talking, I thought we broke through that wall-”

“We did. And we shouldn’t have,” Steve said, his voice so calm and firm that it was almost cold.

By now you were just staring into the computer camera, as if you were looking at him and waiting for him to come to his senses. But as you did that, you slowly came to your own. Because you weren’t looking at him. You were looking at a black screen with his voice behind it. You realized you hadn’t known Steve, not enough to talk about these things. And just like him, you too were full of regret. You kept all those walls up for the sake of customer relations, only to put them down and be met with this disastrous result.

Steve almost couldn’t bare to look at your face anymore. You were confused, hurt. He could tell you regretted the fact that you had opened up. He was hurt too, but he wouldn’t show it, or let it overcome him to the point where your methods of communication with each other became something neither of you could control. Still, yes, he was hurt.

But he had been through plenty of hardships in life. What was one more, even if it shouldn’t have come to this point anyway?

“I’m sorry, Moonrose. We can’t. Goodbye.”

Chat over.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE | NASTY HABITS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> note - once again, thank you for reading!! it took me a while for this chapter and i wanted to execute it properly. it’s long so i hope y’all got a place to sittt!!! srry if it has typos i didn’t go thru in depth!!
> 
> i introduced a new character in this named alex. i see him being portrayed as alex turner or oscar isaac, but you’re free to picture anyone!!!
> 
> let me know what y’all think of this chapter!!!!! i love some of the scenes in this, i feel like i structured it differently than how i usually do and you get to see their lives a lil more <3  
> warnings - angst, stucky mission!, cigarette smoking, hints of 2013-2014 tumblr vibes for sure 
> 
> word count: 9.7k

“Back to working late nights, I see.”

As Steve looked over his shoulder, he was met with the sight of Natasha leaning against the jamb of the open door to his office. The light from the hallway flooded into his dimly lit office, the only lighting being the lamp on his desk. She had her arms folded, a small smile on her face as Steve looked up at her.

Locking eyes with him, it was no surprise that he had the same tired gaze that had been lingering in his eyes for the past three weeks since he’d stopped talking to you, almost a month. And while Nat may not have been surprised, she, like everyone else, was concerned. Steve was different from the man he had been just a few weeks ago, the man who seemed suddenly uplifted. He had rose up from his bad mood only to re-enter the slump he was in before, only worse.

This time, the slump Steve was in wasn’t irritated and unnecessarily aggressive due to pent up sexual frustration, but it was lethargic, a melancholia that creeped in slowly. He seemed sad and gloomy, “not in the mood.” Before any of Steve’s mood swings, he was just the kind of calm and serious person that Steve Rogers was.

Then you came along and he was Steve Rogers in Wonderland. Now that you were gone, it was like he’d buried himself into a dark and deep hole, and not the one that Alice fell into. He was just sort of somber and quiet, too quiet. Isolated, like he was now - deep into his work, but not in a good way.

Steve didn’t even muster a smile. He just slumped back slightly into his chair and sighed, the cold gloom in his eyes unwavering.

"Working on something from the Sokovia unit.“

Nat offered a small, sad smile,

"Need anything? You’re missing out on movie night.”

Steve shook his head. He knew that Nat was checking on him for other reasons, but he didn’t want to be the one to address it. He hadn’t talked to anyone about it, not even Bucky, who was the only one to flat out ask what was happening. The others sort of danced around the topic. But it bothered Natasha greatly. She had to ask, because even she couldn’t figure it out.

“Don’t need anything. Thanks.”

“Steve. What’s going on?” Nat asked, fed up. She walked in further and closed the door behind her. “You’re acting strange again.”

Steve mustered the tiniest of smiles, shrugging,

“Just been busy these days.”

“No, you’ve been purposefully making yourself busy. You’re all cooped up in here. You’re by yourself all the time, even when you’re around us. What’s going on?” Nat sat on the edge of the table, looking down at him with her eyebrows drawn together. “No one else is asking, but we’re all wondering it.”

Steve sighed. He’d been isolating himself, burying himself in work to distract himself from the thought of you. The two of you had ended on such a rough note, and it was hard for him to even process it. It scared him, how much more he thought about you now that he had stopped talking to you, thinking that would be the solution.

Thinking that leaving you alone would stop things from escalating. And they had, maybe in the way of your actual relationship with each other. But for Steve individually? The feelings were worse than they had been. He was hurt that he had hurt you, and it was like leaving you only exposed how much he really did need you.

And to think of it that way felt like his biggest defeat. Like he was letting his responsibilities down. He couldn’t feel this way about someone he met online, not in the way that he met you. He couldn’t let it get to this point, and yet it was impacting him so strongly, much more than he’d expected.

So he retracted, recoiled to be alone. He hated the way it had gone down - hated the fact that he had scared himself, hated the fact that he had even allowed things to feel that serious. But mostly he hated the fact that he couldn’t be honest with himself - or maybe he hated the fact that now that he was being honest with himself, he was depriving himself of a good thing out of fear. And he had virtually no one to talk this out with, because he’d have to tell the full story, and he still forbid himself to do that.

It was over, and he didn’t want to put this on his team’s plate, even if it was over with. Now that he had ended things, he didn’t have anything to hide anymore, but that didn’t mean he was just going to reveal everything. He still felt like his leadership would be at stake if he were to, although not selfishly. It felt like something so private. He needed to think this out with himself.

So while he knew why Natasha was checking in, and knew that she was right to, because clearly something was happening, he still couldn’t open up. So he just dismissed it with a wave of his hand and a false smile,

“Don’t worry, I’ve just been tired.” Steve hopped up from his desk, allowing a burst of energy, even if ingenuine, to take over.

He didn’t want the others to worry about him like this. The situation was a big enough deal already. He didn’t want them in on his own personal pain, which he had fully decided to take care of himself - though he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. He continued, grinning.

"I’ll join you guys for movie night,“ he decided.

He hadn’t magically gotten better, but if this was what it might take to ensure his team that he was fine, he would bring himself out of his little hole, just for a few hours. He needed a break anyway, he’d been starting to drift when Natalie came in, thinking of you specifically.

But Natasha wasn’t buying it, the fake smile, the sudden burst of energy. It was like he was putting on a show, but she wasn’t a fan of his performance.

She stood up and sort of blocked him, staring him down with a dead serious look in her eyes, her arms folded. She wasn’t angry, but she was disappointed by Steve’s behavior. The past few months had been so topsy turvy with him, his changes in mood weren’t making any sense. Out of anyone on the team, she felt like he understood her, had made the effort to make a true connection with her, rather than just gaze on, intimidated by her.

"I know you, Steve. You’re not fooling anyone.” As Steve’s smile turned into a frown, Natasha turned around, walking out of his office. On her way out she followed with, “Come back when you’re ready to be honest.”

♡ ♡ ♡ 

"Can we get another round of mimosas, please?“

Aaliyah’s voice brought you back down to earth. The spring air bristled against your dewy skin, the sun shining down on you from where you were both sitting in the seating area outside the cafe. If anything, you were grateful for California’s sunshine. It kept you sane, and reminded you that no matter what, you’d always have the sun.

You were sitting outside you and Aaliyah’s favorite brunch place (with bottomless mimosas), just to catch up and talk. You’d been busy dealing with school work and your personal life. And just now, you were a bit distracted, thinking of all the things that led you to this point. You were thinking of Steve, who still came around the wild landscape of your mind once in a while, like the shadow of a maintenance man who you never quite met. It had been almost a month since you stopped talking to Steve.

It still hurt sometimes when you thought about it, because you missed the rush of talking to him - your experience with Steve was so unique to your experience with any other customer. But it wasn’t all about the rush - you missed really talking to him and getting to know him. Even though it felt like it had been all for naught, you felt a warm feeling in your chest when you thought about him.

You hadn’t felt that way with a customer, and while you realized it was silly and irresponsible for the both of you to get as caught up as you had, you still loved every moment of talking to him. It took a special person for you to want to talk to Steve as much as you did - doing private shows for him, requesting him instead of the other way around. It was truly one of the more wholesome experiences you’d had with a customer. The rush was a part of it - it was exciting and thrilling.

But it was also calming, full of comforting conversation and freeing interactions. It was like this unhinged pleasure you were inviting each other to share, in every sense of the word - it wasn’t just you servicing him, though that was a part of it. It felt like in a sense, he also served you.

The feelings were mutual. You listened to each other, you felt like you knew each other. So, since you were being honest with yourself, you could admit it hurt. But you didn’t let it drag you down, especially now that it had been over three weeks. Mostly, when you thought of him, it was nostalgic, like you were waking up from a dream and only remembering traces of it. Just remembering, not grieving.

Aaliyah noticed your silence and offered you a tiny, shy smile. Ever you had been focusing on yourself, you hadn’t been talking to Aaliyah nearly as much. Now that you felt comfortable being in the same spaces as before, you were together, talking it out.

You’d only told her bits and pieces of the story - that meant she only really knew about the situation with your ex and schoolwork. As for Steve, you kept most of that to yourself.

"You good, babe?” she reached over and squeezed your shoulder, clad in a loose blouse top.

You grinned, and it was genuine, biting down on your straw as you shook your head playfully,

“More now than ever.”

Aaliyah’s smile widened. She knew when you were being genuine, and she was glad to see that this was one of those times. You’d been withdrawn recently, but with good purpose and even better intentions. You were taking all that time to heal for yourself. And amazingly, you had never been more honest with yourself in your life. Ever since Steve, you went through it for a few days.

You were saddened by the abrupt loss of Steve, even if he was only in your life for a short time. But you didn’t lose sight of the realities of your relationship - it would never work out that way. You let yourself sink into sadness only for the first few days afterwards.

You knew that to let your sadness continue would be extremely unhealthy, and would only cause you to question whether or not you were really fit for this job, where making connections with strangers was pretty important. This couldn’t happen frequently, or at all.

And on top of that, you had been drowning in stress from school and stress from your personal life: morose after the situation with Steve, feeling so much emotional turmoil from your situation with your ex boyfriend. But after a while, you were able to lift yourself up. You knew how unhealthy it would be if you let yourself stay sad because of Steve - you didn’t even know him and he had proven that he was just a customer.

Though that didn’t mean you doubted your connection for one minute. You just hated the way you had underestimated what that meant when it came to boundaries, both for you and Steve. You had overshared. It just reminded you that there seemed to be a certain pattern in the relationships in your life, and they all taught you one thing: don’t get too comfortable.

But after about a week of beating yourself up over that, feeling stupid and naive and embarrassed for opening up, you moved on to the more important things that needed to be handled - your school work, and how you would successfully move on from your toxic ex. You already had, but when you got that text, it felt like you were relapsing.

This wasn’t just moving on, it was moving on completely and fully. It wouldn’t be done by magic, through a divine snap of the fingers. But instead it was a process, an incredibly healing process, one that you actually wanted to find your way through.

It felt like despite all the progress you had made- all the patching up you’d done as a result of not just that one, but many toxic relationships in your life - you cracked so easily just being reminded of one of them. You didn’t want that to be you anymore, even if it didn’t mean you weren’t strong. It just meant you were human.

You didn’t dismiss all the growth you had made ever since you broke up with your ex, all the bad habits you had broken and the new spaces you had welcomed yourself into. But you didn’t want to be the kind of person who cracked under pressure. Part of those toxic relationships was acknowledging the fact that those people will try again to get back into your life after realizing their loss.

And you understood that now. Your ultimate goal now was to get back on your feet and allow yourself to be as strong as you were and work on how you dealt with personal stressors such as these.

Your campus offered professional mental help and you took advantage of it as much as possible. You didn’t disclose everything, especially not the details of your other job, but you talked about your emotions and your relationships and how you felt like you needed to learn how to handle times of duress. So, you got into therapy; it was a life saver. It wasn’t that the incident with Steve had triggered you so much that you needed to get therapy, but the context of the incident and the feelings that roused you to that breaking point on screen with him made you realize you needed help.

You had done everything yourself before, all your healing, all your growth - but it wasn’t shameful to get help. You realized that while you felt sated being a lone wolf and doing everything yourself, that while it was what you were used to and you never complained about it, you didn’t have to go through this alone.

Part of why you never did before was because you didn’t realize you could, too. That therapy wasn’t just for people who were in situations much worse than your own. You could have a place to healthily let out your feelings, instead of letting them overflow inside of you, or to strangers.

"Therapy’s helping,“ you nodded, and Aaliyah sat back and listened. "It’s helpful for situational things like this, but I think I should’ve been in therapy like, a really long time ago.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Aaliyah nodded intensely and raised her mimosa glass to clink with yours before bringing it to her lips and taking a sip.

You laughed, and you were almost surprised to hear the sound of your own laugh, so uncaring and so free. Not the kind of laugh you let out when you’re restricting your joy. Just full, pure, laughter. You didn’t have to become this hysterical ultrasad woman just because of your experiences - you were proof that things could and did get better.

You were living just fine before the crash of life came down upon you, you were satisfied with life. But now you felt like you had accomplished some form of ego death, and realized there was more than just being “satisfied.” You hadn’t thought there was before.

"For real though, I’m proud of you,“ Aaliyah nodded, making direct eye contact with you. "I’m glad you took this time to yourself. You glow better when you’re happy.”

"And when I’m not being bothered by idiotic men,“ you rolled your eyes.

Multiple, your brain reminded you - your ex-boyfriend, your idiot professor, and Steve, to an extent. You appreciated what it was that you two had, an undeniable chemistry, but he reminded you of most men - afraid to open up. Though you couldn’t feel spiteful towards him. In this context, it made perfect sense that he didn’t want to open up.

"Oh yeah, update me on that? I know it’s over with your ex-”

"Yup. I told him not to contact me again. Then I blocked him,“ you replied with a heaving sigh - a sigh of release. It felt good to say that out loud again. It felt good to know that your response was final, and that any further badgering you received wasn’t as a result of your invitation.

It was as easy as that, even though it took you days just to even figure out what kind of message to send. You could’ve met up with him, talked things out - at the worst, gotten together again, but you knew you’d never let that happen. You could’ve listened to whatever he had to say.

But you had decided that whatever he wanted to tell you, whatever apology he was going to issue, could’ve been avoided had he just treated you right, instead of constantly dismissing you, instead of reacting to everything with nonchalance. So you didn’t need to hear it, and you didn’t need to light yourself on fire just to decide whether or not to forgive him- you didn’t need to decide at all. So you left it alone, and left him blocked.

Aaliyah just smiled softly at you, so grateful for your steady energy and your strong presence. You were such close friends, it felt like your experiences were mutual. Everything you went through, she was by your side, and vice versa. She was so proud of you for making the decisions you made, and so proud that you came to that result.

"As you should!” Aaliyah squealed, reaching over and squeezing your hands excitedly. “You really are that bitch. And your project… he said it’s a go?”

You smiled bashfully as you squeezed Aaliyah’s hands back.

"Yeah, we talked it out. I still have to modify it which is a huge pain in my ass, but I can manage. So it’s fine. At least I’m not dealing with a million other things on top of that.“

Aaliyah smirked, again raising her glass to tap it against yours,

"Cheers to that, babe.”

So you had been on this journey, and you had sought out help where it was most valuable - in yourself, in friends, in professionals, and in the world around you. And in return you had learned that you didn’t have to be strong all the time, that it was okay to break sometimes - as long as you knew how to cope. And that advice went such a long way.

Things were looking up from here.

♡ ♡ ♡ 

Ever since his confrontation with Natasha, Steve had been in deep thought. He was disappointed in himself for letting it get to the point where his interactions with his team felt hostile. Where he appeared so lonely and even sulky. It wasn’t like him as a leader, and it wasn’t who his team looked up to.

He didn’t want his interactions with people to feel so unfulfilling as a result of his own personal catastrophes, especially when it came to someone like Nat, who was the only one to boldly address his change in mood. He felt like a loser for allowing himself to go as dark as he had. It was something he should’ve had more control over, something he should’ve never let creep into his life the way it had.

Steve wasn’t some creepy old man slowly dilapidating in a lonesome one-bedroom home, with no friends and no lovers. He had gone onto the site to find some kind of sexual release, because he had nowhere else to realistically take out his pent up energy, at least not in his eyes. He wanted that connection, and he found it with you.

He should’ve been satisfied. The only problem was that he was in for more than he was prepared for. And maybe it was because he was old fashioned and really wanted that kind of connection, because Stark easily went through girls like Moonrose like it was nothing, no strings attached. It only further proved that Steve wasn’t built for that.

He figured that as long as he was distracting himself from the problem by burying himself in work and isolating himself, he at least wasn’t doing his job any harm. That was the most important to him - his work.

But the people that mattered most to Steve were beginning to point out to him that ignoring a personal problem wasn’t going to solve it. And Steve should’ve known that naturally, because one of the biggest elements of his job was to solve problems. He was a logical person, he loved answering the unanswered and finding solutions.

But that was his job. This was a personal issue, and it was unlike anything he’d been through. He supposed he’d never known how to cope, and that talking to you was just a sliver of one of the ways he did cope.

He didn’t put everything on you, nor did he want to - that was why he’d stopped talking to you. You knowing everything he was going through would be dangerous for the both of you, for obvious reasons. Though you felt like you knew each other, you didn’t really know who he was, and maybe that wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that he was Captain America.

So when he stopped talking to you, it was like a part of him stopped coping. Lucky for him, not everyone was just going to let him sulk around.

“Alright, Steve. What’s this all about?” Bucky asked, walking beside Steve while they were on a mission together. This may have been the worst time for Bucky to bring this up, considering Steve was focused on nothing less and nothing more than his mission. He thought of you a lot, sure, but not during times like these.

“What’s what all about?” Steve replied gruffly, mindlessly elbowing some approaching Hydra member off the ship they were infiltrating, the sound of splashing water resonating in the distance.

“You know,” Bucky grunted, sweep kicking another member and sending him flying.

The two of them often talked to each other side by side on missions, so disciplined and highly skilled that they could easily do both at once, but not about things like this, and not conversations that required much more attention. Bucky continued,

“You’ve been all sad lately.”

Steve sighed and shook his head, latching his shield back onto his back,

“Is that what we’re going to be talking about?”

“Are you gonna answer me?” Bucky raised his brows, cocking the gun he had tucked under his arm and firing ahead of him.

“Can’t really talk right now, Buck,” Steve grunted, preparing himself for what was ahead.

“I think I know what it is!” Bucky exclaimed, jumping away from Steve as he took on a combatant in front of him, Steve doing the same.

"Please, enlighten me!“ Steve called out sarcastically, going hand to hand with another guy, flinging his shield out in front of him.

Bucky aimed a kick at his guy’s crotch, sending him flying to the floor, then standing over him and continuing to pummel him, all the while yelling over at Steve.

"You think you don’t have anyone to talk to about how you’re feeling so you’re isolating yourself! I know you. It’s a very Steve thing to do!”

Steve sighed, shaking his head. He wasn’t too keen on having this conversation at all, but especially not now. But he knew once Bucky got started, there was no stopping it. Even in the midst of a fight, in the midst of a mission. But Bucky wasn’t entirely wrong, and that was the dangerous part about it - Steve knew Bucky could figure him out if he really set his mind to it. And he was constantly being reminded how much other people knew him, whether it was you, Natasha, or Bucky.

He may have masked himself as un-phased and even tempered, but anyone could see past that now. Natasha had been close to figuring out just what was going on, and although she was one of the smarter Avengers, who could figure anybody out, Bucky and Steve were the closest of friends, twin flames. Steve knew Bucky would have him figured out in a minute, and he was getting dangerously close.

"Buck, not now!“ he had to at least try.

"You still talking to that girl?” Bucky ignored Steve’s pleas and continued - he had came to his own conclusion, putting together the pieces.

Steve sighed again, kneeling down on the floor and hanging his head. His silence, his lack of a response, told Bucky all he needed to know. He was in his head, thinking about you, something he never did on a mission. He was thinking of how before this, you were one of the people he actually talked to to cope, even though he didn’t delve too deep into his personal problems. But still, you had been there.

And now that you weren’t, he was thinking of all the reasons why you weren’t, almost all of them rooted in his own silly fear. The fear he’d been letting go for weeks until you asked him that question. Before you opened up to him to that extent.

Bucky got up, dusting his hands off. Both him and Steve had knocked their guys clean. Bucky signaled into his ear piece that the coast was clear and they were leaving the building, before heading over to walk next to Steve. Bucky had a sort of victorious smile on his face, knowing he had cracked the code.

Steve had been withdrawn before you, then excitingly different when you came around. It would make sense that he’d be withdrawn without you again. Especially if things had ended harshly. Since Bucky was the only one who knew about the connection Steve felt he had with Moonrose, it was easier for him to guess. The others might have known that Steve was using the site, but Steve made sure they didn’t know all the specifics.

Although, Bucky did. And he wanted to know just what was going on. He put his arm around Steve’s shoulders as a way of letting him know he was there, and that he did have someone to talk to besides you.

"You know, Steve, whatever happened, you’ve got me. You’ve got all of us.“

Steve shook his head and looked down at the ground, mustering a small smile that was one of the more genuine smiles he’d shown in the past few weeks,

"I know.”

"Then why didn’t you talk to any of us? You’ve been like a hermit for the past month almost,“ Bucky inquired.

He wasn’t attacking Steve, but he still had questions to ask. He wanted to have an honest conversation. He didn’t want to have to sit back and watch as Steve alienated himself because he didn’t know how to properly deal with his own issues. As an Avenger, it made both him and Steve look irresponsible. And as a friend, he physically couldn’t watch any longer.

He didn’t think he’d seen Steve so withdrawn, not even when his parents died, because Bucky forced his way in every chance he could get. When Steve was alone, things got dark. Bucky decided he’d be the one to actually help guide Steve out of it, by any means.

Although, he was surprised that all this was caused by a girl who Steve hadn’t even met. A girl who Steve had expressed his worries about to Bucky. It seemed as though Steve wouldn’t let things get this far or impact him this much. He had been so quick to deny Bucky when he asked if there was anything more there, and maybe it was because it scared him to think about because it was true. Was it expected, though? Not entirely.

"I didn’t just want to air this out to everyone. It felt like something I shouldn’t be doing, not in the position I’m in… I didn’t want to disappoint people. And I feel like I have just by acting like this, even though they don’t know why I’ve been this way. It’s bad, I know, and I feel stupid for it. It’s embarrassing to feel like this. Like… like I don’t know any better,” Steve replied, and Bucky understood, nodding.

“I get it. It’s like, why would boss man have some strange attachment to a naked stranger?” Bucky responded, not realizing how crude he sounded, making Steve glare over at him with his brows knit together.

“Well, especially when you put it like that, Buck,” Steve said, but he couldn’t help but chuckle.

"Sorry,“ Bucky smiled, shaking his head. A beat, then he continued. "So you’ve stopped talking to this girl. For what reason?”

"I was afraid. It just… got too serious. And I guess it shows, because I’ve been acting like this as a result,“ Steve laughed bitterly. "I can’t say I expected this to be the result. I think it hurts, but I’ve really been acting this way because…”

Steve took a deep breath. It felt like a lot to express his feelings or emotions on any given day, but especially when it came to this. He had been keeping nearly everything associated with you to himself. It felt like such a big deal to express something out loud when he had intentionally been keeping it extra personal. Even if it was Bucky. It felt like something so close to him - he still felt slightly idiotic for the entire ordeal.

He continued,

"I guess because I’ve been trying hard not to think about her as much as my mind does when I’m not distracted. So I have to keep to myself and do work so that I’m not thinking about it as much. And I guess in the process I just neglected my own self care.“

Bucky nodded with a hum of assurance.

"Mm. Well you’re right. Maybe it did go too far. But that can’t always be a bad thing.”

Steve cocked his head,

"What do you mean?“

"I mean, it’s like me and Nat. No one would’ve trusted us years ago, but here we are now. On this incredibly elite team, fighting injustice with the best of them. I get it, you have to be safe, you can’t let strangers get too close, you can’t just do anything. But that doesn’t mean you have to be so afraid all the time. You care about her. I knew that the minute you asked me about her. Because if it wasn’t destined to end up this way, you would’ve never said a thing. You’re good at keeping things to yourself, Rogers. The fact that you even asked me for advice on this, all those weeks ago. It says something. And maybe this all means that not only can you not stay away - but that maybe… you shouldn’t.”

♡ ♡ ♡ 

You hadn’t been out out in a long time. You had been using the past three or more weeks to focus on yourself, to fully heal and regenerate and learn to cope. This was your therapeutic week, your week of release.

But now, you were going out. You made an effort to look extra cute, because it had been a while since you got all dolled up. You couldn’t be out super late, you still had a show later tonight, but you’d go out and enjoy a few drinks with friends. You were also going to be meeting new people, which was something you didn’t do regardless of your emotional situation, unless it was for work - but those were colleagues.

These were people who were potential friends, and potential lovers. But you couldn’t have made it more clear to Aaliyah, who was tying this all together:

"I’m not looking for a relationship right now! You know that!“ you exclaimed, shaking your head, but she just smirked at you, and pulled the straps of your dress tighter as you both walked into the bar where you would be meeting some friends and new people tonight.

"Mhm,” Aaliyah said dismissively, slinging her arm around your shoulders. “That doesn’t mean you can’t meet someone and you know…”

"Aht aht,“ you chuckled, though you appreciated her vigor. "I don’t do random hookups unless it’s online.”

Both of you cackled at that, but it was true. You were very put together and determined, especially when it came to actual relationships. Your sex life outside of your job on the internet was sort of quiet at the moment, and you liked it that way. You enjoyed sex and the sensual, pleasurable and freeing feeling that came with having sex in real life, or performing sexual acts on the internet for money. But it wasn’t everything to you, you still navigated the world like any human would, except maybe you were hyper aware of your mindfulness, even more than people with conventional jobs.

You didn’t let just anybody in, emotionally or physically, not when it came to real life. Though maybe Aaliyah had a little bit of a point. Not wanting a relationship didn’t mean you couldn’t have fun. You wouldn’t force it though. If it were meant to be, it would be.

Tonight, you were going to be watching a local band play, sitting at a table in the audience with some friends, ordering drinks and just having a good time together. You were excited - it felt good to get out, good to be back on your feet. You were getting the normality back into your life, and you were enjoying it, as well as the healing process that came with it - no toxic ex, no hardships with school… when it came to Steve, you still missed him. But it didn’t interrupt your ability to function, not anymore. You weren’t quite preoccupied with him in this moment.

You were glad to be sitting down with friends, and meeting new people as well. It felt almost strange - you felt out of the loop, like you were getting back onto the scene for the first time in years, when it hadn’t even been that long. You figured it was just the fact that there had been such an intense shift, and you had matured so much in just less than a month. You felt excited for the endless possibilities.

The bar was dimly lit, the band was tuning their instruments, drinks were going around, everyone seemed to be in a good, vivacious mood. It was very lively in a way you could appreciate, because you liked the spontaneity and eventfulness of life just like you enjoyed the organized, pragmatic parts of life that you endured in all of your careers and your lifestyle. You liked to have fun, there was no doubt about that. It was just a matter of when you had time for it.

As you sat down at the table, reunions and introductions went all around. Everyone was friendly, and everyone was a college student. You were excited to be with this specific group of people, full of friends and new faces. But there was one new face that truly intrigued you, belonging to a ridiculously attractive guy with a rockabilly quiff and a strand of hair styled at the front, a knowing look in his deep brown eyes. He didn’t have to say he was cool, the oversized leather jacket he wore practically spelled that out.

He leaned across the table to shake your hand, his eyes sparkling when he looked at you, his smile bright and charming,

"Hey. I’m Alex. It’s nice to meet you.“

It must have shown on your face how immediately taken you were - he was hot and the energy he emanated was good, and purely sensual. Aaliyah took notice, smirking over at you and watching as you took his hand. You blinked, and smiled. He felt it, you felt it. There was no use in hiding it. You thought about how much you insisted to Aaliyah that you weren’t looking to hook up - but this one guy may have changed your mind, just by his smile.

"I’m YN. Nice to meet you too.”

Even as he let go of your hand and sat back in his chair, he didn’t break eye contact with you, a small, playful smirk on his lips. But two could play at that game. Your job, doing what you did, made you ten times more confident than the average person. Just because you weren’t on the dating scene didn’t mean you didn’t know how to flirt.

And just because you weren’t interested in dating didn’t mean you couldn’t get to know someone in a different sense of the word. Just from looking into his eyes, reading the smirk on his smooth lips, you knew you would definitely be getting to know him tonight. With no strings attached.

| | |

"You smoke?“ you asked Alex, standing in front of him outside the bar as he lit a cigarette. You were both standing in the alleyway beside the bar.

The both of you had ended up here, not completely on purpose, but Alex couldn’t say he didn’t notice when you excused yourself so that you could make a call to confirm another therapy appointment. You ended up out there for longer than intended as you started scrolling on your phone. But it was Alex who kept you out there, the night sky starry and clear above you. It was quiet, except for the faint sound of indie rock music coming from inside the bar. But it was a calming, comforting atmosphere. It felt like it was just the two of you, and in a sense, it really was.

"Yeah,” Alex smiled almost shyly, unsure how you might approach that. People usually turned up their noses.

You in particular didn’t see cigarette smoking as your idea of a good time- recreational marijuana, in moderation. You only ever really drank or smoked socially, but sometimes you could have a lot of fun drinking wine alone. In the heat of the moment though, it wasn’t a very big deal to you. That was the other thing about you - you were spontaneous but well balanced, and let people live their lives how they wanted to, even if they were living just a bit on the edge. You knew people definitely would have choice words for your own lifestyle, and that just made you more open minded.

"Hmm,“ you hummed, simply thinking to yourself and nodding.

Alex shifted slightly, as if he were unsure of himself, but took a drag anyway.

"Nasty habit, I’m sure.”

"Can I try?“ you asked, leaning up against the brick wall behind you, and gazing up at him.

Looking into your eyes, he could see the glint of innocence and anticipation there, but there was something more- this sort of hot and flashy desire. The chemistry in your simple introduction was undoubtable, and it led you both to think there could be something else. But if there was, there was already an unspoken agreement in Alex’s smirk and your smile - whatever it was would be purely physical.

You were too deep into your process of healing to fully put yourself out there, to even want to share yourself with another. Ever since your last relationship, you weren’t looking for any one - no one to be your baby, no one to depend on, and no one who depended on you. You didn’t want that. But this, whatever it was, was just a little bit of fun. You only ever really engaged in this kind of banter on the internet. It was about time you got a taste of it in real life.

Alex raised his brows at you, surprised. You didn’t strike him as the type, and honestly, you didn’t strike yourself as the type, either. You were just going with the flow. He just glanced at you and cocked his head to the side,

"I don’t know if you really want to do that.”

"What makes you say that?“ you challenged, quirking your eyebrow quizzically, and tilting your head up at him. He wasn’t wrong though - you almost immediately questioned why you asked if you could try.

"You don’t strike me as the type. And you’re a very pretty girl,” Alex eased closer to you, and you felt his rough, wide hand against your cheek, caressing gently as he looked down at you, looking intently into your eyes. You felt his thumb against your cheek, running against your soft skin in smooth, slow circles, and you couldn’t help but grin devilishly at the sense of danger it gave you, the kind of danger you only found deep within layers of pleasure. He continued. “Wouldn’t want your… skin to fall off.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his anti-cigarette warning, shaking your head and laughing quietly, him joining in. He couldn’t ignore the brightness of your smile, how genuine it seemed, how much it struck him. For you, laughter felt like medicine right now, like it was pushing you through this transition phase you were in.

"Really, is that what’s gonna happen?“ you smirked playfully, never looking away from him. He smiled, nodding,

"Yeah, that’s exactly what happens.”

A beat of silence passed between of you, but the tension emanating between the two of you was louder than ever, pulling you to each other with a tantalizing magnetic force. You watched his lids flutter gently as his eyes traveled down to your lips, the thumb that had previously been on your cheek drifting to your lips, hands moving languidly against your skin. A shiver ran all through your body, resonating in your core, just at the feeling of his touch, and at the knowledge that eyes were on you.

Real, human eyes, eyes that you had summoned through the power of your divine sensuality. You could find these connections online, but in real life it was so electrifying, so genuine- almost like it had been with Steve, though he was the last thing on your mind right now.

"Pretty girls have the nastiest habits,“ you blinked, letting him toy with your lips until you gently took his thumb in your mouth, wrapping your lips around it, all the while never breaking eye contact with him.

You knew exactly what you were doing, and you knew your intentions while you were doing it. They weren’t anything good, but they weren’t bad either.

Alex nearly shuddered, taking in a deep breath. You both had amazing sex appeal and an instant connection, but you were taking him for a ride that he didn’t even expect. He nodded slowly, his eyelids heavy, watching your lips around his fingers.

"Mm,” he hummed.

He placed his hand on the wall above you as he towered over you. You felt covered by him, in a good way. He was all over you in the only way either of you wanted to be. His fingers left your lips and now held his cigarette. He leaned in and lifted your chin up, the cigarette smoke lifting up from his cigarette and swirling around your nose, just before he pressed his lips against yours.

Your lips were hot against his, which were smoky and tasted like his own vice, an open mouthed kiss with nothing but passion and craving within the little space between your lips. The kiss lingered, his hands then beginning to travel all around you, not just your face, but your entire body. You felt his hands on your sides, traveling up your thighs, his body and his lips smashing into your own. There was nothing wholesome about it, and yet you couldn’t help but want more.

You only pulled away, panting, to remind him of one thing,

"You know this is it, right? I’m not looking for a relationship.“

He shook his head, reattaching his lips to yours, breathlessly replying,

"Me neither.”

He couldn’t care less for the clarifications - he was caught up in you, he just wanted more, in whatever way you would allow. It was quick and fast paced, that seemed to be the basis of your newly forged relationship. Not much thought went into your very needy motions, all abrupt and reckless.

But you pulled away again, placing a hand on his chest,

"And we’re not having sex.“

"Fine. That’s fine. I just want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?” he asked, unable to keep his eyes from flickering between your eyes and your lips.

You smiled, nodding eagerly, sated by his needy disposition and the sexual prowess you had over him. He didn’t even know the half of your nasty habits. In response, you cooed,

“Yeah, you can kiss me.”

♡ ♡ ♡ 

Ever since the mission, it was both lucky and unfortunate for Steve that all he had left on his hands was time. All that time consumed him, and you were on his mind all through it. He also thought about what Bucky had to say. Bucky’s words were a reminder that he couldn’t let things consume him out of fear. It reminded Steve that while he was right to feel weary, he was right to trust, too. Trust was a big part of the Avengers Initiative.

They all depended on it, and it took a lot of trust in individuals that no one else would probably ever take under their wing. But placing that trust in each other worked, and formed the greatest group of justice defenders on this earth. The people Steve considered his closest friends still had yet to gain true trust from some of the most important figures in the country. That didn’t mean Steve trusted them any less.

He’d had the revelation many times before, but he was having it again. The two of you had something- you had almost everything except for trust.

It was a big leap he was taking, a big contrast from the way he felt beforehand. But he’d spent all his time thinking and worrying and letting fear and irrational darkness take over him for too long. It was time he took the matters that involved his feelings and personal health into his own hands. And to start, he had to take that big leap of faith.

Was he making a stupid decision? Likely. But was it rash? No, it was the result of so much reflection and thought. It was like he took a look inside of himself and realized what he had to do. And even though this wouldn’t solve the problem entirely, it was at least a start. A promise to himself and an apology to you. If this was how it was without you, then he didn’t want it to feel that way ever again, by any means.

You were more than the controversy of the relationship you had with him and the context surrounding that relationship. Loyalty was one of the most important qualities to Steve. He didn’t want a friend if they weren’t loyal, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that you were a friend, no matter how much he tried to push away the legitimacy of the connection.

Months ago, he would’ve never done this. On any conditions. But that was before he met you. So now, he was sitting in his room after a shower, falling back into the old routine. It was Friday. You’d be live in a few hours.

♡ ♡ ♡ 

You came back home from the bar exhilarated, the touch of the man you’d been so close with lingering on your body, and in the best way you could imagine. You knew he wanted more physically, but you weren’t at an emotional position where you could give it to him.

And he had respected that, even though the yearning was so clear. The thrill of the moment felt like it would never dissipate. The spontaneity of the moment and the heat of it all reminded you how powerful you were.

He had practically whined into your mouth for more. Sure, you had men online who would give up all their belongings for you, but it felt different when you were experiencing this with a man who you could touch, a man who you could genuinely feel that zing! feeling with just by looking at him.

You weren’t sure when you’d see him again, or if you ever would. And that was the beauty of the entire situation. You didn’t feel like you had some type of emotional obligation to him, or like you would have to follow up. You could leave it at that and hold this moment in your heart guilt free. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know him well - all that mattered was that you still felt whole afterwards and not trapped, that it brought you just as much pleasure as it brought him. And it did. It was like your hot girl summer was starting early.

And you had enjoyed your night out, ending it on a positive note as you watched the bands close up. You filled Aaliyah in on your little detour with Alex. You came home so amped for your performance. This was the most excited you had been for a show since Steve left. You loved your work, but the knowledge that Steve would be watching or would be talking to you afterwards made your shows just a little better.

But now, Steve wasn’t on your mind, and you couldn’t even say Alex was either. So what was on your mind? Mainly the joie de vivre, the sudden burst of energy you felt after a night out, the invigorating feeling that you were returning to normalcy.

So when you logged on that night, you were more than ready to give a show, not knowing that you were in for a big storm.

Steve got the notification that you were on, but he decided to wait it out. He didn’t necessarily want to watch the show because he wanted to talk to you. He didn’t want to feel awkward, watching you perform overtly sexual acts when all he wanted to do was talk to you. This way you could talk alone. So he didn’t watch the show, just waited until you were off. He did some things to occupy himself while he waited, leaving his screen for a moment.

Your show went by smoothly. It was quick, and mainly full of interaction. You didn’t do anything too crazy that night, except for parade around on screen in your lingerie and strike suggestive poses, and make conversation with your regulars as well as welcome new comers. You appreciated the simple life — no extra special connection with anyone made your life a lot easier, even though you had to say that special connection felt like a bonus. But this was nice. Just sitting and talking about the most mundane of things. Dry eyed, cute, and paid.

You read a few comments as you prepared to finish. Almost everyone was talking about how happy you seemed, how you were glowing more than usual. You just chuckled as you read them, and thanked each commenter.

“Okay guys!” you cooed into the camera, smiling and giving a three fingered wave as you prepared to sign off. “I’m gonna get going, but it was so great talking to each and every one of you. I hope you guys have a good night. Private sessions tomorrow!”

You blew a kiss into the camera, and ended the show for that night. You would’ve logged off completely and gotten ready for bed had it not been for the notification you received, and boy did it grab your attention.

Grant Rogers would like to chat.

You made a face, blinking as you looked at the screen. It had been about a month since you had last talked to Steve. You thought for sure he was a goner, and you had gotten accustomed to the fact a long time ago. You were surprised he was coming back to talk to you at all, though you were glad your reaction was solely surprise and confusion. You weren’t reacting in a way that would send you into another spiral, and you also didn’t expect yourself to.

But you couldn’t help but think of the odd circumstances that you had left on, and wonder if it was worth the stress of reconnecting.

Fuck it, you thought. You’d been through so much. What was a little more? You had the skills you needed to react accordingly, to keep sight of who you were and who you were talking to. You could cope. So you pressed “accept.”

Again, you were met with a black screen. You weren’t sure why some part of you expected anything else, but for some reason you had this little voice in you that was cheering to see what Steve looked like. You swallowed that voice down though, and listened to his own, which came after moments of an awkward silence.

“Hi,” Steve said, and you flushed at the sound of his voice, remembering the things it did to you, the way it made you feel — remembering the sound of his voice when he decided to cut things off.

Don’t get emotional, you reminded yourself. It doesn’t make sense.

"… Hi,“ you replied, still confused, not able to hide your furrowed brows and slightly open mouth.

"I know this is weird of me, and maybe even selfish…” Steve sighed, and in that sigh was his final decision. Even when he decided that he was going to go through with this, the whole time he waited for your show to be over, he went back and forth with himself.

Was this even a slightly plausible idea that he was going through with? He wondered. He had to reassure himself that it wasn’t as dangerous as he had convinced himself it was, because you weren’t dangerous, because he trusted you. As scary as it was to say. And lastly, what were the consequences?

It wasn’t like Bucky told him to do this, but his talk with Bucky made him realize that it was what he had to do. He didn’t want anybody else taking the blame if there was a major fall. It was all on him, and the knowledge of that make him panic. Yet, not enough to stop.

So in that sigh, he was making that final decision to really follow through with it. He was already speaking, so he finished his thought, letting the weight lift off his chest.

“But I felt like it was only right. We left off on a strange note, and that’s entirely my own fault. I want you to know that. I want you to know that I didn’t mean to shut you down, and it’s not about me, but I feel… terrible for letting that happen. I shouldn’t have let you open up like that if I knew I wasn’t even accepting what it was that we had. If I was going to be scared.”

You were starting to become worried, furrowing your brows as you gazed into the black screen ahead of you. It didn’t make any sense, what he was saying. It was verging into the same kind of conversation that had made him uncomfortable. The kind of unnecessarily emotional conversation that neither of you were ready to have with each other.

And you didn’t know exactly what he was saying, but you had an idea. He was going back to try and reignite this connection, but it felt like he was overthinking it. Like he was about to blow things out of proportion. And for your own safety, you didn’t want to let him.

“Steve, I don’t think-” you started, shaking your head as your face morphed into further confusion, but he cut you off.

“Just… let me show you what I’m talking about.”

This conversation couldn’t get anymore confusing. He was being so unnatural and cryptic, so randomly opening up to you. It scared you, and it didn’t feel like the conversations you had with Steve before all this. You were rethinking everything, ready to just call it a night and take a break for a few days just so you could process what he was even saying and why he was coming back after nearly a month.

It was irregular before, but in the way that you liked — irregular in the sense that you felt such a strong connection with a customer that you’d never felt before, irregular in the sense that you wanted to talk to him so often, irregular in the sense that it made you happy, but it didn’t take up all your time. Now it was just strange. And you almost laughed at the way the universe seemed to be taunting you - of course right when you were feeling free, of course right when you were ridding yourself of your emotional baggage, taking your sexual freedom into your own hands, this would happen. It felt like a compromise right now, even if a part of you was happy to be hearing from him. 

And then, a pause. The sound of shuffling. And then he turned his own camera on. And you weren’t looking at a black screen anymore. Confusion, a blur in your mind — were you mistaking exactly who you were looking at? A brain hiccup, followed by clarity. An abrupt realization that you weren’t mistaken.

The sight in front of you when that camera turned on made you sit right up, your eyes nearly popping out of your head. There was no fucking way. It was some sort of sick joke. Because the man behind the camera simply could not be who you thought it was.

“What. The. Fuck.”


	6. CHAPTER SIX | SHOW YOURSELF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> note: it’s been a while y’all!!! i hope you’re still here & i hope you’ve been taking the time to educate yourself on everything that’s going on around the world!
> 
> this chapter probably took me the longest to write out of any chapter bc i was trying to get all the details just right. i felt like maybe something was missing, and i edited it all this week to get it how i wanted. now i feel more secure!!
> 
> i hope y’all enjoy it, i’m so excited to see and show y’all what’s up next for moonrose/yn and steve. leave your thoughts !! let’s gooo
> 
> word count: 8.1k
> 
> warnings: none really? other than mentions of sex work and the age gap btwn steve and moonrose. but no smut this time! this starts off where chapter five ended.

The sight in front of you when that camera turned on made you sit right up, your eyes nearly popping out of your head. There was no fucking way. It was some sort of sick joke. Because the man behind the camera simply could not be who you thought it was. 

“What. The. Fuck.”

| | |

"What the fuck?“ you continued, less statically now that the initial shock was gone.

But there was no way in hell that the man you were talking to, had been talking to for over a month, was Captain America? He didn’t have to be in his full attire, the face of Steve Rogers was noticeable anywhere.

And then it hit you, a flood of realizations. Of course he had used a fake name at first. It should’ve been obvious when he changed his name from Grant Roberts to Steve - short for Steve Rogers. It should’ve been obvious when he told you that he was a "scientist”, such a vague term to use for the many branches of science that existed.

It should’ve been obvious why he wouldn’t turn his camera on. And yet, it shouldn’t have, because this wasn’t something that you could even begin to suspect. Customers had their reasons for turning off their cameras - one of those reasons was not usually because they were secretly an Avenger.

But still, it didn’t feel quite real. The logical, pragmatic side of you calmly figured that this was all just somebody’s idea of a sick joke, that maybe this person behind the screen had set you up all along just for this big reveal, as some sort of way to deceive you. In fact, the logical side of you wanted to write this all off as a pathetic joke.

It didn’t make sense. And you desperately needed it to. You needed answers, now. If this were some kind of highly calculated joke for whatever reason, you couldn’t even find one, you wanted to know. And if it were a joke, you wanted to know why you. You wanted to know how much farther this person was willing to go.

And if it weren’t a joke, if you really were talking to Steve Rogers… you wanted to deny it, but something in you urged that this was real, as unlikely as it seemed. The feeling that he was who you had truly been talking to felt as true as the connection you had created with Steve.

Still, that didn’t mean you weren’t shook the fuck up.

"What the fuck!“ You repeated, standing up and bringing your laptop with you as you migrated into your office, turning on the lights and then sitting back down at your office table. This felt like official business. You wanted to really be able to take it in.

And Steve? Well, he was just waiting for you to finish reacting, all the while his eyes slowly watching you on the screen, his chest filling up with worry. He shouldn’t have, he really shouldn’t have, even if it were in the name of bettering himself and fixing things with you. But he knew he couldn’t panic again, couldn’t retract out of fear. He would face this, even if it meant having to endure a reaction from you.

The worst that could happen was you could expose him and it would lead to some unnecessarily huge scandal. Even worse, it could turn out that you were not to be trusted, and that somehow this would take a turn for the dangerous. But he had known that all along. He had thought about it long and hard before he made the decision to show himself, and he still did. So there was no turning back now.

"Are you kidding me?” you barked, not out of anger but out of pure confusion - you felt like you had to assume this sort of accusatory position to defend yourself, whether or not he was real. And if he was, you had some choice words to say.

"Moonrose…“ Steve said, the first time he was speaking ever since he turned on the camera.

You focused in on the way his lips moved and his careful expression, the way he spoke slowly and calmly, like he was approaching a scared animal who was ready to attack. All of his words would be calculated, you could tell in the way his eyebrows came together, the way he watched your reaction as if he were concerned for your own well being. And to admit it, he was to some extent. He understood your freak out, but he was trying to be calm to avoid a meltdown that would ruin the both of them, depending on what you decided to do in the midst of said meltdown.

"Okay. You’re talking,” you noted, blinking. Maybe if he hadn’t spoken you could slam your laptop shut and brush this off as some sort of glitch in the matrix. You still had questions. You were a smart woman. You weren’t about to be played. “How do I know you aren’t a deepfake?”

Steve furrowed his brows. All his years in this business and some of this new technology was still hard for him to keep up with,

"What?“

You ignored his confusion and continued on. Your request was more like a command, Steve felt like he was back in the army again.

"Blink,” you commanded.

You wanted to see if you could spot any inconsistencies in him, just to cross out the idea that the person in front of you could be generated by an algorithm. Was it desperate? Maybe, but not unnecessary. If you were talking to Steve Rogers you bet your ass you would make sure he was real.

Steve wanted to ask why, but he figured he was best not going against your wishes in any way. So he blinked, and to your wondrous disdain, it seemed legitimate. You felt some sort of marvelous sinking feeling in your chest. Like this - your career, your customer interactions, your life - was realer than you had signed up for. Everywhere you turned these days, something was surprising you. But what made this sinking feeling so brilliant was the fact that you were seeing Steve. And you weren’t just seeing anyone, you were seeing Steve Rogers. That was a big deal.

A quick bark of laughter escaped from your lips - first because of the fact that you thought you could prove whether or not what you were seeing on the screen was real, when all signs pointed to yes, and second because you were in genuine shock, processing what had happened to you. But you were laughing because it was almost funny. Lately your life had thrown you so many curveballs. It was almost unbelievably hilarious that of all the people in the world, Steve would be this Steve in particular. The universe would broaden those slim chances just for you.

And for what? You wondered. Maybe it was a test to see if you would break down again. But really, you had no reason to. You weren’t necessarily upset over this revelation, in fact it made the discrepancies of your relationship with Steve make a whole lot more sense. It made the blow less heavy. So you weren’t upset. You weren’t on the verge of tears or a brand new breakdown that would take you weeks to recover from - you were just sitting motionless in a soup of disbelief.

It was kind of cool, though. This whole time you were talking to Steve Rogers, the Captain America. It was also worrisome, because you thought there might have been some reason in particular that he chose you, although you couldn’t figure out why for the life of you. The most illegal thing you’d done in the past few years was neglect a couple of parking tickets and have a few underage drinks.

"How do I know I’m really talking to Captain America?“ you asked, narrowing your eyes at him through the screen.

Steve sighed as if resigning and reached over beside him, where from behind his bed frame he pulled out the shield, showing it on camera like it was nothing. You squinted and folded your arms, observing it up close.

"That could be anything,” you raised a brow, and Steve sighed again, this time closing his eyes.

"It’s me. Really. I don’t know how else I could prove it to you.“

When you heard his voice again, the pure intention in his voice, hoping that you’d believe him, it all seemed to click. And any shred of denial you had left was gone, defeated by acceptance.

"Jesus,” you breathed out, looking at him in silence for a second and then shaking your head, confused. “You know so many girls on here would kill to talk to you? I mean, seriously. I have a friend who dresses up in Avengers cosplay every night and uses a dildo the same colors as your shield. So why me? You know there’s nothing illegal about what I’m doing, right? I can’t get in trouble for this.”

You realized you were sort of rambling and not making any sense, but this was one of those times where you let yourself. What was the appropriate response to this? The answer - there was none. Also, you wanted to make sure you were in the clear. Though you doubted Captain America would be prowling against sex workers, you had to make your innocence obvious in general. It was like you hadn’t considered that maybe Steve, like anyone else, had needs, and that you were just helping him fulfill those needs… until it spiraled into, well, this.

"Listen,“ Steve started.

Even he hardly knew what to say. For all the time he had spent thinking about this decision, he was starting to feel that he wasn’t really thinking at all. He didn’t know how he would de-escalate the situation, and he didn’t know what exactly he would say. He just figured it would provide a sense of relief for him and hopefully for you too, as well as resolve any discrepancies in why he stopped talking to you.

But now he felt like maybe this was just his selfish excuse for the fact that he wanted more, and that he was willing to show his face because of that fact. Did he feel better? Slightly. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest now that you were talking again, now that he was seeing you again. The feeling was so odd, a kind of weird lightheartedness that didn’t feel like it belonged.

He finally chose his words.

"I’m sorry. For everything. I… I don’t even know what to say right now.”

"You’re telling me,“ you responded with raised eyebrows.

The situation may have been weird and more than either of you could deal with, but it was nice talking to him. The face was nothing like you had been expecting at all. But it was still Steve… right?

"Really, though. I want to apologize. And I don’t have to show my face to do that, but I feel like I need to. I’m sorry for how things ended last time. I was afraid of the things that could happen if I let myself open up to you. I was trying to be extremely careful, and I let that take over me. It wasn’t fair to you to detach myself the way I did,” Steve explained slowly, and you listened, taking in each and every word.

It wasn’t hard to understand. It made sense why he wouldn’t want to open up to someone on the internet, being who he was. Still, you wished he hadn’t been so sudden about it. You’d wished you could’ve at least understood him a little, so it didn’t end out like that.

He continued,

"And I’m sorry for enabling any of this at all, even though I don’t regret it any more. It’s not that I don’t think you’d be able to handle that kind of communication or that I found you immature. It’s that I think I wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of communication. And… and I was beating myself up for letting things go so far the way they did instead of just realizing… just realizing that…“

He swallowed down his words a bit, but you were curious, leaning your head in as if to prompt him. All his words were reassuring, a genuine apology. Like he was making up for his own failure, explaining his own faults. It made you feel a whole lot less naive and it cleared up so much for you, after things were left so blurry. And you were surprised he was even giving you an explanation. Why did he come back, if he were so busy and had weaned himself of you already? Why was someone of his importance being so caring when he didn’t have to be at all?

You wanted to know.

"Realizing what?” you asked.

"That what we had wasn’t something I could just brush off because I was scared. That just because a strong connection like that intimidates me doesn’t mean trying to pretend it doesn’t exist will help. It’s not like me, honest. I value loyalty above all else. I consider you a friend, and I wasn’t loyal to you. And I’m sorry.“

The thoughts in your brain were running a mile a minute. If anything, you weren’t expecting this to begin with. But an apology? You weren’t expecting that at all, from the Steve you once knew, or from Captain America. And now that you could see who he was, this connection you had felt like something you were more willing to lean into. You were more willing to be honest about the fact that you liked each other, and not just for the purpose of your work.

You had so many customers who considered you a friend, but not in this way. Not in the genuine way, where even though you serviced him, you weren’t being nice because of that. If he had been just some rando, you might have been able to brush his words off easier. And you wouldn’t even be entertaining the idea of a conversation that was this exclusive, this revealing. Had he been anyone else, this wouldn’t be happening. But you’d seen who he was, on the news and in the public world, and through a screen. It just made it easier to want to trust him and his intentions.

And right now, it sounded like Steve was genuinely sorry, and that he felt like he had let down a friend. And you were both surprised and ecstatic that he saw you in that way. It wasn’t every day a public figure like Steve Rogers wanted to talk to you. It felt like speaking with an old friend, so mundane and nonchalant, yet so out of the norm.

Yet, even though you were happy to be talking with him, you couldn’t help but criticize his methods. You thought of how he had thrown you completely off guard while you were in this carefree disposition, but you didn’t forget that it was your reaction that mattered.

Your reaction would set the feel for the entire week. You were proud of yourself for not allowing the kind of reaction that would send you back to the place you had spent time getting out of. You were glad that this revelation didn’t ruin the good mood that had been curated over the past few hours during the night out. He had just come out of the blue, and was giving some hearty apology that you weren’t even prepared for in the slightest. Uttering your next words, you shook your head slowly as you expressed your feelings of disappointment in him.

"I’m glad you’ve come to your senses. And, I can understand where you’re coming from. But I can’t help but think that this isn’t like you, or it shouldn’t be. I mean, you’re kind of a big deal. You should know how to handle your feelings instead of just leaving me out of the blue and then coming back to reveal that you’re… well, you! It’s really a lot to take in, I would hope you’re not missing that.”

Steve nodded, glad that you were expressing yourself. It didn’t upset him that you were calling him out- if anything, he deserved it, and he liked someone that could point out his own wrongdoings, although that wasn’t because he wasn’t responsible for himself. He liked a woman who could call him out, but he didn’t need a woman who could stay on top of him, because he was adult enough to do it himself. There was a difference, and distinct levels of maturity that came with that difference.

He had been so engulfed in his own shortcomings and anxieties and that wasn’t fair to you, nor was coming back and doing this big reveal, being as prolific a person as he was. To be fair though, he hadn’t really been thinking logically in the moments before he showed you who he was. But you had made all correct points - he was supposed to be the smart adult in the situation and communicate efficiently - you understood why that hadn’t happened, but you just wanted to bring it to the table. You were vocal about your feelings. You didn’t just make excuses for people.

“Yeah. I know. It’s silly of me, I was thinking of myself and stressing over the details. So, I’m sorry, I know that wasn’t very heroic of me. I feel a little selfish, because I don’t want knowing who I am to put any added stress on you,” Steve became slightly sheepish, apologizing for the fact that he was who he was, and that he was intentionally revealing himself to you despite his high importance.

You had settled into the reality of the situation, and ever since you took the time for yourself to heal, this sort of rolled off your back. Another conflict down, just like that. You were ready to take on more surprises, more shock. Maybe a month ago something like this would’ve blown you out of the water and put you on edge, especially if it were in tandem with the stressful things you were already going through.

But now, you were mellowed out. And you were thankful for the fact that you had been on a night out before this, the drinks in your system and the fun you had had definitely took the edge off, made you feel more in the moment without the anxieties of the present.

So you almost laughed it off, genuinely chuckling.

“You don’t sound cocky at all,” you joked sarcastically, and Steve made a playful face.

“What’s that mean?”

You did your best impression of him, putting on airs and sitting up high and mighty, imitating his voice,

"I’m sorry that I’m Steve Rogers, defender of justice. Here’s my shield, no big deal. Next caller.“

Steve chuckled, lowering his head,

"Oh, is that how I sound?”

You shook your head slowly and playfully,

“Without a doubt. And by the way, the fact that you sleep next to your shield? Classic.”

“Not next to it, it’s just beside the bed frame,” Steve defended himself, playing along with the joke.

“Same thing,” you teased, with a dismissive wave of your hand.

A beat went by, silence. The two of you sitting in the acknowledgment of what you had, staring at the other on the screen. Sated, but not elated by what had just happened. As for Steve, he felt much more relaxed. Like he was in a better place, now that he had explained himself to the only person who it made a difference for. Now that he had finally broken past that wall of fear. And he wasn’t thinking about the future, wasn’t worrying his head off about the possible consequences of what he was doing, though there were so many that his brain could think up. Instead he was just sitting in his good feeling, floating in it.

He was being honest with himself, with no fear of what that meant. So many times he pushed back opportunities like this because of his own fear, or because he convinced himself he was too busy to pursue something like this. And though it wasn’t like you two were dating or in an official relationship, there was something between you. It was clear that you liked each other, more than just in the way a customer would. And instead of running from that spark, Steve was letting it shine. Whether it turned out to be something more ot not wasn’t what you two were worried about. It was just sitting in the moment. Although, the silence, the attraction in your gazes made you wonder where to go from here.

Would Steve be continuing to attend your shows, and carry on like normal? Would he want to talk more, now that he had gotten rid of this fear he was telling you about? Your mind wasn’t going too far on that front - you weren’t thinking of technical things, like what this would mean when it came to your relationship with Steve, that seemed like it was outlandish to be talking about. You weren’t pursuing anything with him and he didn’t seem to be pursuing anything with him. But you wanted to know what the hell would happen after this?

“So… what now?” you asked calmly - because you weren’t worried about what was next, you just wondered.

Steve took in a deep breath, slowly shrugging his shoulders up and down. He raised his brows,

“I dunno. What’s important to me is what’s important to you. What are you hoping for?”

“I’m not hoping for anything,” you replied, and to hear yourself say those words was such a relief. You were done wanting anything from men, or anyone, or hoping that they would follow through with your desires. Your hopes for how other people would act always spiraled into desperate measures, and that wasn’t you any more. You continued, “Also, you’re the one who wanted to clear things up. I think what’s next is your decision.”

“You’re right,” Steve nodded. That was fair enough. He didn’t want to put any of this on you. To him, it was a matter of how this relationship would progress. He wanted to know you on a base level, not just through this. He wanted to know you the same way he knew a normal friend. He saw you as that, why not make things that way? But for now, it was best to just take things slow. Not out of fear, but for the sake of reality. “I guess I just want to get to know you on a real level. Not as a customer, but as a friend.”

Steve’s words struck a realization in you. Not only were you talking to Steve, but you had also performed for him. He knew your o-face. And that wasn’t something that embarrassed you, because it was your job, and you were very comfortable with your sexuality because of your job. But knowing now that you were performing for Captain America? It felt like the stakes were just a bit higher, and you always put on a good show.

And it was just a tad bit flustering to know that the man you gave your all to sexually, the man whose groans and moans turned you on to no end, the man who needed you to please him, was Steve Rogers. Unbelievable, yet the proof was in front of you. You’d be lying if it didn’t make you feel powerful to know that you had been the reason that a whole Avenger was pleasuring himself almost every night.

“Huh. So do I still show you my ass?” you asked, masking your flustered state with humor.

A laugh tumbled out of Steve’s lips, and you could see him turning a shade of pink, see his face change as he got what he could only describe as flashbacks. You smirked at the impact you seemed to have on him. He cleared his throat so his voice wouldn’t break as he continued, smiling shyly at the camera,

"Uh,“ he started, realizing he hadn’t quite formulated a response. He chuckled nervously. "If-if you want to.”

You nearly snorted, feeling especially devious now,

“Wow, Steve, I’m shocked. After all this time, I still make you nervous?”

You kind of felt like the shit. Who else could say they successfully got Steve Rogers off, without even touching him? You were the only one who could make him feel this way, and he didn’t have to say it out loud, he already knew it. There was a reason he chose you specifically. The minute he saw you, he was drawn to you. That hadn’t changed.

He chuckled at your question,

“I’m not such a tough guy when it comes to these things.”

“Oh, but that can change. Trust me, I’ve seen it,” you commented, and you both knew what you were talking about - the time when you had taught Steve how to be more dominant with you. That was probably one of your more intense sessions with him.

“Really though, I do want to get to know you better. You’re a friend to me. I want it to feel like a friendship. If you’re comfortable with that.”

“I think so,” you responded. Again, it was only because it was him that you were agreeing to this. But you didn’t quite know how to make that happen, because it never had before. “I guess it’s just a question of how to be friends outside of this.”

Steve shrugged,

“We could talk outside of this. If you’re okay with doing that.”

You raised a brow, sort of surprised at that suggestion,

“Are you? I mean, what are you thinking?”

Steve felt secure enough that he wanted to be able to talk to you outside of this site, as long as he wasn’t being reckless with his communication. He didn’t want there to be some way for important information to leak if he started talking to you on his phone, or give up too much personal information of his own. But he knew he wanted to talk to you outside of just this site, and hear your voice, too.

“There’s gotta be some way we can talk more frequently. I’m not really a texting guy, but I have… several phones. Some are for business and some are for-”

"Talking to cam girls online,“ you filled in the blank.

"Sure. Except you’re my friend. Who happens to be a sex worker.”

You laughed, grinning at him, a warm feeling blossoming in your chest at the fragile correction,

“Got it. I mean, I have a phone number. I’m sure one of your techie friends can find a way for us to text without revealing too much personal information, if that’s what you’re thinking about. But hey, you know I’m not gonna like… I don’t know, try to rob the Avengers.”

Steve nodded understandingly.

“No, I understand that. It’s just, I don’t know, a precaution thing. A job thing. It’s less personal and more just, professional.”

"Hm. Do you usually hide your number from friends?“ you asked inquisitively, raising an eyebrow.

"Sometimes,” Steve said shortly, then sighing as he began to think of the circumstances. This friendship was different from one he ever had. It was so based on trust and making slow progress, within the boundaries you both had to set. “You make a good point. I’ll think about it,” Steve decided.

“Here, we can compromise. I have two snapchats. One is a private snapchat, a special treat for loyal customers, and the other is my regular snapchat. The private is for nudes, the regular one is for… my life. You can see my boobs and my hiking trips. And, we can text on my regular snapchat, like friends would. But, just to be clear, you’re… still a customer, right? You can be both a friend and a customer. Huh. Now that I’m saying that out loud, I realize that a lot of my friends have seen me naked.”

Steve laughed, and you grinned just at the sight of his smile. It was nice to hear his voice, but it was more than enough to be able to see the face that went along with it. Maybe this was the start to your friendship.

“I get that. And I’ll always be a customer. But I think, maybe for a few days, it would be healthy for me to just see you as you. It would feel weird watching my… friend, you know,” Steve couldn’t even complete that sentence, and he wasn’t quite sure how he could.

You did a lot of sexual stuff on camera, it wasn’t just one thing. But it was how he felt. He wanted it to feel like a refresh. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to see you that way at all, but it was the old fashioned part of him that made him feel like he needed to see you as just you. He continued,

“You know, not while you’re performing as Moonrose.”

“Sure, I can appreciate that,” you nodded. “But in the meantime, don’t be a stranger on here. I actually like doing those things for you.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’ll definitely be back,” Steve replied quickly - there wasn’t a big enough old fashioned bone in his body to keep him from interacting with you the way the site was designed for. He needed you in that way, he knew that was undeniable. But first, a fresh start. “And the Snapchat thing sounds good. You do have to teach me how to use it, though.”

"Sure, Steve,“ you smiled. You felt some sort of excited pang in your chest, like this was the start of something new and good.

Lately you’d been circulating in such good energy, and even though this came to you as a shock, the end result was so positive. You were glad to be returning to interacting with Steve, to be feeling the joyous depth of this connection that you had. You were glad that he was who he was, because it made it that much more fun to talk to him, it felt like some sort of special occasion. Because you knew Captain America, without knowing that you knew him. And now you were becoming friends with him, and it was almost normal because you had been talking to him for so long. It was hard for you to get a clear grasp on, it was so unexpected, so irregular. But it was exciting. A rush, and not in a toxic, thrilling way. It was a fulfilling and wholesome rush, one that made you feel full.

"Oh, and by the way,” Steve added, the thought just coming up in his mind. “What’s your real name?”

You were practically beaming. Never in your life would you have expected to be telling this to a customer, to be becoming friends. But he was asking, and you were willing to respond. You wanted him to know you, just as he wanted to know you.

“My name is Y/N,” you said, like you were letting out a breath and taking in fresh air. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face when he heard your real name, how it sounded just right coming from your lips, and he decided he wanted to say it all the time.

"Hi Y/N. I’m Steve. Nice to finally meet you.“

| | |

"What’s got you giggling like a schoolgirl with a crush on teacher?” Sam inquired as he walked into the kitchen, catching sight of Steve leaning over the counter, his phone in his hand, an unlikely grin on his face, laughter coming from his normally pouty lips.

Steve just looked up from his phone, trying to appear as serious as possible. Sam’s observation wasn’t totally off, after all. For the past week or so, you and Steve had been talking through Snapchat, a different means of communication like how you discussed. You taught Steve how to download it, which was an experience unique to you and you only.

How many people could say they taught the strongest, smartest supersoldier out there how to download and create a Snapchat account? (All while you were teaching him how to use the app, he kept insisting “I’m not that old”, to which you did nothing to reassure him that he wasn’t). Anyways, Steve had been preoccupying himself with that as of late.

During this time, the spring period of the year, the Avengers were a lot less busy, and had a lot more downtime on their hands. He spent that downtime on Snapchat with you, and with his team in real life. And it was safe to say, he was back up again. But not in the almost superficial, hyper-pleased way that he was when he first met you, the kind of happiness that was like a sugar high that crashed hard. No, this time he was happy, truly. There were no blurred lines between the two of you at the moment, only honesty, only truth.

So when he watched your Snapchat stories on your regular snapchat and got to see your real life, he was always highly entertained. He truly wrapped himself into your hiking adventures, study sessions and student life, your daily acai bowls, all the outfits you were making, all the things you enjoyed. You weren’t perfect, but he admired you so much. You were hardworking and adventurous. You made everything you did beautiful, and you only wanted beautiful energy around you - you exuded energy of that very same magnitude.

And plus, you were always sending him funny snaps - pictures of yourself with filters on them, updates about your day, or just posts you saw that you found funny. It was so good to be interacting on a humane, friend level. He could admit he got caught up sometimes, like in this very moment.

He switched off his phone, putting it in the back pocket of his sweatpants, and offered a small smile to Sam, who was teasing him.

“Hello to you too,” Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

He wouldn’t answer that question though. Even though he was much more comfortable with you, he still didn’t want his business revolving around you to circulate. But this time it wasn’t out of fear, it was simply because he wanted to keep things private and be smart about it. He still knew that his team would probably be concerned if he was talking to you at this level, that he let it get this far, but he wasn’t exactly worried about that. 

He just didn’t want to deal with the controversy if he told them about you. For now, this was just something for him. Not secretive, but not public, either. The shift was similar to your own healing transition - Steve was less robust and scared, less type A about the whole situation.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look at your phone like that. I don’t even think I’ve seen you on your phone… at all,” Sam continued, though he wasn’t pressing Steve, he was just curious.

Everyone had taken notice, once again, of Steve’s shift in energy - they wondered if it would be permanent or if he would just become withdrawn or irritable once again. And they wondered what brought these shifts on, but they mainly just admired the moments like these. Maybe it was just the fact that it was getting nicer outside, that the skies were clear and blue, and that they weren’t overwhelmed with work.

Steve dodged the question yet again, watching as Sam filled up a water bottle.

“First time for everything, huh?”

Sam grinned mischievously,

“My man Steve. Finally adjusting to the times.”

Steve chuckled silently - he was adjusting more than Sam even knew.

And when it came to you, you were glad to have Steve in your life. He wasn’t a priority to you, and that was a good feeling. He was just someone you liked talking to, a friend who you felt you had a deep connection with. You were glad that you had each cleared your feelings up, that you decided to make this compromise in order to be friends, in order to revive and live through that connection that you both acknowledged you had.

“You could say that,” Steve grinned at Sam, who was in athletic clothing and was filling up a water bottle at the fridge.

“Going for a run. Wanna come with?” Sam asked, Steve smirking playfully as he folded his muscular arms, which bulged through his t-shirt. He was already in athletic wear - a tshirt and sweatpants - he was ready any time.

“That something you really wanna do right now?” Steve teased.

After taking a big gulp of water, Sam pointed at Steve, indicating that the competition was on,

“Try me.”

Steve shook his head and laughed,

“Sure, why not?”

As Steve and Sam embarked on their afternoon run, they were followed by the sound of snapping cameras and flashing lights, which was normal for any Avenger doing anything. Though, press generally respected their wishes and didn’t ask them any questions or bother them much, they were still there. Though, it was generally something Steve could ignore, and this time in particular it didn’t bother him much. He was too wrapped up in the moment, the warm spring breeze against his face as he ran alongside his close friend, the thought of you fresh in his mind, the image of your smile burning in his brain.

All these things kept him warm, and Steve was glad. He was much too used to the cold.

✺ ✺ ✺

You liked talking to Steve - scratch that, you loved talking to Steve. If you had a connection before, it was undeniable now. It was really him. And knowing that, you could sink into the comfort of talking to him. Neither of you felt like there was anything to be afraid of. You were just friends, and it was great like that, even if you both knew you had the bursting potential to be more. 

Of course you understood the romantic undertones of your relationship, they’d been there from the start, first under the guise of flirting, then stretched out as you spoke to one another and got to know each other. And now that you actually knew each other, the possibilities for more were right above your heads, all it would take was a little reach.

But you weren’t quite thinking of that. You knew it, but you let yourself rest in the friendship you had now. You were still taking care of yourself, not focusing on your love life at the moment. But if the feeling should become so pressing, who were you to deny it? You would be lying to yourself if you did, and probably denying yourself a good thing. You only wanted good things.

Each day, when you thought about your situation with Steve, your heart swelled up with the magic of your beautiful secret. No one could know, of course, but it was nice to know for yourself. If there were anybody that you were going to tell, it would be Aaliyah - she usually found things anyway.

You were getting to see him as the real Steve Rogers - not Captain America, not The Man Out of Time, not the Steve Rogers that all the news stories reported on - though he wasn’t quite different from the loyal, strong minded and good natured person that he was known to be. And although you knew it was so special to talk to someone like him, you didn’t idolize it as much after that week, and that was good. It meant that you really did have the capacity to be friends with each other.

Out of respect for Steve, and because you were being smart, you decided that you would tell no one. You didn’t want to sacrifice the fact that every day you were talking to the one and only Steve Rogers on Snapchat, and he was your friend. You enjoyed sending him things just as much as he liked receiving things. You’d taught him how to use it, but he was still getting used to all the oddities and newness of Snapchat - filters, bitmojis, all that. It was still cool to know that you had this exclusive way to talk to an Avenger. If you weren’t smart, you’d tell it on the mountains.

You were just opening a snapchat from him, a picture of him and The Falcon, yet Steve had the audacity to caption it: “Out with a friend.” Looking at the picture, your eyes went wide, glancing between Steve and Sam and not being able to decide who to focus on. You slowly realized there would be more perks to talking to Steve than just Steve - after all, he was a part of a team with the rest of the greats. The perks weren’t all you cared about, but they definitely garnered a reaction. 

You were fixated on the image, hardly paying attention to Aaliyah who was in front of you. Again you were out for brunch together. You’d decided to take up your tradition of Sunday girls brunch yet again, ever since you’d started up therapy and your self proclaimed healing process. But what was great about that process was that you were in a space where you could say that you were happy. Still on ground, but at least you weren’t beneath the surface of the earth.

"Hello! Earth to YN!“ Aaliyah exclaimed, waving her hand in front of your face.

Quickly, you turned off your phone, the image of Steve and Sam disappearing (but how badly you wanted to screenshot it), and set it down on the table, letting a smile replace your entranced features. You folded your arms and tried to appear as nonchalant as possible. Luckily, Aaliyah didn’t get on your ass about whatever was on your phone, because she had other things on her mind.

"What’s up?” you quirked your eyebrow, taking a sip of your green juice.

"You know what’s up. I’ve been trying to ask you about Alex all week,“ Aaliyah raised her eyebrows, and you nearly chortled at the mention of his name.

You remembered that incident, it had only been a week ago. But that was a moment of spontaneity. You weren’t thinking of seeing him again, but Aaliyah seemed to have other plans.

"What about him?” you smirked, biting down on your straw.

"You know ‘what about him’! You were sucking his face and then you never spoke again, that’s what about him,“ Aaliyah replied.

You rolled your eyes playfully, but a blush came to your cheeks as you remembered the events that went down. Lucky for you though, both you and Alex had agreed that you weren’t looking for anything. So you felt fine just leaving it the way it was. You liked those moments of spontaneity, liked the fact that you didn’t need to worry.

"And let’s leave it just like that,” you grinned, and Aaliyah leaned back in her chair, impressed.

“Hmm. This is interesting for you. You really aren’t a hookup girl, I mean, not in real life. I’d think you wanted something more out of that.”

Aaliyah was right, you weren’t a hookup girl. You had your attractions in the past, but even before your boyfriend, you’d been more traditional. You were attractive and flirtatious though, so you’d had a small amount of flings and hookups, but it wasn’t your style. You did it so much on the internet to begin with. In real life, you had a good balance of spontaneity and regularity. But this was different. 

You had done what you did with Alex for yourself, for your own pleasure with no strings attached, with the knowledge that this wouldn’t be followed by the long, winding road of trust exercises and disappointment that came with an actual relationship. And it inadvertently taught you to stop resisting when you wanted someone, even if it didn’t mean you’d be together forever. Would you do it again? Probably not. You’d satisfied that small craving you had.

In response to Aaliyah, you simply shrugged and said,

“I guess there’s just more in store for me.” 

✺ ✺ ✺

After the run with Sam, Steve took a hot shower and let the water run down his body. As always, hot showers brought along thinking sessions. Usually Steve thought of the things he’d lost, the things he still had yet to adjust to. But right now, all he had on his mind was you. And it didn’t make him melancholy or nervous the way that it did in the past. 

This time he just thought of you with sweet pleasure, without even touching himself. And he thought of the things Bucky had said about trust, just a little while before he’d revealed his face to you; about how at surface level it can appear hard to trust someone, but that gut instinct reveals who you could trust, even if it didn’t seem like you should. And you were gaining Steve’s trust steadfastly.

To Steve, it was crazy that you had only just started talking to each other on this level. You felt much closer. It made sense, because you’d spoken for so much time before, but it wasn’t the same as how you were speaking now. It was developing, quick and easy, it wasn’t hard for Steve to call you his friend.

And maybe, even more. The same with you, Steve had known the romantic potentials of your relationship - it was a part of what had scared him off at first. He knew it, maybe even more than you did. Because while you solely acknowledged the romantic potential, Steve could feel himself looking a bit more into it. He was wondering what it might be like to be closer to you- the beautiful pros and even the cons. He wanted to know how much closer he could get, to satisfy the feeling of simply wanting to be closer. He couldn’t get enough of you and your cute quirks and the conversations you had together outside of the cam site.

Being friends with you was more than enough, but the feelings that were bubbling up were hard to ignore. They made him so vibrant, and it was noticeable. He kept his head on his shoulders, but not pinned on too hard. Some part of him thought that maybe he was just letting his head go too far in the clouds because he wasn’t used to being this spontaneous, wasn’t used to the feeling of earning a new friend under such exclusive circumstances. That the freshness of the situation was getting him overexcited, and that maybe he was more of an old fuddy duddy than he realized. But another part of him thought that this was a slow blooming realization, and that he shouldn’t clip it while it was still budding.

It was exciting, it was nerve wracking. He had felt this way before the reveal, but it was crushed beneath the ruins of his own anxieties and fears. Now that he felt he was free to connect in this way, he was hopeful, like there really was something out there for him. Months ago, he thought looking for love was pretty much a dead end, and something he didn’t have the time for. Now, even though he wasn’t infatuated, he was a bit more optimistic about the fact that there was something here for him, something he had passed roadblocks to get to. 

He was already learning from you, he could only imagine what you could teach each other if you got closer. And so, the possibility, no matter how reachable or unreachable it was, intrigued him. He was walking around with the ghost of a smile on his face because of it. Again, he wasn’t completely gone off you. The feeling was like he was just dipping his toes in to a very deep pool.

He was lying in bed, opening another snap from you. No filter, no makeup, just you in bed on your side, the sheets over your head, a small smile to match your sleepy eyes. The caption read: “goodnight!” Steve couldn’t help but feel special about the fact that he got to see you up close like this, outside of your Moonrose act, stripped down, the same way you felt special about the fact that you were texting someone like him. He looked at the picture for far too long, in the same position as you, smiling before he was able to realize he was even doing it. If he could feel all these things just by looking at you, a friend, he knew there was more to come. And finally, he was thinking he could be open to that.

Thinking that he could want to take things further, on his own initiative.


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN | ISSA LOOK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> note: omg YALLLLL this chapter took me so long to write and was lowkey frustrating i hope y’all love ittttt 
> 
> there’s some teaaaa towards the end y’all!! and i’m soooo excited to see where their relationship goes
> 
> this is i think the longest chapter of girls on film? BEAR WITH ME!!
> 
> warnings: age gap, masturbation, sexually frustrated steve!, feelingsss <3, mentions of weed & alcohol
> 
> word count: 10.7k

“Okay, now twirl around for me a little.”

Aaliyah threw her head back with laughter as she followed through with your request and spun around, her dress lifting up while she turned, a smile on her face all the while. The light hit her just right against the brick wall she was posing in front of, and you chuckled as you snapped a photo on your cheap - but functioning - camera. You paused to look through the pictures and grinned as you scrolled through the selection.

"I keep telling you my cousin takes pictures, she could’ve hooked us up with a photoshoot photoshoot, like a real one.“

"I know,” you grinned, speaking quietly as you were still focusing on the results of the pictures you’d just taken. “I wanna do everything myself though, you know?”

You squinted through your sunblocked eyes as you looked up at your beautiful best friend, continuing,

“Total creative control.”

Aaliyah gazed down at you in admiration, and pushed up the sunglasses that you designed,

“That’s YN for you. Independent in every way. How’d the pictures come out?”

Aaliyah bounded up next to you, unable to contain all her excitement to see herself in your clothes. Today was the long awaited photoshoot that you and Aaliyah had been organizing for the past week, a photoshoot wherein Aaliyah modeled for your brand. You organized it together, just the two of you, and put together a plan. You were always ready to organize something, which was why you performed so well at all your jobs - student, state rep office intern, and camgirl.

But this was more than just logic and planning, you truly put your heart and soul into this, because even though you did a lot already, you were centering your clothing brand as your main focus as the summer and graduation drew closer. After college, you’d have to figure your life out. Aaliyah would be trying her hand at med school, but with your Environmental Studies major, you didn’t figure that you would be attending grad school. You could get an entry level job somewhere, a place that was similar to your job as an intern at the state rep office, because you could advocate for environmental policy there.

Or you could continue working where you worked, but you figured after graduation it would be best to shift. You already had your own place, and had moved out of college dorms at the end of your sophomore year, so you had no reason to move. But regardless of what you ended up doing as a career, you were excited for free time to continue your clothing brand.

You had already created the website, and you were going to be putting up listings following this photoshoot in which Aaliyah modeled all the clothing you had available. This was an exciting day for both of you, you felt like you were moving into the next step of your life and Aaliyah was so glad to be supporting you. You showed her the pictures while she squealed in awe, the both of you clamoring over which ones were the best. You felt grateful for this moment, and prayed there would be more like this to come. Right now was only the beginning.

"Issa look!“ you chimed excitedly, pointing at one of the pictures of Aaliyah in a pair of distressed jeans and a tube top you had sewn.

"YN, I’m seriously so proud of you,” Aaliyah said suddenly, and more serious than usual, making you look up from the camera.

You smiled bashfully,

"Thank you, babes.“

"No, but really though. These past few months just watching you and being your friend has been amazing. Like you’ve grown so much, it’s crazy. And now you’re here finally starting your own brand. I know we’re gonna be doing different shit once college is over but I’m so excited to see what more comes out of this, and who you become.”

You nearly teared up at Aaliyah’s words. She had really been by your side ever since you met, but especially over the past few months, and without even fully knowing what was going on. She might have known about your toxic ex, but you’d hardly spoken to her about Steve. Before you found out who he was, it was just a fun thing, and you only talked about it in joking spirits - but not too much, because you didn’t want it to seem like it was serious. And now that you knew who he was, you didn’t talk about him at all - she didn’t even know that he’d ghosted you.

But the fact that she stayed by your side all that time, watching you crumble and watching you build yourself back up again, oblivious to the entire story, made you feel so grateful for her. You had done the same for her and she would always do the same for you. The reciprocation wasn’t transactional, it was mutual and out of love.

Now you were slowly but surely moving on to the next chapters of your lives. While that wouldn’t change how close you were, it would mean that you wouldn’t be on the same campus day in and day out, and that could make things different. But you were glad to know you had a friend like her to hold you down.

Days like this where you were thriving, making progress, getting shit done, were days where you felt your best.

✺ ✺ ✺

It had been a little over a week since Steve started talking to you on Snapchat, figuring the ins and outs of the ten second videos you would send to him or post on your story, how to customize his Bitmoji to look like him (something you guided him through), and even how to send snapchats himself. You were much more advanced than him when it came to that, though, and you never failed to make fun of Steve for his lack of knowledge on how to take a proper selfie. But as much as Steve loved the fun of Snapchat and the new way to communicate with you as just you, he couldn’t help but feel like there could still be more.

And again, he thought that maybe it was possible he was getting eager and hopeful to the point of illusion. Like maybe he was only feeling this way because this was all so new to him and the euphoria that came with this new, exclusive friendship was leading to delirium. But it was a small part of him that felt this way, and he had spent enough time thinking about it to have logical conversations with himself about it. He wasn’t letting it drag him down, nor was he drowning in his thoughts.

No, that was what he would’ve done before. Like you, he had been through some sort of growth, even while he was in the slump that was induced after he stopped talking to you. He realized it was time to stop resisting out of fear and just communicate honestly with himself what he wanted, instead of just sinking into the same cycles he used to let himself go through when he was avoiding the truth.

And so that was why despite this small thought he had, that he was going overboard because he wasn’t used to this kind of situation, he didn’t brush it off completely. He knew that this tugging feeling at his heartstrings was there for a reason, that if he were to ignore it, he’d either give in dangerously, or miss a beautiful opportunity.

He was taking things slow though, which was why he wasn’t just diving straight into the feelings of more intimate attraction that he knew could definitely be there if the both of you just pushed the blinds back a little. What he knew he wanted now though, was the opportunity to continue talking to you on a deeper level. Snapchat was nice, but it felt a bit artificial.

There was only so much that you could do to communicate on a real level over the internet, seeing as you lived on the other side of the country from each other. Steve might have been old fashioned for wanting more, when there was only so much he could get.

But he felt like there was an option for even more personal interaction, though having you on Snapchat felt incredibly intimate - seeing no one else on the cam site got to see your regular life like this. He started to think about the brief conversation he had with you in which you were trying to decide how to communicate safely and personally outside of the Girls on Film site. One of the methods that came up was texting. But for the sake of safety, Steve had denied that form of communication.

Now, though, he was having second thoughts, spurred on by a moment he caught between Natasha and Tony while he was in the meeting room going through paperwork.

They had been sitting in the meeting room too, Natasha just scrolling through one of her many phones with her feet up on the table before her, a red twizzler sitting in her mouth.

"Mind taking your feet off the table?“ Tony asked shortly, glaring at Natasha and the way she was sitting.

"Why?” Natasha droned, eyes slowly moving to meet Tony’s.

"Uh, how ‘bout because it’s incredibly expensive material and I just got it professionally cleaned.“

"No one asks you to get the tables professionally cleaned you bourgeoise ass,” Natasha snapped back, but she put her legs down anyways, continuing to tap away on her phone.

Steve was just regarding their snapping at each other as background music, and not really paying much attention. Natasha sighed suddenly,

"I don’t understand why it’s so hard for these buyers to understand that I can’t give them my real number. Like, am I giving mixed signals?“

Tony chortled at Natasha’s demise. Steve knew Natasha was referring to the fact that she sometimes used a blocked number for business or personal reasons, and that when she used it, no one could see the number it was coming from. It was basically an encrypted phone number which Tony helped set up. Natasha was in the habit of building up a knife collection as a hobby. Whether or not she would put those knives to use was unknown, but it was something she was doing for the time being.

Steve hadn’t thought much about it, but now that he was hearing Natasha actually talk about texting these people, he was starting to perk up and listen to her. Inevitably, thoughts of you started to trickle into his mind. Like, if Natasha could use her phone for personal matters such as this, there was a likelihood that Steve could maybe, just maybe, do the same thing. He knew that Natasha’s personal matters weren’t quite the same as his own, but it was worth a try.

"There’s something about a dominant woman that men can’t resist,” Tony commented, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

“You’d think the fact that I’m buying knives from them would make them a little less comfortable,” she grumbled, and Tony put a supportive hand on her shoulder, patting her arm.

“You could scare 'em off, don’t worry.”

Steve was leaning forward, listening closely to the conversation now. Natasha turned her head over to Steve with a devious smirk,

"What’s up, Steve? Think you could give us some insight on this?“

She was teasing him mercilessly, alluding to that forsaken time that Steve’s guilty pleasure had been broadcast on the projector during one of their meetings. That hadn’t quite been forgotten yet, and still got brought up in a teasing manner, though no one could figure out why Steve became so withdrawn when it was brought up. Steve was only lucky they didn’t know the full extent of his endeavors. Steve stilled slightly, but didn’t retract, only replying with a stern glare at Natasha before he continued.

"You… text these buyers?”

“Yeah. I have like, a bunch of numbers on one phone, Tony hooked it up. And I have a bunch of other phones. It’s kinda hard to keep track. The only people that really have my number are like, you two, and some other people here. But it’s rare that we even text for, you know, personal, kinda recreational stuff. Unless Tony wants my opinion on what movie we should watch,” Natasha shrugged.

"Huh,“ was all Steve said, but he leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin slightly in contemplation.

"By the way, why don’t you ever text me? Thought we were friends, Steve,” Natasha joked lightly, but Steve was already focused on furthering what was just the beginning of his idea.

"He doesn’t need to text you, you routinely save each other’s lives,“ Tony scoffed.

"Tony, mind if I talk to you about something? In private,” Steve turned his head to Tony and locked eyes with him.

Tony just smiled and got up instantly,

"Steve, I never thought you’d be the one asking to step into my office.“

Steve cringed, thinking back to the time when Tony had asked to step into his office and had passed on the knowledge of Girls on Film to Steve, reminiscing on Tony’s immense sense of pride and his need to act as a therapist.

"We can just talk in the hallway,” Steve suggested, but to no avail, Tony shaking his head and marching up to Steve, putting his arm around his shoulder.

"No, no, step into my office,“ Tony repeated, leading Steve to his office where he closed the door, and gestured for Steve to sit in front of the desk while Tony settled into his seat behind the desk. Once they got settled in, Tony just grinned at Steve. "So… you need something.”

“It was really just a simple question, we could’ve even talked about it in the meeting room,” Steve started to stammer, feeling a little less confident in his decision to try to talk to you on a personal level.

When he’d heard Natasha talking about how she was able to text personally through a blocked number, he started to think of you and the conversation you’d had about texting him. Snapchat had ended up being the compromise for the two of you, but Steve was beginning to think texting might be better. He loved seeing your life on Snapchat, but social media could only be so real. And Steve wanted to be able to call you and FaceTime you. He could do all those things on Girls on Film, but he was taking a break from that. Besides, it wouldn’t really be a friendship if he had to pay you to talk to you.

"Well, you’re here now. Let it loose,“ Tony shrugged, and Steve nodded.

"I was just wondering exactly how Nat’s able to text people personally without them seeing her number. I know you’re kinda the one in charge of all our technology, and hell if I know how to do it myself.”

“Done. I can walk you through it.”

“Oh, really. Just- just like that?” Steve sat up, starting to get a little excited thinking of the now possibilities.

Tony shrugged, as if it were quite simple,

“Pretty much. You seem excited.” Tony started to sound like he was catching in, leaning back in his chair and resting his chin on his palm, raising an inquiring brow. “Wanna talk to someone special?”

“Special?” Steve nearly choked on his own words, shaking his head and lowering it, not wanting to make eye contact with Tony. “No, no… nothing like that.”

He laughed nervously, both because he was a bit of a newbie when it came to lying, and because he was thinking of you, which already made him appear a little dopey. He tried to control it, but in reality, thinking of you actually made him smile. It was confusing - he hadn’t felt that way before, and he definitely didn’t expect it from himself. He was serious, deep into his work. And you weren’t distracting him from his work, but you were making his days just a bit brighter.

And it was something that puzzled him, delightfully. It was why he knew he had to dig deeper, not recoil and be concerned. The confusion was actually pleasant to work through. It helped him sort through his feelings, because the confusion only uncoiled to show his true feelings of desire. He figured maybe the confusion just stemmed from the fact that he never allowed himself to give into these kinds of feelings. So he didn’t understand them, not quite yet.

He just knew there had to be a reason that this situation felt so unique. If he didn’t give into his feelings until now, there had to be something there. It told him that he should get to know you on that level. It gave him that push to finally test out the waters. Steve Rogers, actually catching romantic feelings - it didn’t even sound right, yet it was exactly what was happening. Everyday, he seemed to go even deeper.

“Special lady?” Tony guessed, making Steve compose himself and look up, folding his arms, crossing his legs and looking dead ahead at Tony.

He shook his head and sniffled slightly, eyes breaking away from Tony as he started to lie again, this time as best as he could,

“No.”

“You sure about that, Cap?” Tony began to pry, one raised eyebrow at a time. “I mean, there’s gotta be a reason you’ve been all… cute lately.”

“Cute?” Steve scoffed, furrowing his brows and looking at Tony.

Steve wasn’t exactly nervous to be having this conversation, but it wasn’t exactly something he wanted to entertain with Tony. Again, he was keeping you, your relationship, private. Not secret, but private. Nobody else needed to know what Steve had been getting down to, and he didn’t want them knowing the specifics of it - not because he was afraid of the fact that you were a sex worker or that you were younger, but because it would be best if he didn’t have to explain himself and just how he’d gotten to meet you.

It wasn’t like he was forbidden from seeing anyone, in fact it was encouraged by almost everyone that Steve knew. He just figured there might be more hubbub if he had to explain that he hadn’t actually met you in real life - he didn’t want his team doubting the security of the relationship you two had, or passing along premature judgments. Besides, he wasn’t even fully sure himself. He was really only just now looking into the idea. He didn’t want everyone in on it before he even solidified anything.

Tony rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively,

“You know what I mean. You’ve been all, you know, nice again. What’s goin’ on champ, you can talk to me. Who’s the girl?”

Steve shook his head. Surely people had noticed his shift in character yet again, and it was becoming more prominent everyday. Tony would be the first to meddle, try to figure out why. No one knew why he’d been so moody the past few months, or why his moods would suddenly change positively. And he wasn’t wrong, it was a girl. But Steve wasn’t ready yet. He shook his head, denying it one last time before getting up out of his chair,

"It’s nothing like that. I do want that blocked number, though.“

"Easy.”

| | |

Tony tried to pry again later on when he showed Steve how to use his phone to block out his own number, but Steve didn’t give in, he just took the phone back and closed the door to his room, logging on to Snapchat so he could talk to you.

You replied to him quickly, his name popping up on your screen. It was funny, you went through so many names for him on Snapchat (cap, captain, Mr. America, even Mr. Rogers), but you decided to keep it simple. Like Steve, you were also keeping this private - who would you tell besides Aaliyah anyways?

It would be wise for you to keep it private, and that’s what you were doing. That’s why his name on your Snapchat was just: “Steve ❤️ 💙” followed by a red and blue heart. Although, true to his nature, his username was: “SG.R0818”, a username he practically randomized in order to stay incognito.

He was glad you responded fast, from that moment and onward. Even though the both of you talked to each other on the app, you each had busy schedules and different time zones. So sometimes responses were a bit laggy. Still, your conversations always felt right.

Steve ❤️ 💙  
Hey, I’ve got something I wanted to talk to you about.

YN ♡  
shoot!

Steve ❤️ 💙  
I was thinking about what you said, about texting each other.

YN  
yeah… are you tryna say something stevie?

Steve’s upper lip curved up at the nickname. You didn’t know it, or maybe you pretended not to, but it spurred something inside of him when you used any kind of nickname on him. It was just in your naturally flirty demeanor to do so, and maybe this was how you showed Steve that you saw the romantic potential as well. You both obviously did like each other as more than friends, but neither of you had really acted on that yet, and that was fine with you. Just hinting at it, slightly, and being friends, was enough. You didn’t think it was that serious.

Steve ❤️ 💙  
I decided that I think it would be nice for us to try to text each other. I like Snapchat, but texting is a little easier. We could FaceTime and call each other if you want. I just think it might be a little more real - well, as real as it can get over the phone.

If that’s something you’re comfortable with. My number would be blocked out, but you’ll know it’s me.

It was a good thing that Steve couldn’t hear you, because you kind of made a weird squealing noise, and threw your hand over your mouth, eyes widened. You were used to talking to him by now, but it was still quite exciting to know who you were talking to. And the idea of actually texting him, and maybe even calling him and getting to see his face outside of your cam website? It excited you.

And it made you happy to think that he really wanted this friendship to go somewhere. You didn’t know the full extent of what he wanted to do just yet, but you were glad to see that he was trying, and that he actually enjoyed talking to you enough to want to text and call you regularly. So you steadied your fingers before you typed back, hoping to show your enthusiasm through a simple Snapchat.

YN  
i’d love to! i’m so glad it’s something you’ve been thinking about. i agree, it feels better to text sometimes. and it’ll feel even more normal, i guess. here, i’ll give you my number so you can text me.

And from that moment on, Steve was in. He was almost giddy saving your number as a contact. For him, for the both of you, this was another step forward in your relationship. It felt like you were slowly trusting each other more and more. You had already knocked down a major wall just by talking to each other after the reveal to begin with, and by having the reveal in the first place.

So, he was glad that this was coming into fruition. He was satisfied with this. For now. For your name, he typed in your real first name, because that was how he knew you now. And your real name would stand out less if anyone got ahold of his phone messages somehow. He started out by sending a simple text, saying hello and making sure you knew it was him. And even though his number was blocked out, it was clear as day. You were both glad to have moved on to this, to have so many forms of communication between the two of you. It didn’t seem like a big deal, but considering your situation, it kind of was. The littlest steps made the room shake.

✺ ✺ ✺

The days seemed to flow by at this point. Like, you felt like getting through life was a breeze. No unexpected storm to knock you off your smooth sailing course to greatness. You were truly moving up, on and out. You felt like now, after all the time you took for yourself to heal, all the time you spent in a sort of neutral state - not going out much, staying to yourself - you could really celebrate.

Even though you were growing all through that neutral state, you felt like now you could finally see through all the fog that had gathered. All the uncertainty that had followed you along your path was nonexistent. You were just glad that you were back on your feet again and feeling like you could take on more new things.

Now that you were nearing graduation, you were really just focusing on final projects and exams schoolwise. For yourself, you were starting work on your online clothing store and camming even more. And you were enjoying your life, being a normal college student, who had Steve Rogers’ number. Maybe you didn’t actually have his number, but that was how you were choosing to describe it. If you didn’t have the discipline that you had, you would be telling everyone about this. But you weren’t stupid, so you kept it all to yourself.

You and Steve often talked late into the night, or at random times during the day. Towards nighttime, your conversations often became a bit deeper, the kind of conversation that would’ve scared Steve off a while ago. But he was becoming more comfortable with you, and you could tell. You were moving slowly so as to be careful, but you didn’t feel like you had to. You just figured it would be wise. But these deep conversations touched on the topics that you hadn’t been able to get into that time when Steve left so abruptly.

When the stars were peering into your bedroom window late at night, that was when you opened up about your past love life. He listened to you talk about your ex, give all the details about it, and he listened to you talk about how much healing it took you to get out of the nasty habits that had developed all through your life, but especially when you were with your ex. How you learned to be more independent, how you learned not that you couldn’t trust, but that you had to be mindful about your relationships. You had always been driven, but especially after that mess of a situation.

Your whole life you’d been surrounded by this sense of needing more in some way. Your parents were loving, but they didn’t always show it - they supported you mostly, but there was no way you could really show them who you were, not entirely. There was always this air of dismissiveness that came from them, and you had never been close to either of them, not the way other kids were.

So you knew what it was like to be grasping for something, anything. You just wanted love in its unconditional form, you wanted a life that wasn’t hindered by those around you.

Sometimes this made your life even harder, because you found yourself doing things for people who didn’t deserve it, hoping that they might see how much you were willing to do for them and maybe even reciprocate. But these days, your want, your human need for love and emotional support just pushed you further, blocked out the people who you didn’t really need, and attracted you to the lifestyle that you deserved. And you turned out alright, but it took a lot to keep going. You buried yourself in work which you genuinely enjoyed. You tried new things, you moved out on your own, you created your own sturdy relationships. You knew how to make a pathway out of a rocky road. You were just glad that you felt like you were gliding through your life nowadays, and that the ship was sailing smoothly.

Steve was one of the people who you felt like the universe had somehow brought to you for a positive reason. A strange and random decision, but positive, nonetheless. You thought of how odd the circumstance was and you figured, it must have been destined. You were glad to be having these kinds of conversations with him.

And you were also glad that you had the beach. California wasn’t California without its lustrous, beautiful, palm tree filled beaches. You were on your way to one with a few friends right now, on a weekend with no classes, celebrating after an intense study week, preparing for finals. The radio was blaring, the windows turned down, the warm and salty sea breeze blowing in through the open windows.

Around you was sort of this happy blur. You absorbed it, being jostled around by your friends dancing beside you, Aaliyah right by your side. You were laughing and smiling, a bottle of Capriccio’s Sangria to your lips, babbling along to the song on the radio.

“Y'all are way too hype right now,” your friend Violet joked from the front passenger seat, sat next to her boyfriend Luke, who was the designated driver.

She was met with a chorus of voices singing along to the radio song, and just rolled her eyes playfully, laughing. It felt good to finally be celebrating, especially since you’d been very focused on school for the past week. The beach was one of your favorite places to be - you felt so much at home. You grew up surfing all through middle school and high school, and this area was quite popular for surfboarding, so you were giddy at the thought of that. The beach felt like home to you, a California native.

Sure, it wasn’t all sunshine and ocean waves, but you were pretty much the epitome of a California girl, and proud. So for you, it was a lot of sunshine and ocean waves. You felt a strong connection to this place, but you were always willing to explore. It was why you were so attached to traveling and hiking.

“YN, you look literally so pretty today,” your friend Cameron complimented you as you held up your phone, taking a very impromptu selfie.

Your closed, glossy lips were turned up in a smile, your cheeks full and eyes slightly glazed over from the combination of a shared joint and the liquor you’d been drinking on the way.

“Cam,” you pouted, leaning over and kissing their cheek. “You’re literally so pretty, everyday.”

You cooed over each other while you pressed send on your selfie, sending it to Steve on Snapchat with no caption.

“Girl, who are you sending that to?” Aaliyah grinned devilishly, peeking over your shoulder as she caught your screen out of the corner of her eye.

Before she could see, you shut off the phone and narrowed your eyes at her playfully, poking your tongue out at her,

"Nobody!“

She smiled but didn’t seem fully convinced, pointing at you,

"It better be me. I need a new lock screen.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” you teased, smiling and sitting back, laying your head on Aaliyah’s shoulder and your legs across Cameron’s lap, sitting in this blurry, noted happiness.

You weren’t thinking, you were just living in the moment, enjoying the smell of the ocean waves as you drifted closer to the scorching shore, focusing on the light scratch of acrylic nails massaging your scalp, the touch of a friend’s arm resting over your bare legs, clad in shorts with a bikini bottom underneath, and a discarded shirt tied around your waist as you lay in your bikini top. You didn’t know how your mindless selfie would inspire a confession.

✺ ✺ ✺

“Finally, you dweebs chose a movie,” Nat grunted as she sat down in between Steve and Sam, sprawling out and kicking her legs up on Sam’s lap.

“Not sure when I became your body pillow,” Sam made a face at Nat, but he made no effort to push her away, his comment only making Tony scoff,

“You’re saying you wouldn’t want that?”

“Don’t be a perv, Tony,” Wanda reprimanded him, and he made a face, feigning innocence,

“What? Is it so wrong to cuddle with a friend?”

“I’m not understanding,” Vision commented.

“Can we just start the movie?” Bucky whined through his laughter.

Steve was entertained by the conversation, but he had other things on his mind. Well, really just you. Steve thought about you everyday. You came across his mind whether he meant for you to or not. Sometimes he saw something and thought of you, because he was learning something new about you everyday, ever since adding you on Snapchat. He learned these little things about you through your Snapchat stories, and you’d been texting each other every day since he got your number.

He also learned things about you that weren’t so little, and whenever you shared those things about yourself, he made sure to pay attention. When you shared these things with Steve, he found himself being mindful of what he said and how he replied - mindful instead of careful or hesitant. He was learning to absorb your words and turn them over in his mind. He was making an effort to try and understand you in the things you said that exposed your little quirks, your core beliefs, your history.

He appreciated how open you were being with him, and he understood how he had a responsibility, being who he was, to keep you feeling secure enough to share these things, to constantly make it clear that he understood, or at the very least, that he was listening. He just wished he had more time to flesh it out, to talk these things out over the phone instead of over text, or even in person, something that he knew wouldn’t be possible.

And even though he felt so much closer now that he had your number, he couldn’t help the small tugging inside of him that told him he’d be wanting more- and he couldn’t figure out what “more” would look like for the life of him. You were so beautiful, it was overwhelming, and you gave Steve constant reminders of your beauty in every text, every goodnight selfie, every story you shared. Everyday he was falling harder for your beauty, inside and out.

It was lighthearted still. It didn’t feel serious because the idea didn’t make him feel unsettled, it didn’t make him recoil in fear. But it had the potential to be serious, without all the negative dread that usually came with realizations such as this. He was just flirting with the idea of forging this romantic connection with you, but this tugging in him was now asking him when? When would he tell you how he felt, when would it get to the point where he needed to tell you? For now, Steve was just living through it, letting himself be free and happy in the moment.

He was satisfied with what he had now, when it came to you. He’d already taken the next step by getting your number and finding out even more ways to communicate with you outside of the site. He didn’t want to feel ungrateful for wanting even more, for even entertaining the idea of telling you how he was feeling, especially when it wasn’t anything deadly serious yet.

He knew he liked you, the fact was clear as day. He knew the way he liked you had the potential to be romantic, otherwise he wouldn’t be thinking about you this often, and he wouldn’t be seeing you in such a beautiful light. He felt lighter on his feet any time you came into his mind, and in his mind, there was a golden aura around you, around everything you did.

The fact that he saw you in this way made him think hard. Would he feel even more than he was feeling? Would it become enough that he would have to tell you? And he wondered, if, and only if, he did announce it - when would that point come? He was in a daze, leaning back on the couch, his phone in his hand while he waited for the movie to start up.

"What are we watching, again?“ Nat called out, cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Star Wars: A New Hope,” Tony smirked, satisfied with the movie choice.

"Is that the one with the dog monster?“ Rhodey made a face, shaking his head slowly. "Not a huge fan.”

"Pretty sure his name is Chewbacca,“ Bucky corrected Rhodey, and Sam cackled, clapping in satisfaction.

"The senile knows more about one of the most iconic movie franchises than you,” he teased. “How does that work?”

Steve just shook his head and smiled, turning his head to Bucky who was talking to him,

“You ever seen Star Wars?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure Sam recommended it,” Steve smiled lazily.

He hadn’t quite updated Bucky on his status with you, but they had talked about it briefly since the time Bucky had given Steve the advice that helped push him to talk to you again. Steve was purposefully very vague during the talk with his best friend, but he made it clear that things were patched up. Bucky probably could’ve figured it out before anyone else, could’ve made the connection between Steve and Moonrose first, because Steve had given him the most information about it.

“It’s pretty good, I’ve seen the prequels - that guy Darth Vader, he was actually pretty hot before he turned. You’ll see, we should watch all the movies together,” Bucky explained simply and carefully, as if it were common knowledge to him.

Steve was laughing, shaking his head.

“Sure pal,” he was beginning to say, before he diverted his attention to his phone as a notification lit up his screen. It read: Snapchat: YN. His eyes lit up, and he tried to hide his excited reaction as he opened the picture from you. And when he did, he wasn’t ready for what he was seeing.

You sent Steve a lot of pictures, and he thought you were gorgeous in all of them, even the ones with the filters that made your face look all distorted. But something was different about this picture, the vibes it gave off. He felt the same way he felt when he would watch your shows - like he was there with you, because he could feel your happiness emanating through the screen.

He felt like if he looked at it long enough, he might be there with you. And everything about this picture was glowing, especially you - it screamed young, college girl having the time of her life, and that made him feel so happy for you.

And it also stirred a feeling in him, something that hadn’t been awoken for a long time.

Upon viewing the image, he immediately cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably because of the growing tent in his pants, trying to hide his phone screen so no one would look.

The picture was so simple. You were in a car, sun shining through the windows, the light hitting you just right, and you were smiling. But Steve was hyperfocused on the way you had obviously been basking in the sun, the glow clear on your face. Your skin was dewy and fresh, and your lips were sheen in a pink gloss that only called more attention to them. Your hair seemed wild around your shoulders, but it only made you look more appealing, more free spirited.

And again, you’d sent him so many pictures like this, but for some reason, this photo in particular was somehow arousing everything in him. You were so beautiful it hurt- he felt a pang in his chest, and the sudden growth in his pants didn’t assist with the pain.

Your eyes, though vibrant and youthful, were glazed over, and all Steve could think of was how they looked when you blinked away tears after an intense orgasm. He thought about your soft, luscious lips against him, but this time he was thinking about what it might be like to kiss your lips, tainted with red.

And to add insult to injury, you were wearing a tight bikini top, and the picture cut off just where your breasts started to show, peeking out through the white fabric, the thin white strings against your sun kissed shoulders holding them up - just barely. He felt so fucking stupid. Like he shouldn’t be feeling so much because of a simple image. But whatever was happening, this picture was stirring up something inside of him that he couldn’t ignore. This had to be taken care of.

He sat up immediately, trying to use his shirt to cover his boner, feeling juvenile and lightheaded, even a little giggly.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, glaring up at Steve in concern - he’d been talking, but Steve seemed distracted suddenly.

“Mhm,” was all Steve could strain out from his throat.

“What the hell, Steve? I’m about to show you one of my very favorite films and this is the reception I receive?” Tony barked, offended.

"I’ve been telling you, that superserum is wearing off,“ Sam joked, something him and Tony loved to say when Steve acted out of character - like the times when Steve got caught smiling for no reason - or just whenever Steve annoyed Tony.

"I- just- I’ll be right back,” Steve stammered, flustered, then he carefully walked out of the theater room and out of sight.

It had been over a month since Steve had left and came back to you. In that period of time, he had been gloomy, neutral, then back to being light on his feet again, one after the other. And he hadn’t viewed any of your content since then. A few times he tried to get himself off, but it was worth nothing. He could barely guide himself, and he didn’t want anybody else to assist him the way you had, it was one of the things that made you so special.

So his attempts to satiate his pleasure came in the form of witless, rough jerks that didn’t even get him anywhere near that point. And each time, he was back to thinking about you, but the thoughts could only get him so far.

But now that you were friends again, Steve didn’t let himself think of you in that way. Or, he tried not to. But this picture, for some reason, just reversed everything he was trying to avoid. He tried to understand his reaction in the short amount of time that he quickly walked to his room, trying and failing to ignore the stone hard bulge hanging in his loose grey joggers.

Thinking, as straight as he could, he figured that his senses were overrun from thinking of how much he might like you and then having to see such a vivacious picture from you. It felt like a sign that it was time to finally fulfill the pleasure he’d been putting off. It was too much for him to handle- your beauty, the domesticity of the happy picture, in combination with his doting thoughts of you. And maybe he’d already been a little distracted to begin with, needing some form of release. It had been a very long time since he’d allowed that for himself.

"Calm down, Steve,“ he muttered to himself, forcing a smile at Pepper, who was walking past him.

He finally got to his room and closed the door behind him, falling back onto his bed immediately. As he fiddled with the drawstrings on his sweatpants, he brought his phone up to make sure the image of you was still there. When he saw it still there on his screen, he sighed in dismay, thinking of what he was doing.

He was almost embarrassed that you brought him to that point without even trying, arching his back off the bed to remove his sweats fully. He brushed it off and breathed out, eyes honing in on the image as he began to palm himself over his boxers. He groaned, feeling a sense of sweet relief already, just from his hands gently palming himself.

He briefly thought back to the times when he had tried to get off by himself, tugging to no avail. This wouldn’t be like those times. This would be gentle, and he already knew, by the burning feeling in his stomach, that it would bring him pleasure. He dipped his hand inside of his boxers, carefully guiding himself out. His hard length fell hard against his stomach and he grunted from his throat, his jaw ticking as he took himself in his hand and began to stroke slowly, breathing heavily through his nose like a routine.

He was looking at the picture of you, but his mind began to wander to other things- flashbacks of you helping him get to that point through the screen, a sensation neither of you had experienced in quite a long time.

"Fuck,” he practically whimpered, the words spilling out of his throat so uncontrollably as he choked them out.

He was missing those times dearly. As much as he was able to view you as a friend, nothing would compare to the way you made him feel. He didn’t have you here to guide him at the moment, and for good reason - he didn’t want you to, not now. You were trying to be friends for the time being, retain some sense of normalcy.

But, if you were there to guide him, he wouldn’t complain. And even in this moment which was so unholy, he felt delicate, the light of the spring sunshine streaming through the window blinds and curtains, splayed across his room, painting the light blue walls with a sheen of pale yellow.

At some point, he really wasn’t even looking at the photo anymore, just focusing on the sensations and the visions of you that his mind made up. His eyes were closed, head to the side, his arm against his forehead. In his ears he heard your voice gasping out his name while you came, in his mind he pictured your slick pooling out of you as you finally removed your fingers, breathing heavily from an orgasm. Sure, you had been performing for him, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t truth. The sounds and images he imagined made him stroke himself quicker, pumping harder and faster than the slow, delicate strokes he’d started with. He tried to calm himself down, but the pleasure was unbeatable. He switched from those fast tempo strokes to the gentle strokes that felt so tantalizing. Your voice was fresh in his mind - but it wasn’t all devilish. It came in your laughter, the sound of your voice as you sang along to a song on the radio and posted it on your story. Then it came with deep bass, the sound of you urging him to come, pleading him to come with you.

The image of your eyes was prominent in his mind, coming in waves. Sometimes they came in strong, fierce tides as he pictured your eyes, staring into the computer screen while you wrapped your lips around a toy that you used to substitute for him, because he couldn’t be there, but it felt so much like he was. Then sometimes they came in undulating, passionate waves as he pictured the crinkles that formed around your eyes when you smiled, the way you batted your lashes on screen.

It was strange to have such fluctuating thoughts of you, ranging from filthy to innocent. Usually the thoughts when he was getting off were just filthy. This was new, and it seemed to pleasure him even more just to think of your smile, your innocent eyes. What was going on? He couldn’t quite figure it out, nor did he care to in the moment. The thought of you, Moonrose, YN, and he came undone.

He came groaning and panting heavily, weeks of unmet release painting his stomach and legs. His chest trembled as he took one last breath, took his hand off his eyes, and peeked out the window blinds at the dazzling, bright city just outside. He cleaned up silently, not thinking much because his mind was too excited to let him think.

And there were so many questions that lay unanswered: “why was he able to get himself to that point just by the thought of you?” “why had the thoughts been so strangely innocent and new?” And most of all, why did he even feel this way because of you?

Then once he was all cleaned up, changing boxers in the bathroom, he took a good look at himself in the mirror, and the clarity hit. Firstly, he realized of course, he had to tell you. It wasn’t like Steve to behave this way so suddenly and he felt like it was something he had to tell you. He hoped he wasn’t being disrespectful, hoped what he had done wasn’t weird. But he didn’t let himself worry about that too much.

But not only did he have to tell you what he’d done, he realized he had to tell you how he felt. He had been wondering if it would get to the point that he would feel strongly enough about you that he had to tell you, and this incident seemed to be proof enough.

All his sudden arousal, while valid and likely rooted in a need to get himself off, just meant one thing. He wasn’t just frustrated sexually. His senses were running amok because he knew he liked you, and yet he wasn’t expressing that fully. And maybe this release was what he needed to realize that. The feelings were only getting stronger and stronger with no real output. They made him happy, nearly giddy with excitement, but with nowhere to store it. He could have a crush and keep it that way, but Steve liked to find solutions. If he wasn’t serious about you, maybe he’d keep it that way, with no outputs and no solutions.

He was keeping something to himself, and it wasn’t fair to him, nor was it fair to you. He felt so unhinged now because he wasn’t realizing that yes, there would be a point when he had to tell you how he he felt. All of that frustration was built up tension physically and emotionally, just boiling inside of him.

All of the excitement, confusion, and intrigue he felt towards the prospect of maybe liking you romantically, of taking that step to a real relationship, had boiled over. He wasn’t realizing that he had to tell you sooner than later. This was more than just a release. It was more like an epiphany. 

And while the realization may have been sudden, he had done his thinking long and hard, even before he started talking to you like this. He could wait and milk over it for a little while longer, or he could tell you, and soon. But even though he knew he had to tell you, he had to choose the right moment. At least now he knew he had to tell you at all, instead of spending too much time wondering whether he even should, wondering if what he was feeling was real.

Maybe it would be different if he got off to you and it was purely sexual. But this was more than that. He was genuinely overwhelmed by your beauty, inside and out. The thought of that was what brought him to orgasm. All those lighthearted, innocent thoughts of you made Steve feel so strongly, in both a physical and emotional sense.

It was why he’d had an emotional response to the picture first, then a physical response. He thought of all the times he’d looked at pictures you sent with a smile, and felt genuine happiness bubbling up inside of him. No one else did that to him.

If what had just happened said anything, it said that his feelings for you were real, they weren’t just born out of naivety or because of the fact that Steve had never felt something like this before. It wasn’t just about the sexual gratification or the physical, it was about why he felt so strongly towards you at all. If he could stir up these kinds of emotions, this kind of confusion, just by thinking about you, just by looking at you? He’d be surprised if it was all for naught.

✺ ✺ ✺

You were surprised when Steve asked to FaceTime you that weekend. You were clueless about the events and feelings that had spiraled for Steve since you sent that picture, and thus curious to see what he was going to talk to you about. It had been a little over two weeks since you’d started talking to Steve ever since he showed you who he was, and you were so comfortable with each other already.

Steve gave himself some time before he decided it was time to tell you. He knew he had to, but he was giving himself time to think it out, to decide whether or not this was really of the importance that he was holding it to, to decide, and really decide, if it would just be getting in the way of a good thing. But after much contemplation, he knew it wasn’t a waste, especially because he didn’t feel sick when he thought about it - aside from the butterflies.

You on the other hand, were clueless. But you were excited. He was so formal and so busy that he scheduled a call. He also kept your schedule in mind. You had just finished finals and you were about to close up with school, a fact which you kept forgetting and surprising yourself with when you remembered. So, mindful of that and mindful of his own schedule, Steve made sure the time would be good for the both of you.

And when the time came, you were excited. You hadn’t heard Steve’s voice conversationally in a long time, because texts and Snapchat weren’t really built for that. And whatever it was he wanted to talk about, you were excited to hear, and you were glad that he was the one initiating these things all the time.

It made you feel like he really put effort into the friendship you were building, curating slowly like a sacred collection in a language only the two of you knew. You felt so close to him in such a short amount of time, but it made sense because you had known him for a long time - but you were only just now getting to know him.

You got all cute for the call, because why wouldn’t you? You were attracted to Steve and you couldn’t lie and say that you didn’t feel all girly at the thought of getting even closer to him, being more than friends. Like a little crush was budding, but it was playful and innocent. You felt like he was such a good example of the perfect man, and you were so glad to call yourself your friend. In Steve’s eyes, it wouldn’t take much effort for you to look pretty anyway, but you got all dolled up because you wanted to.

You were wearing a simple white dress that you made, and you put on just a pinch of makeup. You were sitting on top of your kitchen counter by the window, sunlight and a nice breeze trickling through your apartment when the call came in. It felt surreal to see his name on the screen each time, no matter how used to him you became.

“Steve!” you exclaimed as soon as you picked up the call.

Finally you could see him face to face through the screen again. It reminded you of your times together on Girls on Film, but the circumstances were much, much different.

Steve, once again, was struck with your beauty, and he felt his knees go weak just at the sound of your voice. This was no mistake.

"Hey,“ he grinned, genuinely from ear to ear.

You both wanted to bask in the moment, talking to each other live, after quite some time. Steve wasn’t showing it now, but he was nervous. Again that just told him he was making the right decision in telling you this. He was getting worked up over what to say to you, and you seemed so calm and control. Unbeknownst to him, you were also a little jittery, all for good reasons. It was just so exciting and nerve wracking to truly see him and hear his voice again, to truly talk to him.

"You look so beautiful,” he complimented you, his voice going a bit deeper, his eyes glistening as he took you in. You were basking in the sun, the sun’s rays seemed to want to be around you, you drew them towards you.

You blushed and smiled,

"Thank you! You look really nice too.“

You giggled, becoming bashful as he smiled gently, and he continued,

"How have you been? Finals over yet?”

“Yeah, I just finished. It’s weird, there’s really not much else to do. We have one more week of classes to kind of just wrap everything up, but it’s pretty much done,” saying it out loud made you think of it again, gave you that weird feeling that everything really was about to be over. You would graduate in a few weeks, and start your life.

It was crazy, four years had gone by so fast, but they had been so lovely. Your college experience was the most formative part of your life. You’d moved on from your life at home, gotten out of an abusive relationship, met your closest friends and gotten even closer to your best friend, started a brand, got your own apartment. started camming. You had really found your life. And you found Steve. It was crazy to think of, that in just a few weeks, that experience would be over with.

"You okay?“ Steve chuckled, because he noticed the deep sigh that you let out as you thought about it all. You were of course glad to move on with your life, but it made you think.

You laughed too, shaking your head,

"Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t be. What’s on your mind?” he asked, leaning into the camera, making you feel like he was there with you.

You grinned, glad that you could talk about this in such a way, without feeling the need to break down or be upset. You were simply moving on to the next stage in your life, and you couldn’t be more excited.

“I guess I’m just thinking of how crazy it is that I’m finally going to be finished with college. Like, I’m not going to any more school after this. When you’ve been in school your whole life, it’s…”

“I get it. It’s like coming to something you’re not used to, but it’s just normalcy.”

"Yeah,“ you shrugged. "You know that better than anyone else, I bet.”

Steve laughed - it was true. He had to get used to things that everyone else found normal. He felt so out of place. These days he was getting used to it all, but certain things still surprised him or made him think he didn’t completely fit in. It was part of the reason he hadn’t given in to what he wanted with you, not completely, at least.

Because if he didn’t fit in to the world around him, he figured he wasn’t ready for a relationship. But maybe that was just what he needed to fit in better, to get along better. It wasn’t fair to him to resist something he truly wanted because he felt like he didn’t fit in. It was silly.

“It comes and goes. But hey, I’m glad we’re talking.”

"Yeah, me too,“ you smiled, and you bit down gently on your lip, furrowing your brows together out of curiosity. "Hey, you said you wanted to talk about something?”

You watched as Steve seemed to brace himself, but you couldn’t even begin to imagine the amount of thoughts swarming his mind right now. He was nervous for good reason. He had never expressed romantic feelings for someone before, which was also a reason that he took so long to give in, took so long to realize it was time to express those feelings. He felt innocent and small, almost timid. He had spent so long formulating his thoughts and what he would tell you, exactly how he would announce these feelings for you.

“Yeah, I uh…” Steve folded his hands and just let himself try to focus and calm himself down. It worked, and he relaxed, enough to actually speak at least. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about this since we started talking. I think maybe I’ve always known it, but I’m only just realizing I should tell you about it.”

“Yeah?” you prodded him, getting a little nervous yourself, only because the last time Steve got into a speech like this, you found out that he was Captain America. You wondered what else he could possibly have up his sleeve.

“Well, I should tell you that I’ve always resisted when it comes to you… to this. And I want you to know why. I think I just haven’t felt this way for someone in a very long time, and it’s never been like this. And I was afraid because we didn’t know each other and being the person that I am, I just felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel the way I was feeling. Like I shouldn’t, like it might be dangerous or like I couldn’t trust you fully. It’s why I left. It’s why I took so long to realize this.”

Your cheeks were heating up the more he spoke, your mind buzzing with ideas. You wondered exactly what he was getting to, but for some reason the butterflies in your stomach grew stronger. You started to stammer, wanting him to get to the point,

“Steve, I-”

“I’m getting there, just…” he took in a deep breath. It was time to finally say it. He was trying to explain himself, but started stumbling on his words. “It’s um… it’s hard for me to say things like this. I-I guess I never really have. I just- I… I… sorry, I'm—”

Steve pinched his eyes with his fingers, shaking his head. It was endearing how it was hard for him to spit the words out- Captain America, stumbling over his words while he spoke to you.

“Take your time,” you giggled a bit, and the calm of your voice brought Steve back down to earth.

"Gee, I guess I’m not that great with words. What I’m trying to say is — I like you. And I don’t just like you, I mean, I have feelings for you. And I know we’re trying to be friends and I’m happy with that, being your friend has been an honor to me. We’ve created a connection that is completely new to me— I’ve never known somebody the way I know you. But, I think… I think there’s more there. I think that we both know that there could be more there. I don’t know what that looks like, or if telling you will really change anything, considering our situation. But I see you as more than a friend. And it’s about time I told you.“

Steve looked up, catching your reaction just in time. And to his relief, he felt confident in his confession. He didn’t regret it, there was no reason to hide away, to cloak himself in fear. Yeah. It was about time he told you.


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT | I CAN MAKE TIME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings: smut, the cursed d word (daddy!)
> 
> word count: 9.7k

All while Steve was spilling out his heart to you, for some reason you weren’t expecting that to be the result of what he was saying. He was talking so much, making you a little nervous, and you weren’t paying much attention to what he was really getting down to saying because of your nerves. But you realized it was so painstakingly obvious what he was getting down to, and because of that realization you couldn’t help but let out a huff of a girlish, dumbfounded titter. You weren’t able to wipe the smile off of your face after that, questioning silently if this was really happening.

Just like Steve, you knew the potential your friendship had to be something more, but you had never expected anything to actually come of it. You figured you would both stay floating in the awareness, only ever drawing attention to it through flirty remarks and cute selfies. As much as you had been through with Steve, you felt that he had made it clear that he was taking everything very slow and still being careful when it came to you.

You had felt that he was loosening up with you and becoming more comfortable, but you definitely didn’t think that this was even on his mind. He was good at hiding his feelings, this came as a bit of a shock to you, even though the attraction you had for each other made sense and wasn’t nonexistent.

And you definitely weren’t thinking of it nearly as much as Steve was, because you weren’t expecting anything from him. You were staying grounded and realistic when it came to this outlandish situation. And when it came to your own mindset, you weren’t really looking for anything right now. You were just enjoying your life and the feeling of being alone. Not being bothered to look for relationships or being in anything serious felt essential for your growth and understanding of the world.

You were single and yet unavailable, a choice you made for yourself. But when it came to Steve, you were willing to listen. You didn’t know how far you would go, but you knew you’d be crazy not to at least listen to him. You were a mixture of shocked, nerve wracked, and anticipatory.

Now back to earth. Steve was looking at your face, a smile glued to your lips, your eyes widened in surprise and amusement like he’d just popped the question. One side of his lip quirked up into a smile, hope glinting in his sweet blue eyes as he waited for your verbal response. You found it cute, the way he tried to appear as nonchalant as possible, but those ocean eyes gave it all away. And even more was beginning to shock you, the bud of a little crush that had been planted in the pit of your stomach beginning to sprout and grow upwards, because you were realizing you could see him in that way too.

You were surprised to see that you were finding him cute instead of strong and buff at the moment, that he was pouring his feelings out to you, instead of the other way around. In this moment, he was the vulnerable one. You had been vulnerable for him before, but it wouldn’t end up the same way it had.

That was why you finally spoke and said,

"Steve… I think I like you too.“

Steve, although he had been confident in your reaction and confident in himself in this moment, let out a relieved chuckle. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, clearing the skies which were so full, erratic with colors that he didn’t understand. But as he told you how he felt, he knew that he was making the right decision.

All his life had been full of confusion, this feeling of dissonance, the knowledge that he didn’t truly fit in, and this trickled into his understanding of relationships. He had a certain capacity when it came to connecting with people on a level that was more than platonic. When it came to you, the platonic connection you had was undeniable, you shared a connection that was non-romantic as well as romantic. Why not explore beyond the platonic?

You laughed gently, covering your mouth with your hand, your brows furrowed up, less because you were confused and more because you were so bemused by the whole situation. It was real, but it seemed so far-fetched to assume that something like this could happen to you. It was so casual, a man expressing his feelings for a woman. But he wasn’t just any man, and you weren’t just any woman- and these feelings weren’t for the light at heart.

"This is… weird,” you blurted out, for lack of a better word. You felt a little ditzy, responding this way, but you hadn’t been expecting this, it came so suddenly that you hadn’t even processed all your emotions yet. For now, you could only afford to be shocked and excited. You weren’t fully thinking it out, but that didn’t seem like it would be a problem. Once again, Steve had caught you off guard, but this time in the best of ways. “Did you draft this out? I feel like you practiced this.”

Steve practically blushed, and it felt good to know you had that effect on him. He peeked through squinted eyes while he replied, like he was shy to reveal the answer,

“A little bit.”

“Oh my god,” you laughed, shaking your head.

For some reason, the natural light in your apartment seemed so much brighter now, filling you up and awakening your senses. You felt full with it, light and a feeling of certainty, that as strange as things were, this was how it was supposed to be. Sometimes you felt like the universe was laughing at you. Now you felt like the universe was laughing with you.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t expecting this and that you didn’t think anything legitimate would come of this. It all circled back to the fact that you were set just being by yourself, with no lover and no one to expect anything of, no one who would expect anything from you either. So to hear Steve saying something like this, while it was exciting, was also something you weren’t prepared for. You enjoyed being alone in your post healing space, and you weren’t sure how much you’d be able to handle from here on out. You didn’t know how ready you were.

But you were staying calm, not letting that bog you down. The confession itself felt monumental. Your excitement and giddiness washed out the slightly halting feeling of omniscience regarding yourself, your relationship habits and where you were in your life.

“Uhm,” you chuckled, breathing a puff of air out from your nose. You subconsciously played with your hair as a way to cope with your nerves. “Honestly, I wasn’t expecting this at all, I really don’t even know what to say.” You face palmed, chuckling at yourself. “I’m sorry, I’m usually less… this.”

By this, you meant scrambled up and unable to communicate efficiently. You felt like you should have more words than what you were giving, but Steve had truly caught you off guard. You were trying not to get too giddy, trying to retain some sense of logic like you always did. This was one of those rare blissful moments where you forgot yourself in the presence of another.

“Think you’ve said all you needed to say. It would’ve been a bit awkward if you had said anything else.”

Your mind flashed back to the dreaded session with Steve where he’d left so abruptly, and you barked out a laugh. 

"You’re telling me.“ As you settled more into the realization - not that it was a situation you could get used to very quickly (you had just gotten accustomed to Steve’s Avenger status, and now this) - you realized there was something you wanted to know. "So… what prompted you to tell me this?”

You noticed the way Steve started blushing when you asked him the question. You were simply curious, and now that some of your awareness was returning, it was something you felt might help you understand the situation more. You wanted to make sure you were interpreting everything correctly, that you weren’t misunderstanding his intentions. You felt secure enough with Steve, but it was in your nature to want to know everything, to grasp around for a true understanding. You wanted to know what you were dealing with, especially because it was something you weren’t even expecting.

Steve took in a deep breath in order to absorb everything that he wanted to say.

"I think I knew for a while that there was this potential for more. I knew there was something there, that I was having those thoughts. But I never really fully gave in to those thoughts. I was just sort of letting them float there, you know. Because I didn’t think it was serious, because it wasn’t hurting me. But I think I sort of realized that it doesn’t necessarily have to hurt in order to be something that should be addressed. I realized that the way I feel for you wasn’t just something I should keep to myself, that I needed to tell you. I was thinking about you so much every day, and I… liked it. It didn’t scare me.“

Your chest began to feel warm and full as Steve explained himself, and you couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your cheeks. To hear him actually confessing his feelings to you, telling you why he had to tell you, was something so unexpected, something that made you feel so full. It had been a while since you’d been romantically involved with anyone, and that was specifically because of the toxic relationships you had been in before. You didn’t involve yourself with just any person, not when it came to serious feelings. 

It was why with Steve you weren’t head over heels, among plenty of other reasons that you had already addressed. And while you didn’t necessarily give in to the same feelings that Steve gave into, it didn’t mean that you were going to push him away. You had been so focused on yourself. But in this moment? You could see yourself with Steve Rogers.

The corner of your lip twitched upward in a jolly smile,

"Steve, I can’t tell you what it means to hear this from you. I mean, it’s definitely something I wasn’t expecting, and I can say I was thinking about the way I feel for you too. I wasn’t giving in either, because I’m just not in that mindset right now, and I thought it would be better to keep my head, and not to expect anything. But I have feelings for you, too. And I’d love to explore what that means with you,” you admitted, a small smile on your face as you spoke your truth.

Steve nodded. All this time he’d been talking to you, it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Not that his feelings were weighing him down in a bad way, but he had to fulfill this urge to tell you, especially after what he’d done. And he felt that what he had done was necessary to confess, no matter how embarrassing it might feel to admit. He didn’t want you to be in the dark about the things he had done to himself as a result of you.

Even with all you’d been through, all the explicit things you had shared with each other, he felt embarrassed to say this aloud. He felt like any way he tried to construe it would sound weird, so in his head he was telling himself to just say it outright, but his mouth was far quicker than his brain. He stuttered as he tried and failed to explain himself,

"Well, there- there was something specific that happened. It- well, it was a weirddd, it was a moment of… I-I can’t really pinpoint-“

You raised your brows playfully, very amused by his stuttering speech, and you nodded as if he were making sense.

"Yes, I understand,” you teased him, and he laughed, shaking his head.

“Sorry,” he apologized quickly. “It’s just, this feels so odd of me to say. But you sent a picture of yourself on Snapchat, I don’t even think you were thinking of it, honestly. But it made me think. I um…”

You smirked as you realized the point that he was getting to. He didn’t even have to say it explicitly. With all your experience as a cam girl, you knew what he was implying. Your voice became saccharine sweet, and your head assumed a teasing tilt as you cooed at him,

"Stevie, did you get off to my picture?“

Judging by the way he went red yet again and nodded with an embarrassed smile on his face, you were right. You couldn’t help but laugh, not to spite him, but because it was almost surprising to you. You saw Steve as pretty disciplined, and he had made a point of establishing that he wanted to communicate with you as simply friends. That was why he didn’t add you on your more explicit private snapchat nor did he watch your cam shows for the past few weeks. You found it surprisingly cute that a simple selfie could send him over the edge - then again, it made sense that this would be something that he’d want to tell you, and that it would relate to admitting his feelings for you.

Your sugary sweet, teasing voice brought him back to his days of watching you on your cam shows, how you would coo at him and help him get off. The reminder only made him more bashful. You couldn’t help but go on, smiling in satisfaction. You couldn’t lie - it made you feel a bit cocky that you could get him to that point. Sure, men did a lot of things because of you, but those were men online who you didn’t care for as much as you cared for Stevie. You figured he was embarrassed because he thought it was creepy, but you honestly didn’t mind. Men had done worse. And besides, it was Steve after all. You had a history.

"Steve! That’s so romantic!” you chirped, watching as he seemed to sink shyly into his seat. It was like you were there with him, the way you could feel his awkward energy through your screen. “Which one was it?”

"The one you sent on the way to the beach,“ Steve murmured, peeking out from the hand he had over his eyes.

You hummed,

"Hmm, I don’t remember that. Honestly, though, Steve, I think that’s really cute. And really hot. Don’t be embarrassed.”

Steve chuckled, shrugging,

"I dunno, I wasn’t expecting it. It was what made me feel like I should tell you, because I wasn’t just thinking about your picture. I was thinking about you. You know? It was more like… it wasn’t just sexual. And I realized afterwards that it brought me to that point because I was so frustrated because I wasn’t letting myself give in to the feelings I had for you. And… it was a really nice picture.“

You giggled, but past your amusement, you were glad he was telling you these things, no matter how much it might have embarrassed him.

"Steve…” was all you could say, a smile lingering on your face. “You’re real sweet.”

He scratched the nape of his neck and looked down. For everything you’d been through, you still made him nervous, in the best way possible. And now that the mutual feelings were out there, he could relish each moment just the way it was meant to be.

"I’m glad you feel the same way. It’s weird, I was trying to figure out if I was just too excited because this is so new to me. But now I know it’s not.“

"Same,” you nodded. “I mean, I haven’t really been attached to one person in a really long time. I was off that. But if there’s going to be one person, I want it to be you.”

Steve swallowed hard. There was no doubt these feelings were real. And hearing this from you just confirmed that.

"Me too. Just you.“

You smiled for a moment, but you couldn’t help your true demeanor, the part of you that needed logic and assortment. This was lovely, but you felt like there just had to be more. Although you thought, how much more could there be? You were miles away, in such different situations in your lives. You didn’t want to just go on the same way you had been, not after he told you this. There had to be something more after this, even if neither of you knew what it would be. So you asked,

"So… what next?”

Steve couldn’t say he didn’t expect this question from you. He knew you’d want to know where you’d go from this point. And he didn’t want to leave you blindsided the way he had when he revealed himself. He wanted to have a plan. He was the grown person in the relationship, he was supposed to have an idea of what was next. But he hadn’t fully thought that out yet.

There was only one thing he thought of that could be solid, but he wasn’t sure how that would work. And he wasn’t sure if he felt secure enough in himself to let it happen. He had mixed feelings about it. So he didn’t bring it up just yet. Despite how stupid he felt shrugging, he did so anyway, and replied,

"Honestly, I’m not sure. There’s not much that we can do, is there?“

You squinted, doubtful of his response. Just like him, you had been thinking of the options, and only one thing seemed solid to you. One thing to do after you realized you both had feelings for each other, to sort of seal the deal, to close the gap. And by the curious look on your face, Steve had no doubts that you were thinking the same thing as him.

"Isn’t there?” you inquired with a suggestive cock of your head.

For all his mixed feelings, Steve felt an overwhelming wave of positivity rush over him when he saw that you were on the same page. You were sharp, there was no doubt about that. He didn’t have to question if you were suggesting the same thing he was thinking about. It was bemusing to him, the way that you were quick to clock.

"You wanna meet me,“ Steve stated, as if it were a simple fact - and honestly, it was.

You both had clicked without having to communicate. And neither of you thought it was far fetched. It made sense. It felt pointless to have this confession without there being some way to seal these feelings in in person. That had to be what was up next. You already talked online, texted each other. Doing anything else in order to define these feelings would feel trivial.

And Steve couldn’t deny that lately he had been feeling like he wanted to meet you in person. Before, it was hardly even a thought. But once he realized how he felt for you, it was something that he was fantasizing about just a bit. But it was merely a fantasy of his, not something he was gearing up to actualize.

You nodded slowly, though your heart was pounding at the mere thought of actually breaking the distance. Knowing him, talking to him was so surreal to begin with. You didn’t ever expect things to get to this point, or to be talking about meeting him. Not in this circumstance, not at all.

"If that’s something that you are… okay with. I’m not rushing anything.”

And it was true, you weren’t just making excuses. You weren’t rushing anything. You just figured it was the only logical thing to do. After all, you had your own life. It wasn’t life or death if you met him, but it just made sense. You’d have to sort things out, as you were sure he’d have to. You weren’t aiming too high. You figured this was something that the two of you could possibly achieve in the future, just as a “next step." 

You also wanted to make sure Steve was serious about this, that you wouldn’t just be left hanging by a thread, not after you had had this talk together. Not after you were preparing to commit yourself to someone, something that wasn’t even in your mind beforehand.

And even though Steve had mixed feelings for all the right reasons, he wanted to respect what you wanted. He knew you, and he knew you weren’t just dying to meet him, that it wasn’t something that would just drive you crazy. You were level headed enough, you had enough going for yourself. Still, if you were on the same page, he wanted to actualize your wishes. And he agreed that it was the logical thing to do - there was just so much that would go into making this actually work. Both you and Steve knew you couldn’t just jump into it, but that it had to at least be a possibility.

So he didn’t let this scare him, didn’t let these mixed feelings send him overboard like he might have before. He was long past that. He just took everything in calmly, because it was what he owed you. Direction, logic, and peace. Hell, it was what he owed himself.

He nodded,

"You’re not rushing anything. I understand, it makes sense.”

You nodded, glad you and Steve were on the same page. You didn’t intend on letting your guard down completely- just because you were comfortable with Steve didn’t mean that you were just going to act head over heels for him and lose all sense of reality. You were still YN, a sensible, strong woman who had boundaries and standards for those who pursued you romantically. Steve was special, but he wasn’t an exception. You needed a plan. Needed security.

And Steve definitely expected that from you, it was why he knew that he needed to have a plan. He sometimes felt like you were too good for him- that he didn’t have a clue when it came to these things sometimes, and that he’d do something foolish and lose you. He knew he had to get a clue, and quick. All he cared about was treating you right, especially considering the age difference - you were a grown woman, but he was even older. He had a certain responsibility. It didn’t mean he had to be the leader in the relationship, whatever it came to be, because you showed enough leader qualities yourself. But it meant that he couldn’t leave things open ended all the time, that he had to show you he was serious.

When it came to meeting you in person, there were so many things giving Steve mixed feelings. It would be no greater delight than to see you in person. He already enjoyed you so much over the screen. He had no worries that the connection you had over the internet wouldn’t translate in real life, as long as he didn’t overthink it. It was more a question of time, of his own leadership role in his team.

Would it get in the way of his job if he was with a woman he had never seen in real life? Would that interfere with his team dynamic in some way? And how could he do so in a way that would keep you safe, from media, from threats, from anything that would get in the way of you and him. There were just so many things that could go wrong, and all for one delicious prize: seeing you face to face without a screen cutting through.

So, like you, he wasn’t jumping into it. But it was on your mind, so he knew he would have to consider it seriously. If this was what the next step would be, he couldn’t fuck around too long. He had no intention of stringing you along, of putting this idea out there and then leaving you unsatisfied when he couldn’t commit to that next step. So in his mind, there was a distant knowledge that he would have to commit, that this would have to happen at some point. But he didn’t want to think about it too much just yet. He wanted to enjoy this moment.

Your voice interrupted his thoughts,

"Right. It makes sense. I mean, considering your… life, for lack of a better word, and my life as well, I don’t suppose it’s something that can just be done. But I’d like to meet you, Steve. Now that I know this, I think it’s the only way to be sure that this can be true. To be sure that this is something feasible. And, past all the deep stuff… it sure would be nice to meet Captain America.“

Your smile was so genuine and warm, it almost brought tears to Steve’s eyes. He knew he had made no mistake, looking at you. Your glow was so radiant it seemed to touch Steve through the screen, like a friendly sprite fluttering around him, with some iridescent aura. He liked you so much, it made his head swim in a way he just hadn’t felt before.

"Yeah. And I’m sure you’ve got people lining up to meet the famous Moonrose,” Steve smirked playfully, and you laughed, shaking your head.

“He has a sense of humor. How cute.”

Steve wanted to stay on the phone with you for so much longer, talk to you and lose himself in your words and his own thoughts, but he had responsibilities to tend to. He sighed, his hand pressing up against his cheek,

"Would you kill me if I said I had to go?“

"Consider yourself a dead man, Steve Rogers,” you pouted playfully, and the corner of his lip twitched up in amusement.

"I wish I could stay longer, I really do. But I’m glad we had this talk, I think we’re both on the same page, here.“

You felt calm, secure in this moment. You bit down on your lip and nodded,

"Yeah, me too. See you, Steve.”

"See you.“

✺ ✺ ✺

Ever since that day, Steve had been in an extraordinarily good mood. Even while he had specifics to think about, as in how exactly he’d make meeting you work, he wasn’t bogged down by those thoughts. He knew it would take some time, some mindfulness. He couldn’t just bring you here carelessly.

So, it was a sort of strange buzz that he was in - he was simultaneously giddy and serious, plotting and planning things out, and leaving space in his mind for you. And when he thought of you, just you, any stress threatening to build up just dissipated.

"You’re in a good mood,” Bucky commented in passing, taking notice of the small smile that seemed to be constantly engraved on Steve’s face these days.

Once again, everyone took notice of Steve’s mood - he’d been happy recently, but now it was almost odd. They were beginning to think there was something they were missing. Tony had been the first to really pry and ask if Steve was thinking about a girl. He’d assumed that Steve wanted to talk to someone special when he asked him about the private numbers, and that was entirely true. But Steve didn’t let on, not quite yet.

“Am I?“ Steve quipped back, a strange response to Bucky’s comment.

Bucky raised his eyebrow, squinting inquisitively at Steve.

"Seriously, what’s been going on? You hopped up on a little extra serum?”

Steve shook his head slowly with a laugh,

"Can’t a guy just be happy that it’s springtime? It’s finally nice out. Harsh winter.“

"I’ve never known you to be a giddy person,” Bucky pressed, and Steve just shrugged.

“Seasons change, people change too,” Steve started to walk much faster than Bucky. “Gotta go, Buck. Got some paperwork to take care of.”

Steve practically left Bucky in the dust. He stood there, trying to put the pieces together. He was beginning to think he had an idea of what was going on, but, no. He’d be crazy to think that. It wasn’t something Steve would get himself into. But if he was right, then damn it, he wanted to know. Like everyone else, he wouldn’t pry too much. But he was beginning to think that they should all be a bit more invested in what was going on. Was he happy his friend was happy? Of course. Was it still a bit strange? Hell yeah.

And even though he had settled things with you, Steve still had no intentions of putting his business out there. It was his own thing, and for good reason.

✺ ✺ ✺

Your last day of classes came quicker than you had been expecting. A week flew by so quickly, and even in that week you still hadn’t fully processed that day you talked to Steve, the things that he had to say to you. From this point on, you would have so much free time on your hands, maybe you would use it to settle in to your new reality. Just a week ago, Steve Rogers had told you he had feelings for you. He had told you that there was a possibility that you could meet each other. What was your life, honestly?

If anything, right now it was just a swarm of good. You almost expected something bad to happen to snap you out of this blissed out, full mood that you were in. Everything felt perfect right now. Your brand was swinging into action, you were about to graduate, your cam business was going well as usual. And on top of that, you were in the beginnings of a new relationship. Neither of you were sure what it would actually become, but you hardly even wanted to think about that. You were just enjoying the present, though you knew the future would be so unpredictable and so full of new things.

To celebrate the end of your classes, and more importantly, the end of senior year, you were having a few friends over at your apartment. One plus of having your own place was that you didn’t have to move out of dorms, which was a process most of your friends were going through prior to graduation. And being able to have friends over in a place that you could call your own was so special to you.

"We’re really fucking done!“ Aaliyah exclaimed, reaching over the counter to pour herself another drink, then shaking her head and deciding it was best to drink from the bottle.

"I’ll drink to that,” Cameron agreed, and clinked her glass to Aaliyah’s entire bottle.

"YN, get off your phone. We gotta celebrate!“ Luke nudged you harshly, and you chuckled, rubbing your arm in the spot where he’d impacted you.

As present as you liked to be when you were with your friends, you couldn’t help but be on your phone in this moment. You and Steve texted casually beforehand, but ever since that Facetime call last week, you communicated much more frequently. You anticipated texts and snapchats from him, even the occasional call. Often times you just wanted to hear from each other, wanted to update each other on the smallest of things.

It wasn’t obnoxious or overbearing, it felt just right for the situation that you were in with each other. You wanted to feel closer, or at least the illusion of feeling closer. You were trying to talk to each other the way that people with feelings for each other would. But it didn’t feel forced. Your banter came naturally, conversation flowed easily, just as it had before. But now, there was an even brighter spark in each and every text message, every silly Snapchat selfie you sent each other.

Right now, you were texting Steve about the gathering, sliding in sneaky flirts every now and then, like "wish you were here!” You knew how to get to Steve- even the littlest things did him in.

“Okay, okay, I’m here! Just, lemme make this call real quick. Really, really quick. Promise,” you pleaded with your friends, who were jeering at you playfully as you slinked away quickly.

You were having fun already, but there was something on your mind, something you hadn’t done in a while that you wanted to fulfill. Now that you and Steve had established your feelings for each other, it was only appropriate, right?

You texted Steve, telling him to have his laptop ready, because you wanted to Facetime him.

You had slinked away to your room, and locked the door behind you, setting up your mirror in front of you and sitting criss cross on the floor. You pulled up Steve’s name on your laptop, and Facetimed him. You figured he’d be available to video chat, considering you had just been texting quite voraciously. To your pleasure, he picked up, and you were looking at him on the screen again, a feeling that filled you both up each time. 

Texting was nice, but actually seeing each other on the screen live felt so much more personal. You felt a surge of pride in you, that you had this ability to just call him up like this, to be able to see him like this. You liked knowing you were the only one that could bring this out of him. And you were about to bring a lot more out of him right now.

"Hey, how’s the party?“ Steve asked when he picked up, a grin on his features.

"Compared to talking to you? Ahh, I can’t be that mean to my friends,” you joked, and it was really only a joke. But it got the reaction you were hoping for- he blushed and started smiling profusely.

“You’re too sweet,” he leaned in. “Why’d you wanna call on my laptop instead of my phone, though?”

You shrugged, not giving anything away just yet,

"Just wanna see you better. And I have something for you. It’ll be easier to multitask.“

Steve nodded,

"I see you’ve abandoned your friends.”

“Ding ding ding. Just for a minute though. Or an hour. However long it takes you,” you shrugged nonchalantly, as if you were saying anything.

But Steve felt his senses kicking in. You were alone, obviously because you couldn’t just talk to him around your friends, but it was more than that. His stomach dropped from nerves, in the best way possible, but also because this was unexpected.

“However… long it takes me?” he practically gulped, and watched as you pushed back the laptop and started to pull down the sleeves of your blouse just enough to show the pink bra straps.

"I missed this, Stevie,“ you pouted, leaning in very intentionally, so that the curves of your boobs would show from over your blouse.

Steve’s jaw ticked as he watched. He was in his room, and it wasn’t as late in New York as it was in California. But his door was locked anyway, and time wasn’t an issue when it came to you.

"We talk a lot,” Steve blurted awkwardly in response, immediately feeling stupid.

He didn’t mean to be so tongue tied, but it had just been a long time since he had interacted with you like this. Sure, he had his moment with the picture of you, but it wasn’t the same as being onscreen with you while you did all the things you did to drive him crazy, right in front of his eyes. He had chosen not to view your cam shows or anything that would get in the way of your budding friendship. Now, you were giving it to him. And he wouldn’t have resisted before, because he hardly could - but now, it felt much more appropriate, now that your feelings for each other were out there.

"I know, but not like this. We talk about my day, your missions. Our feelings. Cute shit like that. But I get so bored, Stevie. No one on my cam site can do it like you.“

"Really?” Steve swallowed, licking his lips slowly and taking in every word you said like it was a mixture of milk and honey.

“Really. You think anyone can make me scream their name the same way you can? And really mean it? You must know I always meant it, Steve,” you drawled slightly, continuing to pull down the sleeves of your blouse and your bra straps along with it, so that now your sleeves were down to your chest.

Steve sighed deeply, as if he were trying to contain himself, breathing through his nose. It had been so long, too long, since the two of you had been intimate like this. It was bringing out this feral nature in him that only you could satisfy. And for you, it was exciting to actually have a person to be intimate with just because. Sure, it wasn’t the same as physical touch - which, besides Alex, you hadn’t had legitimately in far too long - but it was intimate.

And this time around, it wasn’t just for a customer. It was for someone you could genuinely say you had feelings for. And that felt so fulfilling. It was why you were so quick to give it to Steve, because you were craving that excitement, that full feeling. Being with your friends was lovely, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on to escape them for something like this.

"Do I get to hear you scream my name tonight?“ Steve asked, trying to be confident in his responses, but there was a genuine glint of hope in his question.

You laughed, biting down on your lip, and shrugged,

"If you play your cards right, sure.”

“How do I… play my cards right?” Steve chewed on his bottom lip, anticipatory and a bit anxious.

“Just do what feels right,” you sighed, and took off your blouse completely, the bra falling off in accordance.

Steve’s spit caught in his throat at the sight - he’d seen you in every position, but it never got old. Especially since he hadn’t seen you like this in so long. He was already palming himself through his sweats, looking hard into the screen of his laptop - he understood now, using a laptop would be much more convenient for this. It was just like his days with you on the site.

“Can I see?” you asked, a smile growing on your lips as you watched the way his face contorted, the motions his hands made.

He pushed the laptop further down the bed so that you could see all of him, from his growing erection in his black sweats to his reddening face.

You practically whimpered when you saw it. It was no surprise that you hadn’t actually seen him like this, you’d only ever heard his reactions. All those times, you’d been facing a blank screen. You never got to actually see the expressions that he made, never got to see how big he was, never got to see him finish. He’d gotten to see all of that from you, and now it was finally your turn. Regardless of how things were going to go down right now, you wouldn’t be able to control yourself.

Steve watched as you slipped out of your shorts and started to run your fingers along your clit through your underwear, teasing the warm, wet skin that was underneath. His motions matched yours, grazing his cock with his palm through his clothes. He could usually stand teasing himself, but he was harder than he’d ever been, it had been so long. He was still full of so much pent up desire for you.

He blushed when he realized that you could actually see him too. Sure, you’d heard him before, but that felt different. He hadn’t done something like this, ever. Was it risky to show his face as he did something like this? Sure. But did he honestly expect that risk to have consequences? Not anymore. Still, it made him blush because he’d never actually done this before, at least not when you could see him.

You moaned, choking out your words,

“You look nervous, Stevie.”

He chuckled, shaking his head,

“I don’t know, I’ve just… I know we’ve done this countless times, but you’ve never been able to see me. Guess I’m feeling a little rusty.”

"You? Rusty? Never. I think you forget who you are, Steve,“ you reminded him, and he smirked- of course you would gas him up a bit, how could he forget how cocky you could make him feel sometimes?

"Force of habit,” he shrugged, and you took your bottom lip under your teeth.

“Steve?” you asked between pleasured sighs.

“Yeah?”

"I really wanna see you. Can you do that for me?“ you cooed, putting on your best puppy dog eyes - you wanted to see him for real, not just through the outline of his sweats. You knew he was big, you had known that even before he revealed who he was. But now it was like some sudden kink, to want to see just how big your superhero was.

He knew exactly what you meant, and the pleading in your voice only made him want to show you even more. He was almost eager as he pulled his sweats down, his cock already springing upwards in his boxers, forming a tent. He watched as your two fingers spun slow circles around your clit once you pushed your panties to the side. Seeing your bare flesh again made him grunt, made his cock twitch in his boxers.

"Please, Stevie,” you groaned, wanting to see all of him.

“I got you, doll, don’t worry,” he replied — it was cute to see you get all worked up, but he wouldn’t hold out on you for too long. He respected the fact that you were even doing this right now — for that, he decided you got whatever you wanted.

You kept whining until he finally pulled down his boxers and his cock sprung loose. It was hard and heavy, it nearly made you drool just to look at it. You knew he was big, but he was big. Bigger than anyone you’d seen or even had. Just the sight of it, veiny, standing in the air, and throbbing for you made you moan uncontrollably. You were unbelievably wet already, and couldn’t help but sink two fingers inside of you - they slid in too easily.

Your fingers felt the warm and gushy flesh inside of you and you sucked in a breath, just watching his cock on the screen. It was something so deliciously overdue, so much overdue that it felt like a sweet release just to see it. You rolled your head back, and Steve gripped the base of his cock, watching your fingers dip in and out of you while you pleasured yourself.

“Mmh,” you mewled, biting your lip. You looked back on the screen, a needy pout plastered all over your glossy lips, a desperate crease in your brows as you focused in on his cock. You groaned gutturally, just looking at him, imagining what it would be like to take him inside of you, inside any part of you. Your voice was whiny, desperate with amazement. “You’re so big.”

Steve’s chest pounded at the sound of your voice - so needy and raw, like the sight of him was too much for you. He watched the way your fingers rubbed vigorously at your clit, which was wet and slick with your juices. His hand worked tirelessly at himself, jerking up and down his shaft, his fingers toying with the head, glowing with his precum.

“You like my cock?” he asked in response, just so he could hear the edge in your voice. 

You sighed in pleasure, scooching your hips forward so Steve could see you better,

“Yes, baby, I want you so bad.”

“You want it?” Steve gave in to his desire to tease you back, which really became stronger when he saw how needy you were for him. You watched his face, which was a mix of derisive and focused, focused on getting you both to orgasm, his brows furrowed in pleasure, mouth partially open at all times. The groan that came out of Steve was deep and animalistic, reflective of how much he needed this with you after not having it for so long. “Does it turn you on? Begging for my cock?”

You whimpered - the more dominant side of Steve was coming out, and you hardly had to coax him into it. He was assuming such a daddy role, you couldn’t help it when the pet name slipped out of your mouth,

"God, yes, daddy.“

Steve’s eyes were blown with lust, his eyelids heavy, but they widened just a bit when he heard what you called him. You hadn’t even thought much about it, but Steve was hanging onto it desperately.

"Daddy? Is that what I am?” he repeated with a low chuckle, slowing his strokes so he could focus on your response.

You wriggled around and mewled out in response, scrunching your eyes shut as you tried to avoid having to answer him.

“I’m not hearing an answer, doll,” Steve pressed, and you clenched around your fingers, an orgasm sure to arrive shortly - his tone was so authoritative and cocky - you shouldn’t have let that slip, but then again, you loved it.

“Fuck!” you shouted, thrusting your fingers deeper inside of you, your knuckles hitting your clit. “Yes, daddy, that’s what you are.”

“Hmm, yeah, that’s it,” Steve breathed out of his nose, relaxing back into his pillow and letting the careless motions of his hand take over. He was so far gone, any tension from the day so far removed that his head felt clear, and a wave of pleasure rushed over him. So much so that he wasn’t even really thinking when he next spoke, his eyes shut and his hands closed around his throbbing cock. “Mm, I can’t wait to fuck you.”

A sound you didn’t expect came out of you then, and you clenched hard around your fingers as you came, gasping for air and rocking your hips against your fingers deliriously, sweat just starting to drip down your forehead. Steve’s orgasm came soon after that, like it was chasing after yours. You both took your time to recover, reveling in the moment. It felt like a sense of peace had flooded your room, and it felt the same for Steve. You both knew it had been too long since you got each other off. And everytime it happened, it was explosive. Just now, it had been on a whim, as a result of your own spontaneity - and you were a bit horny as well. Man, were you glad for those last minute decisions of yours.

You wiped sweat off your forehead, still breathing hard, and pulled up your underwear - which was no help, you were still soaking through them. But you got dressed accordingly and so did Steve, and you stayed on the call until one of you spoke.

“Your friends are looking for you, I bet,” Steve commented, and you smirked, shrugging.

"Don’t worry, they’ll be fine,“ you grinned, licking your lips.

Steve’s eyes were still bleared over, but he was looking right at you,

"Think they heard us?”

Even after all that, your pussy throbbed at his words, at the thought. If only Steve could see.

“Dunno.”

“I get the feeling you don’t care,” Steve grinned, eyes sparkling - he too was glad for your spontaneity.

As you sat recovering, rocking gently back and forth with your knees pulled up to your chest, a small smile appeared on your lips as you recalled the words that had triggered you to come. It was mindless to Steve, a subconscious thought of his that had slipped out of his lips in that moment of pure bliss, as casual and thoughtless as asking “how was your day?”

"You said you can’t wait to fuck me,“ you hummed, tilting your head to the side, a devious but satisfied smile on your lips.

You liked, no loved, the way it sounded coming from his lips this time around. Before, you had always shared your fantasies aloud, telling the other that you wished you could be there. But that was before - before you even knew him, before you knew each other the way that you knew each other now. There was no depth to the words. But now, it felt like a prompt to put things into motion, like Steve knew that his wish would become a reality, like he really was serious about meeting you. He didn’t just wish he could fuck you, he couldn’t wait to. That, to you, sounded like there was already a plan set where something like that could be possible. Like Steve had been thinking about it, a thought that dually excited you and made you wet.

Steve blushed at the reminder - he had hardly recognized that he had let that slip. Again, it was more of a subconscious thought of his, one that hadn’t yet come to the surface. Although he had plans to meet you, knew that it had to happen at some point, he hadn’t yet thought of the specifics. It just sort of came out of him, something that he didn’t realize he’d been thinking about - that he’d one day have the chance to meet you, that he really could fuck you when the time came. He supposed that the excitement of the moment got him thinking that this prominent physical, sexual gap could be closed once you met. It wasn’t the only reason he wanted to meet you, but in the moment, it was what was most on his mind. And the only difference in what he said this time around was that it insinuated driving fantasies into reality.

"I did, huh?” Steve questioned, smirking slightly.

He knew what you were getting to, and it got you both excited and nervous all at once. You both knew it was going to happen, but once he said that, it felt like things were becoming much realer.

"Mhm. That true?“ you batted your lashes playfully, making him laugh - he missed this feeling, the friendly interactions after getting each other off, how humorous and organic it felt.

"Yeah, it’s true,” Steve nodded, settling into the reality himself. He knew what had to be done, and he knew it had to be set in motion quickly. “Guess we better meet sooner than later, huh?”

"Just so you can fuck me,“ you said decidedly, making the both of you laugh.

"It’s not as wholesome as I was expecting,” Steve cleared his throat. “But really, you and I both know it’s not just because of that. And it very well could be, but we both have so much to offer.”

"Mhm, but you really wanna fuck me,“ you continued, and Steve knew he had to let you bask in this moment, had to let you shine in all your glory.

He laughed at how big headed you were acting, shaking his head,

"There’s that, too.”

"Hey, really though, if it takes time, I understand,“ you nodded, making it clear once again that you weren’t rushing anything.

"It takes time, but I can make time,” Steve replied quickly.

He wanted you to feel secure, didn’t want you to feel like you had to backtrack from what you both wanted. It would take a lot of work from him to make things work out, would take a lot of self reflection, but he knew that for you, he could handle it. Neither of you were rushing things, but you both realized that you couldn’t hold off for too long, that you needed each other soon- physically and emotionally. There was only so much you could do through a screen. The more you talked about it, the more the days passed by, the stronger the urge became. You’d both commit to not allowing it to drive you up the wall - but you could only resist so much. You had to see each other, soon.

You smiled, impressed by Steve’s words. He would make time. That was all you ever really wanted to hear.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s a lot, but it can be done. We’ll have to be careful, because there’s so much… stuff that goes into this. And I have to get myself together first, when it comes to my team and how this will all go down in a way that won’t impact my work, or your work, for that thought. But I care about you. And… and I know that this is the next step, and we don’t have to rush it, but it’s better to see you sooner than later,” Steve explained, the gears already churning in his mind- lots of work to be done.

He didn’t want to keep you a secret, but he didn’t want to mess up the consistency in his relationships with his team and his relationship with his work. That was one thing that he’d have to figure out. And besides, he liked having you all to himself. When the time was right to be open about it, he’d know. That was just one of the elements he’d have to think of when it came to getting you to him.

"I care about you too,“ you pouted slightly, and then smiled again. "And I really do want to see you. When it’s right, it’s right. You know?”

"Yeah,“ Steve took his bottom lip under his teeth. "So… when is it right for you?”

You raised your brows - was he asking for your schedule? Was this really going to happen? You knew that was the focus of your conversation, but actually progressing was something so jarring to think of.

"For me?“ you repeated, gawking slightly at the camera.

"Yeah, like… I don’t know. When’s a good time for you?” he asked, as if he were scheduling a simple lunch date.

Your head started to swarm with thoughts, mainly thoughts surrounding your own availability. Once you graduated, you’d have all the time in the world. Sure, you’d have to start working and continue handling your clothing brand, but you would have plenty of free time on your hands. You wanted to settle into the real world without education first, but you figured that you’d be ready for this adventure soon after graduation.

“Ah, well… I’m- I’m graduating… this week. And, um, after that I’m pretty much free. I’ll need like a week or two to decompress, but after that, I guess-”

“You can see me,” Steve completed your sentence for you, because you were having a hard time spitting the words out of your mouth.

For all your logic and need for stability, you were floored by the idea of actually planning something like this out. For the umpteenth time that week you were asking yourself: “what is my life?” And for Steve, it was jarring too. It was odd for him to think that he would ever be going through with something like this, something that he had resisted so adamantly beforehand. He couldn’t say that he couldn’t picture himself in this position with you beforehand, because a small part of him could. 

It seemed so unfeasible and far fetched to him back then, but it was part of the reason why he pushed back. Now, here he was, in this unbelievable position. But it didn’t deter him, it just served as a reminder of how much he had grown since he met you, the same way you had grown.

“Yeah,” you chuckled out nervously, a beam breaking out on your face. You huffed, as if you couldn’t believe it, but you were so glad it was true. “Yeah… then I can meet you.”

A beat of silence passed as you both just looked at each other over the screen, settling into this moment together. It was like there was a bubble that enclosed just you and him. A circumstance so exclusive that it was as if only the two of you could understand it. And the way you were looking at each other now, you couldn’t wait to look into each other’s eyes for real.

“Well,” Steve chuckled, raising his brows. “I guess I’ll have to make arrangements.”

“Yeah, me too,” you refrained from snorting out of excitement, and just sat back.

“You should get back to your friends, before they start suspecting anything.”

“I assure you, they are not worried about me,” a loud garble of laughter sounded through your walls, loud enough for Steve to hear. “See?”

You both laughed, but you took in a breath, nodding,

"Ah, you’re right though. I should go.“

"Got it. Hey, I’ll see you. Soon,” said Steve, but the farewell felt so much deeper now.

You winked, leaning forward to hang up,

"See you, Steve.“

You hung up, still giddy and buzzing with exhilaration. You still didn’t know what to expect, but you kind of knew when to expect it. And it was coming soon. You had to resist from counting down the days. As Steve suggested, you returned to your friends. You had no trouble focusing on them and your celebration for the rest of the night. But the warmth you felt in your cheeks, the wetness between your thighs, and the smile etched on your face all reminded you of what was to come.


	9. CHAPTER NINE | CONGRATULATIONS!

Four slavish years of dedication later, and you were done. You would be done, in just a few hours. You’d sit through a few boring speeches, sure, but then you’d throw your cap in the air. Then you’d really be able to sit in the realization that you finished college, an indubitably incredible feat. You’d been through so much, and so much of it on your own. You were almost entirely independent, especially over the course of these four years. The thought of how much you’d carried on your own back actually made you tear up.

Lucky for you, your best friend noticed.

“Aht aht!” Aaliyah tsked, rushing over to you when she heard you starting to sniffle. She sat next to you on your bed and cupped your face in her hands, wiping away the tears rolling down your squished cheeks. “No crying. Not when your face is this beat!”

“Happy tears?” you said, as if it were a question - honestly, your tears came from a source of happiness and heaviness all at once, from all this deep contemplation.

“Save that for the end, girl,” Aaliyah waved her hand dismissively, and you couldn’t help but smile, locking eyes with Aaliyah.

"Love you. So much,“ you said, for probably the thousandth time that day.

"I know! Love you too, sis,” she pulled you in for a deep hug, nuzzling her chin into your shoulder. “And this dress is to die for. Don’t get your makeup on it, now.”

Another one of your accomplishments being called to attention - the fact that your best friend was wearing a dress that you made to your graduation, and so were you. You started out college practically without a clue - it seemed that some years asked questions, and other years gave answers.

"I won’t,“ you pulled away, your hands still on Aaliyah’s sides. You lightened up. "Now let’s go graduate.”

| | |

“Proud of you, YN,” your mom smiled warmly.

You were standing in front of your parents, who you actually hadn’t seen in a few months, despite them living in California too. You didn’t really make it a priority to talk to them - honestly, you never had. Your relationship with your parents had been almost stonelike throughout your life. It wasn’t bad, per say, but it wasn’t your definition of healthy either. They were sort of just there, playing the role of parents.

They helped you when you needed help, but they were never really there for you. You had never felt comfortable enough to really open up to them. It was just another part of the reason why your relationships felt the way they did, why you were so adamant on protecting yourself and healthy communication.

Being here with them today was nice, but it was almost fake - your sweet interactions with them tasted like artificial sugar, especially when you smiled extra wide, so much that it hurt your cheeks. But you downed it like it was nothing. It couldn’t hurt to have them here.

"Thanks, mom,“ you pulled her in for an awkward hug, then your dad.

You found yourself just standing in front of them, clenching and unclenching your fists, unsure of what to say next.

"We… made dinner reservations for this nice restaurant in town. We thought you might want to join us, to celebrate,” your dad offered - at least he was trying, you noticed.

You smiled sadly, because you had already made plans with friends. Still, you weren’t sure a dinner with your parents would be your idea of celebration, so, a little selfishly, you were glad.

“Aww, that’s sweet of you guys, but I already-”

“Hey!” you were interrupted by Aaliyah’s trill as she slid up next to you, holding balloons and what looked like not one, but multiple bouquets. Like always, her whole family came to congratulate her. You kind of wanted to see Aaliyah’s parents instead. Aaliyah paused slightly when she saw your parents, who she knew too since you had been close friends for ages. She smiled softly, eyes darting between the three of you, and continued. “Hey Mr. and Mrs. YLN! Wow, it’s been a while. Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to talk to YN about our… plans?”

Aaliyah seemed to be looking to you for guidance on what to say- you had planned something for tonight with her, but Aaliyah in no way wanted to interfere with whatever your parents had planned. She knew you felt incredibly neutral towards them, but she felt like maybe this would be an opportunity for you and your parents to finally open up to one another. Her plans with you could wait.

“Hi, Aaliyah, it’s good to see you,” your dad grinned, and pulled her in for a hug, along with your mom.

“Uhh. I was saying it would be nice, but I have plans with Aaliyah and a couple other people, so.”

“Oh, uhm, actually, if it’s a problem we can just hang out some other time,” Aaliyah suggested, looking up at you for acceptance, shrugging. “And, my family wants to hang out too, so, I won’t really be able to hang out tonight. If that’s okay. By the way, my parents wanted to give this to you…”

Aaliyah handed you one out of her many bouquets, and you took it with grace, smiling down at the assortment of flowers. She kept looking up at you, and you could tell she was sort of pushing you to take this opportunity for your own sake. She wasn’t trying to intervene, but she knew what was right for you as your close friend, and she figured both you and your parents deserved some personal time with each other. You and Aaliyah already hung out a lot.

“Up to you, YN,” your mom replied, but by the way she was slightly bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet told you the decision you had to make.

You smiled at everyone, though you were withholding a deep sigh. Tonight would probably be another night of unraveling and healing, you had to prepare yourself. But until then, you would be celebrating.

❁❁❁

Steve was busy, workwise and otherwise. He was out of town on a mission with Sam and he barely had any way to communicate with you. But thoughtfully, he had told you that he wouldn’t have his phone, so there was no need to question his silence. Besides, early this morning before he left, he made sure to text you a short but sweet congratulatory message to praise you for your graduating. As brief as the message was, it was genuine and kind, and left you grinning the whole morning through, thinking of him.

Now though, Steve was heading back to headquarters to report back to Fury, in the Quinjet which was being manned by Sam.

“Couldn’t you have just flown back?” Steve attempted to make a joke, though in all reality he was tired and just trying to grasp onto sanity - it wasn’t only work that was occupying his mind this week. It was also you, and he was twisting his own arm trying to arrange plans to meet you. Doing so discreetly seemed to be a bigger issue than he had anticipated.

“Ha-ha,” Sam bleated, a smile on his face. Steve sat down next to Sam in the cockpit, making him look over. “For someone like you, you sure seem tired.”

“Ahh,” Steve laid his head in his hands. “Just busy. Work and otherwise.”

“Otherwise?” Sam intoned. “Do tell.”

Steve chuckled and shook his head,

“I can’t really wrap my head around it myself.”

“Huh. Does it have anything to do with why you’ve been so happy recently?”

“Gosh,” Steve sighed, not even ready to combat the way he knew Sam was about to grill him. “Everyone thinks this is about a girl.”

“Woah- I didn’t say anything about no girl. You finally got some snatch, huh Steve?”

Steve chortled at Sam’s vulgarity, and the topic of the question in general. Ironically, the answer was both yes and no. Yes, if it counted onscreen.

"Shouldn’t have said a word, huh?“

"No, you should not have. To be fair though, Bucky has been pestering me to ask you. Don’t think you’d tell me if you won’t even tell him, though,” Sam admitted.

Steve had to admit, the idea of someone finding out before he was ready made him anxious. Not to the point where he was ready to abandon all his plans, but enough to make him feel like he had to be careful. He didn’t want to hide the fact that he was happy, he just didn’t want people in his business about it. It was the last thing he wanted when it came to you. He wanted privacy, wanted to wait until he was ready to come out with it. He could only hope that if and when he did, the positives would outweigh any possible negatives or doubts. The last thing Steve wanted to do was let anyone down - not because of what you did, but because he knew it sounded rash, whether you were a sex worker or not. So sue him if he didn’t wanna tell on himself. Not before he even got to have you all to himself.

And now that he was sitting through the logistics of getting you here, avoiding Bucky’s suspicions was like clockwork. He had to be more aware around him, off of his phone, no matter how much he might want to text you. He didn’t want trouble in paradise before he even got there.

“There’s no girl,” Steve said, as seriously as he could. Sam smirked, side eyeing him a few times, trying to rouse something out of him, and Steve laughed again. “’M serious.”

“Okay. Hey, listen, even if there was, you know we’d have your back right?”

Steve almost blushed - sometimes he could feel so silly for being so private about the situation. Like he should just stop letting precautions impede him. But his smarts got the best of him every time, and thank god for that. He knew his friends would have his back, after all they weren’t just his coworkers. But they couldn’t possibly expect Steve’s situation to be anything like this. Their reactions wouldn’t be basic. Besides, there was more than just work and his team dynamic to worry about - there was the issue of your own safety, booking flights and privacy in general. It was worth a lot of work and a lot of contemplation. Nothing he wasn’t willing to do for you, but still, he needed the transition to be as seamless as possible.

"I know, I know,“ Steve replied. "Just got a lot on my mind these days, that’s all.”

Sam patted Steve’s back, squeezing his shoulder,

"Let me know if you ever need to talk about it. I’m your guy.“

"Sure, pal. Sure.”

| | |

Back at the Stark Tower, in the midst of their debrief meeting, Steve decided he should let his team know his plans in advance. Not entirely, but enough so that when he did take the short break that he would be taking in order to accomodate you, it wasn’t too much of a surprise.

He was sitting at the head of the table, opposite end of Tony, his hands clasped together. It was a bit nerve wracking to sit in front of everyone and tell them this simple thing, because there was so much that would lead up to this simple decision. It was all riding on one thing- being able to see you, in the most practical way for the both of you. And, he didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself than he already had by being in a better mood and being practically glued to his phone. Everyone suspected him already. So, he tried to keep his voice steady and his eyes low when he made the announcement,

“I’m thinking of taking a few weeks off. Soon.”

“How soon?” Tony asked, cocking his head.

“Not sure yet. Thinking in about two weeks, maybe,” Steve replied. “And, I’ll still be coming in, just not as frequently. By time off I just mean I’m going to be living in my apartment… not here.”

Steve had a nice, but common apartment somewhere in Brooklyn, close to where he lived as a child. He sometimes went back and forth between that apartment and Avengers Tower, but he lived with the others for the most part. When it came to you, he wanted to give you as much attention as he possibly could, given the duties of his job, and that meant that he wanted to live with you for some time. He’d retire from the tower for a while and just focus on you, only coming in when he needed to. That way you wouldn’t take over his life, but he’d have enough time for you.

Steve looked around the table, gaging the reactions from everyone. Most everyone seemed fine with Steve’s decision, but Bucky was looking at him a little funny, and Sam seemed to have a small smile on his face, whereas Nat was nodding slowly.

“Well,” Tony grunted, shrugging. “You are the boss… for whatever reason. Your call.”

“Thanks for letting us know,” Wanda added in, to cover up Tony’s comment.

“Yeah, Steve,” Bucky echoed, though he appeared much less thankful, glaring up at him with those striking eyes of his.

Steve shifted in discomfort, clearing his throat,

“Well, just wanted to make sure you all are aware.”

“We’ll miss you,” Nat chimed in deviously, and Steve smirked over at her.

“Won’t disappear on you guys, I promise.”

❁❁❁

As much as you tried to distract yourself in the few hours leading up to the dinner with your parents, it admittedly made you nervous. Thinking about talking to them in private rang up so many things that could go wrong in your mind. And again, it wasn’t like you had a bad relationship with your parents. It was more like you didn’t have a relationship at all— which, now that you thought about it, was bad. You just felt like it would be… awkward. It wasn’t quite your idea of a nice graduation night.

So, on the Lyft there, to calm your nerves, you decided to call Steve. You hoped you wouldn’t be interrupting him or bothering him, considering the fact that he had told you he’d be unavailable for a portion of the day. You had already triple texted Aaliyah, but she was out with family, so she wasn’t on her phone. You were chewing on your lip as you waited for Steve to pick up, and you practically sighed out of relief when he did.

“Hi, doll,” he said, his voice warm even if slightly tired.

“Hey,” you sighed. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Course not,” he cooed. You could practically picture the pout on his soft lips when he spoke, and it only made you want to see him in person more. “Everything okay, doll?”

You giggled, your mood already boosted just by talking to him. The fact that he sounded so concerned when you hadn’t even expressed your worries yet warmed your heart, gave you a pang in the chest. It also scared you a bit, how much you felt for him, not even having met him yet. Before, you avoided falling for him because it wouldn’t have made sense at all, it would’ve been an issue of safety and logic. Now, you could feel yourself falling for him, and although you were sure you’d be safe with him, it was still something that you could hardly grasp.

It made your throat run dry just to think of it. It was all good, and then some nerves on the side. You still didn’t know what to expect. And the fact that you were calling him while you were under stress, looking for his reassurance, showed you that you were in deeper than you thought. But just like Steve, you refused to crack. You had been through enough - you could handle this like a big girl. No more scaring yourself away.

“I’m fine. It’s just, my parents came to my graduation today, and they wanna take me out for dinner later.”

“That’s great!” Steve sounded genuinely happy for you.

You forgot he didn’t really know much about how you felt towards your parents. Then you realized that there was still so much you didn’t know about each other, even with all the time you spent talking to each other. You figured you’d make it a goal of yours to get to know each other better.

"Yeah, it’s cool, but it’s kind of… it’s weird, I don’t know, it’s like… our relationship isn’t appalling, but it isn’t good either. I’ve never really felt close to them. Like, accepted? I don’t know if that makes sense,“ you leaned your head against the window, grimacing at how poorly you had just explained yourself.

"It makes perfect sense,” Steve said, so surely that you felt more confident in your words. He was always so firm.

Everything he said, he meant. Besides, he could tell that you were a bit stressed out. He wanted you to feel secure about the things you were saying, wanted to make sure you felt like you could express yourself without inhibitions. And maybe he could ease your nerves a bit.

“Well, it’s just kind of weird between us. It feels like they’ve never really been there for me, but they’ve also never really neglected me. It’s complicated.”

“Sounds like they do all the stuff a parent is supposed to do, but they’re just not emotionally available,” Steve offered, perfectly putting it into words for you.

“Yeah, exactly that. And, as a result, we’ve never really been close. So it’s hard for us to behave like a happy family. I’ve just been pretty much independent, I’ve had to put in extra work to find out what healthy relationships look like my whole life. You know the deal.”

And he did. You had talked about your troublesome relationships, specifically your ex. Stece wanted to be gentle with you knowing all that he knew about you and how you felt about relationships, whether they were romantic or not. You were pretty social, but you made lots of executive decisions about who you wanted to be in your life, and just how much you let people in.

“Mhm, I understand. So you’re nervous about it because of that?”

“Yeah, but talking to you helps,” you couldn’t help the small smile that grew on your lips, and you knew Steve was grinning on the other side.

"Well, I’m glad, doll. And if you’re looking for advice, I’d say just be yourself. Let it go naturally, don’t stress too much about the dynamic. If anything, it seems like they’re just trying to get closer to you. Don’t let them think it’s too late, if you can help it. I’m sure it’ll be fine.“

"And if it’s not?” you asked, biting your lip as a crease formed at your brow.

“Then it’s just another lesson learned, and it’s their fault. Not yours. It’s their responsibility to make you feel safe around them. To make you feel like you can be yourself. If they can’t do that, then shame on them,” Steve replied without missing a beat, his response making your heart pitter patter.

He was so good with words, and everything that came out of his mouth sounded lovely, especially when he was giving you advice. He actually cared about you, and he made it a point to show you. It made your stomach stir in the best way. He paused, then added,

"No offense to your parents.“

You laughed, shaking your head and biting down on your finger. Honestly, you had lucked out. Steve made you feel so much better with ease. Maybe you could just think about him during the whole dinner with your parents, and you’d be in a good mood. Still, he had made some great points, and you felt like it might be much easier for you to talk with your parents now. He had even made you a little hopeful. Maybe you’d have a good time? It wasn’t impossible, but it didn’t seem likely. And though you still wanted to get it over with, at least you weren’t dreading it.

"Hm, I’m sure they’ll be fine. But, hey, thank you. I really appreciate it. You always know what to say.”

Steve chuckled, thinking back to all the times you’d left him practically speechless or tongue tied, but he appreciated your words.

“No problem. Just want you to be alright.”

You breathed in and out, trying to push away the deep feelings that were coming to the surface- you didn’t want to show up to dinner with tears in your eyes.

"Thanks, Steve. Listen, I’m at the restaurant. Talk to you soon?“

"Talk to you soon. Don’t worry, it’ll go great, long as you have anything to do with it.”

You chuckled, smiling,

"Bye.“

After you hung up, you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face. You felt sort of stupid, walking around all dazed with a silly smile, but you were glad your mood was elevated. The reason behind it- it was complicated, but you were grateful for Steve any day.

The restaurant was dimly lit and not too crowded, so you felt like you could relax a bit. Your parents were already there and waiting for you, so you checked yourself in and you were lead over to your table.

"Hi,” you smiled softly as you slid into the booth with your parents, the two of them sitting on the other side. “Good to see you again.”

"You too,“ both your mom and dad greeted you, warm smiles on their faces.

All three of you seemed to be a bit nervous, and this was something you took note of. Your parents just wanted to have a regular conversation with you, wanted to connect, and they were a bit anxious to do so.

"So, congratulations,” your mom kept grinning, and you couldn’t help but sit back a bit, feeling like you needed to absorb the effort they were making to be nice.

Your dad slid an envelope across the table, and you opened it with a nervous chuckle, reading the letter they wrote you. It was short and sweet, complimenting you on your accomplishment and how proud of their daughter they were. And in the envelope there was a check, for five hundred dollars - which made your brows raise. Your parents were always able to support you financially, but you hadn’t expected this much. You didn’t want them to think they could just buy your accompaniment.

"Wow,“ was all you could say after a few moments of silence as you composed your thoughts.

"We figure you could treat yourself,” your father reached over and patted your hand, and you struggled to grin.

"Yeah. Sure. Treat myself, yeah,“ but really, you were just thinking of how much money you made on your own, from camming, your internship, and soon from your brand.

"Don’t think too much about it, YN. I know you love to overthink. But it’s for you, and all your hard work. We… we just want you to know that we love you,” your mother explained, and you could see the way her eyes softened looking at you.

She was trying. They both were. But, you felt like it was a bit overdue. Maybe they just figured that now that you were grown, it might be easier to start up a fully developed conversation about it. You just wished this idea of theirs had manifested a little earlier.

Just as your mother was about to continue, the waiter came to the table, and asked what you wanted to drink. You couldn’t be any more grateful, and you answered quickly,

“Dirty olive martini, please. And thank you.”

You weren’t one to depend on alcohol, but you figured just a bit would get you through this more efficiently. You weren’t turned off by your mother’s proclamation of love, but it was a bit awkward. You weren’t one to express emotional sentiments too often to people who you didn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable with.

The waiter left and you were left with your parents, who were still smiling at you. You felt like screaming at them to stop, but you remembered Steve’s words, and you relaxed a bit. You had to at least give them a chance.

“As I was saying, we want you to know that we love you. We know we’ve been a little distant throughout your life,” your mom continued, and your dad nodded, putting an arm around your mom’s shoulder.

"Right. But, we really want you to know how much we appreciate you. You’ve changed our lives for the better, even if we don’t show it one hundred percent of the time,“ said your father. "We don’t want you to live on feeling like you didn’t have the best relationship with us.”

You nodded, taking in all of their words, and folded your hands together. You cleared your throat before you continued,

“Um. I… I really appreciate you guys expressing that to me. And honestly I’m glad you took it upon yourselves. I guess I just wish, you know, that it hadn’t taken so long.”

Your mom laughed, understanding you,

"We spoke about that, your father and I.“

"Huh. Why did it take so long? I mean, I’m your daughter, but I’ve never once felt truly close to you two. I know you love me, and I know you care about me but… it’s been so hard for me to even express myself to you for so long. I guess I just want… I need to know why,” you sighed, feeling troubled again.

Both your mom and dad shared a look, and you watched them take their time to answer you.

“I guess we just didn’t know how to be emotionally open with you. We were there, but not fully, and it’s a fault of our own. When it came time for your graduation, we realized you were moving into such a new part of your life. We didn’t want to just keep acting like we were fine. And it took a while for us to address it because we didn’t know how, just like we didn’t know how to be open with you,” said your father.

Again, you could understand where he was coming from, but the longer you listened to them, the more issues you found with the things they were saying. You weren’t necessarily resentful of your parents, but you grew sort of bored of the fact that you always seemed to know better than them how they should treat you. You didn’t expect them to hold your hand, and without your upbringing you wouldn’t even be the person that you were, so in a way you were grateful. But it just seemed silly that they didn’t know how to communicate. You were the kind of person who valued good communication, anything other than that irritated you.

"Huh,“ was all you could say, taking everything in.

"Dirty martini, a beer, and pink lemonade for all of you,” the waiter came back, serving the drinks to all of you.

You thanked him quickly, hardly paying attention, immediately taking a big sip of your drink. You hoped refills were free. You would need as much as you could get.

"Thank you,“ your mother’s warm voice came back into your mind, and you could feel her eyes on you, observing you as you sipped loudly through the straw.

You pulled back, blushing a bit. She merely smirked, nodding over to the waiter who was walking away now, but not without looking over his shoulder at your table again.

"What?” you asked, your eyes wide and naive, and your mother chuckled,

"You don’t see the way he was looking at you?“

"Hell, I saw it,” your father echoed, and you stared at them, your eyes blank, your brain scattered.

What the hell was going on? They were making such an effort to be relatable. And you were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t feel like you were receiving any special treatment from said waiter, nor did you give a rat’s ass.

“I… didn’t notice,” you uttered a fake chuckle, raising your brow.

"Oh, he’s in love. No surprise there, you’ve never had much trouble with boys,“ your mother waved her hand, and you nearly snorted. She had no idea. Sure, guys thought you were pretty in high school and all, and you had your share of flings. But relationships? There was always trouble. "You know what, I was wondering if you were seeing anybody?”

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t. But you’re a bit overqualified for most of these guys. Are you seeing anyone?” your dad pressed on, and you couldn’t help but feel cornered, especially because of the current situation you were in with your relationship with Steve.

No one in your social circle knew about it, it was something you were deliberately working to keep private. It wasn’t something you saw yourself revealing anytime soon, because you simply had no reason to, and you were smart enough to know it would only complicate things. Luckily, it hadn’t complicated your life or friendships, but maybe you’d tell just Aaliyah at some point.

You nearly choked on your own spit, trying to remain calm, and failing. When you cleared your throat, you recuperated, took a big sip and replied, mindful of their anticipating eyes on you.

“I’m… not currently seeing anyone, no. Uhm, would you excuse me, for a second? I have to use the restroom.”

You hardly waited for them to give you the go before you scrambled out of your seat, grabbing your phone quickly, and taking another long sip of your drink before you power walked to the bathroom. You pulled out your phone once you were in there and started texting Aaliyah. You knew she was with her family, and you didn’t want to be rude, but you were honestly going through it, and that was what friends were for anyways.

YN | aaliyah, this is URGENT. SOS!!!

Liyah | BITCH!! what what what

YN | my parents are… insane. they keep being all affectionate, it’s driving me crazy.

Liyah | yn… sometimes you confuse me tbh. isn’t that a GOOD thing? it’s what they’ve failed to do for the past 22 years.

YN | exactly! which is why it feels so fuckin weird right now. and they keep asking me about men… how do i break it to them that there is absolutely no one and there won’t be one for a while.

You were lying, because there was a man. And in that retrospect, you had technically lied to your parents. You didn’t need them asking questions, not when the man was Steve Rogers. But Aaliyah didn’t know that - she still figured you were in your independent single woman phase. And technically, you still were both independent and single. But you wouldn’t be surprised if Steve changed you being single real soon.

Liyah | listen, i love you, but i think you’re just resisting because it’s all super new to you. i get that it’s their fault and that they can’t just switch up, but they’re trying, and i think you know that!! just let it happen, yk?

You sighed. She was right. You were resisting. Steve had made you feel less nervous about the situation, but now that you were actually in it, you were nitpicking everything that you felt was going wrong. You just didn’t understand why it took them so long to open up to you, why you had to live your life this way. It all seemed so sudden. But maybe, you would just have to accept it, and let it be. Maybe it was the universe’s way of telling you that things were going to get easier. You texted a simple: “you’re right, love you,” and fixed yourself up before heading back in. You’d be less begrudging, but you still needed a drink. Or two… or three or four.

The rest of the night you let your parents dote on you, as unnatural as it felt, and with every compliment you took a sip. And as much as you valued communication, you found yourself willingly shutting down, letting your parents insist on loving you like “they knew they should’ve been”, while you happily sipped away at the growing number of martinis you were receiving. At some point, you knew you should stop, but you had gone overboard long before you knew it, and you had barely even touched your food.

“Honey, did you hear me?” your mom asked, and you looked up from the bottomless pit that was your drink. Honestly, you hadn’t spoken much the whole dinner, at least not what was on your mind. And right now, you were feeling like you had a lot to say, that was all bubbling up too fast.

“Hm?” you hummed, distracted, your eyes bleary.

“We were saying we wanted to maybe spend the week together, you know, bonding? We’ve made a rough itinerary of stuff to do.”

You sighed loudly, not able to hide your despair and slight annoyance. You appreciated the effort, but why wasn’t this enough for them? Why couldn’t they just gain some clarity, feel better about themselves now that they thought they had redeemed themselves, and go on about their lives? You tried to think about the things that Aaliyah and Steve had said, but it was hard for you to be mindful and not nitpick or purposefully reject their approach when you were drunk and hadn’t even spoken your mind the way you wanted to. You needed them to know how you really felt.

Your parents could tell you weren’t satisfied, and glanced at each other shortly before looking back over at you.

“I understand that you may not think this is the ideal way to bond. I know it’s been far too long, but-”

You interrupted your dad, the words spilling out before you even had a chance to really think it out,

"Mom, dad, I don’t think you know me at all. I mean, honestly. And I get that you’re trying to get to know me but… you can’t just say it’s been far too long and think that this solves everything. I know you think that you’re doing something good for all of us, mainly yourselves, and I appreciate you trying, but I’m at a point where I just can’t accept delayed communication. You’re telling me you didn’t know how to love me? I’m your daughter. You practically threw this at me, this… intervention, this facade of solving our issues, which were unspoken until now. Do you even know what I’ve been doing with my life, besides attending college?“

By the looks on their faces, you could see that they were miffed, unsure of what to even say. You knew this wasn’t the "right” way to talk to them, but you couldn’t stop now. Your brain wasn’t clear, but you were saying everything you were thinking.

“I mean, fuck! I’m a camgirl, for god’s sake. And I never thought I would’ve been telling y'all that, because you’ve never even made me feel comfortable enough to tell you the most basic shit about me. And if this changes how much you respect me, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s what the fuck I’ve been doing and it’s led me to meet people that are more emotionally available than either of you ever were. There’s so much shit about me that you just wouldn’t know because you never seemed to care to know. And now, you’re trying to solve whatever issue we have and not even… I mean, it doesn’t seem odd to you? You’re pretending this is normal, like the way you’ve acted was ever normal. Shit.”

You knew you were rambling, and definitely saying things that wouldn’t have left your mouth if you were sober, making confessions that weren’t even necessary and things that you knew you’d probably regret. But your mind was running a million miles a minute right now, and you had shut down all your coping mechanisms, until all that was left was word vomit. Normally, you wouldn’t behave like this. You had learned enough how to handle tough situations that came as a surprise - Steve and your ex taught you that. But something about this actually felt empowering.

You didn’t feel like you were moving backwards when it came to the long healing process that you were still guiding yourself through. Was it the most efficient, ethical way of expressing yourself? Maybe not. But you didn’t think you would be nagging yourself about this night and how you had communicated. It wasn’t that you didn’t care, but maybe that you cared just enough — for yourself. You had to be true to yourself. It was essential to your self care. Besides, you hadn’t gone off on somebody in a long time. Even if you were slurring your words, you’d made your point.

You’d literally left them speechless, and as for yourself, you were done. With a big heaving sigh, you gathered up your stuff, including your drink, and muttered,

“I’m calling a Lyft home. I’d appreciate it if you just… left me alone. For a while. And please keep the check.”

You fished out of your purse for the amount they’d given you, leaving it on the table and walking away. It was your luck that they really did leave you alone, and your luck that you were deliberately choosing not to obsess over how that went down. Because honestly, you weren’t bothered by it. You had said your piece. It was messy, it was raw, and there was nothing you could do about it. You were sure nature would run its course. For now, you were too tired and drunk to give a shit. By the time you got home, you knocked out on your couch.

| | |

In the morning, you woke up to many missed calls and texts from your parents, including a text from Steve who was checking in to see how the night went, as well as Aaliyah. You wracked your mind trying to remember what had happened last night, and felt a drop in your stomach when you remembered the things you had said, specifically one thing in particular.

I mean, fuck! I’m a camgirl, for god’s sake.

It wasn’t your best moment, but you didn’t regret anything else you had said. Still, your hangover was a bitch. You spent a chunk of the morning in complete silence, to ease your throbbing headache, and went through a few remedies hoping to fix your hangover at least a little. You ignored the missed notifications on your phone and just decided to focus on yourself for the first part of the day, chugging water and taking vitamin B6.

It was when your headache lessened that you decided to take a look at the aftermath, starting first with your parents. You avoided all their texts and instead listened to the voicemail from your mom, which they were both speaking on.

"YN, we’re disappointed in the way tonight went. We wanted to have an open conversation with you, and it saddened us both to see that this was the result,“ your mom spoke first, making you roll your eyes, then your dad.

"But after some reflection, and a long conversation between your mother and I, we realized that you made some valid points,” your dad continued, and you narrowed your eyes, confused — in all honesty, you had expected utter disappointment and you even geared yourself for manipulation.

The typical “how could you do this to us?” But that wasn’t what you were getting, and it forced you to look deep inside of yourself. You still didn’t regret speaking your mind, but maybe that was all you had to do. You didn’t have to abandon any chance of reconvening with your parents and building a relationship with them. If anything, it was only going to help you grow. You had every right to be hesitant and feel spiteful for the way they brought it up and attempted to address it. But you knew you didn’t have to resist always.

You just needed time to yourself. You would reconvene when it was right. But right now, tensions were high, and you didn’t think it was the right time to try to patch up your relationship. Soon, but not now. Your parents weren’t villains. They just didn’t have a fucking clue. And you were rightfully angry about that, for feeling like they were trying to squeeze their way into your life now when you had made a life for yourself, when you had accepted the relationship, or lack thereof, a long time ago. It was a cycle with people like this, with all of your relationships. And you realized the universe wasn’t out to get you. You just had to work out the kinks. And one day you’d really be at peace with all your relationships.

You continued listening to them, as they told you that they would try again when you were ready, and even thanked you for your honesty. So, surprisingly, the dinner had gone better than expected. But the real home run came at the end when your mom said,

“We’re proud of you. And we support you in whatever you choose to do. Call us back.”

Now that was a surprise. You were glad for everything else you’d said, but you hadn’t exactly meant to let your career choice slip. But to hear that they actually supported you, when you had expected everything but that? It kind of meant the world to you.

You found yourself sniffling up unexpected tears as the voicemail ended, and straightening up. You sat there for a good five minutes just thinking, reflecting on the whole night, when you decided to reply to Steve’s text from the night before.

Steve ❤️💙 | Hey! How’d it go with your parents?

Hmm. How to reply?

YN | i thought it went bad, but surprisingly it went better than i realized? call me when you can, i should fill you in.

You put your phone down then and sighed out, sinking further into your couch. It was comfortable being alone, only surrounded by your thoughts. And in a way, you felt a sense of clarity. Issues seemed to solve themselves these days. You’d talk to your parents soon. You were just glad there wouldn’t be anything in the way of creating a real connection any longer.

A week and a half later, you were sort of just letting life take its course. You called your parents back, and told them that you were willing to try again, and that you didn’t know when, but it would be soon enough. You told them that you appreciated their efforts, and that you wanted to try as a whole to create a bond. You couldn’t hold on to your resentment forever. Steve helped guide you through it, talking to you whenever he could about the situation, and about other things.

You didn’t bring up the prospect of the two of you meeting, because he had reassured you a week before that he was making plans, and essentially told you to be patient. He knew you needed the security, needed to know that this was going to happen because you didn’t like empty commitments. So he kept you updated. But, not all the way.

Within that week and a half, you had been out with Aaliyah more times than you could count, celebrating and partying and talking your asses off. You’d slept over at her place, she’d slept over at yours - you spent almost every waking day together, processing your new life post graduation. You knew you didn’t have to start work right away, so you would enjoy the new free time on your hands, while being mindful. Soon enough, Aaliyah would be going onto higher education, and while you didn’t have a set job or further education plan in mind, you had a lot going on. Getting a job wouldn’t be a problem, and your brand and camgirl sessions were still a factor. In fact, you had made your first sale that week - to a customer named Natalie. You were over the moon with joy about it, and it was just cause to celebrate with Aaliyah once again, reveling in the fruits of your labor.

You were getting somewhere, and it was like you were on fire, surging with possibilities and newness and this feeling of “what’s next?”

The one day you weren’t with Aaliyah, you woke up alone in your apartment, on a lovely sunny day, the sun waking you up as it filtered through your shades. You woke with a pleasured sigh, scratching the nape of your neck, and hopped right into a cool shower, rinsing off the light sheen of sweat that had gathered on you while you slept, due to the heat of the spring, which was slowly becoming another Cali summer.

In the shower, you lathered body wash and various skincare products on your body, taking the time to appreciate your skin. You were grateful for how well you took care of your physical and mental health - it took a lot to be as glowy as you were. And listening to music in the shower like you did, only helped to raise the positive vibrations you were always chasing. You were the picture perfect happy California girl, but there was a lot of work behind the scenes to have that image. Not that you had to try hard to be a beach babe, you were just naturally like that, but actually being happy? That was a whole nother journey down a road that you were actually willing to take.

When you got out of the shower you slipped into a loungewear set that once again, you had made- a loosely fitting cropped crewneck with matching lavender sweats. You quickly snapped a picture of yourself in the full length mirror in your bathroom and sent it to Steve with intent, knowing he’d die for the way the sweats hung low on your waist and hips, and how you were still sprinkled with cold shower water.

As for the rest of your day, you didn’t really have any plans. Maybe brunch by yourself, and lounging around watching TV. Maybe you’d even surf later today. It was too nice of a day not to.

All that goes to show, you weren’t expecting the doorbell to ring. You didn’t invite anyone over, and you hadn’t ordered anything. You furrowed your brows at first, then walked over to the door and opened it. To your confusion, there was nobody there. Then, you looked down to see a bouquet of flowers - roses specifically, all colors, even.

Sunshine yellows, sultry reds, pure whites, girlish pinks, even vibrant blues and purples. You wanted to smile, but you were honestly confused. Who was sending you roses? And there was a sleek black box next to the roses. You gazed over it for a minute trying to spot a letter, a name, anything. Nothing to be found.

You gazed out of your apartment door, craning your neck as you tried to catch the person who’d delivered the roses and mystery box to you. Maybe a mistake? You got gifts from your customers often, but you had a P.O. box for that purpose. You bit down on your lip, and crouched down to take the unexpected gifts in. You closed the door behind you, and set the roses down on the table, as well as the box. It was a little suspicious, but your gut feeling told you it was fine. The worst thing was that it was a mistake, and you’d try to find out whoever these belonged to - then again, you really liked the bouquet. How unique.

You opened the box first, and your eyes widened when you saw what was inside - a cut out lace bodysuit with straps all around, white, and a satin robe that was a more delicate light pink. Oh yeah, this definitely wasn’t for you.

You closed the box, and moved the roses to the other side of the table, which was when the envelope fell out from the bouquet onto the floor. You rushed over to pick it up, eager to see who it actually belonged to. An audible “hm?” left your lips when you read your name, written in perfect cursive. You blinked a few times, and the gears in your brain started to turn. Steve. Steve! It made perfect sense. You were honestly surprised that it didn’t register the moment you saw the gift. Maybe you’d had too much sun - nah, that couldn’t be it, you could never get enough sunshine.

Realizing that it was from Steve generated an incredible amount of excitement in your body, like your engines were revving and you were ready to go. You were practically shaking just out of happiness. The fact that he had the consideration to send you a gift to your home was something you couldn’t even register. He was always so kind to you, and of course you hadn’t expected any sort of gift from him, for graduation or otherwise. It was just the kind of gentleman that Steve was. And, you hadn’t received flowers from what some may call a romantic interest in a long time. It almost made you tear up to think about it.

You huffed out a laugh, then started to giggle uncontrollably, like a schoolgirl whose crush just asked her to the prom. Your hands trembled as you went to open the envelope from Steve, reading the letter.

You read the words in his voice, kind and firm and handsome:

“Dear YN,

I wanted to really congratulate you on graduating. It’s a big achievement, even for a big girl like you. I know you will genuinely go on to do amazing things, and I’m so proud of you. I’m not sure whether this is overdue or far too early, but I wanted to get you a gift anyway. I hope you love it. You know, Moonrose? Moon. Rose(s). I tried.”

You looked over again at the flowers - roses, of course, and how could you miss the little crescent moon decal that was carved into the vase? He really had tried, and been so fucking considerate. Now, you really were crying. He was so sweet without you having to ask him to be sweet, so unlike so many of the relationships you’d had in the past.

And, he tailored the gift to be extremely specific to you. Even if he had just sent you a single daisy, you would’ve been over the moon. But man, had Steve thought this out. You half-laughed, half-sobbed. You had no choice but to fall for him. You continued reading.

“Anyway, enough about me. Hope your post grad life is everything you wanted and more, I’m so glad you’re letting me follow you on this incredible journey of yours. You really are unbelievable. Speaking of more, look inside the envelope one more time.

\- Steve.

P.S. I thought the lingerie was cute, think it would look even better on you. Hope it’s not too forward of me.”

You wiped away your happy tears. You wanted to read the letter in his voice over and over, but you figured you’d look in the envelope and reread the letter later, until it got deep into the day and you hadn’t done much of anything else. As for the roses, you wanted to keep them for as long as humanly possible. And as for the other gift, well, realizing that it was from Steve made you blush. You didn’t expect that from him, but it made you laugh to think that he might have been worried that it was too “forward.” He’d literally seen you naked more than a few times - what was a little lingerie gift? It was extremely intimate, and you appreciated that. He’d definitely be getting lots of special pictures from you later.

You set down the letter with a grin on your face that wouldn’t go away. You were beaming, and only positive thoughts soared through your mind, matching the pace of the butterflies in your stomach. You looked inside the envelope again as instructed, giddy with delight. Your heart stopped, because what was inside was the biggest surprise of all.

A plane ticket.


	10. CHAPTER TEN | BREAK THE DISTANCE

Steve was resisting the urge to pace back and forth in his room that morning. He knew that any minute now, you would receive his gifts, and see the ticket. He was a bit nervous. He just wanted everything to go well. God forbid someone find out by accident and not only ruin the surprise, but discover what you and Steve had been up to.

Or maybe you’d changed your mind — no, you wouldn’t, not without talking to him first. He was really just anticipating the moment he knew you’d actually seen the gifts, which he wouldn’t know until you contacted him.

He kept looking over at his phone, glancing down and waiting for the screen to light up with your name. But he knew this was unhealthy, sitting around, waiting for your response. He had nowhere else to go, but he’d retire to the kitchen to make some coffee. Granted, it didn’t really do anything for him, but it filled in the time, and distracted him from waiting around for your response.

The clock ticked on as Steve waited. Drinking coffee and reading the paper could only take up so much time out of his day. Soon enough, he was back to waiting. And waiting. Until…

His phone seemed to be ringing with more ferocity than he ever remembered, and he practically snatched it off the table in the meeting room, causing several eyes to glance up at him. He blushed, smiling awkwardly,

“Gotta take this.”

He accepted the call without even looking to see who it was, hurrying out of the office and into his room in brisk, long strides, speaking hurriedly into the phone,

“Hello?”

“Steve! Holy shit!” it was your voice on the other end, and Steve was relieved to hear it. Now he could stop anticipating, stop worrying. His heart was soaring just hearing your voice, and he knew you’d received his gift. He was hardly listening as you went on and on, not saying much of anything, just shouting excitedly into the phone.

Once you’d opened the envelope again to see the single plane ticket which read DESTINATION: MANHATTAN with the date and time printed elsewhere, your mouth literally dropped open. It was as shocking as the moment Steve revealed his face to you, but the context was oh so different, and so much better, even. Of course you’d been expecting to see him, and you knew it would be soon, but you hadn’t expected it to come about in this way at all. No, not at all.

Your heart pounded and you dropped the ticket onto the floor, swiping it right back up like it was a check for a million dollars. And those butterflies in your stomach went wild. Your mind was a blur, but one thing was clear: you were actually going to meet Steve. Maybe your reaction would’ve been different had Steve done this in a more mundane manner, but he had taken you completely by surprise.

And honestly, you were over the moon with excitement to meet him. So, rightfully so, you were freaking out. You had tripped over yourself trying to find your phone, your hands trembling as you called him.

Steve was grinning from ear to ear at the sound of your voice. He’d never heard you so ecstatic, so happy over something which he was anxiously awaiting your reaction to. And it settled in for Steve too - he was really going to meet you. It was as big a deal to him as it was to you, and the days of waiting only made you both more antsy to meet.

"Oh my god!“ you squealed again for a final time. "Are you for real? How long have you been planning this, how — did you know about this before I went out with my parents? How the hell did you pull this together, how did you- oh god, I should let you talk. But, fuck, seriously? You’re serious right now?”

"Hundred percent,“ Steve replied, still beaming, closing the door to his room behind him.

You went off again, shouting expletives and declarations of joy into the phone. You knew you weren’t being very mindful right now, but fuck it if you weren’t. You didn’t get nice things like this often. The fact that Steve had taken you seriously and took the dedication to make this happen when you knew it wouldn’t be easy? Your reaction was completely validated.

"You’re fucking amazing. You know that?” you blurted, unable to hide your praise, making Steve’s cheeks heat up yet again, the curve of a shy grin appearing on his lips.

“You’re sweet,“ Steve uttered out, his heart feeling warm.

“Are you blushing, Stevie?” you teased, and he laughed.

“To answer your other questions. I’ve been planning it ever since we spoke about it on Facetime, during your party. But I didn’t finalize plans until last week. And no, I didn’t know about it before you went out with your parents. How’d I pull it together? Well, it was complicated, I had to do a lot of things very discreetly and plan out when I can take time off so I can be with you. But it’s not that hard to get plane tickets- granted, it’s a private jet—"

You didn’t even let Steve finish talking or let that process in your mind before you blurted out,

"Private jet?!“

You thought nothing more could surprise you, but here Steve was, full of surprises. And honestly, you hadn’t expected anything fancy. You figured he’d just pick you up from the airport after an economy flight, and that was enough for you. A private jet, though? It was unfathomable. You’d never even been on a plane past standard class.

Steve’s eyebrow raised - had he done too much? Honestly, everything that went into this took a lot of internal debate. He didn’t want to do too much, and he didn’t want to do too little. But, he figured, after all you two had been through, after all you had been through, you deserved a bit of luxury. Besides, that wasn’t all Steve had planned — you didn’t know it, but you were in for even more of a shock.

"Is it too much?” Steve muttered, and you scoffed in disbelief,

"Hell yeah. Steve, I can’t afford to pay you back, I-“

Steve’s brows furrowed together as he laughed, realizing why you were reacting this way. He had considered how you might react to the extravagance Steve was planning, but he should’ve known you’d act like you now owed him something.

"Come on, princess,” he drawled, his voice seeming to drop a few octaves unexpectedly. At the sound of Steve’s voice deepening and the new nickname he’d donned for you, you felt your face warm up. “You know you’re not paying me back.”

You took in a deep breath, suddenly finding it a bit hard to breathe, fanning yourself. You liked this side of Steve for sure. But, that didn’t mean you wanted to be super spoiled. You were used to getting special treats from customers, sure, but that was different. That was for work. When it came to romances? The last time you’d been “spoiled” was when your ex-boyfriend gave you flowers, and that was hardly spoiling. You realized now that that was the bare minimum.

So, you weren’t used to being spoiled, hell, even really being taken care of by people, be it your parents or your romantic partners. It was a part of the reason you had always felt like you had to ask to be loved, a habit you had to teach yourself to grow out of. Steve didn’t make you feel like you had to ask for anything.

"Right. I just…“ you sighed loudly, pressing a hand to your hot forehead. This was a lot for you to take in, overwhelming in the best way. You couldn’t believe this was your life right now. "I don’t want you to feel like you have to — I mean, it’s just… why?”

Steve laughed, shaking his head. He found it adorable how stunned you were by his gestures. He wanted to fly you out and make it an experience. Steve wasn’t usually one to go big, so he even surprised himself in his actions, but he thought it was all worth it. It was so unlike him, so unlike anything the Steve a few months before would’ve expected of him. Out of anyone he knew, he felt like you deserved it.

"Because you’re you. And you deserve it. I just want to make this day special. I figure, why not splurge and go all out? And since you and me both care about the environment, I sent in one of Tony’s environmentally friendly jets. Do me a favor, don’t push this away. You deserve a treat. You’re so hardworking and the gift of seeing you is something I could never repay… but I could at least try.“

You felt your heart warm at Steve’s words, sinking into your couch with a hand on your chest, feeling your heart flutter as you cooed,

"Steve, you’re such a darling. I… this is the fucking craziest and best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. But… just promise me this isn’t the beginning of a sugar relationship, because that’s not something I’m into.”

You were half-joking, but you were serious. Steve didn’t seem like the sugar daddy type, but in any case you didn’t want being with him to mean that he supplied you with your every need and then some. You didn’t side eye people who sought that out, but you were so used to being on your own and making money the way that you did, that someone genuinely devoting all their time to paying you just for existing felt unnatural. You weren’t the type to sit back and get paid for nothing. While you understood the appeal, you just couldn’t feel comfortable doing it. And you didn’t want Steve to think he could buy your time, though you knew he didn’t think that.

“I know. Don’t worry, that’s not what this is. Just special treatment for a day, is that alright?” Steve asked.

“It’s more than alright,” you gave in — you knew Steve had good intentions only, but it was still hard for you to accept that someone would do this for you just because. You were trying to get used to your energy being reciprocated — more than reciprocated, it was overflowed. “I can’t thank you enough, Steve. Really.”

"Don’t worry about it. I look forward to seeing you,“ Steve said, and the words felt like a relief just to say them, now that he knew it was a reality.

"I’m counting down the days,” you trilled, laying back on your couch with a dazed smile on your face.

❁❁❁

“Since when do you have family in New York? Thought your whole fam was California born and raised.” Aaliyah quirked a brow, pinching the straw of her strawberry daiquiri.

"Since… now, I guess,“ you shrugged.

You were lying your ass off. You had to make up some excuse to Aaliyah as to why, in a week, you would be leaving to New York for two weeks.

"Huh,” Aaliyah furrowed her brows, running it over in her mind and then shrugging. “Well, I’ll miss you. Who else am I gonna get drunk off my ass with in the middle of the day?”

You laughed, squeezing Aaliyah’s hand. You felt a bit bad for lying, but it was what you had to do for now at least, until you felt comfortable enough to reveal your secret. So you didn’t dwell on it. You weren’t hurting anyone, and you were honest with her about everything else but this.

"It’s two weeks, not a year.“

Aaliyah’s eye twitched and she glared at you,

"Two weeks is a year.”

“I’ll write,” you rolled your eyes playfully, and she nudged you from across the table.

“You better.”

In the days leading up to your big day with Steve, you stressed about every little detail. What did you need to pack, what could you leave at home? What clothes should you bring? Would Steve want you to bring something in particular to wear, besides the lingerie he’d bought you? Oh of course not, he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass what you wore. You didn’t know it fully yet, but you could wear a t-shirt with holes in it and dusty sweatpants and he’d still see you as a perfect ten.

You packed for a few days, and you talked to Steve everyday since that day. Sometimes you could only text, but luckily you could call most of the time. You talked to Steve about norms, as in just basic rules you both had to follow when you were together. It wasn’t meant to be restrictive, it was meant to be smart. Neither of you wanted anything getting out before you were ready, so there were precautions you would have to take. You understood that.

Steve was just as, if not more, nervous than you were about the whole ordeal. He was the one in charge of making sure things went right, making sure you were safe, putting everything together just to see you. He was eager to see you, but you were both full of nerves. Today, you had no time to be nervous — because you were on the way to the airport.

As requested, you updated Steve about everything. Right now, you were in the backseat of the comfortable uber that Steve sent to you. Your nerves were on one hundred right now. You couldn’t stop crossing and uncrossing your legs in the backseat of the black SUV, wiping nervous sweat off your palms.

Steve texted you back, reminding you that you’d be alone at the airport besides the staff. And you knew that hours later, at an airport in New York, he’d be waiting for you. The whole ride there, you stressed about what Steve would be like in real life- what he’d look like, how he’d greet you. You were sure he would be just as sweet as he was over the phone, if not sweeter.

But god, did the thought of closing the distance make you nervous. You thought back to the day you and Steve first spoke, how different your life was then, and how this wasn’t even something that registered to you. You didn’t know Steve back then, didn’t know who he really was. There wasn’t even a chance that you’d even think about this. And now, here you were, about to meet the man you’d found under such strange circumstances.

When you arrived to the airport, you almost didn’t want to look out of the window. You didn’t want to see what you knew was right outside — that big, private jet that you just couldn’t ignore, darting your eyes towards it once from your car seat and never being able to look away.

“Here you are,” chirped the friendly driver, opening your door for you. You were frozen in your seat, hadn’t even taken off your seatbelt. The driver looked at the private jet, then at you with a warm smile. “Lucky you.”

You refocused, back to planet Earth, and let out a shaky breath. You hadn’t even stepped on the jet and already you were going through rigor mortis.

"Yeah,“ you replied with a bit of a neurotic laugh.

You unlatched the seatbelt and wobbled out of the car— when had your legs turned to jelly? You were trying to contain yourself, trying not to act like a fool over something so material, but God, you thought. Nothing had ever been so majestically presented to you. You’d never been with anybody who had the means to do this, and that didn’t matter, because you’d never been with anyone who would make these grand gestures just because. You weren’t asking for a private jet, but from the way you’d been treated in your past relationships, you’d think that you were.

"Holy shit,” you murmured under your breath, and lurched forward, the driver carrying your luggage behind you. The steps to the jet were already at the floor, and all you could do was stand at the foot with wide eyes. You could see the staff were kindly waiting for you to come in, and you called up to them, awestruck. “Do I just go in?”

“Come on up, Miss! It’s all yours,” a staff member encouraged you, calling you by your last name like you were some important administrator.

This did something for you. You made a livable wage, and had some leftover for the occasional treat— like selfcare or stuff for your cam shows. But this was the life of a millionaire. And although you resisted initially, the fact that you knew Steve had arranged that you got treated with the utmost respect during your travel made it a lot harder for you to.

You weren’t on some sort of power trip, but this once again proved the kind of gentleman that Steve was. It made you feel more comfortable, knowing that you’d be treated like you belonged here, when you felt anything but. He cared about you, and you’d never really had that before. Not like this.

You actually stepped foot inside, and when you saw what was before you, you audibly gasped, brows raising far up your forehead. You’d never seen anything like this. Sleek, modern furniture adorned the interior of the jet, which stretched so far you didn’t think it’d be possible to see everything. You nearly panicked — there was no way Steve had done all this for you. No way.

It was basically a mansion, compacted into a private jet — which sounded like the most ludicrous thing you’d ever heard of. Everything inside had a color scheme, cool neutrals and splashes of color here and there. The seats were plush and huge, leaving leg room for days. There was even a big TV screen in the middle of this particular section. Everything about this screamed luxury.

“Welcome! First time on a private jet?” Eliza, an employee, asked, and her presence was a shock to you — you were too busy staring in awe at everything you were seeing.

"Yeah… is it noticeable?“ you joked, a hand over your chest.

"I won’t say,” she grinned, and you shook your head, chuckling.

"This is all so… amazing. I-I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s like, you see it in movies and online but… but for someone to actually bring it to me? Just because?“

"He must really like you,” said Eliza— of course, she didn’t actually know who he was.

“Yeah,” you said tearfully, trying to avoid crying and becoming even more of a mess than you already were.

Thankfully, you weren’t scared— just amazed. You were sure you’d settle in at some point, but right now, you were kind of in paradise. You just had to get used to it first.

“Please, sit anywhere! Or I can give you a tour, let you get accustomed.”

“Please,” you answered immediately. Maybe after she showed you everything, you’d feel a bit less overwhelmed.

You let Eliza lead you through the jet, showing you all of its amenities and rooms. Each time you thought nothing more could surprise you, there was something new up until the end.

For one, there was a kitchen where a team of chefs would work to serve you - some of your favorite things were on the menu, mimosas included. Steve had really been paying attention when you spoke to him about the little things. You didn’t realize how much he genuinely enjoyed talking to you, how he died to hear the most trivial things about you and compartmentalized it.

Hell, there was even a bedroom with your name encrusted on a gold plaque attached to the door - ridiculous, you thought, but so amazing. Attached to that bedroom was a full bathroom. Everything was top tier, nothing surprising considering this was Stark property, but still, it was crazy to see. By the end, while you were glad you were familiar with everything on the jet, you still couldn’t help but feel floored.

You felt like a princess - adorned with special privileges you’d never even thought of in your comfortable little life in sunny southern California. Steve was opening up a whole new world of options to you, and doing it so gracefully, and just because? It was the definition of being treated like royalty.

You were a logical woman, and you had a good hold of your emotions. You didn’t often act “childish”, but you felt like you were giving into those giddy girlish feelings that only Steve evoked. But you were still young, still someone who liked to have a good time. You didn’t want to be in your feelings over material things, but it was so much more than that. You were grateful you were even getting to experience this, but even more grateful for the person who had given you this experience to begin with.

Eliza could see you were getting emotional, and placed a hand on your shoulder,

“Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. We’ll let you know when we take off in a few minutes.”

You let out a deep breath. It was all sinking in. Somehow, this was your reality. You took a look around, and shrugged — you might as well take full advantage of it. You slumped your shoulders, dropped all your worries. You were in luxury - you’d act like it, and enjoy it, instead of overthinking for once. You walked into one of the lounge rooms, plopping down on a reclining chair that felt like heaven just to sit down in, sighing as you sunk into the supple plush. Still in awe, you texted Steve, expressing your disbelief and excitement all at once, sending him a video of your lush surroundings.

Steve grinned when he received the video from you, glad that you were enjoying your time. By how you reacted the other day, he was sort of afraid you might feel too overwhelmed and be unable to enjoy the experience. But all Steve really wanted was for you to have a good day, to feel like you were important. He could do that without getting you a big private jet, but if he was going to fly you out, he was going to fly you out. He didn’t mind dropping a bag on you- for him it was nothing, Steve hardly touched his money. He wanted you to feel first class. Hell, this was higher than first class.

He texted you back, telling you he hoped you enjoyed and to text him if you needed anything. But honestly, you didn’t think you’d need anything more.

You spent the remaining duration of the flight in the private bathroom, finishing your hair and makeup and choosing an outfit. You weren’t stressing too hard over what to wear, but you wanted to look good for Steve. You settled on a white sundress with floral decals that accentuated your features just right. You stood in front of the mirror for a long time, checking yourself out. You knew you looked good, but you were just a bit nervous since you were landing in a few minutes now.

You tried to spend the time waiting for the plane to land by scrolling through your phone, but you found yourself switching mindlessly through apps, your mind blank except for one thing - Steve. Then, you heard the announcement saying that you had officially landed. You had noticed the jet getting lower, but you had been too distracted by your thoughts to notice that you were here. In New York, middle of the day, about to see him.

❁❁❁

Steve was just as nervous as you were, standing in the landing area, which again was empty and private, hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his toes. He was really going to see you, and he knew you’d be everything he imagined and more. He had been waiting here for a good hour, because he didn’t want to miss a thing, and now he knew he’d be seeing you in a few minutes, even a few seconds.

And when the door opened, and he saw the figure of you standing there at the entrance, he froze. Even from afar, you were beautiful. And you were real. Not that he’d had any doubts, but after the amount of time he’d spent talking to you on a screen, it seemed impossible that he would really see you in real life, even as he finalized his plans and the day came closer. It still didn’t seem feasible. And now, here you were just a few feet away from him, and his heart stopped. Whatever he was expecting, you were even more, which seemed unimaginable. His mouth went dry, he was at a loss for words, and his eyes had never been more blown.

And you would’ve froze too, if your heart didn’t tell you to run. To you, it was a clumsy, graceless run. To Steve it was cinematic, like you were the heroine running right out of the movie screen and towards him, the flash of you growing closer and closer until you were finally there, jumping up at him.

He caught you with ease as you leaned into him, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. You wondered if he could feel your heart beating against his own, or feel your chest pounding from all the nerves, all the excitement, from the feeling of true fulfillment. Because in front of you was your Steve Rogers, nothing less. You were feeling the same feelings of disbelief. After months of talking, weeks of planning this out, finally it had been manifested. Finally it had happened successfully, without interruption, and you were in front of each other.

You buried your face in his neck, taking in his scent - he smelled like fresh air and clean linen, and surprisingly… like home. And in his arms, you definitely felt like you were home. You actually felt comfortable, like you could trust him, like being in his arms was right, like you weren’t moving too fast.

As much as you tried to imagine it, your thoughts couldn’t come close to how strong Steve actually was, how much his arms wrapped around you with ease, holding you tight and close and secure, how big and powerful his body was against you. Like no matter what, you would mold into him perfectly, and he would just wrap you up and hold you like you were the best Christmas gift.

"Ooh, I wanna see your face,“ you took your face out of the crook of his neck, though you were quite comfortable there.

You pulled back to see him, your arms still around his neck, and he held onto you still, his entire face beaming while he took a good look at you as well. You let out a pleased sigh, a feeling lifting off of your chest like you’d been waiting for this and it had been hounding you - which wasn’t far off from how you felt. You reached out and squeezed his cheeks in your hands, doing it without a second thought. It gave you no greater joy than to know that you could do that to him, that you were the only person who could do that to him.

"Oh, you’re so beautiful,” you sighed dreamily, looking into his sparkling blue eyes. You’d always loved looking at those eyes over Facetime calls.

You didn’t think his eyes could be any bluer than they already appeared on screen. It felt so surreal, being with him. And in the midst of all the surreality, you were filled with an impenetrable bliss. It wasn’t shocking, it was more like a dazed feeling, dreamlike. You got what you wanted, what you deserved.

Steve couldn’t get enough of you, even with you right here in front of him, legs and arms wrapped around him. If it was possible, he was even more blissful than you right now. And it was a moment of pride for the both of you. Had you continued on in fear, not trusting each other, not trusting yourselves, this would’ve never happened. It was a huge accomplishment for the both of you.

Steve took in all of your features, and he couldn’t deny that the glow you possessed in real life was even brighter than your glow on screen, the same thing that had drawn him to you that very first night. You were glowing, smiling the way you had been before. Just to see you, it was worth the wait. And the feeling of your soft fingers squishing his cheeks had him smiling like a little boy at a toy store.

His eyes drifted down to your glossy lips, which he couldn’t wait to kiss, then your bright eyes, and he uttered,

“You’re gorgeous, YN. I can’t believe I’m finally seeing you. You’re everything I imagined and more.”

You couldn’t believe the feeling that was in your heart, just from finally hearing his voice in real life. To Steve, your voice was like warm honey toast, alluring and adorable all at once. And his voice was music to your ears, that voice you dreamt of hearing. You couldn’t believe anything you were feeling right now. It was nothing that you’d ever felt before, and it made tears well up in your eyes once again.

“This is so unreal. You’re… here. You’re holding me. I just got off a fucking private jet to meet you!” you squealed, recounting the events of the past few hours.

Steve chuckled,

“I’m still having trouble understanding that this is real.”

“Doesn’t get any realer than this, Steve,” you smirked, although you felt the same way, and his knees nearly buckled at the way you said his name.

You slowly unwrapped your legs from his waist, and he supported your hips as he lowered you gently onto the ground. Your arms were still around his neck, and your body was still pressed against his, this time standing on the ground in front of him. Your knees felt bendy from how much you were leaning into him. But you didn’t want to ever be any further from him.

He pulled you closer by the hips, as if you could get any closer,

“Mind saying my name again?”

“Hmm, Steve?” you cocked your head to the side as if you were trying to remember his name, and he chuckled, shaking his head as he looked at you.

Your personality was even more than he’d imagined, too.

“That’s the one,” he replied. He ran his hand along your face, caressing your jaw and cheek, sending tingles down your spine that he wasn’t even aware of. “God, I can’t get over you.”

“Me either,” your lips quirked up, and you hummed, incredibly intrigued as you noticed the light bristles of hair forming along his face. “Mmm!”

“What’s that?”

“You’re growing out your beard, huh?“

Steve absentmindedly stroked the beginnings of a beard that were growing, and you placed your hand over his own, guiding his hand against his chin and jaw. He relished the feeling of your hand over his.

"Trying to.”

“You don’t have to try. You’re Steve Rogers. That beard’ll grow like nobody’s business,” you chuckled, and he grinned at your fast remarks, blushing at the compliment.

“Steve!” you trilled, pleased to see this in real life, your eyes glimmering as you watched pink flood his cheeks. “You’re blushing.”

Steve bit down, and your eyes followed the place where his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. You both wanted to kiss each other, you both could hardly control the way your eyes lingered on one another’s lips for far too long. But you were waiting for the time when it felt just right — after all, you were just now meeting each other. But somehow he knew already that you were just the person he needed in his life - playful, but one of the realest people he’d ever met. You balanced each other out perfectly.

“And you’re gorgeous,” Steve replied, looking you up and down unashamedly, admiring the way your simple yet pretty sundress clung to your body, highlighting your best features. “And you’ve been traveling for too long. Let’s get you to the hotel, hmm?”

And just like that, you were settling into one another like clockwork, like this was natural despite how amazed you were by one another. He turned around, quick to put his arm over your shoulder to keep you close to him, leading you to the car. Your heart was still pounding hard and fast in your chest, your brain still scrambled even though you felt like you fit so naturally with him. He seemed so majestic up close, so much like the Captain America that everyone adored and revered. He was the walking definition of a picture perfect American Dream, a glint of hope that that dream still existed. You gained a newfound respect for him just by standing next to him, encapsulating all his undebatable glory. And in this moment, you had him all to yourself.

Steve felt a strange buzz, just from the friction of you being so close to him. Both your feelings of excitement seemed to create a high frequency vibration that you could literally feel. You were both anticipating what was next, and loving it because you knew you’d be together.

On the walk to the car, you couldn’t help but gaze up at him the entire time in amazement, your eyes sparkling. Steve couldn’t deny that he felt your eyes on him, but some part of him made him too shy to simply look down and make eye contact, because he knew he’d get lost in the moment and stare forever. He didn’t want to scare you off. Still, that didn’t mean that he didn’t spare a few quick glances, followed by a quirk of his lip that was almost a smile, pulling you closer under his arm each time.

Steve opened the door for you and helped you up into the passenger’s seat. He really didn’t have to, but who were you to deny Steve picking you up as gently as he did, then placing you softly on the seat? He got into the driver’s seat and started the car.

“Hope travel wasn’t too bad,” Steve offered- he was honestly trying to have natural conversation, but his nerves forced him to keep it to small talk.

Honestly, all he wanted to do was go on about how beautiful you were, how he was intimidated to even look at you too long, but he knew that would be weird.

You on the other hand, were nervous, but not to the point where you felt like you couldn’t find the right words to say. You figured he’d just need to settle in, that he liked you just as much as he did on screen, but needed to adjust. The situation was new for the both of you, and Steve was really putting himself out there. Besides, even though you clicked, you had still just met each other.

The affection was there, but you knew it would take some prodding for Steve to really feel comfortable. You could tell he was sort of doubting himself like he often did, probably wondering if he was even fit for you. And you had no problem reminding him that he was more than fit. You laughed and shook your head, nudging Steve’s arm playfully,

“Are you seriously making small talk right now? Also, you put me on a private jet. You tell me how you think my travel was.”

Steve chuckled, a grin breaking out on his face as he began to feel more comfortable. Your playfulness, your honest sarcasm, honestly made him feel less hesitant. You joked with him like he was an old friend, and everytime you were sarcastic with him it actually uplifted him, reminded him who he was when he started to doubt himself and you had to give him reminders.

Your friendly demeanor made Steve feel more at ease. He just wanted you to like him. He wanted everything to be perfect, and he kept forgetting everything he’d learned - not to let fear get the best of him.

“You’re right, you’re right,” Steve nodded, and you shook your head playfully, still looking over at him. He stopped at a red light, and finally looked over at you, locking eyes with you and taking his bottom lip in between his teeth.

“What?” you teased.

“Nothin’,” Steve played along, grinning gently.

He jerked back to realization when a car honked from behind him — the light had gone green already and he was too busy smiling at you to notice. You stifled a chuckle, leaning back into your seat and looking out at the road before you while he drove forward, but he glanced at you, smirking because you weren’t hiding your smile behind your hand well enough.

“What’s so funny?” Steve chaffed, and you feigned oblivion, raising your brows and looking over at him,

“Hmm?”

“You heard me,” Steve continued, all in good fun.

“Oh, so this is how we’re gonna do this, huh?” you couldn’t help but break out into laughter, unable to keep up the act for too long.

Steve shrugged,

“No clue what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. I think what might be funny is the fact that you can’t keep your eyes off me and that’s why you just got honked at for missing the green light? I don’t know, I could be wrong, but!” you threw your hands up in the air, unable to fight the smile that spread on your face.

Steve blushed — he knew you’d noticed, but being put on the spot so unashamedly for his fixation for you made him feel bashful. Although it was a relief to see that you definitely liked his attention. And you kept him on his feet. Your energy was such a breath of fresh air. He was hardly thinking of his Avenger friends now, and his worries about things going wrong seemed to dissipate with every word you spoke, every glance you spared at him.

“You had to mention it,” Steve sighed, and you giggled,

“I was gonna spare you! But you play dirtier than I expected.”

You just sat there chuckling together, feeling the positive energy seep into the space. Steve definitely felt less nervous, and the banter opened up more space for developing your relationship.

You looked out the window, pressing your hand against it as you drove past new faces and places. You’d never been to New York before, unless a rest stop on a flight with your parents counted. But you’d never actually explored the city, big and flashy and somehow warm, inviting. Maybe it was because you were with Steve that New York felt comfortable and even homey, but you were a California girl at heart. You could stand being here for two weeks though, at least if it meant you got to be with Steve.

The city started to become less of a blur as you began passing by even bigger, more luxurious buildings and glamorous restaurants and clubs that were just waiting to be lit up come nighttime. Your eyes widened as you marveled at the tall buildings that yet again screamed wealth, and you wanted to ask Steve where exactly this hotel was.

"Think you could get used to New York?“ Steve asked, practically reading your mind.

He knew how much you loved SoCal, and he just wanted to make sure this place wasn’t too much of a culture shock for you. He wanted you to feel as comfortable as you could going from surfer paradise to concrete jungle.

You looked at him over your shoulder, and just the sight of you like that made his chest pang with desire.

"Oh yeah, New York’s nice. You know, I used to think it was true that all New Yorkers were mean. But then I met you,” you winked, and Steve nodded,

“Brooklyn kids do it best, what can I say?”

“So this is Manhattan,” you replied, and Steve nodded again, pulling into an empty road and heading towards the back of a building which you hadn’t seen in its entirety yet. But even looking at the deserted back, you could tell that the building was nice, and expensive too.

“Yep, Manhattan it is. And here we are,” Steve chirped, seeming pleased to have gotten to the destination without interruption. He rubbed the nape of his neck, feeling sheepish again. “Sorry about this, we’ve gotta enter through the back. Less attention.”

You could tell he was sort of feeling bad about this and you frowned, your brows knitting together.

“Steve,” you said in the sternest voice you could manage. “Quit feeling bad. I literally have no complaints, as long as I’m with you. I get it, really.”

Steve nodded, looking down at his lap. He knew you’d understand, you both discussed things like this in advance. But he didn’t want you thinking he was ashamed of you at all. Some things just had to be kept secret, for sanity and for safety.

“Got it. I just want you to love it, that’s all,” Steve said, and his genuinity made your heart warm like it had just settled down and snuggled into a blanket in front of a crackling fireplace.

Steve got out of the car and was on the other side faster than you could even unbuckle, opening the door for you and holding his hand out for you to take.

“You’re fast,” you chuckled, taking his hand and stepping out, your dress flowing in the wind, an image that Steve kept locked in his mind.

He shrugged,

"Super soldier things.“

He took you in through the back and checked the both of you in discreetly with an employee who had been waiting for you two. It all felt so exclusive and secretive, and made you a bit antsy to see the full extent, but you had no worries. You got on the elevator with Steve while a few employees took all your stuff up to the room, watching as all the floors passed by you in the glass elevator. It wasn’t until you actually got to your floor, floor 31, that you even realized the full magic of the luxury hotel.

When you stepped out, your jaw dropped. Just the floor was the definition of luxury, and you hadn’t even been inside the room yet. It was decked out in marble flooring, large windows all about for perfect lighting and an unbelievable view of the afternoon skyline. The decor was beautiful and the entire floor smelled like fragrant flowers. You weren’t sure what was more impressive — this or the private jet. Steve noted how you literally stopped in your tracks, then turned around to face him with almost needy eyes, like you had to know if this was real.

"You’re serious?” was all you could say.

“D'you like it?” Steve asked, leaning forward.

“It’s amazing! I can’t believe — Steve, I feel so bad,” you said, your voice growing distant as you wandered the halls, straying away from the room.

He caught up fast, chuckling to himself as he gently grabbed onto your arm and looped it between his own, leading you in the right direction. Then he paused, standing in front of you and towering over you. You felt your entire being softening when he did that, it was like he was both dominating you and comforting you in the simplest of ways. You looked up at him with unintentionally coy eyes, glancing between his pink lips and his ocean eyes.

“Hey. Don’t feel bad. I’ll say it as many times as it needs to be said — I want to do this for you. It’s no trouble for me,” he shrugged, and usually you would’ve made some remark about him implying that he was rich, but the way he was standing over you right now rendered you speechless.

You felt like you had melted into a big ice cream puddle and all you could do was nod slowly and look up at him with dopey, wide eyes and set lips.

“Okay,” you uttered, your voice faint, and before you knew it he was leaning over you and bear hugging you, throwing all of himself (not all, because he would literally crush you) into the hug and just wrapping his arms around you.

Even though you’d been close to each other since you met, and onscreen you’d been closer than you could even imagine, this felt like the most intimate you’d been since meeting each other in real life. You felt protected and safe in this moment. You liked how Steve hadn’t gotten tired of you despite having to remind you that this wasn’t any trouble for him and that you shouldn’t feel bad for being spoiled by someone who liked you and wanted to do it for you. You were overwhelmed by his scent and the warmth of his strong body.

When he pulled away you felt weak with endearment, and that ice cream puddle feeling hadn’t gone away. Of course, Steve hardly noticed the effect he had on you, and just took your hand in his and led you to the room. This initiation of holding hands had both your hearts pounding — any physical touch did. His hands were big and muscular, and your hand fit in just perfectly.

“And here we are,” Steve opened the door wide, leading to the unbelievable room.

It was more like an entire house, actually. A penthouse, to be specific. You were surrounded by glass windows that once again offered a view of the whole city. The suite was the perfect mix of contemporary and minimalist. It was luxurious, but not too stark, comfortable enough that you could actually sleep there and not feel like you were sleeping in in some strange utopia. You couldn’t help but explore immediately, trying to see everything, like it was sand falling from between your fingers much too fast.

There was a bedroom with the biggest king sized bed you’d ever seen, a bright and airy bathroom with a freestanding white marble tub and a clear glass shower that faced a window, a kitchenette with a fully set up bar, and a huge living room with a near movie sized TV screen. There was even a balcony with stone flooring, a jacuzzi and a plethora of lounge chairs, not to mention another bar.

Hell, you couldn’t keep up with all the things you were seeing, racing around the penthouse suite and trying to wrap your mind around it. Steve had done enough to show you that you shouldn’t doubt it or feel guilty about being around such opulence for a day, but you were damn amazed.

Steve just followed you as you raced around, laughing to himself at your reactions to everything and your utter disbelief. It was wholesome, and a reminder of the fact that even though you had a good head on your shoulders, at heart you were a blossoming young woman who had never experienced these things before.

“Steve,” you groaned, falling back onto the plush bed, which was perfectly made up. You felt dizzy.

“Yeah doll?” he asked, and you smiled, suddenly feeling eager to hear the nickname again. It made such a difference to hear it in person.

“This is amazing. I could kiss you,” you said nonchalantly, then held yourself up on your forearms and looked up at him.

He was too busy being shy again, turning away slightly and kicking at the ground. He knew he looked ridiculous, but you were amused. You knew exactly the effect you had on him, you always had. But seeing it up close and personal was somehow even better. Half the time you didn’t even mean to purposefully tease him. He got bashful all on his own, just a reminder of the power he knew you had over him in that sense.

You smirked, just watching him try to get his act together again.

“Ahh, thanks, YN. I’m glad you like it.”

You sighed, still laying back and making a snow angel with just your arms against the bedsheets.

“You know, if you do want me to be your sugar baby…” you trailed off, clearly joking.

Steve shook his head playfully,

“You’re a handful, you know that?”

“Of course!” you quipped, and sprung up, sitting upright on the bed, dangling your feet above the floor. “So, what do you wanna do?”

"Well, I had a few things planned, but it’s really up to you.“

"Yeah? Like what?” you chirped, and Steve grinned at your voice and how intrigued you sounded.

“Uh, well. There’s a spa on this floor as well. Private, of course. I gotta say, I’m not great at relaxing, or being touched by strangers.”

“Steve,” you whined, reaching out for his hand and cupping it between both your hands. “You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. But you do deserve to relax. This is as much for you as it is for me. I mean, you put this all together, I can’t thank you enough. Least you could do is get a massage.”

Steve was endeared by your sentiment, and you were right. He needed to relax. He definitely was not as uptight as he was before he even knew of you, but he was still usually in a work mode. You’d only be at this hotel for one night, and it was only right that you both take full advantage of its amenities. After all, it was luxury for a reason. You were here to be pampered and be together.

“Yeah…” Steve looked down at where your hands were cupped over his, and smiled fondly. “You’re right. I’m real good at being stressed out.”

“I know,” you kneaded his hands. “But I can help you relieve that stress.”

You bit down on your lip, knowing that could mean so many different things, but here you really had innocent intentions, your face brightening up as you got an idea.

“Okay. So you want to relax, but not while a stranger is touching you,” you restated, and Steve nodded with a hum. “I have an idea.”

| | |

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Steve chuckled as you flitted around him like a fairy, getting everything together.

About an hour later, once your stuff had been returned to the room and you had both settled in just a bit more, you were practically dragging Steve out of the room and to the spa area where you’d carry out your idea. Your request was simple when you’d called the spa over the phone in your suite: you wanted all the material there, but no employees. That way it’d be more personal — how hard could it be to do the same things that the staff did? It wasn’t defeating the purpose if it meant you got to bond alone.

“Uh, I mean I’ve never done this before but I usually know what I’m doing, so I’m gonna go with yes,” you answered, probably more sure of yourself than Steve was.

“I trust you,” Steve smiled.

“Smart choice,” you smirked, looking at him from over your shoulder. “Okay, I think everything’s ready. The question is - are you?”

“I don’t know, am I?” Steve cocked his head, eyeing you as you got everything ready, admiring you once again.

“Not in that, you’re not,” you said, gesturing to the loose fitting t-shirt he still had on.

You said it casually, but truthfully, the pace of your heartbeat was quickening, thinking of actually seeing him take his shirt off. You had a lot more experience than Steve, so it wasn’t like it was some new and strange experience, but the thought of seeing even more of Steve made you nervous.

“Oh. Do I just-” Steve gazed up at you, raising his brows.

“Mhm,” you hummed quietly, biting down on your lip and watching him.

Steve felt nerves too for the same reason as you, but not because he was insecure with his body, so he lifted his shirt up with ease and placed it on the bed beside him. The silence felt deafening as he looked up at you and gauged your reaction. And honestly, you were just standing there looking at him, your lips pursed and your chest visibly rising up and down as you switched from automatic breathing to manual.

You didn’t have a huge preference for body type, but Steve was certainly a force to be reckoned with, big and hulking both with and without a shirt. You noticed the pleased, expectant expression on Steve’s face and came back to earth, blinking away all the thoughts that flooded your mind.

“Okay!” you practically gasped out, all the breath you were holding in leaving you at once. “You can lay back. And um, I’ll just-”

Steve lay back and you approached the massage table, your breath hitching in your throat as you climbed up quickly and got on top of him, placing your legs on either side of him so you were straddling him. And don’t get it wrong, you were confident. You put your body out there almost every night for hundreds of strangers, and that definitely boosted your sexuality in real time. It wasn’t hard for you to perform suggestive acts or use your sensuality, but actually touching Steve felt so sacred — like you both wanted every touch to be precise. You had the chemistry online, it was just a matter of how the chemistry progressed face to face, sinking into the reality that felt so surreal.

Steve put his hands on your hips to steady you and your body twitched just slightly, Steve looking up at you with innocent, inexperienced eyes.

It was quiet now, and you focused on the task at hand, Steve’s hands dropping to his sides while you diligently went to work. You spread oil on your hands and reached down to touch Steve’s face, a small smile on your concentrated face. You were paying more attention to your hands, but Steve was looking right up at you, admiration full in his eyes, a small smile on his face. He was letting you do the work, lightly massaging oil onto Steve’s face, keeping your fingers gentle and your pace slow and relaxing.

You were focused, but certainly, you couldn’t help but be hyper aware of the fact that you were literally on top of Steve while he had no shirt on (and looked damn good without it). The innocuous yet obvious sensuality of the moment stirred the both of you. But rather than act upon it, you let it stay innocent. Steve cherished the feeling of your fingers lightly tapping and massaging against his face. You may not have been a licensed massage therapist, but you knew what you were doing.

“You sure you haven’t done this before?” Steve uttered, his words almost slurred from how relaxed he was.

“One hundred percent,” you offered a tiny smile, your face hovering just over Steve’s, locking eyes with him. Your voice was gentle and soft. “Close your eyes for me.”

Steve was entranced, fully into this experience, and honestly probably because it was you doing it. Had it been anyone else, he probably would’ve been squirming around, because he didn’t know how to relax. But you were his oasis. A smile cracked out onto your lips at the sight of Steve underneath you with his eyes closed, totally relaxed. You’d hoped this would be the result. And you couldn’t help but knead your fingers a little extra when you got down to his chest, still mind boggled by his muscles.

“Just let me know if it feels alright,” you said, your voice just above a whisper as you placed hot stones carefully on Steve’s face and massaged his skin with them. “That okay?”

“Hmm,” Steve hummed affirmatively in response.

You watched as his chest rose and fell at a steady, relaxed rate, completely at ease. Every once in a while, he let out a sigh or a quiet groan that made your breath hitch in your throat. But again, you let it stay innocent. It was just Steve’s luck that you didn’t notice, or feel the tent that was growing in his pants just from the touch of your hands against his face. It was just that good.

When you were done, you didn’t have the heart to tell him it was over. He seemed to have no complaints though, although he knew he could stay like this for much longer. His hands gripped your wrists, then he slid his fingers in between yours, cupping your hands together by his sides. You beamed down at him, amused at the way his eyes seemed glazed over and totally blissed out.

“How was it!” you exclaimed, excited to see how pleased he was.

“YN,” he massaged his thumb into the nook of your hand. “I think you’re actually good at everything you do.”

You shook your head and Steve rolled his eyes.

“You’re being modest,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Now, what can I do for you? Because that was incredible.”

“Steve, no way. You’re not doing a thing for me. You’ve done… more than enough.”

“I appreciate that, doll, but you do know this is mutual. If you hadn’t already gotten your nails done,” Steve flopped your hand up playfully, and you giggled, “I would try. I guess it’s best that you’ve already got them done, though. Don’t know how accurate my nail painting would be. But I could give you a massage, or try my hand at a facial.”

You hopped off of Steve and the massage table, bouncing up and down slightly on the floor,

“Steve, as much as I adore that idea, I’m solely focused on making you feel relaxed right now. Though, if you really want to do something for me, you could… get in the pool?”

You skipped backwards, and pulled off the loungewear you’d changed into for the spa, clad in a bra and underwear beneath. You simply winked while Steve sat upright, eyes widening at the sight of you half naked in front of him. Sure, it was technically the same as a bikini, but just seeing you like that unexpectedly made him start. You couldn’t be anymore coquettish right now, flaunting your body with a twirl before you jumped into the pool.

You disappeared for a few moments, then swam back up to the top, pushing back the water that speckled your face with your hands. Steve found his mouth going dry - you were so beautiful and alluring without even trying to be. He stood up and walked over to the edge of the pool, glaring down at you while you gazed up at him with playful, inviting eyes.

“You’re gorgeous,” was all Steve could manage to utter out, kneeling slightly so he was more at level with you.

You bit down on your lip and gestured for Steve to come closer, enticing him with your beguiling eyes. You placed your hand on his face, wet hand against his firm jaw, and pulled his head closer as if—

Then, a loud splashing sound and the feeling of being submerged in water as Steve fell in. He swam back up to the top easily, pushing his hair back and wiping water away from his eyes as he regained his bearings. The accomplished grin on your face told him all he needed to know, and he lunged forward, grabbing you in his arms with ease and lifting you up, your back against his chest.

“You’re gonna pay for this, you know that?” he scolded you playfully, and you laughed giddily, your vision blurred as Steve spun you around against him in the water, unable to withhold your delirium.

“I knew you wouldn’t get in unless I forced you in! You think I don’t know you by now?” you cackled, trying and failing to free from his grasp.

He let you go, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t right up on you, looming over you in the pool and pressing up against you, your bodies flush with one another. You were still laughing, but that feeling was coming back again, that feeling that you were melting once more.

"I’m not gonna forget this,“ Steve warned, pursing his lips in a triumphant smirk.

"If I could dunk you, I would,” you narrowed your eyes at him, pressing your finger into his chest.

“Oh my god, would you look at that?” Steve questioned sarcastically, picking you up by the waist without trouble and placing your legs around his neck, falling back deep into the water as if you had actually dunked on him.

You managed to open your eyes under the pool water, blinking excessively but catching a long glimpse at Steve, who was pressed beneath you. You grinned and swam up to the surface, Steve following short after.

“Why, I never!” you pressed your hand against your chest, gasping dramatically. “Steve, you slick debonair. Did you just use that as an excuse to have my legs around your neck?”

Steve, who had thought nothing of it, was now wide-eyed and gulping, his mind traveling to a sinful place — particularly, the place between your thighs.

He handled it with grace though, raising a brow and cocking his head,

“Don’t think I’ll need an excuse.”

This time it was your turn to react, your mouth dropping open into a small o shape. Steve had even shocked himself. But you were really getting comfortable with one another, and he was just catching up to your pace.

“I…” you didn’t even know what to say, because just like Steve you were lost in thought as well, blinking and smiling blankly. You glared at him in a lighthearted manner. “You win that one. But you’re a bad man.”

“Am I?” Steve chuckled, his voice deep and playful.

"You’re a bad man who puts me on a private jet and takes me to a very bougie hotel. Honestly, you’re horrible,“ you joked.

"You’re right. They should take away my shield.”

You spent at least an hour in the pool, fucking around and just having fun, Steve placing you on his shoulders and swimming as fast as he could from one end of the pool to the other. You continuously tried to dunk and or splash each other, and you kept getting closer than any of you two could handle, then not actually doing anything about it.

You were beginning to prune up though, so each of you quickly rinsed off using the shower at the spa, then walked back to the room, wrapped up in towels. But you realized that you hadn’t seen anyone else, not even in passing. When you asked Steve about it, he very nonchalantly mentioned that he had the whole floor blocked off for them specifically to guarantee maximum privacy and comfort. Yet another thing he did that was so mind blowing to you.

“You hungry?” Steve asked. “I ordered room service for dinner.”

It was getting darker outside, you had noticed, and nightfall was quickly approaching. Your mind wandered to thoughts of a romantic, private dinner with Steve, and you sighed in ecstasy. This day was literally perfect. You were more rejuvenated than you had ever been, and back at home rejuvenation and selfcare was a mighty big investment of yours. The fact that Steve could top that just by being him, was astounding.

“I could eat,” you grinned, sitting down on the bed at peace. You had changed back into your loungewear, and Steve still stood in front of you without a shirt on.

He felt your eyes on him and his cheeks flushed, his jaw ticking.

“I’ll go put on some clothes,” he decided, and you sprawled out on the bed, starfishing.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” you joked lazily, closing your eyes.

“Ha-ha,” Steve bleated, changing into a shirt anyway.

By the time Steve changed, room service was knocking at the door. You watched as Steve led them outside and set up himself. Although you insisted that you help, he practically commanded that you stay inside. And when he used that voice, he didn’t have to tell you twice. You pulled out your vanity mirror, checking your appearance while you waited for Steve, and you frowned because you hadn’t thought to change into nice clothes and put on some makeup for dinner. You figured it was principal, and you always wanted to look your best around him anyway.

Steve came back inside and caught you frowning at yourself in the vanity mirror. Without even thinking he commented,

“You look amazing.”

You raised a doubtful brow and looked over at him,

“I think I still smell like chlorine.”

Steve shook his head, a smile appearing on his lips. As confident as you were, you were being so critical of yourself right now. He didn’t care what you were wearing - as long as he got to be with you, he didn’t mind.

“Chlorine just happens to be my favorite fragrance. Come on,” he nodded towards the doors that opened up to the balcony where he set up the dinner for you.

You got up out of bed, tugging down your loose cotton shorts, and walked over to Steve, who immediately put his hand around your waist and guided you to the dinner table. You glanced up at him, pleasantly surprised yet again. The set up was simple, the table decorated with small candles and a vase of roses as the centerpiece, a bucket full of ice and a bottle of Moet at the edge of the table. And of course, a plate of your favorite food on your side. Jazzy music played softly in the background.

You turned up to face Steve, snuggling up to his body and placing your hand on his chest.

“Steve, this is so beautiful,” you cooed, then glanced back at the table — he could’ve easily had this all set up by staff, but all he did was have them bring the food, the rest he set up for himself.

“You like it?” he asked, his heart beaming all because you were happy with it. Steve may not have been the kind of guy to go all out very often, but when he did, he did it right. This had just the personal touch that it needed.

“I love it,” you broke free from his grasp and skipped over to the roses, your fingers softly grazing over the petals.

You had been close to crying a couple of times today, but now you were dangerously close, and you couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes this time around. This gesture was probably the simplest that Steve had shown this whole day, but it touched your heart the most. The private jet and the nice hotel were definitely nice touches, but they didn’t mean anything if there weren’t any feelings there. And Steve was doing everything in his power to show how much he cared for you, something that you weren’t used to most people even bothering to do.

Steve saw that you were crying and rushed over to you immediately, frowning,

“Is everything okay?”

You laughed tearfully, wiping away your tears with the back of your hands,

“No one’s ever done anything this nice for me, that’s all. It feels really… special.”

Steve smiled sadly. Your reactions were so wholesome, yet from a place of so much hurt, and it showed the elements of your past that you had recounted to him. Steve wasn’t trying to make you forget about your past or make up for it, but he wanted to put the work in to show that you deserved so much more. It was just who he was.

“First time for everything, huh?”

“Yeah,” you crooned, sniffling.

Steve gave you a pat on the back and put his arm around your hip as he led you to your side of the table, pushing out the chair for you and letting you sit down. He sat down too, and you almost instantly grabbed the champagne bottle, Steve smirking at your eagerness.

You giggled, biting down on your lip,

“I have to do something for you.”

“Wrong, but I won’t complain,” Steve laughed, shaking his head playfully.

You opened the champagne bottle with a pop, and let the fizz pour out into your glass before you carefully poured a glass for the both of you, reaching carefully across the table. You sucked gently at the side of your finger, and placed the bottle back inside the bucket.

Both you and Steve raised your glasses, and you made a toast as you clinked them together,

“To us!”

“To us,” Steve repeated softly, gazing at your face, shining in the candlelight.

You took a sip and started eating, the both of you quiet for a few moments before Steve spoke up.

“It’s still so unbelievable that this is all happening,” he blinked, wanting to lean back and just get a good look at you.

“In a good way, right?” you smirked, taking another sip of your drink.

“Oh, the best way possible. It’s indescribable, the feeling I got from seeing you. It’s still there,” Steve huffed, and you cocked your head at him, your lips turning up into a gentle smile.

“I know. Me too,” your eyes scanned his face, strong and handsome and illuminated by the candles lit in front of him.

“I know it’s been hard for me to open up… to you, especially. I was just so hesitant because I’ve never really felt the things that you made me feel, and I was afraid because we didn’t know each other, you know? You were just a girl on a screen in the beginning, yet I thought of you all the time. I was thinking, Steve, you can’t let this happen. I thought it was unbecoming of me, starting to feel things for a stranger.”

You listened, glad to hear Steve finally opening up, but you joked,

“Yeah. It doesn’t quite fit your job description.”

Steve laughed, rubbing his temples as he leaned back,

“Yeah, not quite. It was sort of a shock for me. I was scared of the possibilities. And it was hard for me to understand my own feelings, you know? I shut down when things felt too serious. And I know I was stupid for it looking back, but… in the moment I was just overwhelmed. Opening up to someone I didn’t know like that, getting into that territory, it… scared me. And the feelings I started having for you, jeez. I hadn’t had those feelings in a while. And I’d only ever had them for one person. It was so hard for me to wrap my head around.”

You listened to Steve, taking in his every word. Even as you got closer, Steve didn’t open up as much as you did, and you hadn’t minded that because he was always listening to you and talked with you about anything. So to hear this was eye opening and helped you understand more why he operated the way he did. So you just listened, leaning in and nodding, your cheek against your palm.

“Ahh, I’m just old,” Steve shook his head, and you perked up, your brows knit together.

“No! Well, technically speaking, yes. But no! You are not ‘just old.’ Your feelings are valid. And I understand, because I felt the same way, almost. It was weird opening up to you, and I got those weird feelings too, but I didn’t give in because… I had to stay safe, you know? I can’t be falling for my clients. But when I realized who you were, even though it was a shock, it… things came together. It made sense. Suddenly, you weren’t just some random, you were you. If it were anybody else, nothing would’ve come of it. That’s why I let it happen. I decided to try my hand at trusting you, and so did you. And I mean, it’s a good thing we did, right?”

“Otherwise, none of this would’ve happened,” Steve nodded, and you both grinned at each other.

“Yeah. So don’t be so hard on yourself,” you wagged your finger at him, and Steve chuckled, shaking his head- you weren’t going to let him pass with anything, and he liked that about you. “We all have a long ways to go with our growth, but it’s happening. You just have to let it.”

“You’re right. It feels hard to fit in, you know? I’ve been here about a decade now, and it’s still so… I guess I’m still finding my way around. Don’t know if that makes any sense, but I’m trying to fit in,” Steve replied, his voice deep and almost sorrowful.

You pouted slightly, reaching your hand out and cupping it over Steve’s,

“It makes sense.”

You truly felt for him. You knew his story, everyone did. But they didn’t know the intimate, personal details of it. They didn’t know how Steve felt being a walking experiment in this modern world. Maybe if they did, the world might be a lot less harsh to him. You didn’t want to fix him, but you wanted to be there for him - make the sharp edges of new life softer, dim down the starkness of modernity.

You talked about a multitude of topics over the course of the dinner, things that made you emotional, things that made you both burst out into laughter, menial things and profound discussions. But anything you talked about, anything you had to say to each other, just filled you both up to the brim with gleeful warmth. You were just truly soaking in the moment with each other, enjoying being alone together. The evening was filled with lingering eye contact, brushes against the other’s hand, and laughter.

By the time Steve had gotten behind the bar, trying his hand at making drinks like it was nothing, you found yourself feeling like you were ready to wind down. You were warm from wine and other alcoholic drinks Steve had mixed, and jet lag was catching up to you. Though you wanted to stay up all night, you wanted to be refreshed the next morning.

You retired inside to go take a shower, feeling only slightly tired because the beautiful night with Steve kept you exhilarated. The bathroom was spacious and expensive, you could spend hours in there just sitting on the sink and thinking. You got undressed and got into the shower, the warm water running along your body, washing away the travels of the day, the hot pulsating jets of water relaxing your muscles. It was much bigger and fancier than your shower back at home, that was for sure.

As you let the water rush over your body, you started to reflect on the entire day. This day had been full of first times for you, first feelings, first experiences. You were in awe, but it evoked deep feelings that seemed to be getting coaxed out of your stomach. This deep feeling that there was still more to be uncovered, that there would always be more. It wrecked you — gave you anxiety and nerves like nobody’s business. But it also calmed you, knowing that you were with the right person for there to be more. You wouldn’t be snatching for more at the bottom of an empty, loveless hole in the ground with no one or nothing to water you. And the best part of it was that the feeling didn’t come with the kind of fear that made you want to stop. You wanted to keep going. Everything was beautiful so far. Although you knew it wouldn’t always be one hundred percent perfect if you kept going indefinitely, you were enjoying the moment now. The present.

Meanwhile, Steve was sitting on his side of the bed, looking down at the floor and kneading his palm with his other hand. He was thinking deeply, all good thoughts, and all about you. He just wanted to keep making everything perfect for you, for the both of you. And he was coming to the realization that perfectness wasn’t realistic, that it would actually be worse than authenticity. But like you, he was enjoying the paradise you were sharing with each other. He was trying to keep himself in the present, which was so difficult for Steve, whose job was to solve problems and think of the future. But when it came to you, he would take that chance willingly.

You also thought of Aaliyah in the shower, thinking of how happy she’d be if she knew what was going on. You thought you should tell her soon, but you also knew no matter how much you wanted to, you had to take it slow. As you stepped out of the shower and dried off, you had nothing but positive thoughts in your mind — there was no one in your life who you held ill bearings for, not even your parents. It seemed that once you took that initiative to focusing on yourself, everything and everybody else seemed to fall into place.

You used a towel, then wrapped a plush white robe around yourself, tying it at your waist. When you came out of the bathroom, you were still slightly damp, and drops of water sprinkled your bare, dewy skin. You knew you probably looked pretty raw, but not because you were bare-faced, more because you were fresh out of the shower.

You were dabbing at your face with the corner of the robe as you stood against the doorway that connected the bathroom to the bedroom.

“Steve, can you pass me my clothes?” you asked, nodding over to your fresh change of clothes on the bed.

“Sure,” he said, thinking nothing of it and reaching behind himself to get your clothes.

But when he turned back, something on his face had changed, as if he were stumped by the sight in front of him. His mouth had dropped open slightly and he sort of goggled at you in amazement. He didn’t bother to get your clothes, because there was only one thing on his mind as he stood up, looking very determined.

You were slightly confused, but couldn’t find the words to ask him what was going on, because there he was towering over you again, without any desire to intimidate you but succeeding in doing so anyway. Only, it wasn’t a bad kind of intimidation. You looked up at him with innocent doe eyes, tilting your head slightly upwards to him. As you realized what was happening, you couldn’t help the way your eyes flickered from his lips to his own eyes, inviting him in. You were almost daring him, egging on the feeling of burning desire that flooded the dimly lit hotel room.

The mere sight of you amazed him all the time, but in this moment, Steve had been thrown off guard. It was perplex to him, how you could appear so beautiful to him without even trying to. Your beauty was not subtle, it was loud even when you were fresh out the shower, no makeup on, completely stripped down. It drove Steve crazy, seeing you standing there with wet hair, and a face that had drops of water still running down your cheeks to the inside of your robe where your naked body was concealed.

It was so silent, and Steve was so close to you, you swore you could hear your heart beating. And then, he did what he had been waiting the whole day to do, what you had been wanting to do the entire day, and leaned down, kissing you.

And when your lips finally met, it was like nothing you’d felt before. Even if you weren’t so close, you were so sure that the electrifying feeling that surged through your entire body would’ve emanated off of you. It was like your body heat was combined in this moment, like you were molded into each other like a perfect ceramic sculpture. As if time decided to slow down just for you two, leaving space for only the two of you to exist together in this moment. And nothing else mattered, nothing except the feeling of Steve’s lips against yours, parted and warm, like they belonged against you.

The kiss was soft, but passionate and full of burning desire. You fell into the kiss naturally, closing your eyes instantly. You weren’t sure if this was just a fever dream of yours, if maybe you’d been asleep for a very long time and dreamed up the past few months, all building up to this moment when you’d finally wake up. Or maybe you’d passed out in the hot shower and you were just dreaming this. But you didn’t wake up. Your eyes remained gently closed as you kept on kissing him. Steve couldn’t fathom the feelings he got from finally feeling your lips against his own.

The desire to kiss you had been building up the whole day, but when he saw you just now, he couldn’t restrain himself any longer. You hadn’t kissed each other the whole day although you wanted to, because it didn’t feel right just yet. You wanted the moment to be right. And even though it was sudden for the both of you, it just fit. It was spontaneous and a touch born out of yearning.

You overpowered his senses. Even after your shower, every breath he took smelled like California sunshine and the salty spritz of ocean waves, and that natural ambrosial scent that you seemed to achieve without perfume. Every touch he felt was you, his hands digging into your waist, your plump lips, your hands exploring his shoulders and the nape of his neck. The taste of your wet lips. Everything was you.

He could’ve lasted longer, but you needed to take a breath, though you wished you could stay like this forever. You just kissed Steve Rogers. And it was nothing like you imagined, because nothing you imagined could compare to this. You took in a deep breath, feeling your entire body warm up just from the buzzing aftermath sensation of the kiss and the art that was looking into his eyes, which seemed to be an even deeper blue than before.

Steve looked you up and down, then couldn’t help but smile, breaking out of the very serious air he had just entered upon seeing you. He laughed, a deep chuckle that sent shivers running down your very body. You laughed too, and you nudged Steve playfully. He brought those nerves out of you that nobody else could. You had plenty of experience, but Steve made you feel so much.

“I wasn’t expecting that, sir,” you quipped, and he grinned down at you,

“But did you like it?”

“You’re a doofus,” you shook your head, pushing him gently. Your voice became a whisper and you reached up, pulling him close by the collar of his t-shirt, your eyes boring into his. “I loved it.”

You kissed him again, hard and sweet but short, then practically pushed him away, sauntering away into the bed before you, and getting your clothes, teasing him about how he just wanted to get you naked before you changed in the bathroom. You then emerged, climbing beneath the bedsheets and propping your head up against a pillow. It was then that you really thought of the fact that you’d be sharing a bed with Steve, but at this point, it seemed expected.

Steve was still recovering from the second kiss, then practically twirled around on his feet to face you, a dazed grin on his face, getting into the bed himself.

“Let’s watch a movie, hmm?” you suggested, looking up at him. “Till we fall asleep.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You sighed in pleasure, scooting closer to Steve and snuggling into the crook of his outstretched arm as he turned on the TV and put on a random movie for you two to watch, one that wasn’t too hard for you to follow. You were stealing glances at him the whole time anyway, and he was too. The movie was the last thing on your minds, but it just filled up the time until one of you fell asleep, and made for distracted conversation about the plot, one of you making comments followed by a hum from the other. You on the other hand, barely lasted ten minutes, falling asleep almost immediately. Steve turned off the TV and the light beside him, glancing over at you as your eyes fluttered closed. You were such a sleeping beauty, all he could do was look at you. You fell asleep and turned absentmindedly on your side, posted up like the little spoon, cuddling into him.

Steve turned on his side too, your back against his front. He let you snuggle into him, but was unsure of what to do himself. He had never shared his bed, and the way you cuddled into him made him swallow hard. How did he follow suit? Would you want him to?

But after a good look at you, unable he slowly put his arm around you, hesitantly placing his hand at your waist, letting it tumble over onto your stomach. In your sleep you put your hand over his, snuggled closer and held onto his arm. Reassured, he settled into the position with ease, falling asleep faster than he ever had in years.

Dreaming of you.


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN | RIGHT THERE

When you woke up, your legs were entangled with Steve’s, your arms out in front of you and his arms draped over your stomach. He woke up a bit earlier than you had, but he stayed there, not wanting to disrupt you or leave you. It took you a moment to settle into the day, the blur before your eyes disappearing slowly. Then, Steve’s touch against your body registered, and you sighed, sprawling out before him, absentmindedly pressing your backside into his crotch. Your eyes shot open when you felt the very obvious and abnormally large bulge prodding into you that Steve was trying to withhold.

Normally you might have tried to initiate something, tried to tease him even more, but even though the sheer size of the bulge caused a twinge in your stomach, you snapped back to reality easily. Everything became very apparent: where you were, who you were with.

"You up?“ Steve asked, his morning voice quiet and warm with a side of gruff.

"Mmm,” you sighed, turning over to face him. You smiled, fondling his face gently with your fingers. “Yeah. Morning.”

Steve returned the smile, almost becoming giddy like a child on Christmas at the touch of your hand on his face and the sound of your slightly raspy yet dulcet morning voice.

"Did you sleep well?“ Steve asked, and you chuckled, patting his cheek once,

"You’re a gentleman. And yes, I did,” you leaned in to kiss his lips, sweet and soft.

You did it casually, as if you always woke up next to each other in the morning, but in reality it was magical. The touch of your lips against his was still so foreign to him, like something he was trying to understand and savor the taste of. And despite all your confidence you still had to work up quite the nerve to kiss him like this.

Steve blinked slowly, taking a good look at you, gazing into your eyes before leaning up against his pillow,

“Big day. There’s not much to unpack, but we’re gonna be leaving here and going to my place. We check out in about three hours. If there’s anything you wanna do, just let me know. I’m gonna let you get ready.”

"Okay!“ you grinned, and sprung out of bed.

You got ready quickly, not wanting to miss a second of your day with Steve.

All he could do was watch you get ready from the slightly ajar bathroom door with a satisfied grin on his face - you were such a beacon of light and he loved to see that you genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. And you were so cute getting ready, bouncing around on your feet and blushing your face, leaning into the mirror to apply your makeup, which came out rosy and natural when you were done. You didn’t often apply a lot of makeup in the mornings anyway, and good for Steve, who liked to be able to really see your face. Then again, in his eyes you were beautiful no matter how you decided to look.

At some point Steve gave you your privacy, and you came out of the bathroom in your outfit for the day- a tie front white blouse with a lacy black bra that peaked out from underneath, and a pair of loose fitting jeans. And of course, your given accessories - pearl earrings, a small necklace, and a few spritzes of perfume. Steve, as always, was pleased with your appearance, staring with wide, appreciative eyes.

You lifted your arms up, only showing more of the bra you wore beneath, and your tummy, chuckling,

"You like?”

"I love. You always look amazing somehow,“ Steve grinned, getting up himself. He approached you and took your hands in his, giving them both a squeeze. "I’m gonna get ready, then we can do whatever you like until we have to leave.”

You decided you wanted to share breakfast with Steve the same way you had shared dinner last night, only a bit more casually and not as elaborate. Steve was down with anything you wanted to do, and even though he tried to apologize because you couldn’t necessarily go out for breakfast, you refused to let him. When you got the room service, you ate outside in the same chairs as last night, but you curled up into your chair, pulling your knees into your chest as you ate French toast, fresh fruit and scarfed down a good amount of mimosa.

"So beautiful being so far up here,“ your eyes sparkled as you looked out along the New York skyline, above all the business down on the streets, only knowing blue skies twinged with orange, the sun settling in the sky.

Steve looked out at the sky where you were gazing, and squinted in admiration, smiling back softly at you,

"New York can be beautiful, despite what they say.”

You giggled, shaking your head,

"Believe me, some of my friends would have choice words for me if they knew I was in New York. They still haven’t gotten out of their whole: ‘west coast is the best coast’ mindset.“

Steve just chuckled wearily, spouting some of his wisdom as he looked out at the sky,

"I can’t say I believe in any of the rivalry… but I’m Brooklyn born and raised. Can’t take it out of me. Even after all this time.”

Steve’s wistful voice drew you in- you wanted to know more about him. For once, he wasn’t just a history project, but he was a human. Everything you learned about him only opened your eyes further, and you were a sucker for learning new things.

"What was it like?“

Steve turned to face you, nodding slowly,

"It was… hard. Parents died when I was young, I didn’t have many friends besides Bucky. And honestly, I’m not one to pity myself. I made it this far, I guess. And I loved Brooklyn growing up. I was sick as a dog half the time, but the other half of the time I was spending it around the greatest places in the city. And getting my ass beat 'cuz I didn’t know when to shut up. Sure, the movie theater got torn down for some mall and the place Buck and I used to go for milkshakes doesn’t exist anymore, but… I had that. In the city I loved, and still love.”

You hung on to every last word of Steve’s. Everything he said just rang true even though your life experience was nothing like his own. You were gathering that Steve did have a hard life, just like the papers presented, but he made it work in his own fashion. It was what had got him this far: his drive, his belief in himself and others. And although modern life wasn’t something he was used to, he was taking it day by day. And he didn’t say this, but it was much easier adjusting with someone like you by his side. You were the young old soul Steve needed, and a breath of fresh air at the same time. It was a part of the reason you were so delicate to him, so special.

“Must’ve been hard. It doesn’t sound like pity to me. I think you just don’t like talking about yourself,” you grinned softly.

"Huh,“ Steve laughed. "You’re right. Never have.”

A beat passed, then Steve spoke again.

“You have something,” he uttered gently, leaning forward hesitantly until you gave him the go with your reassuring eyes. “Just here.”

His eyes were soft and trained as he leaned in across the table, dabbing at the corner of your lip with his finger at the powdered sugar that had landed there. The food on your oblivious face only made you even cuter. And while the action was nonchalant for him, it felt so intimate to you for him to reach out and touch you so gently, to do something so tiny for you. You couldn’t help the way your smile grew as you watched him dust off his hand afterwards, leaning back into his own seat.

“You’re honestly so cute, Steve,” you sipped at your mimosa, and he chuckled goofily, shaking his head and looking down at his plate.

“I- I don’t try to be-” he stammered.

Steve was so bashful he could hardly form a competent sentence, but all you did was laugh it off, eyeing him from the rim of your mimosa glass. You had him, for sure. Who else could render a grown man, especially him, speechless?

In the time that you woke up and finished breakfast, the hours had passed by and you and Steve were ready to leave. Packing up again wasn’t a hassle as you had only spent the night there and Steve was there to help. You glanced out the window, squinting your eyes before you left the room. Clouds seemed to be settling in the sky, hiding the sun that you had been admiring so highly just a few minutes before. You didn’t mind though, in fact it didn’t take away from your love for the New York City skyline. Sure, you had cloudy days in SoCal, but you were used to sunshine. This was refreshing, almost. The gloom was comforting, the heavy clouds seemed to close in on you and hug you. It felt cozy.

You pointed it out to Steve as you left the room, your fingers mingling with his until you held his hand gently.

"Looks like it’s gonna rain,“ you commented.

Steve looked out the window by the elevator and sucked his teeth, frustrated,

"Ahh, this conflicts with our plans. I was gonna try to get us out somehow, but we can’t really do what I planned if it’s going to rain.”

"Steve, it’s okay,“ you smiled up at him genuinely, squeezing his hand and stepping into the elevator. "I’m sure whatever you had planned was great, but I’d love to spend the day inside with you in your apartment. If I’m gonna be there for the next two weeks I might as well get settled in, right?”

“You really don’t mind?” Steve asked, wanting to make sure you really were okay with it all, and you nodded.

"Yeah. When I’m with you, I have fun. I don’t mind what we do.“

Steve gathered the nerve to reach down and kiss the top of your head, the simple, sweet gesture making your body fill up with excitement like a balloon. The smile on your face only got wider. You wanted to keep count of all the kisses you shared - four thus far. You wouldn’t admit it, but this was the most whipped for a man you’d ever been.

"You’re sweet,” he praised you, and this time you were the one getting bashful, looking down at your feet.

You exited the elevator and headed into the same secluded back area as before. Steve put on quite the oblivious show, carrying both your heavy bags to the car, his muscles flexing unforgivably as he reached up and easily put them in the back of the car. Normally you would’ve offered help but you had no problem leaning against the back door, watching him work his magic. He grunted as he stored away the last of your luggage, and that set your whole body on fire. You doused it out quickly though, when he turned and faced you with an incognizant smile, looking exactly like a golden retriever puppy dog. Steve turned you on, but there was something undeniably adorable about him that made your relationship far more than just sexual.

"You ready?“ he asked, squinting slightly.

You nodded, smiling softly. As per usual, Steve opened the door for you when you got into the front passenger seat of the car. You wanted to tell him he didn’t have to, but you stayed silent, because something in you told you that there was a part of Steve that did it subconsciously, still used to tradition and the art of being a gentleman. When Steve got into the car next to you, you felt your chest swell with excitement knowing that you were on the way to his apartment, and that this was still only the beginning.

"I’m excited!” you locked eyes with Steve, and that feeling came bubbling up inside of him, that feeling that he couldn’t resist you and the bright smile of yours that matched your luminous heart.

He started driving and you looked out the window at the streets passing by, taking in all the morning glory of New York once again. Steve kept stealing glances at you, your head nearly pressed up against the window as you drove past buildings and people. Every once in a while, you’d point in amazement at a particularly expensive or tall building, or point out places you’d just die to visit. Steve noted all of it mentally, resolving to himself that he’d take you to these places somehow, even if you couldn’t necessarily be together in the public eye.

You played soft music in the car, making small talk and mindless conversation during the half hour drive from Brooklyn to Manhattan. It was just as you were pulling into the lot in the back of the apartment that it started to rain, and not just rain, it started to pour. You shrieked with excitement when you ran out of the car like a giddy child, leaving Steve no time to open the door for you. In the rain, you couldn’t help but feel free, spreading your arms out like an eagle and yipping. Steve seemed disgruntled, not wanting you to get soaked or even sick from the cold downpour, but you didn’t seem to mind.

“YN, you’re gonna get soaked!” Steve warned, opening the trunk and starting to bring both your bags out.

"That’s what she said,“ you trilled, and you knew you were being childish, but you reassured Steve that you were fine. "Steve, it hardly rains where I live. I need to have this.”

Steve shook his head, but he laughed at the reminder that you were a sunshine girl at heart,

"You’re crazy.“

"Okay, okay! I’ll help, and don’t try to get me not to,” you sauntered over to your luggage, dragging it behind you while Steve followed, chuckling to himself.

You were both soaked, and by the time you got inside to Steve’s floor, you had tracked rainwater inside his house. It dripped off the sleeves of your blouse, off your shoulders and hair. But you weren’t worried about that right now. You were glad to be inside Steve’s apartment, the place you’d be calling home for the next two weeks. His apartment was nothing like the luxury penthouse, but to you it was even better.

It fit Steve’s style, comfortable and homey, full of browns and neutrals with dark wooden floors, and almost rustic in feel. Looking at the apartment, you wouldn’t have guessed that it belonged to the same man who put you in a private jet yesterday, but it was still nice and spacious. It gave Steve that human quality, and you could tell that was probably what he was looking for.

Steve watched as you walked around the apartment, introducing yourself to the new surroundings, and closed the door behind him.

"Welcome. Hope it’s not too dull.“

You turned, still soaking, water splashing on the floor as you did so,

"Never too dull. I like it. It’s real homey.”

"Good, because we’ll be here for as long as you stay,“ Steve nodded, remembering again that you’d be here for two weeks, which honestly felt like a long time. He wanted to make sure every second was satisfying.

"That’s fine with me,” you smiled. “But uhm, I should probably change. I don’t wanna ruin your floors.”

“You won’t ruin my floor. Fair though, I should change too. We’re both soaked.” A beat passed, then mindlessly Steve added, “I can give you one of my shirts.”

You paused slightly, not because this was something you didn’t want, but because it seemed so intimate to you to wear another guy’s clothing. It meant that you would be wrapped in his scent in the form of an oversized t-shirt or whatever he planned to give you. He noticed the way your demeanor shifted and looked up, brows raised inquisitively,

"Is that okay?“

A goofy smile spread out across your cheeks and you nodded slowly,

"Yeah, perfect.”

You changed in Steve’s bedroom while he changed in the living room, and you couldn’t help but linger a bit, looking around at all his things and what was in his room. It was a simple bedroom, not much in it except his bed, dresser, night tables, and a bookshelf full of hefty books he probably hadn’t gotten to reading yet. 

On top of his bookshelf was a drawing pad, but you didn’t dare look through it - you knew how personal something like that could be. There was also a photo album with no photos actually in it, but he had tucked a bunch of pictures into the first page of the photo album. You smiled to yourself - you knew he’d probably been meaning to stock the album but just hadn’t gotten to it yet. You noted this as something you could help him do while you spent time together.

You heard Steve shuffling outside of the room, so you came out of his bedroom and walked into the living room where he seemed to be setting up, looking for something to do.

"Hey,“ he looked over his shoulder at you, occupied with one of the shelves in the living room. He looked over again, making a double take, this time with his brows furrowed and his eyes intense. ”Hey,“ he repeated with some intensity, pausing to take you all in.

He hadn’t thought much about giving you his clothes to wear but now that he saw you in them, it was like he got the wind knocked out of him. His clothes draped around you perfectly, dangling down your legs and leaving plenty of space. His hoodie practically hung to your knees, and underneath you were only wearing a pair of cotton gray booty shorts. And not to mention, you had ditched the bra, so he could see the outline of your breasts through the hoodie he gave you, nipples poking through. 

He was trying not to be so juvenile about the fact that he could practically feel all of you through your clothes - his clothes - if he were to touch you, but man did you pull it off. Besides, you had obsessed over the smell of his hoodie when you put it on, you wanted to bury your face in it the rest of the day, but you settled for putting the hood over your head instead.

And anyway, you weren’t immune from the thirsting. You too looked Steve up and down, dragging your eyes along his figure, which was especially apparent in the t-shirt he wore that seemed to cling onto his muscles just the right way. And who could forget the grey sweatpants that hung almost explicitly low on his hips.

You both were thinking the same thing: "You have no idea.”

You cocked your head to the side, your voice coming out quieter than you’d intended,

“Hi.”

“Uh,” Steve cleared his throat, turning back to the bookshelf. “Sit! I was thinking we could play board games, maybe some cards.”

“I’m down!” you sat with a grunt on the pillow that was by the end of Steve’s long coffee table in front of his couch.

“Cool, so I’ve got Scrabble, Sorry, Uno…”

Steve went on with the choices and you eventually settled on Uno. Towards the beginning you said it was a game of luck, but when you won the first two rounds, you started to spout knowledge about strategy and how Uno was a game of supreme genius. It was all in good humor, but Steve was actually competitive like you. 

You griped at him, warning that you didn’t want him to let you win, and he actually laughed at you, replying: “Come on, doll, who do you think you’re playing against? We aren’t friends right now.” Steve’s competitiveness was quite fun to see up close and even a turn on. It was game on. You were five games of Uno and two and a half board games in when you yawned, and Steve’s ears seemed to perk up as he looked at you.

“Tired?” he asked, and your eyebrows came together, confused. You didn’t even realize that you had yawned.

"Mm-mm. Tired of beating you, maybe.“

Steve snorted, shaking his head,

"You’re hilarious.”

“Right?” you teased, making a face like it was obvious.

"I do think we should take a break though,“ Steve sat up and dusted his hands off on his pants, and you refrained from making another sore winner joke, following suit and getting up yourself. "I can make you some tea and we can maybe watch a movie.”

“Sounds good to me,” you grinned, following him into the kitchen.

It was still raining outside, and the rain ran down the small window in the kitchen behind the sink. You stood at the window, folding your arms against the counter and placing your chin on top, gazing outside as the rain poured. It was a dreary but cozy day, and who better to spend it inside with than Steve, playing board games with him in his hoodie?

After putting the kettle on, Steve glanced over at you, your arms perched on the counter, looking out at the rain falling before you. He smiled silently. You were so cute, and he loved catching you in wholesome moments like this, when you were all to yourself, like no one else was there. He got a good scope of what your life was like when you weren’t together through Snapchat and everything else, but now you were under such specific circumstances. In particular, you were with him. But in this moment, he could have a real life glimpse of what you were like when you were truly alone.

He went to go pass by you, and you stood up, turning on your feet to face him, trapping the two of you between the island counter behind Steve and the sink counter behind you. You were so close together, Steve hovering you while his eyes searched your face, before settling on your own eyes.

"Hey,“ you grinned softly.

"Hey,” Steve replied, dimples showing when he smiled and you both leaned in, closing the little space between the two of you and letting your lips brush together and then flush, skin against skin.

The bristle of Steve’s growing beard tickled your chin as you pressed your body against his, this time purposefully grinding your waist into the growing bulge as you deepened the kiss. Your lips together were soft and moist, mouths sharing the same breath. The rain seemed to grow even louder then, pattering hard against the window behind you, the skies darkening ever so slowly. You tilted your head, then Steve turned his, your noses sweeping against one another as you tried to find the perfect placement, the perfect pace, settling on this slow, passionate embrace of your lips.

Last night the kiss had been desperate, almost hot and feverish although slow. This time the sensation was as if you were accustomed to the feeling of your lips against each other’s, learning the curvatures of the other’s mouths. It was unhurried and sensual, needing more but not digging desperately. It was just apparent what you both wanted.

And you were all too wrapped up in it, your breaths becoming heavier and filling in the silence outside of the sound of the rain pounding on the window. His hands gripped the small of your back tighter, pulling you in closer to him, while yours explored both sides of his face. Your touch sent the most pleasant churning sensation down into his stomach, making that bulge in his sweatpants even more apparent. A quiet, faint moan left your lips, the sound of it sending Steve into a frenzy. You could feel him gearing to press into you more, telling you without words what you both wanted, revving to kiss you harder, until the shrill whistle of the kettle resounded in the room.

Five times you’d kissed now.

You both pulled away, alarmed, but Steve still kept his hands on your waist, his erection still poking furiously against you. Just the bulge tucked away in his pants knocked the wind out of you - you couldn’t imagine what it would feel like inside you. But now all those hot and heavy feelings were slowly sloughing away as you returned to innocence, feeling sort of flustered at how quick you’d both been to try to veer this congregation of your lips into something more. 

Since that morning, something had been in the air. Maybe it was the fact that you were inside all day and it was raining outside, so it made you feel like there was nothing better to do than have sex, but whatever it was, it was getting to the both of you. And soon there would only be one thing left to do.

You cleared your throat, your voice settled although your face was frazzled, and you could hear the smile in your voice,

"You should get that.“

Steve seemed to snap out of it at last, blinking fast as he peeled away from you, nodding strongly,

"Right.”

You bit your lip and sat up on the kitchen sink while Steve prepared the tea. As much as you wanted to help and be close to him, you had to cool off first. You and Steve both knew what you wanted, and you knew if you let it happen, it would simply happen. But you each wanted to hold it out just a little while longer. It was just a question of how much longer that would actually be.

It seemed that you had enough time to compose yourself while Steve made the tea, asking you faintly how many spoonfuls of sugar you liked and if you wanted milk or cream, and you replied with your preferences. Steve walked over, handing you your tea, and leaned against the island behind him while you swung your legs back and forth on the counter in front of him.

He reached out his mug,

"A toast.“

"To rainy days,” you decided.

"To rainy days.“

You sat in silence while you took the first sips of your tea, delightfully warm and settling in your stomach in just the right way.

"How about… I order some pizza, and we watch a movie,” Steve suggested.

"Deal,“ you bit your lip, grinning at him and hopping down from the counter.

The pizza came once you finished your tea, and during that time you had both been sitting together on the couch watching junk TV, like those fake court shows that you found yourselves unusually invested in.

Steve set the pizza on the coffee table in front of the couch and opened up the box, and you leaned in to give it a whiff.

“Okay. I have a… kinda stupid question,” you said after a little while, while Steve put pizza slices on plates for the both of you.

"There are no stupid questions here.“

"I know, but it’s stupid anyway,” you bit down, wringing your hands together a bit nervously - you didn’t want to come off the wrong way.

Steve noticed how your whole demeanor changed as you turned towards him, cross legged and wringing your hands together, and he couldn’t help but chuckle, trying to calm you down,

"What are you about to ask me, doll?“

You laughed at how weird you realized you were behaving, and shook your head,

"I was just wondering, you know. Do you ever, like… have to diet?”

Steve actually burst out laughing, and you couldn’t help but giggle along. You knew you were silly to think that he would actually be upset with you asking him something like that. And as he was laughing, you really relished the sound of his laughter. He’d chuckled before here and there and it brought you little bursts of joy, but here he was giving you a genuine belly laugh, sonorous and fully amused. It was nice to see him loosen up a little bit. He finally regained his composure, but a hand was still on his belly as he shook his head.

"I can’t believe that was what you were asking me. I thought it was gonna be something difficult and soul searching the way you were acting,“ he teased you, but then he placed his hands over yours. "You know you can ask me anything, doll. I won’t get offended.”

“Promise?”

“You have my word. Besides, I don’t think I could ever get mad at you. To answer your question though… I guess I have to regulate myself. But, you know, the serum… gosh, it sounds so weird to say that… it makes things a lot easier. I can’t just pig out all the time though, and I still have to train. ’S not something I worry about too much, but it’s not like I’m eating junk food that often anyway.”

“Oh,” you nodded, actually intrigued to hear this information. You didn’t want to treat him like a Captain America encyclopedia, but you, like thousands of others, had very curious questions about him. It was just your luck that you could actually ask him these things, the most reliable source there was. “That makes sense.”

“Uh huh,” Steve passed you a plate, topped with the cheesiest pizza you’d ever seen - it was true, New Yorkers didn’t play with their pizza. “You know you don’t have to diet though, right? Not if you don’t want to.”

Your heart warmed at Steve’s unwarranted kindness. Of course he would think you were wondering this for yourself, and the fact that he checked in just in case made you want to squeal.

"You’re so lovely,“ you couldn’t help but reach over and stroke his cheek before letting your hand fall back in your own lap. "I know. I really just got curious, that’s all.”

"It’s real cute,“ Steve commented, laying back on the couch. "Now, what movie do you wanna watch?”

"Hmm… well have you ever seen Harry Potter?“ you asked, your voice going up a pitch as you got suddenly very excited, realizing that if things went as planned and Steve liked the Harry Potter movies, you could spend your two weeks binge watching and rewatching them on your inside days, and watching even more movies with him that he hadn’t seen.

"I haven’t. It’s been written down in my little book for so long,” Steve said, not realizing he let the existence of this “little book” slip.

"Little book?“ you raised your eyebrows, and he turned his head to face you, smiling sheepishly.

"It’s a little lame, but I keep a bunch of pop culture stuff that people recommend to me in this little notebook. It’s how I keep up with the times. God, I sound like an old man.”

Your heart soared at the knowledge of this notebook’s purpose. You found it so endearing that Steve kept a record of the things people recommended to him, even if it was a little sad that he still felt like he had to adjust. You wanted to pour suggestions into this little notebook and treat it like a bucket list in the two weeks you had together, without adding too much pressure on him. One of the things on that bucket list would for sure be to watch the Harry Potter movies in their entirety.

"No!“ you nearly growled, your voice raising louder than you had expected, rushing closer to him and putting your hands on both his shoulders. Steve’s eyes were wide as he watched you, not expecting this sudden surge in energy. ”Not lame, Steve.“

You often restricted him from deprecating himself, always reminding him who he was as both a figure and as a human being, and he appreciated that. But this time around you seemed extremely ardent and sincere, adding some bass in your voice as you tried to get him to see.

"Okay,” Steve nodded slowly, still wide-eyed and a bit shocked.

You blinked hard.

"Not lame.“ You realized you were being intense, and relaxed a bit, but Steve had no idea how happy the knowledge of that list made you just now, and you never wanted him to feel like it was silly or lame. It was just a reminder that he was in a world so strange and new to him, and he was making the effort to fit in. That was all that mattered for you. "I’m sorry, it’s just… I really find that very sweet. Literally never stop doing that.”

Steve grinned, patting your knee to reassure you,

“I promise I won’t stop.”

“Good… 'cuz if you do I’m just gonna make you a new list,” you smirked, and you settled back down, Steve shaking his head playfully as he put on the first movie.

Your eyes glowed with excitement as the opening began, the notorious fanfare twinkling in your ears, and you scooched in close to him, wanting to cuddle. He obliged and placed his broad arm over your shoulders, pulling a plush blanket over the both of you while you snuggled your cheek into his chest. You’d cuddled the night before but you hadn’t had the chance to really take it in. 

Now you were doing just that, and it felt so right being so close to Steve, being so laid up like this. It was romantic. It was what couples did. And although Steve’s heart was beating, trying to make sure he was doing every little thing right, you settled in immediately, your head on his chest calming his pulsating heart.

He was quite invested in the movie. In all honesty, he’d heard lots of good things about the Harry Potter series, but he never took the time, because he never had the time to watch them. He was glad you seemed adamant on getting him to watch the movies and catch up on all the references he missed out on. And watching the movies was entertaining. But even better than just watching the movies was getting to be around you. 

You snuggled into Steve like you were just meant to be tucked under him, and you weren’t afraid to get close to him, your head on his heart and your legs in between his. Steve kept peeking down at you, your eyes glued animatedly to the TV as Harry, Ron and Hermione explored the dark halls of Hogwarts Castle. You even quoted the characters at times. And honestly, your commentary was the best part of all.

You spent four hours sitting through the first two movies, just huddled in together, away from the rain, the empty box of pizza sitting in front of you. You felt safe with each other in the dim lighting of Steve’s living room, alone together in the most intimate of ways. And while it was wholesome, being so close and locked in together was sure to make those feelings from earlier spring up again. It was in the background of both of your minds, though you each worked so hard to keep the movie and the innocent touching at the forefront.

Steve didn’t want to initiate anything until he knew you were ready, because he didn’t want it to feel rushed. The both of you knew that your relationship was built on this very sexual and physical basis, so you weren’t exactly shying away from it. But there was a difference in doing it online and doing it in real life, and this was something you both understood without having to say it aloud. So you were each tentative, because you both wanted it, but you weren’t sure when it should happen or how to say it explicitly.

Being locked in like this the whole day, though, when it was so dark and rainy outside, definitely got you both in the mood quicker. Your desires were unspoken, but they drifted in the air when you were together, even during these innocuous, wholesome moments. It was why when you got up from the couch to get ready for bed, you had this one thing hounding your brain, fighting to come up to the forefront. You tried to tell yourself you were just being a horny 20 something, but god did you want him. In every sense of the word you wanted him, and it made you feel a lot better about wanting to get physical with him. There were actually strings attached, and you wouldn’t have accepted that if it were anybody else. But with Steve you were glad the connection went beyond the physical.

But that physical connection? You wanted to plug into it very soon.

"I think I’m gonna take a shower,“ you said after you got up from the couch, stretching a bit.

Steve’s hoodie stretched up your legs, showing the tiny pair of shorts you were wearing underneath. You followed Steve’s eyes as they raked up your thighs all the way to your face. Flustered, he replied,

"Yeah, that’s- that’s fine. I’ll uh, clean up, and we can go to bed.”

"That sounds great,“ you smiled warmly, again feeling that cozy surge in your tummy and heart that reminded you that you had Steve all to yourself, that you were doing these intimate things like sharing the bed and wearing his clothes, cuddling while watching movies on a rainy day.

It all honestly felt like the beginning of a relationship, without all the pressures of a typical relationship. The uniqueness of your situation made a lot of things different, but that didn’t always mean harder.

You had made up your mind about the physical intimacy, though. It was why you snuck that lingerie set into the bathroom when you got ready for your shower.

As you showered, you mulled over your mind how you would approach Steve. You didn’t want to catch him entirely off guard or take him by surprise. Your confidence reassured you that you hadn’t been reading the signs wrong, that this was something you both wanted. You still wanted to approach this the right way. And although you weren’t exactly nervous, you hadn’t had sex in a long time, hadn’t felt the touch of someone else’s hands on you more intimately for a while.

But, neither had Steve. In fact, he was sitting in his bed outside the bathroom attached to his room, his jaw clenched as he stared at the space ahead of him waiting for you to come out, his mind returning to that heated moment you shared earlier. He was a bit embarrassed at the way he’d reacted so quickly, but amazed at how fast you turned him on without even really trying. And he knew that it was in both of your minds, and he was thinking of how and when he could bring it up to you respectfully. He was beginning to realize that these things were easier online.

You took a good look at yourself in the mirror after you had changed into the set Steve bought you, and honestly, you were digging it. You figured you’d just approach him outright, let him think about it and make it clear what you wanted - what you both wanted. You had done so much together through a screen. You couldn’t wait for that to become real much longer. Steve had even said it himself: "I can’t wait to fuck you.” That moment was emblazoned in your mind at this point.

The set fit you perfectly. You had tried it on only once before, in front of the mirror in your apartment, admiring how it fit your body, taking hundreds of pictures but not sending them to anyone, not even Steve. He’d see it when he saw it, you had decided.

But looking in the mirror now, you felt like you were on fire. Steve had picked this out himself, so you knew it would drive him crazy. The white color of the cut out lingerie bodysuit was translucent against your skin so tantalizingly, and the way the straps at the bottom hugged up your waist highlighted the shape of your hips so well. And even though it was cut out, it left just enough to the imagination. The pink satin robe over it was just an accent, left slightly open just for show.

You bit down on your lip, doing your final primp and polish before you took in a deep breath and walked out.

"Steve,“ you said as you stood in front of the bathroom door, facing him in his bed.

When Steve turned to face you, his entire face and body changed. He hadn’t been expecting this at all, and what made it even better was that you were wearing the lingerie he bought for you. The thought of you being in something he bought you made some part of his brain light up, the part that discovered new likings. 

And god, you looked gorgeous. Your body could be seen in just the right way in the piece, and he couldn’t forget the way it just barely covered your breasts, and the flesh right between your thighs. But more than surprised, he was turned on. That was why he wasted no time like he usually might have by being bashful and googly eyed. He was all those things, but he wanted you the most out of all that.

"Wow,” Steve said, dragging his words out. He turned so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyebrows raised as he looked you up and down, taking you all in.

You giggled, feeling Steve’s eyes burning into you.

You realized how long it had been since someone looked at you that way in person. Almost every night of the week, you had all eyes on you in your shows. But it just wasn’t the same. There was never that special feeling. And with Steve, you knew his reactions were genuine.

And the look in Steve’s eyes, hungry in the needy sense and hungry in the commanding sense, nearly made your knees buckle. Just the thought of what was coming next seemed to have you throbbing. He seemed to have no problem making eye contact this time around, there was no sense that he was being shy.

"You look… fucking amazing,“ Steve breathed out, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding in.

And while you knew it was true, some part of you had you folding your hands together as if you were hoping he’d think that.

"Yeah?” you asked, tilting your head and slowly shrugging off the robe, letting it drop to your waist.

Steve’s breath got caught in his throat as you fully revealed the lingerie beneath, the robe pooling around your arms and waist. All he could do was nod before he found his voice again, gulping,

“Yeah.” He beckoned you to him, outstretching his arm. “Come here, doll.”

You inched towards him, unafraid despite how much the pounding in your chest may have indicated that you weren’t. You understood your power, knew how to utilize your spectacular sexual prowess. You may have both been a little rough when it came to real life interactions, but your chemistry together was explosive. It would knock any awkwardness out of the park, or enhance it in a way that made the experience a lot less nerve wracking.

You stood in front of him, looking down at him with lust in your hooded eyes as you took in all of him.

"Take that off for me?“ Steve’s hand brushed against the robe. 

His voice was low and teetering on the edge of desperate. You soaked in all that need, wasting no time with teasing like you usually might have, because you wanted this just as much as he did.

You took it off, letting it fall to your feet on the floor. Removing the robe showed off your legs, smooth and elongated. He took in a sharp breath, his chest hurting from how badly he wanted you. He inched his hands forward, resting them on your waist and running his hands up and down the sheer fabric of the lingerie piece. The feeling of his hands on you was so different from the feeling before, because you knew exactly what was going to happen next, the realization burning in your stomach.

Steve took his time with you, his hands on you making it so hard for you to wait. He saw the way your eyes glimmered with desire and he grinned almost devilishly.

"I know, puppy,” he called you, and his hands lowered on your hips to settle you down onto his lap. Despite how wide his legs were, you straddled him with ease. He nudged his knee into your clothed center, pushing your legs even further and making you let out a loud huff. Steve let his fingers run along your cheeks as his eyes searched yours. “So goddamn beautiful.”

"Steve,“ you panted, and he leaned in, pressing his lips against yours and letting your lips meet in yet another kiss. Six times you’d kissed now, and you weren’t counting all those cute pecks on the couch earlier.

His lips sunk into yours with ease, both your mouths wet and hungry for kissing. Your bodies seemed to meld into each other’s, neither of you very conscious of your movement, just knowing that you were getting closer and closer to each other. You could feel Steve breathing hard against your face, and the touch of his hands on your body felt like they were burning prints into your hot skin. You moaned into his mouth when his hands traveled down your back to cup your ass, almost tentatively, like he didn’t know what to do with it.

You wanted to encourage him to go for it, and you succeeded, because he squeezed the sensitive flesh, kneading it in his hands which were larger than life. You could feel his cock through his boxers, closer than you’d ever felt it before, and you couldn’t help but whimper when you rolled your hips against his length, because the friction was so unbelievable.

Steve’s eyes nearly shot open when you rolled your clothed cunt against the erection still growing in his boxers, forgetting how apparent it was that he was hard, and forgetting that you would actually do something about it. Too many times he’d been left to handle things on his own. The fact that you were actually there to help him release all that tension got him going like nothing else. And he could feel the shape of you against his cock, feel your slick folds beneath what you wore like it was your bare flesh. He grunted in your mouth, eventually opening his eyes where they hung low, pulling away so your eyes met.

"You do know what you’re doing, right?” he asked, not as a warning or an expression of doubt but as a confirmation that you knew the things that you were making him feel.

You rolled your eyes playfully, your smile lazy and hazy eyed,

“No, Steve, I’m grinding against your dick for no reason.”

When you put it that way, it made Steve blush, returning to that bashful disposition for just a minute before he came back to the space he was in again.

"I-“

"Shh,” you shushed him lightly, putting your finger over his lips, making him look up at you with almost innocent eyes. You shook your head gently. “Don’t talk.”

You leaned in again, taking control of the situation as your fingers squeezed at tufts of his hair, pulling gently and summoning soft groans from his lips into yours, kissing him harder this time. Hard enough that you pushed him back onto the bed, him following under your lead, overwhelmed with the feeling of your body up against him, laying his entire body down.

You kept on kissing, hot and heavy and full of touching, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy the craving you both had, no matter how many times you brushed against Steve’s cock, no matter how much Steve’s hand creeped past your ass and his fingers brushed against your core, which was practically soaking through your lingerie. You pulled away from his lips with a pop sound, your face suddenly emerging from being buried in his as you straddled Steve’s lap, who was now shirtless and starting to get a bit hot.

“Steve,” you breathed heavily, trying to catch your breath. You needed to say it aloud. “I… wanna have sex with you. I just… I think we’re both ready.”

Steve knew that was what you wanted but he wasn’t sure when either of you would actually advance things further. You watched him as he blinked, biting down on his lip.

"You’re- you’re sure?“

"I need it,” you practically whined without meaning to, and fuck, Steve couldn’t say no even if he wanted to - how could he when whining sounded so good coming from your lips, swollen and wet from kissing.

His eyes nearly glazed over at the sight of you on top of him, in that flimsy little piece, so frustrated and so needy, almost pouting. There was no way he could try to tempt you even more - he didn’t have it in him to wait by teasing you.

"You really can’t wait? You need it that bad?“ he drawled, not because he wanted to taunt you, but because he wanted to hear how badly you wanted him, the way you expressed it on camera.

You couldn’t resist, not when he was running his thumb along your bare thighs the way that he was, looking up at you with a sort of unintentionally cocky smirk set on his lips.

"I need you, Stevie,” your face gave it all away, brows furrowed and your eyes full of desperation. You rolled your hips against him again like you were trying to prove it, nearly paralyzing yourself with the pleasure you felt just from the outline of his cock. Your legs shook and your jaw clenched. The sound of your pouty voice was almost agonizing. “You need me too.”

Steve groaned at the repeated feeling, teeth grit as he decided to take matters into his own hands. You landed on your back neatly as he flipped you over with ease, now hovering over you. He was big and strong and his build was intimidating. He covered you completely and then some, and you quaked at how his body over yours almost cast a shadow. There was no innocence left in Steve’s eyes, only burning desire and a need to control and be controlled. All that was running through his mind was thoughts of pleasuring you, making you cum around his tongue, his fingers, and his cock. Words couldn’t express how much he wanted to bring you to that point and actually be able to touch you.

"Fuck,“ he uttered out, his throat tight and constricted. "I need to get you out of this.”

A part of Steve wanted to rip it off, and another part of him wanted to keep some control of his senses and savor the way it looked on you. But he settled for burying his face in your neck, kissing you and leaving tiny little love bites to remind the both of you of this night. Steve’s lips against your skin had you feeling so sensitive, the way he toyed at your neck and earlobe, making you shudder into his ears. Your hands flew to his back and gripped the tight muscle there, exploring the broad surface. The taste of your skin, that light sheen of sweat mixed with your natural taste had Steve aching for more - all he wanted was to bury his face in your pussy right now, then bury even more of him inside of you.

He moved onto your chest, peeling the top part off with ease, reeling back to take a good look at you. You let out a sharp intake at the feeling of the flush of air against your tits, realizing how exposed you were to Steve, who seemed ultra focused on the curve of your breasts. You looked so beautiful, half naked, writhing underneath him, waiting for what was next. 

He took one of your breasts into his mouth, kissing and suckling at your nipple and making you cry out for the first time, your eyes shutting closed at the feeling of his warm lips closing against the flesh. He carried on with this until your nipples were hard stiff in his mouth, reveling in the taste of you and the noises his mouth made against you, as well as all the pleasured breaths that left your mouth as your chest rose and fell.

"So fucking beautiful, baby,“ he whispered kissing down the expanse of your tummy until he reached the happy trail.

You wondered if he could feel the butterflies swarming in your stomach at the sound of his praise. You watched through blurred eyes as Steve’s head ducked further down your stomach, reaching that v-line that was almost covered by the bottom half of your lingerie. You almost moaned when he peeled that off with his teeth, looking dead at you as he did so.

"Steve, fuck, you swear you’re not that experienced and then you do shit like this,” you panted, though you couldn’t stop your amusement from breaking through.

He laughed quietly, but in his blue eyes there was more dominance than there was cheeriness. 

"I do my research,“ was all he said, the assertive nature of it all sending those butterflies swarming again.

He finally looked down at the bare flesh that was between your legs, a low groan escaping his throat as he did so. Your pussy was dripping wet and glistening, and though he’d seen it onscreen, absolutely nothing compared to the way it looked in real life. All he could think was that he was where he belonged, in between your legs. The sight of you made his cock twitch, precum practically leaking out of the tip and probably leaving a dark wet spot in his boxers.

You whimpered when you saw him looking at your pussy as it pulsed around nothing but air, needing him to say something, do something, anything. His eyes flashed up to you momentarily and he smiled slightly at the needy pout on your face, then back to your soaking pussy right in front of him. He couldn’t say that he was all confident — he had a lot of things on his mind because he wanted to make sure his inexperience wouldn’t hinder your pleasure. But some part of him also knew he’d make you scream.

"Such a pretty pussy,” he grumbled, and reached his fingers out, gathering slick from the very entrance of your slit and running it between your folds, eliciting a gasp from you as your toes curled from the unexpected sensation.

"Fucking hell, Steve,“ you moaned, watching as he stuck his fingers in his mouth, tasting just the very beginnings of you and seeming to savor it.

He wished that he could lock away in his mind the noises he made come out of you, and keep on his tongue the taste of you. The sound of his name on your lips was so enticing.

"That good?” he asked, genuinely wanting to make sure - he was still so sweet even with his head between your legs.

You ran your fingers through his hair, praising him like he was a good dog,

"Mhm. So good.“

He tried and failed to hide the almost giddy grin that appeared on his face, then began to kiss and suck around your inner thighs, a relaxing touch that made your head loll and your eyes roll back in your head. Then that kissing at your thighs, those wet and chaste butterfly kisses became so much closer, his lips wrapping around your clit and giving it a soft kiss. He looked up at you for reassurance,

"That okay?”

"Fuck, yes, Steve,“ you cried out at that zinging sensation, desperate for him to really get going. "More.”

You pulled at his hair, which seemed to be a good indicator of what you wanted, and he smirked to himself, satisfied, and dove right in, not wasting anymore time.

The sound that came out of your mouth when Steve buried his face in your pussy, the tip of his tongue dragging along your entrance as he kept his lips suckling at your clit, was probably the most angelic thing Steve had ever heard. It had been so long since you’d been granted the simple luxury of getting your pussy eaten, and Steve was proving more and more by the minute that he was going to provide you with that luxury and more. The sounds you made egged him on, and he let that gentle prodding of his tongue become lapping, using his whole tongue against your wet entrance and lapping away, reveling in your bittersweet taste.

You writhed around his head, your back already arching up off the bed. You were feeling everything - Steve’s mouth at your throbbing clit, his wide tongue lapping fat stripes up your slit which was coated in your thick arousal, the bristles of his growing beard against your inner thighs, the feeling of his hands at your thighs, spreading your legs apart the perfect amount for him.

“Oh,” you moaned, and Steve moaned back, the vibrations of his moan running right up your core. “Mm, fuck, Stevie. Feels so fucking good.”

Steve breathed out heavily, his hot breath against your core adding to the many sensations you were feeling at the moment. With each movement Steve made, your hand tugging at his hair grew tighter, only revving him up further. He wanted to make every inch of your body quake with pleasure and know that he was the reason why, he wanted to drag out all the moans he could from you until you lost your voice.

When he pulled his tongue and mouth away you whimpered, but he was right there making up for it, running his fingers along your clit in slow, tempting circles. He seemed to understand the way your pleasure operated right away, seemed to know exactly how to hold you over until you got to that point. And when he looked up, his beard and his lips glinting with your arousal, it was to your amazement that you remembered this wasn’t just any old guy, but Captain America who was eating you out with such finesse. If that wasn’t a sexual feat, you didn’t know what was. Steve’s eyes seemed feral with a glint of concentration, studying your face and the way your chest heaved up and down.

“Feels nice, doesn’t it, doll?” he asked, dragging his fingers up and down on your clit and teasing your slit, making your face flex in a needy frown.

All you can do is let out a strangled moan as he keeps teasing with his fingers, running them along your pulsing slit until he dips the pad of one of his fingers in, feeling around until he slips it in entirely, earning a slight moan from you as his finger slides in. He savored the feeling of your walls, so warm and wet, hugging his finger, wanting to duplicate the feeling around his cock - but not yet. And fuck, just Steve’s one finger is huge, more filling than your own fingers could be, reaching inside of you deeper than you could ever manage. You absolutely squealed when he dipped another finger inside, having to stretch you out a slight amount to even fit another finger. He raised his brows at the effort, realizing again how big every part of him was compared to you.

Then he found a pace with his fingers, pushing them in and out slowly, gently, scissoring you open and stretching you out as much as his fingers could. You moaned as he fingered you properly, thrusting his fingers in deep and slow, in and out and curving upwards at the spongy bit of flesh inside of you that made you squirm each time he pressed his fingers against it. He studied your reactions, probing at that spot inside of you with just the right amount of pressure once he understood your body.

"Yes,“ you mewl when he added his lips into the mix, lapping and sucking away at your clit, his own spit mingling with your arousal as the combination seemed to drip off his tongue and down his own chin.

He looked up at you, his eyes darker and lustier than you’d ever seen them, and you whimpered, combing your fingers through his hair in praise until he looked back down and closed his eyes, soft lashes pressing against his face.

He continued with this, drawing all kinds of moans and groans from your sweating throat until he lost all technique, his tongue sloppily lapping against you while he started to fuck you with his fingers, still just as deep but growing faster now. He was messy with it, losing himself in the taste of you and the feeling of your throbbing heat, closing his eyes and just going to town on you. He was really getting into the groove of pleasuring you, disregarding technicality and neatness, which was the only request you had for him: to let go. His only focus was getting you to come undone, and when Steve made a plan, he stuck to it.

"Oh, right there,” the feeling of his tongue and his fingers against that spot had you spiraling in a good way — a sated moan bubbled up your throat, your hand gripping his hair hard, bringing a satisfying stinging sensation to his scalp.

Your orgasm came fast, your toes literally curling and your knees coming up, your feet sliding against the sheets. An open-mouthed, pleased moan escaped from your lips, white flashing behind your shut eyes as Steve drew the first orgasm of the night from you. And honestly, just the feeling of you coming on Steve’s face was almost enough to make himself come, but he held back.

"Oh!“ you exclaimed, the only word that could escape your strained chest, trying to make sense of everything that Steve was bringing out of you.

Even as you were coming, Steve didn’t stop, still lapping away at your juices and fucking his fingers in and out of you at an absurd speed, drawing out your pleasure as long as he could. But you were quite honestly winded, not sure how much more of this you could take.

"S-Steve,” you muttered, garnering the energy to stutter his name.

"Mm?“ he hummed, his lips still against your clit, the sensation making you come again. It seemed like it shouldn’t have been possible for you to come twice in such a short amount of time, but Steve’s fingers still buried inside of you begged to differ. He drew back right when that happened, his brows furrowed in amazement as he watched your arousal pool out from you, his head pounding at the squelching sound your pussy made when his fingers slid out of you. "Oh, sweetheart. You’re so wet.”

He looked up at you, and the combination of the look in his eyes and the crease in his brow would’ve seemed concerned if it weren’t for the fact that he was just genuinely amazed and surprised that you came twice in such a short amount of time.

"Mmph,“ you humphed, coming down and blinking, dazed.

"You okay, doll?” he asked, laughing quietly.

You were still shaking, still in recovery, but at least you could speak now, loosening the grip on his hair and beckoning him towards you. He gladly hovered back over you, face to face with you yet again. He blushed at the amount of slick he could feel dripping all down your thighs and legs against his own legs when he hovered over you.

“Come here,” you cooed, awe shining in your eyes.

Steve leaned in and let you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him, sweet and slow, an appreciation kiss for what he’d done. You could taste all of you on just his lips. When he pulled away, he found your eyes boring deep into his, serious again.

“I’m ready,” you bit down on your lip, and your voice became quieter. “I need you inside me. Please?”

"Oh, princess,“ Steve cupped your chin, and face, grazing his thumb along your lips. "You don’t have to ask.”

You held Steve’s gaze, comprehending all the absolute adoration in his eyes, all of it held there for you.

“So glad I got you here all to myself, doll,” he murmured lovingly, vast hands stroking your face.

You smiled,

"Me too.“

He took in a deep breath as he stood on his knees between your legs, pulling down his boxers and letting his cock spring out. You’d seen it before, only once, and it was huge in person, veiny and throbbing, curved just the right way. The tip was leaking with his precum, the entire shaft engorged with a particular longing. You almost felt bad, you couldn’t imagine how long it had been aching, because it was especially hard. 

He noticed the bewildered look on your face. You were sort of prepping yourself with the knowledge that that was going inside of you. He couldn’t help but wrap his hand around the shaft, stroking his cock slowly, only allowing that slight tug as a form of relief.

"You got me,” he grunted, holding back just for you.

"Let me,“ you practically commanded, reaching forward to take him in your hands and feel him for yourself, biting down on your lip as you indulged in the feeling of your hands wrapped around him.

He took in a sharp intake of breath when you started slowly stroking up and down, but as much as he loved the feeling, he pushed your hand away at some point, shaking his head,

"Later. Right now I need to be inside you.”

You couldn’t stop the sinful grin that spread across your lips when he said that and dove back down, hovering over you yet again. His forehead brushed against yours as he positioned himself at your slit, just the feeling of his tip poking against you making you whimper loudly.

"Shit,“ he hissed, teasing your folds in earnest now. He used his hands to guide himself, sliding the tip of his cock up and down between your folds, which were soaked in your arousal. This alone could make him come. "You’re dripping, sweetheart.”

You whined, bucking your hips up as you tried to get him inside of you for real, and he snapped out of it and realigned to your pleasure.

“’S okay,” he reassured you, and connected his lips to yours yet again, in that sweet, heart wrenching way because you only wanted one thing. “I got you,” he promised, finally sliding the tip in.

Just at the feeling of the tip buried inside of your needy cunt, your eyes shot open and you looked up at Steve, who was doing everything in his power to take it slow. Your hand flung to his shoulder and you nodded, your voice faint and coming out in whispers like you were reaching for something,

“More.”

He slid in even further, going past the tip. He wasn’t even halfway in, and his shaft nearly filled you up, making you squeak out in pleasure. Meanwhile, a knot was nearly formed at Steve’s temple as he focused on going further and not letting go regardless of how good you felt around him, tight and slowly being stretched out. He cherished the feeling of his cock going deeper inside of you, how wet and warm you felt, walls closing around him like your pussy was designed for him. It was more than sexual, it was euphoric, making his mind go blank as you wrapped around him so graciously.

You on the other hand, were scrunching your eyes shut, overwhelmed with pleasure and need. You wanted him all inside of you, but you were adjusting to the feeling, his cock thick and long and filling you up without even being all the way inside of you. You were silent, besides the whimpers that left your quivering lips as he pushed deeper inside of you, slowly and with the steadiest hips he could manage.

“You okay, doll?“ he questioned, glancing up from where you were connected and at your face instead.

"Mhm,” you opened your eyes and nodded, though you were blinking away tears - the pleasure was insurmountable, twinged with a bit of pain as you tried to get used to his length.

You were no virgin, but with how big Steve was, of course you needed the guidance. He seemed to understand that without having to communicate it, which made you want to joke about how cocky he was being without even realizing. But mainly, you were just appreciative.

You kept your hand at his back for comfort, your nails lightly scratching the sweaty skin that felt like an expanse of new land to you.

"Almost there, princess, I promise,“ Steve’s voice was low and restrained, but he was trying to reassure you, stroking your jaw with his thumb and kissing gently at your neck, sending shivers down your spine at the sensation.

He finally bottomed out, pushing all the way inside of you, and you cried out in ecstasy, your nails digging little half moons into his back. Your hands relished the feeling of the muscles in his back flexing as he made slow, tentative movements. You could feel yourself clenching around him, your walls stretched out to grow accustomed to him - not just his cock, but him. You had to adjust your whole body to him, this masterpiece of a man, and Steve felt the same way. You looked beautiful, a luster of sweat that could easily be mistaken for a natural glow painted on your body and face, your puckered nipples brushing against his own chest. His hips dug into your own as he buried himself inside of you, forcing your legs to spread out.

He liked the way he had this sort of control over you, couldn’t deny the fiendish delight he got from seeing you underneath him, so fucked out and almost delicate in that way, having to accommodate to his size. But larger than that sinful delight was the way his heart swelled at your beauty, and the fact that the thing he had longed for so greatly was finally catching up to him. The sound of your moans, whimpers, all those little pants you let out without realizing, he could finally hear in real life, in the safe haven of his own ears. 

And being so close to you felt incredibly intimate - it didn’t feel like he was hooking up with someone for a quick intake of pleasure, which was what he had sought you out for at the start of it all. It felt like he was with someone who he belonged with.

And he was inside of you. The sound of your strangled cries brought him back to real life. Not only was Steve big, his dick had the perfect curve, reaching depths and angles that no one had ever reached before - only your toys had this power, and it was still incomparable to him. He hadn’t moved, he was just letting his body sink into you and become acclimated to the delirious feeling of being all the way inside of you, unforgivably deep, your weeping pussy throbbing around his length.

"Fuck,” he let out a throaty groan, his voice harsh and raspy. His mind had gone blank again, focused on only one thing. Your pussy was so tight, holding onto him like a perfect, firm handshake. He had to choke out his words, so enveloped in ecstasy. “That’s… so-”

"Mm, Steve,“ you blinked away tears, finally acclimated to the feeling of him all the way inside of you, needing him to move. "Move, please. I can take it.”

"You can take it?“ he rasped out, looking down and directly into your eyes, finally moving his hips almost all the way out and then burying himself in again, feeling your wetness slide up and down his cock. "You like taking my cock?”

"Yes, you know I do. It’s so fucking good, Stevie,“ you moaned out, bucking your hips up as you yearned for him to create a rhythm, getting the air knocked out of you when he did the same thing, this time slamming back inside of you, his hips stuttering. "Oh fuck!”

You realized how loud you were being and your hand flew to your mouth without meaning to, but Steve was quick to remove it, shaking his head,

"Be as loud as you need to, princess. Got the whole floor to myself.“

You whined at the prospect, and from then on you held nothing back. Steve was fucking you now, settled on a slow, steady pace. He listened to every groan that left those pretty lips of yours, set on giving you your third orgasm of the night. And no one held out better than Steve. His endurance was impressive, you knew that. But you wanted to test him on something else.

"That all you can do, Captain?” the title rolled off your tongue so sickly sweet, causing Steve to pause before he just glared at you and set off again, this time relentlessly, pounding into you hard and fast.

You were caught off guard by the change in pace although it was what you were looking to pull out of him, and your mouth dropped open into an o-shape. This was nothing you could achieve on your own, and not even with anyone else. No, because Steve really was a supersoldier, showing off that speed you had been so in awe of even outside of the bedroom. 

What made it even better was that he didn’t seem to realize he was fucking you in an almost enhanced way, utilizing his powers in a way no one else could. His name seemed glued to your lips as you mewled out, nails scraping down his back like you were a cat and he was a scratching post.

"Is that enough for you, doll?“ Steve asked, his lips brushing against your ear as he buried his face in your neck, even bringing a thumb to your clit and rubbing hard circles that made you feel like you were seeing stars. You could only moan in response and he shook his head slowly. "I need a yes or no, darling. Or is it too much, hmm?”

Steve’s dominating purr had you shivering, had your back arching up off the bed, feeling everything so intensely.

“I-it’s too much, but it’s so - fucking good, oh my god,” you blabbered, eyes rolling back in your head as your hands on his back explored the nape of his neck. You tugged at his hair in that way that seemed to signal that whatever he was doing, he had better keep doing it.

He kept slamming into you, rough and hard yet somehow deep and loving at the same time, his hips snapping into yours. The bedroom was filled with the lewd sounds your wet pussy made each time he slammed into you, making Steve blush despite the circumstances. And even with the amount of pleasure you were in, all the dominance Steve had over you in the moment, you fucked him back. You’d never been one to just lay there during sex, or during anything. You liked to be in charge, too. 

Steve was ultimately impressed by the way you seemed to sync up with him, inching your hips forward as you slid up and down his cock, your breasts bouncing deliciously with each motion. You were both all moans and groans and hearts swelled with adoration. It felt so surreal to hear the deep moans you longed for through the screen right here in your ear. In the midst of it all you kept staring down at where you were connected, drunk on the sight of him disappearing inside of you.

“You close doll?” Steve asked when he noticed all the tell tale signs of your orgasm approaching: the way your breath sped up, the intonations of your moans, the way you clenched around him like you clenched around his fingers.

"Yes, don’t stop,“ you practically begged him, tears welling up in your eyes from the absolute intoxication you felt, a euphoric feeling that was so new.

”’M not gonna stop,“ Steve chuckled, shaking his head slowly.

Even if he teased you or assumed a more dominant disposition, all Steve wanted was for you to ride out that pleasure. He didn’t know if he had the heart to really make you work for it. And besides, he was getting close himself. He was surprised anyone could last very long with you to begin with, but he set his mind on your pleasure and that was exactly what he would be giving you.

Steve knew he was done for when you wrapped your legs around his waist, slowing his thrusts and forcing him to be practically submerged inside of you. He switched from pounding into you to grinding his hips against yours, moaning darkly as he watched his cock disappear completely inside of you. He seemed to reach your stomach, rearranging your guts. You grabbed onto the back of his head, forcing his face into your neck. When you came, it was like you and Steve were colliding stars, creating a supernova that shone so bright, its light traveling all through your body. You were babbling curse words and praise, moans spilling out of you as you tightened around him and came on his cock.

Steve rubbed gentle circles onto your clit as you rode the orgasm out, nodding and encouraging you, bringing you back down to earth slowly,

"That’s it princess, come for me. That’s it, you’re good. You’re perfect.”

Steve kept slowly pushing and grinding his hips inside of you, letting you enjoy your orgasm until he approached his own, grit teeth and all.

"Fuck,“ he cried out, the loudest you’d ever heard him moan, your name tumbling out of his lips like a beautiful lyric.

Steve didn’t pull out though, he just slowly lowered himself on top of you, careful not to crush you, keeping his cock inside of you as his cum filled you up in hot, long spurts. You felt ropes of cum disappearing inside of you, biting your lip at the feeling. And what a feeling it was to come inside of you, the only place he wanted to be from now on. It made him feel like you belonged with him, like he had this special privilege that no one else got. You just lay there together, heavy breathing and silence until Steve finally moved, all his cum safe inside of you.

"Fuck,” he shuddered again, glancing down briefly at the mess he’d made of your completely ruined pussy. (Ruined with love.)

The comedown left you both with positive thoughts, none of the profound melancholy that could sometimes settle in after sex. Finally it had happened. The thing you’d both wanted since day one, but had never actually expected to be possible. Again you were both filled with amazement at the other, at the knowledge that either one of you actually existed. Steve was laying on the bed besides you and you were both looking up at the ceiling. He glanced over at you, his cheeks still flushed.

"Did you uh… like that?“ he asked, back to the humble old Steve he’d always be, making your head snap over to look at him.

You chuckled, still out of breath,

"What do you think?”

Steve grinned to himself, feeling accomplished. All he wanted was for you to feel good with him, in every sense of the word.

"Good,“ he placed his hands behind his head. He glanced over at you and saw that your body was jittery, almost shaking, your legs especially. He smirked to himself, washed over with that fiendish delight once again. "Do you always shake when you come?”

You narrowed your eyes playfully, rolling towards him and kissing his neck,

"Sometimes… depends.“

"Huh… good to know,” Steve’s lip twitched upward into a smile.

"Mm. I’m too tired to get up,“ you breathed out, but you had to force yourself to anyways. "But I should pee.”

Steve laughed,

"Yeah. You do that.“

When you came back from the bathroom after rinsing off slightly, you crawled into bed, not falling asleep immediately. Instead you turned to face Steve, your eyes twinkling even in the dark of his room.

"Steve…”

"Yeah, doll?“ he replied.

"I… I really like you, okay? And I know you know that already, and I know you like me too, but it’s been a while since I’ve been in… anything with anybody. And right now, this feels really special. I… want this to be good,” you choked out, trying to organize your words, because you didn’t want to be too mushy but communication was always important to you and you needed to express yourself.

Steve’s heart pounded with adulation for you, and he cupped your face in his hands,

"Of course. Anything, YN. Anything, I’ll do it for you. I want this to be good too. Fuck, I’ve been trying so hard to make everything perfect. I hope that doesn’t take away from it being good.“

You smiled. You knew you were in the right hands.

"I know you have. And it has been better than perfect, and it’s only the second day. I really love every second we’ve been spending time together. I just… I like you, okay?”

"I like you,“ Steve repeated, and you had to stop yourself from tearing up.

"Mkay,” you nodded, and Steve squeezed your cheeks, making you giggle. “Good night.”

"Goodnight,“ Steve let you go, but ended up pulling you close anyway, the both of you facing each other as you cuddled together, Steve tucking you under his arm, fused together.

Steve didn’t want to leave you in the morning although he had to go into the office, so he waited for you to wake up. And when you stirred, he kissed your forehead, waiting for you to come to.

"Morning, sweetheart,” he doted on you, and you swallowed, eyes blinking open.

"Morning,“ your voice was all used up from moaning so much last night, and you could already tell from the feeling between your legs that you were going to be sore.

Steve noticed the way you winced slightly when you shifted your legs forward, and pouted slightly,

“You okay?”

"You’re fuckin’ huuuge,“ you chuckled, sprawling out and stretching out your arms. "I think my cervix is wrecked. Like, indefinitely.”

Steve, although he was thrown off by your aggressively dirty humor, laughed, rubbing his eyes. He looked down at his boxers under the sheets, then at you with a faux apologetic face,

"Sorry.“

"Never apologize for having a big dick,” you smirked.

"Noted,“ Steve shook his head playfully. "Hate to have to leave you, but I gotta go in this morning. Just briefly.”

"That’s okay,“ you smiled understandingly, stretching and letting the covers flop over, exposing your naked upper half which Steve glanced at tentatively, the puckered nipples and smooth skin. You were unknowingly tempting him to stay in, but he knew he couldn’t. Besides, you’d need the rest - then again, he could just go down on you, that would be pleasure enough for him too- "Earth to Steve!”

"Sorry, I got distracted,“ he muttered, and you chortled.

"I noticed. Hey, but you should go, the quicker you leave the quicker you can come back, right?”

“Uh huh. If you need anything, text me. I got something nice planned for us later after this.”

"Cool,“ you grinned wide, and Steve leaned forward to receive a sweet kiss from you. It all felt so domestic and lighthearted.

"Alright, I’ll see you.”

Steve got dressed and was out the door, driving slow on his way to the tower, his mind flashing back to moments from last night and this morning, fluctuating from burning hot to wholesomely warm. He couldn’t help the etch of a smile on his lips even as he walked back into the building. He made his way to his office without seeing anyone yet, but Bucky was standing outside his door, leaning against it with a set look on his face. His arms were crossed and his eyes were narrowed - he looked like he had some serious business to take care of.

Steve raised his brows at the sight. Bucky was already a scary looking guy if you didn’t know him, so the fact that he looked so determined right now made Steve think something was up, but he didn’t think it had anything to do with him.

"Hey Buck,“ he chirped. "What’s goin’ on?”

Bucky didn’t skip a beat, certainty ringing clear in his voice,

"I know what you’ve been doing."


End file.
